“Wait…he actually said he was giving you space? I thought he was just going on a trip for work. He’s actually expecting something to happen between us while he’s gone?”
“He says he doesn’t want to know what happens this week but that he hopes in the end, I choose him.”
It felt like a vain had popped in my head. “Like ‘don’t ask, don’t tell?’ Holy shit.” My voice grew louder. “He thinks we’re fucking while he’s away?”
“I’m not certain that he definitely thinks that. I think he might wonder if something happened, though. That’s not to say he wouldn’t care. I think he’d be devastated if he believed that we crossed that line. But I got this vibe that he almost expected something to happen between us. But that doesn’t make it okay. I wouldn’t do that as long as I’m technically still with him.”
I didn’t know what to do with this information. I felt like I’d missed an opportunity I didn’t even know I had. That made me furious.
“So, let me get this straight. He gave you a ticket to explore things with me? So, basically, we’re sitting here talking when you could be sitting on my face instead?”
Frankie looked flustered. “Um…”
I was starting to lose it a little. My anger rose upon another realization. “You know what? The fact that he also mentioned wanting to marry you before he left means he thinks the likelihood of anything lasting between us is nil. Is he hoping that you would just be able to fuck me out of your system then go on your merry way with him?”
Her voice was basically a whimper. “I don’t know.”
“Any man who would let you out of his sight long enough to test the waters with someone else is a goddamn fool. He’s hoping one good fuck might be all you need to get over me? Maybe we should test it.”
She swallowed. “Test it?”
“Yes. Give me one night. We’ll go up to my room right now and have hot, sweaty, amazing fucking sex. It will be the best of your life.”
Her breathing quickened. “I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t make my decision any easier.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure there would be no decision anymore if that happened. I think that scares the hell out of you because you’re afraid to want me even more than you already do.” I placed my hand on her knee, causing her to flinch. “Do you want to know what you said to me the night you were drunk all those years ago?”
“What?”
“You said you wished I could fuck you so hard that you would feel me for days. It might have been the alcohol talking, but I got the impression that maybe that was always one of your fantasies. You like it rough? Is that what you prefer?” I raised my voice. “Does he give you what you want?”
Fuck. I was letting my anger show and needed to stop myself. Despite my rage, blood still rushed to my cock from the mere thought of getting to fuck her.
The news that Victor had basically given her permission to be with me had floored me. But that wasn’t what upset me the most. I was angry because she chose not to take advantage of it, not to take the risk. That told me that whether she realized it yet or not, she probably planned on staying with him. Things weren’t really in my favor like I’d hoped they were. In fact, I may have already lost her. Suddenly, the need to protect my heart from getting shattered seemed stronger than ever.
I stood up. “I’m sorry. This was supposed to be a low-key, relaxing night, and I’ve fucked it all up. It’s late. I want you to take my bed upstairs. I’m gonna sleep down here.”
“You’re angry at me.”
“Not angry at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re trying to do the right thing. I’m just angry at life, in general, and I’m trying to stop myself from saying anything else tonight that I might regret.”
Her eyes were glistening. “You regret telling me you love me?”
Yes.
I ignored her question. “Goodnight, Frankie.”
I hadn’t seen Mack since he dropped me off to pick up my car at the school in the wee hours of the morning that Friday. He’d continued to act guarded during the entire ride.
He also hadn’t texted or called since. It was clear my admitting that I’d chosen not to take full advantage of the apparent pass Victor had given me really pissed him off.
Now, it was Saturday, and I was going to not only have to face him but also Torrie at the winter carnival. My stomach was churning just thinking about it.
As I sat alone in the kitchen sipping my morning coffee, the last thing I expected was the door to latch open suddenly. A cold burst of air entered the room as Victor walked in. He hadn’t been expected back until late Sunday night.
“Francesca…” he simply said.
I put down my mug and lifted myself up. “What are you doing back?”
“I couldn’t stay away any longer, caught an earlier flight home.” He embraced me.
“How was Oxford?” I asked, my heart still pounding from the shock of his arrival.
“It was really great. They want me to go back again in the next few months.” He paused and examined my face. Feigning a smile, he said, “You look shocked to see me.”
“I am a little. I wasn’t expecting you today. I have the winter carnival at school. I’m supposed to be volunteering all day. We won’t get to spend time together.”
“Well, I’ll go with you. I’ll be happy to help out.” Placing his hand on my back, he drew me in close and gently kissed my forehead. When he pulled back to look me in the eyes, the worry was written all over his face.
I answered the question he seemed to silently be asking me.
“Nothing happened, Victor.”
He gritted his teeth. “You didn’t need to explain.”
“But you were looking at me like you needed to know.”
“Well, you can see through me, then. I have been worried.” He let out a deep breath. “We don’t need to talk about it now. I don’t want to make you late.”
Something felt vastly different between us. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but suddenly it felt foreign to be standing in my own kitchen. As much as I’d told myself I was confused over the past week, it seemed something had shifted. My time with Mack had more of an effect on my feelings than I’d originally thought.
