The Arcanum of Beth
Page 11
“I know. The guys at the office have been great. Jerry told me to lighten my client load for a while and get this done, then be prepared to make up for it later in the year. That’s more than fair.”
Janet nodded. “That’s a good way to work it out.”
“Have to get it done. The longer it waits, the more emotional I’ll be about it. It’s closure for me, Janet. Does that make any sense?”
“Absolutely.”
“I’m taking an online class toward my master’s.” Beth smiled at Janet’s surprise. “I’ve tried to keep it low key. It’s so much easier by computer and my own schedule than trying to make a set time in a classroom. I’ve kept Mom’s telephone line in so I can dial-up from her house. Lou is always IMing on ours.”
“That’s wonderful. I had no idea.”
“Will is pissed. He has no intention of getting his advanced degree, and of course, everything is competition with him. I finally had to tell him that I needed time to myself. That and the fact that I need a little distance from him and Patti. Lou swears she spends no time alone with Patti. They have apologized profusely, even Will.” Beth sighed. “I remember hearing my dad say that sometimes people got too thick with each other. I never understood that until recently. Now Lou, Will, and Patti are all pissed at me. We were just spending too much time together. Will and I enabled what happened between Patti and Lou, not that they weren’t dead wrong for cheating. I’ve also realized that I want my time back with other friends once I wind down on all of this with Mom’s estate.” Beth paused and thought about her next statement. “I have to be sure that there’s something left between Lou and I, between Will and I, before I can begin to forgive either of them. Will was so awful at the beach. Can I ever really trust or believe Lou again? I’m just angry with Patti. I never really liked her anyway.”
Janet nodded.
“Lou and I had a quiet Christmas at home, no parties, no Will and Patti. I kept looking for Keith. But you know what?”
Janet waited.
“I’m going to get through this.” Beth chuckled as she thought about what she was going to say next. “I remember Keith never missing a chance to remind me what my first sentence was.”
Janet raised her eyebrows.
“I can do it myself.”
“And you haven’t changed.”
“No, Janet, I haven’t, and I see no reason to. Life can be hard, but doesn’t it make you appreciate the good things all the more? I’ve actually agreed to counseling in the spring.”
“Lou told me.”
“What?”
Janet could not believe the huge blunder she’d just made.
“What did you say?”
“I ran into Lou.”
Beth waited.
“At my office.”
Beth’s face hardened into an expression Janet had never seen on her before. “Is that why you tracked me down here? So what do you think? Is she sincere about staying together and being sorry for what she did? Or is she just sorry that she was found out? Does she still love me?” There was an uncharacteristic sarcasm in Beth’s voice. “Never mind. Rhetorical questions. Welcome to my world.”
“She seemed sincerely concerned about you.”
“Was she alone?”
“As far as I know.”
Beth stopped herself from saying more. “God, what is wrong with me? I see double or triple meaning in everything. I don’t trust any of them or myself,” she finished quietly.
“Are you trying to stay so busy that there’s no time to think about them?” Janet held her hand up, asking Denise to wait another moment before reclaiming her office.
Beth nodded. “I…I don’t love any of them anymore. I can’t stand feeling that way. Family has always been my foundation and my reason for everything else.”
“I’m probably going to regret saying this, so feel free to kick me later. Honey, give Lou a chance to make it up to you. She went to the trouble of asking me to talk to you to make sure you’re all right. She must care about you. Think what a twisted mess Will has lived in for years. Give it all time. You don’t have to do anything. Talk to Ellen and me. Talk to Greg and Andy. We all love you. We’re your extended family.”
Beth was silent as she walked out of the courthouse with Janet and blinked at the bright sunlight. “Won’t be long now. An early spring is forecast. The pastures will be growing soon.”
“Woohoo. Tractor time.”
Beth smiled faintly as she walked away. “You know how I enjoy bush hogging. See you later.” She waved over her shoulder.
Janet watched her go. There was something else different about Beth—she now had a measure of Will’s furtiveness.
