Breathe for It: Hellions Motorcycle Club (Hellions Ride On Book 4)

by Chelsea Camaron

  The answers to my questions lie with Rhett Oleander.

  Before I lose my nerve, I dial the number.

  “Lo,” he answers sounding tired.

  “Rhett?”

  “You got me,” he mutters.

  “It’s Jenni,” I say leaning back on my couch.

  “Jami okay?” he asks sounding like he’s wide awake now. I have a twinge of jealousy that his first thought is to ask about Jami, but this is what I asked for right? I broke his heart and still asked him to look out for my sister.

  I sigh, “She’s doing fine, Rhett.”

  “Okay,” he says hesitantly.

  This is stupid. I shouldn’t have called. Now I feel awkward and this need to fill the silence between us.

  “Rhett, what do you know of my sister’s situation?”

  “Not as much as you think I do.”

  “How did you both end up at Peak’s together?”

  He sighs. “Jenni, gave you my word. As ashamed as I am of a lot of shit I’ve done, I’ve never gone back on my word to you. I knew I was goin’ away for a bit. In that time away, I needed to give up contact to the world outside while I finally faced my shit. Asked Tommy to be a point person for the man I got keepin’ up with Jami. Tommy got the call when Jami popped up on the public records for an arrest. Tommy made the call and set her to come to Peaks because I already had my payments lined up.”

  I don’t bother to stop the tears that fall freely down my face. “Rhett, I don’t know how to repay you.”

  “I make good money, Jenni. I don’t want to be repaid. I want your sister to be happy and healthy. Better I piss money away helping someone else than puttin’ more shit in my system. Consider it you doin’ me a favor.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Nothin’ to say. Babe, know shit is different with us. I got no expectations from you or her. I gave my word and stuck to that. Learned long time ago people are people, and we all fuck up. I know Jami’s struggle. Want to see her succeed. And I want to see it all the way to the end for her and for what we once had.”

  The way he talks makes me sad knowing I gave up a really good man. We could have had a beautiful life together.

  Not sure of where to carry the conversation, I give him a blanket statement. “Thank you, Rhett. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “Anything for you or her, Jenni.”

  I softly sigh.

  “Shit’s gonna be hard when she gets out. Be prepared and be smart. One call, Jenni. You call me, and I’ll drop everything for both of you.”

  I got lucky the day Rhett Oleander came into my life.

  Only, I don’t tell him that. I don’t say anything more. He ends the call, and I am left sitting in a temporary home wondering what comes next.

  Rhett has given my sister a second chance. He has given me a gift I will never be able to repay.

  And my heart is so full of gratitude for this gift, but longing for the love we once shared.

  13

  Rhett

  Breathe for it.

  I sit back on the small couch looking at the wall.

  When Roundman built the compound, he set up duplex-like places for the brothers. Crash pads, if you will.

  I feel like climbing the walls.

  Every single day since getting back, I have fought the urges.

  In a facility the temptation is easy to talk myself down from. Back home, all the contacts are calling wanting my money and screaming to the part of my brain that says I need the drugs.

  Being here, it’s gnawing inside of me. One hit. Just one. It will help me transition. I can stop once I get through this. I have to keep telling myself not to fall for the tricks my mind is playing on me. I know myself better than anyone else and I won’t stop after one hit. So I need not go down that road again. These thoughts run like crazy in my head over and over again.

  I don’t know why I’m here, but my dad told me to stay here until he got back from the run. Upon my return from rehab, I have checked in on my business, which Tommy and my real estate agent Jocelyn have handled perfectly. Other than going to work, I’ve stayed here on the compound where people can see me and I’m accountable for every move I make. This is good for me.

  The duplexes are set up with four bedrooms, each with their own private bathrooms, but we all share a common area of a living room and kitchen space. Tripp set me up on my own.

  He gave me this trust to be alone in the silence.

  I actually like the quiet now.