Victor rubbed my arm gently. “Do I have time to take a quick shower, or shall I meet you there?”
His accompanying me made me nervous, but I couldn’t tell him not to go.
I looked at the clock. “You have about fifteen minutes. I’ll wait for you, so we can drive together.”
He gave me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll be quick.”
Panic started to build. Victor would come face to face with Mack today. And I still couldn’t figure out why things suddenly felt really different. There was also a tremendous ache in my chest.
Taking advantage of the time that Victor was in the shower, I picked up the phone and called my mother. She was the only person I’d opened up to about my dilemma. We last spoke during my lunch break Friday, the same day Mack dropped me off after we’d left things on a sour note. So, she was up to speed.
Mom answered, “It’s early. Something wrong?”
“I don’t have a lot of time. I need your advice like I’ve never needed it before.”
“What happened?”
“The shit’s about to hit the fan. Victor came back early from his trip. He’s coming with me to the winter carnival today. Mack will be there volunteering. I’m freaking out.”
“You claim to be confused, Francesca, but you’re freaking out because you know Victor has a reason to be uncomfortable. This situation is so obvious to me, sweetheart, and I just can’t figure out why you can’t see it. From the moment that man came back into your life, you’ve thought of nothing else. I know you value the time you’ve had with Victor, but it’s clear to me that your heart is not in it anymore. It’s with Mack.”
“Why does it hurt so badly, then? Whenever I’m with Mack, it’s like my heart physically hurts.”
“You a
ssume that pain is a bad sign. Sometimes, love expresses itself as pain. You’re scared. That’s all. You don’t want to get hurt again. But your feelings are stronger for Mack. There’s no disputing that. That’s why it hurts.”
I definitely hadn’t looked at it that way, but I knew she was right. What my heart wanted—what it craved—wasn’t the safest choice, but it was undeniable.
“I don’t want to devastate Victor.”
“Honey, you’ve already been doing that. The man came home early because he knows he’s losing you. Don’t you see that?”
She was right.
The pipes upstairs made a clanking sound, indicating that Victor had turned off the water. “Shit. I have to go. He’ll be coming down any minute.”
“Good luck today.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I’m going to need it.
Mack was a rock star.
You would’ve thought that they were waiting to see someone famous. The line to his dunk tank was a mile long.
Victor and I were manning one of the pastry tables in the opposite corner of the large gymnasium. Mack had already been situated in the dunking area when we arrived, so he hadn’t seen us yet. Relief washed over me. I was under the radar for now.
The winter carnival at St. Matthew’s was the school’s biggest fundraiser, featuring craft tables, games, auctions, and homemade foods. Held in a massive gym, it was one the one time of year that parents, teachers, priests, nuns, and students all congregated under the same roof.
Lorelai stopped by the table and whispered in my ear, “Mack Daddy seems to be the main attraction. Even a couple of the nuns are getting in on it.”
I glared at her in an attempt to warn her to shut up before Victor overheard.
In the distance, I could see Mack’s wet, white T-shirt stuck to his abs as he ran his hands along his drenched hair. His muscular body looked obscenely hot through the wet clothing. I tried my best not to look too long in that direction.
Victor hadn’t mentioned anything but finally turned to me. “That’s him in the dunking tank, right?”
I nodded. “Yes.” Even though I was trying to sound calm and nonchalant, in reality my nerves were shot. I was sure my face was probably red.
Victor was onto me, and I truly didn’t know how to handle it.
“The line seems to be getting a little shorter. Mind if I have a try at it?” he asked.
“What?”
“I want to dunk him. When else will I get this opportunity?” He got up without waiting for my approval.
Oh, no.
My heart was beating out of control as I raced to follow Victor over there. Mack hadn’t spotted us yet as he continued to clap his hands and heckle the people in line—mostly women, of course—who were trying to hit the target.
When Mack noticed that Victor and I were among the crowd, the expression on his face changed dramatically. His eyes met Victor’s, and his body stilled.
When it was finally Victor’s turn, Mack was no longer joking around. Tension filled the air as his eyes seared into mine before moving over to meet Victor’s incendiary stare. A full thirty seconds must have passed, and it felt like forever. Mack’s body remained still as he just sat there waiting for what he knew good and well was coming.
Victor grabbed the ball and in a sudden and swift movement, whipped it toward the target, hitting it smack dab in the middle in one shot. It surprised me that the contraption didn’t break from the impact. Mack plunged into the water below.
When he came up, he looked even more pissed than before. All of the noise in the gymnasium seemed to fade away. At least, that was my perception as my ears throbbed louder with each second that I stood there gauging Mack’s reaction. He stared at Victor with daggers in his eyes.
Victor turned to me. “Are you going to be alright handling that table alone if I go home and catch some shut eye? The jet lag seems to be catching up to me all of a sudden.” He didn’t acknowledge what he’d just done; he didn’t have to.
I swallowed, barely able to speak. “Of course.”
He simply walked away without saying anything further. I opted to let him go because I knew there was nothing I could say that would make it better, especially given the realization I had this morning.