Chapter Fifteen
Janet glanced at her watch again as she climbed out of the car. “Crap!” Beth had finally called her for lunch, and she was running late. She caught the strap of her shoulder bag in the door of the car. Of course, the door had locked. She fumbled with the oversize key and punched the unlock button.
Janet glanced about the parking lot. Beth’s blue Subaru was easy enough to spot in the midst of all the company cars and pickup trucks. It looked to be a slow day at the small restaurant just outside the city limits. Janet wondered why Beth had given them both such a long drive when there were restaurants downtown that were middle ground for them. It didn’t matter. She was just relieved to hear from Beth. As many hours as both of them worked, no one gave a thought to an occasional long lunch; rather the opposite, it was encouraged.
Janet entered the restaurant and turned to the non-smoking side away from the bar. She told the hostess that she was meeting someone already there. She stepped into the dining room and spotted Beth in the corner booth. Beth was not alone. Lou sat opposite her. Both women were silent; Lou was stacking toothpicks. “That’s not a good sign,” Janet mumbled to herself.
Beth looked up as she approached. Janet had not thought it possible that in a matter of a few days her friend would look worse than at the courthouse. Beth’s eyes were dull with dark semicircles beneath. Her face was pale and her hair lank. Her suit looked as though it needed a trip to the dry cleaners.
“Oh, shit,” Janet whispered as she braced herself for what she knew was going to be an unpleasant hour.
Beth slid over so that Janet could sit beside her. Janet leaned in and pecked her on the cheek, then looked at Lou. Lou was dressed in her college logo fleece crewneck and loose carpenter jeans. It looked as though she was letting her hair grow out. She appeared relaxed yet concerned. She looked at Janet as though they were co-conspirators about Beth’s welfare.
Beth placed both hands on the table. “Lou, since you went to Janet about your concerns regarding my mental stability, I thought we should have this conversation with her present.”
Lou looked as though she had been hit across the back with a two-by-six.
Beth waited as they glanced at menus and ordered food they would barely touch.
“What’s your involvement with Patti?”
Lou rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. Do we have to do this again?” She held up her hands in mock surrender. “Okay, if that’s what it takes, let’s do it.” She folded her hands and looked from Beth to Janet. “Patti and I were bored. We had an affair from shortly after Keith’s death until the trip to the beach. We both knew how wrong we were and how lucky we are to have you and Will. We want to reconcile if you and Will can forgive us. Will has agreed. You have agreed. Patti and I have not been alone together since the beach.” She drank half of her glass of water and waited.
Beth looked at Janet. “What do you think, counselor?”
Janet was beyond uncomfortable. There was much more going on here than she or Lou realized. “I think she’s contrite. I hope she’s being honest.”
“Completely,” Lou interjected.
Beth nodded. “Patti has sent such caring e-mails. She really seems to want everything to go back to the way it was.”
Lou nodded. “We both do. If there was any way to take i
t all back, we would.”
“Beth…” Janet began as their food was set before them.
Beth held up her hand to stall Janet.
“Let her talk, honey. We’re all so worried about you.” Lou leaned back as the waitress refilled her water.
“Don’t include yourself with Janet. Janet is my best friend and lawyer, don’t forget.” Beth looked at the food as though it was a foreign substance.
“Try to eat something. You never eat a full meal anymore. God knows you aren’t sleeping worth shit.” Lou cut up her chicken.
“I’d be careful about bringing God into this. I’ve talked with him quite a bit lately.”
Janet felt an uncommon sensation—fear. What in the hell was going on in Beth’s mind?
“You see, this is exactly what I told you about.” Lou looked at Janet, pointing at Beth with her fork. “She needs help.”
Janet was almost ready to agree with Lou. She looked up and was grateful she had no food in her mouth. Patti Candler walked purposely into the dining area, carrying a drink. She must have been biding her time in the bar. Her appearance was perfect as usual.
Patti slid onto the bench seat next to Lou. She nodded to Janet and spoke to Beth. “See how early in the day you have me drinking because my guilt is so fierce.”