  Before Peaks, I couldn’t stand quiet. The silence drove me crazy. If this was a few months ago, I would have felt like I was climbing the walls or had to get high to escape the thoughts in my head. I have learned I don’t have to fill the voids anymore.

  Every day is different. My emotions, the memories, the things I want for the future, and so much more. I’m still learning, still struggling, but mostly, I have to hold onto the fight inside of me.

  I’m still breathing.

  Breathe for it … the club, the life, the brotherhood, the family.

  Inhaling the fresh air, I hold onto what I know to be real—my family.

  Although, I have to admit my anxiety is climbing to a fever pitch. My dad, Tripp, and my grandfather are headed over to see me. I can’t help this nervousness. With every passing second, the craving inside me grows.

  I did the club wrong.

  Times I should have been on runs I was off getting high. I put everyone at risk. It’s amazing they are even allowing me back on the property in the first fucking place. I’m not so sure I would ever be this trusting of me again.

  Sitting here, right now, I feel the urge.

  The need to take this edge off.

  This is life as an addict. When shit gets hard, my mind craves the escape only the drugs can provide me.

  For an alcoholic, it takes one drink to quickly turn into another and another until the count is lost and the buzz becomes full blown drunken stupor.

  Right now, I know I could smoke a joint and calm myself. I would be in control. I could function.

  Also, I know I wouldn’t stop there. It would become a habit.

  Therefore, I’m ready to crawl out of my own skin right this second, but I won’t touch a drug or a drop of alcohol. This is my sober reality. I can fight back every craving so I can be the man I want to be without failing myself or anyone else.

  A knock sounds at the door, and I rise to open it.

  Turning my back to the men entering the space, I take a seat on the couch again. When I look up, I’m in shock.

  In front of me is my grandfather, Danza, and beside him is Tripp, then my dad Tank, and all three of my brothers, Red, Pretty Boy, and Tommy Boy.

  In my grandfather’s hands is my cut.

  He looks to me. I lock my eyes to his.

  “Fall seven,” he speaks softly, but firmly.

  I stand before the men in front of me. “Rise eight,” I say, lifting my head in what is the proudest moment of my adult life.

  My grandfather hands my cut to Tripp, the current overall Hellions club president. Tripp lifts the leather, and I feel like it’s Christmas and I’m getting my wish from Santa. Tripp doesn’t hand me the cut, but instead passes it on to my dad.

  Tank steps up and extends the cut to me.

  “Son, I remember the day your momma told me we were having a boy. I looked at her and said I hope he has your eyes. She smiled at me and said I hope he has your strength. Watching you grow, you had your momma’s fire and my temper. You’ve always been impatient, just like me. Maybe I rushed you into this, but today isn’t about the past and the regrets. No regrets, that’s always been me. Got that shit inked on me and maybe one day you will too. But this isn’t about ink. It’s about the man you have become. Today, you’re a man who is clear-headed and ready to be our brother.”

  I take the leather and hold it in my hands. My instincts scream to put it on.

  Already, I relish the feel of the leather on my shoulde
rs.

  Except in rehab, I made a promise to myself. The moment is here where I have to hold up my end to myself.

  If I can’t keep my word to myself, then how can I ever hold steady for someone else? Therefore, I do what I mentally prepared to do …

  I hand the cut to Red.

  “I wronged you first. I wronged you the most. I spent too many years guided by envy instead of looking at the example you were giving me. Red, there’s not a man walking this earth stronger than you. There’s not a brother in this family or this club more loyal than you.”

  I look to Tripp. “You once told me I needed to breathe for this. Now, I do. Really, I do, Tripp. But I want to earn this shit again.”

  I look to my dad and then my grandfather. “I don’t want some legacy pass. I want to live up to my name and be a legacy of my own. I want to be the brother who was broken, beaten, but never defeated.”