My heart felt like it was breaking as I looked over at Mack, who was still staring at me. The next woman in line was already trying her hand at dunking him, but he wasn’t paying attention. He just kept looking straight at me like he wanted to say something.
“I’m sorry,” I mouthed, not really even sure what I was apologizing for. Before he could respond, his body dropped down into the water; someone had managed to hit the target.
It was then that I spotted Jonah sitting alone on a corner bench nearby.
Mack had mentioned Torrie was supposed to be at the event; I wondered where she was. Most of the kids were just running around, playing with each other while the parents mingled at the various display tables. But as was typical, Jonah had separated himself from the crowd. I’d wanted to go talk to him but realized I needed to get back to the pastry table.
Some time later, I noticed a few boys surrounding Jonah. While I couldn’t hear what they were saying, it seemed like they were trying to stir up trouble. When I spotted one of them grabbing a fistful of Jonah’s curls and yanking his hair, I flew up out of my seat.
Before I could get to him, I noticed Mack charging toward his son. He was soaking wet, his hair dripping. He must have noticed what was going on from the dunk tank and jumped out. When the kids saw him coming, they scurried away like bats out of hell.
He knelt down, placing his palms around Jonah’s face. Mack’s hands were shaking. “Are you okay, son?”
Noticing a crowed of bystanders starting to congregate, he grabbed Jonah by the hand. “Come on.” He whisked him away down a hallway into an empty function room. I followed them but stayed in the doorway to give them space.
“What happened, Jonah?”
The boy sniffled as he answered his father. “They were calling me ugly and making fun of my hair. They started pulling on it. My head hurts.”
Mack closed his eyes momentarily in an attempt to gather his thoughts before blowing out a breath. “You have to understand something. Those boys were picking on you because they know it affects you. Mean people won’t change. The only thing you have control over is your reaction to them. I promise you, if you don’t let them see you’re upset, or if you act like you don’t care, they won’t want to pick on you anymore.”
“But I do care.”
“I know. I know, son. But you have to try to pretend like it doesn’t bother you, even if it does. It’s not easy. You know what I want you to do next time something like that happens?”
“What?”
“I want you to walk away.”
“What if they run after me?”
“They won’t. You just walk away and pretend you don’t care about what they have to say. Just trust me on that, okay? And if by some chance anyone ever hurts you, Jonah, they’ll have to deal with me. I have one job now and that’s to protect you. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. I promise.” He pulled his son into a hug. “You trust me?”
Jonah nodded.
“I love you, son.”
My ovaries nearly exploded, and my heart felt like it was ready to burst. What an amazing feeling to witness what a loving father he was. I was almost envious of Jonah for getting to experience the love of a father like Mack. Then, it hit me that I, too, got to experience what it was like to be loved by this man—in a different way. I reminded myself that he’d told me he loved me just a couple of days ago.
Mack finally noticed me standing there. I suddenly felt like an imposter.
Taking a few steps inside the room, I asked, “Are you okay, Jonah?”
“Yeah.”
Addressing Mack, I said, “I want you to know I’m going to be calling those kids’ parents to let them know what happened.”
“Tha
nk you,” he said without looking at me.
Then came a very unwelcome interruption when Clarissa McIntyre and her son, Ethan, walked in.
Great.
“Sorry to intrude. We heard there was a little scene out there and wanted to make sure Jonah was okay.”
“Hey, Jonah,” the boy said.
Jonah’s face perked up a bit. “Hi, Ethan.”
Ethan was actually a very good kid, shy in his own right and seemed to be Jonah’s only friend. His mother, on the other hand, was the opposite of shy and couldn’t have been more obvious in her intentions.
Clarissa batted her eyes at Mack. “How are you holding up, Dad?”
“I was rattled, jumped out of the dunking cage when I saw those little punks messing with him.” He squeezed Jonah’s shoulder. “But we had a talk about ignoring bullies, didn’t we?”
“Ethan had the same problem with that group of boys.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I saw Kyle McDonough took your place in the dunk tank. So, I think you’re off the hook.”
“Good. I’m in no mood to go back there.”
“I’m kind of bummed I didn’t get one shot at it, though,” Clarissa said as her gaze wandered along Mack’s wet physique in admiration. “We were wondering if you guys wanted to join us for dinner tonight.”
Mack looked pensive. “What do you think, Jonah? You want to go over to Ethan’s for dinner?”
Jonah nodded.
“Okay. Thank you. I’ll call you later to find out what we can bring,” Mack said.
Clarissa looked like she’d won the lottery. “No need to bring anything. I’m gonna cook up a bunch of different things for us. Come hungry.”
Mack glanced over at me before he replied, “I will.”
He was totally fucking with me because he knew I was jealous. I couldn’t blame him for being pissed after what Victor pulled. Mack had every right to be frustrated.
“Can’t wait. We’ll see you boys later, then.” She looked over in my direction, acknowledging me for the first time on her way out. “Bye, Francesca.”
Almost as soon as Clarissa and Ethan exited the room, things took a dramatic turn for the worse when Torrie appeared at the doorway. It was like a game of Whac-A-Mole, one down, and an even worse one appears.
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