Beth stiffened. Janet felt the change in Beth’s body.
“I know I wasn’t invited today. I’ll say my piece and leave. You haven’t given me an opportunity to talk to you face to face.” Patti finished her highball. “I’m sorry. I’ll say it every way possible. I was wrong. We were wrong.” She glanced at Lou, who nodded agreement. “I should never have crossed that line. I realize now how much I care for you and Will and how poorly I’ve treated both of you. It will never, never happen again. I only want to be your sister-in-law again and Lou’s prissy friend.” She tried unsuccessfully to lighten the mood that had settled on the women in the booth. “Can’t we go back to how we all started out?”
All eyes turned to Beth.
Beth spoke as though with someone else’s voice. “I would like to feel all of that again. The sensation of holding your breath as you wait to see the one you love. The feeling of wanting to be in the same room to just see each other. The pain of being apart. Having your own language. Feeling as though you’ve found your home and refuge in another person. Dealing with the obstacles to being together. Making plans together.”
Patti glared at Lou and abruptly stood from the bench seat.
Beth looked at Lou and said softly, “At least I have time on the tractor to look forward to.”
Patti left the restaurant without a word to anyone. Lou stared at Beth and followed Patti’s example.
Janet grasped Beth’s ice cold hand.
“I certainly know how to clear a table.” Beth stared out of the window. “You know what I wish, Janet?”
“What, sweetie?” Janet was amazed to hear her own voice. She wasn’t sure what she’d just witnessed, but her brain felt numb.
“I wish there was more violence in my nature. I wish I could just beat the crap out of them and walk away. But with me, everything goes on here.” She touched her temple. “And it’s ceaseless.”
“Beth—”
“Don’t. Not here, not now. Later. I’ll come to you and Ellen later.” She pulled cash out of her jacket pocket to cover all of them and placed it on the table. “I need to go.”
“Let me drive you somewhere.” Janet stayed close to Beth as they left the restaurant. Outside there was no sign of Lou or Patti.
Beth shook her head and felt in her pocket for her keys. She looked at Janet. “Give me a little time to think. I wasn’t prepared to see Patti. I didn’t realize how she would affect me. I may call Ellen for the cottage key.” She opened the door to her Subaru. “I’m sorry to have put you through all of this. This is mine to deal with.”
Janet held onto the door. “Yes, it is yours to deal with, but you have help. Don’t forget that. You’re not alone or abandoned in this.”
Beth nodded and waited for Janet to release her grip. “I just need to figure out what comes next. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.” She backed out of the parking space.
The last time Janet had felt this empty was when Edward drove away with Melody after she told him she wanted a divorce. She knew the place Beth was in, and she knew Beth had to take the first step out of it.
Chapter Sixteen
Janet angled her ear toward the house. She thought she heard the telephone ringing. Of course, Ellen was in the den and oblivious to anything but the golf match. She would watch sports for hours on end if left alone long enough. Of course, she had earned her R-E-T-I-R-E-M-E-N-T, as she like to spell it as an obnoxious reminder. But it did grate on Janet’s last nerve that Ellen would not answer the telephone. Ellen’s reasoning was that it wasn’t anyone calling for her because anyone who knew her knew she didn’t answer the phone.
“Damn it. Do I have to do every friggin’ thing?” As Janet started toward the house, the ringing stopped. “Fine.” She returned to the flowerbed that she was halfway through weeding, determined to finish before darkness caught her. Why did it always come down to one more chore needing to be done on Sunday afternoon than there was time? Never mind that she’d spent the better part of the morning at the driving range. At least she had out-distanced Ellen.
Just as she knelt, the phone began ringing again. She threw her gloves down as she stood and hurried toward the door to the screened porch. “Damn you, Ellen. I hope whoever you’re rooting for loses by one stroke in a sudden death playoff.”
Janet kicked her shoes off before entering the house and was out of breath by the time she reached the kitchen extension.
“Hello.” She held the handset away from her as she panted.
“Janet.” The voice was that of a woman but so thick with tears that Janet didn’t recognize who it was.