  My gaze goes back to Red. “I want to prospect again. I want Red to be my sponsor. He can hold me accountable, and only when he can see me as his equal beyond all the wrongs I’ve done can I have the chance for a vote. And only if my brothers and the club as a whole votes me all the way do I get my rockers back.”

  The words, I mean every single one, but that doesn’t make this moment any easier. Will they accept my request? Will Tripp find this to be an insult and never give me the chance to prove myself again?

  “Watched you grow,” Tripp begins, “Remember the screamin’ baby you were, comin’ outta your momma loud and proud we all said. Remember the first time Danza held you to his chest. Heard your first words. In your whole life, Rhett, those words right now were the most honorable ones you have ever spoken. If your brother, my brother, Red is in line with your request, then I will stand by it.”

  “I agree,” my dad, Tank, who is the VP states.

  We all look to Red.

  He holds the power to make me or break me.

  I have cussed him.

  I have lied to him.

  I have betrayed him.

  Hell, I fucked the woman he loved because she was available.

  I can even say I hated him.

  Now, everything I want ahead of me is in his hands.

  Red doesn’t speak. He lays my cut out on the coffee table. Removing his knife from his side, he begins to cut loose the stitching holding my rockers in place. When he has the Haywood’s Landing Patch removed, he pushes it to the side. Next, he takes the insignia from the leather. I rub my chest where I have that very tattoo. It pains me to know the years I worked for each piece, but I’m letting all that go to start over.

  I am a new man. A man who will earn those patches again, and this time, when I get them, I’ll never let it go.

  The final rocker, the Hellions MC patch, comes off and I’m left with a worn cut with no label anymore.

  I’m not a Hellion.

  I’m just a prospect hoping I can live up to each of those pieces once again.

  Red hands me the cut back, and I slide it on.

  “No rockers, means no cut of the club money,” Tripp reminds me what I already know.

  I nod.

  “No sermons, no cave. You will stay here so you’re at the ready for our call. Red is your sponsor. What he says goes,” Tripp states, extending his hand to me.

  I shake it and lean in for the half-hug backslap we always do.

  Red is next to extend a hand to me. “This shit takes my ‘Brother’s Keeper’ to a whole new level,” he jokes, and all the tension leaves me.

  “No one better for the task than you.”

  With quick hugs to everyone, my grandfather is the last to hug me and the last to leave.

  “Proud of you, Rhett.”

  Those are words he has said at different times in my life, but right now, at this moment, I can stand back be proud of me for once, too.

  Inhaling, I breathe in the Hellions air.

  Yes, I’m going to get it right this time because this time I breathe for it.

  14

  Jennissey

  Three Months Later

  Never say never. I told myself I wouldn’t come back here … but yet, here I am.

  “Jenni, I need to talk to you,” Jami says sitting at the table in the common area.

  “Okay,” I reply nervously.

  I have been anxiously waiting for Jamison to complete the program and help me figure out where we go from here.

  Except, she didn’t stay thirty days. We are ninety days in. Mr. Calhoun, her attorney, has postponed court so Jami could continue treatment.

  Is she going to tell me she needs to stay longer?

  Originally, I planned to be here for a thirty-day program, but it turns out, at Peaks, if a patient feels the need for longer care, they are given it.

  Granted, this is all costing Rhett a solid chunk of change, so I don’t know how much longer he is willing to let her extend. If she needs it, though, I’ll do everything I can to cover it.

  She’s my sister and she’s been through Hell and back. I won’t hang her out to dry.

  “I’m ready to leave, but I don’t want to stay in Mississippi.” The words tumble from her mouth as if she is nervous to see my reaction.

  I nod as relief washes over me. I’m excited to have my sister back with me again and now healthy. “Where do you want to go? I’ve saved some money, and this job I have, as long as I give notice, they can transfer me if the franchise has an opening.”

  “I’m ready to go back,” she whispers. She watches me, waiting for my reaction.

  “Go back where? Colorado? We have court, but I’m not sure we should stay there. I have to work, and I worry about the influences around you.”