“Yes.”
There was silence except for sobs.
“Let’s both take a deep breath. Okay?” Janet struggled to slow her breathing. When did her old yard shorts shrink and become so tight. “Now who is this?”
“Janet…it’s Lou…Lou Stephens.” She lost her voice again. There was murmuring in the background.
Janet felt a sudden chill come over her. “Lou, what is it? Has something happened?” She held her breath.
“Janet, you have to come to the hospital. It’s Beth. She’s been in a terrible accident. She rolled the tractor yesterday.” Lou spoke to others in the background. “It’s bad, but she has stabilized. We’re in the trauma unit.”
“I’m on the way,” she said to Lou and yelled toward the den as she hung up. “Ellen, Beth’s in the hospital.”
Janet heard the footrest on the recliner pop as it closed and the television was silenced. “Are you surprised?”
“She had a bad accident on the tractor.”
“Shit.”
For once, Janet didn’t care what she looked like or who saw her; hell with makeup or hairspray. She straightened the baseball cap on her head, brushed off the worst of the grass clippings, and scrubbed her hands in the kitchen sink.
“Let me pee and I’m ready. I’ll drive so you can call the boys.” Ellen tossed her empty Coke can in the recycling bin.
“Good idea.” Janet sensed that none of them had any time to waste. Ellen drove the limit plus seven miles per hour, her standard when in a hurry. She had as yet to be pulled over for speeding.
It took twenty minutes to get to the hospital. They parked in a spot reserved for clergy and dared anyone to say anything. The two women raced inside the building, stopping at the front desk only long enough to ask which floor the trauma unit was on. Once on the fourth floor, they stopped at the nurse’s station.
“Beth Candler. Tractor accident. Serious.” Ellen dared the nurse to ask if they were related.
The woman nodded and motioned her around the counter. She wore scrubs covered with Marilyn Monroe’s face. If her hair was cut sh
orter, she could pass for the woman on the uniform. “They told us you were coming. Close enough to be counted as family. Follow me.”
Janet and Ellen were led down a short corridor with rooms right and left separated by side walls and curtained entrances. They stopped at the last unit. Janet saw Will, Patti, and Lou huddled just inside the opening. “Get ready.” She nudged Ellen.
Will approached Janet. “Thank you for coming. I know she’d want both of you here.”
Janet stared at the motionless figure on the bed as Will spoke; this could not be her friend Beth.
“We’re not sure of the extent of the injuries yet. She’s on a ventilator. The worst is the closed head trauma. A CT scan was done soon after we got her here. The neurosurgeon relieved the pressure of the swelling of her brain late yesterday. Her vital signs have stabilized for now.”
“She’s on pain meds but can hear you.” The Marilyn Monroe nurse gave Janet a nudge into the unit. “One at a time, please.”
Janet slowly walked around the foot of the bed and stood on the far side, clear of the monitors and pumps and where she could also see the others. They eased closer to the curtained entrance. Ellen kept herself separated from them.
Beth lay still on the narrow bed, wrapped in an assortment of bandages and soft casts. Tubes providing various liquids fed into her body, the bag from the Foley catheter hung on the side rail. Her face was cut and swollen, the bruising heavy around her eyes. Her head was swathed in white. Her vitals were all shockingly low numbers.
Janet looked at Lou. “What…what happened?”
Lou stepped closer into the light from the head of the bed.
Janet gasped.
“She rolled the tractor down the hillside out from the house. I…I didn’t even know she was mowing. It wasn’t too long after lunch. I heard Buddy barking and went out on the porch to yell at him. I saw the tractor on its side, and Beth lying on the ground just uphill from it. I don’t know how long she’d been there. Thank God she was clear of it, but it had to have rolled over her and not just thrown her off. By the time I got to her, she was out of her head and fighting me. She was hurt so badly I didn’t know how to touch her. I tried to keep her still while Will called 911 and drove out to meet the ambulance to get it to the house.” Lou touched her cheek below her black eye. “She beat the crap out of me.”