  She shakes her head. “No, I wanna go back to Haywood’s Landing.”

  All the air leaves the room. I can’t speak. Of all the places we have been that is the one I don’t want to return to.

  “You know he’s there.”

  She nods. “Jenni, I need to face him. I don’t know that I want to build a life there, but Tommy says they have a place for us to stay. In order to stay clean, I need to slay some dragons from my past.”

  Tommy, so she’s been in touch with him and I know Rhett has checked in on her too. Except he hasn’t reached out to me. It stings, but I can’t dwell on it. I don’t reply. I understand wanting to face things. I just can’t help but wonder if she’s really strong enough to do this.

  The drive from Mississippi to Haywood’s Landing feels like forever. My phone’s GPS talks, and I’m living on a prayer it’s correct. We are off the main highway on a back-road somewhere in Stella.

  It’s dark outside, and I’m so tired. I just want to find the place and crash.

  We make a right and keep going. The further back we get, the more spaced out the houses become. The next turn is a left onto a dirt road, and then another left onto yet another dirt road, this one where trees line the way. We follow the road all the way to the end where a powder blue house sits on stilts overlooking what I think is the White Oak River.

  I park the car behind a motorcycle, and for a moment, I almost laugh at the butterflies in my belly. Getting out of the car, I grab the duffle bag that holds all of my belongings as Jami grabs hers. Well, here goes nothing.

  Our lives now fit completely in two bags. It makes me a little sad to know thirty is around the corner and this is my life. I’m not the kind of woman to hang on to negatives. Instead of thinking about the little I do have, I am determined to make sure the future is brighter and brighter with every passing year.

  I shrug off the way all of this makes me feel and head up the steps toward the double glass front doors. We make it to the landing when a shadow moves out from the side of the house on what I can now tell to be a wraparound porch.

  My pulse quickens as the man comes out from the shadow.

  “Tommy,” Jami screeches, rushing from behind me to the man.

  Disappointment fills me. I don’t know why I thought it would be Rhett. He has no obligation to
me and Tommy is the one who set all of this up according to Jami.

  “Let’s get you two inside and settled,” he states, grabbing her bag and then mine.

  Tommy is all grown up now. No longer the lanky kid he was when I was in high school, he’s filled out to be big like his brother. Following him inside, the house is large and open. The first space is the living room. The floors are a gray plank with soft yellow walls and an oversized charcoal gray couch calls to me, but I don’t sit down. Instead, we follow Tommy past the kitchen to the right with the dining area to the left and then down a hall. He enters the first door on the right.

  “One of you can sleep here, the other right next door. There’s a bathroom between the two rooms. Down the hall is the master, if either of you want to crash there. I don’t care, I’ll be on the couch.”

  “Tommy, you don’t have to sleep on the couch. This is your house; you take the master. Jami and I can share a bed. Tomorrow, I’ll get us a hotel.”

  He laughs, “Nonsense, and this isn’t my house. Stay as long as you want, this place is yours for free.”

  I’m too tired to ask questions or argue, so I let it go as I take in the queen-sized bed covered with the fluffiest comforter I have ever seen in my life. Yes, this will do, and tomorrow I can argue about staying somewhere else. For tonight, I’ve been in a car for over fifteen hours, and I simply want to stretch my legs out and sleep.

  Tomorrow, yes, that’s when I will sort out what comes next.

  The light comes in through the window waking me. As I come to, I hear voices in the kitchen. Hopping up, I rummage through my bag for jeans and a t-shirt. Getting changed quickly, I move out into the kitchen while piling my hair on top of my head in a messy bun.

  In the kitchen, I find Tommy giving a soft kiss to the forehead of a shorter woman with red hair. When they turn to me, I recognize her as Savannah “Sass” Oleander, Tommy and Rhett’s mom.

  “Hey sweets,” she greets. “Brought over some breakfast.”