Say You Want Me

by Van Mol, Stefanie

  A shiver runs down my spine as I think of last night. When Jonathan freed me from that restroom, I was so relieved. He was so sweet, trying to comfort me, and I just panicked and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I don’t think he recognized me. Because if he remembered who I was, he certainly wouldn’t have invited me to the party backstage. I still can’t believe he didn’t recognize me; apparently it wasn’t such a bad idea to dye my hair. The change from blonde to black was such a huge change, even my father was shocked. I have to admit, if I didn’t know it was him, I wouldn’t have recognized Jonathan either. His eyes were still the same, but his body most definitely wasn’t. I noticed his tensed muscles the moment he caught me in those strong arms, his voice was lower and sexier than I remembered.

  There’s a soft knock at the door, followed by someone slowly pushing it open. I see Karen’s head appear around the corner.

  “You awake?”

  “Yes,” I answer, my voice hoarse after all the yelling I did last night at the concert.

  Karen comes over to the bed and sits down on the edge. She looks at me. “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have left you alone in there.”

  “Where the hell were you?”

  I’m still upset by the fact that she left me; it’s not something she would normally do. She’s always been my rock to lean on, so I’m guessing she has a very good reason for not being there last night. She doesn’t even look me in the eye and starts fidgeting with her pajamas. She looks nervous. That is most definitely new to me. Karen is the most confident person I know.

  “You remember me telling you about that one-night stand I had last summer?”

  Of course I remember that. She met this guy at a party and fell head-over-heels in love with him. But he couldn’t promise her anything because of his job, but that didn’t stop Karen from sleeping with him anyway. I always thought it was a bad idea. I know she still hears from him from time to time. Her eyes look at me pleadingly, but it still takes me a while to make the connection.

  “Is Mike that guy?”

  Her cheeks blush. “Yes.”

  Oh no, when she came out of his room yesterday…

  “Karen, did something happen last night?”

  She faintly smiles and looks at me.

  “I wish.” She casually lifts her shoulders and looks at me. “But we didn’t have the time for that. Besides; me and Mike — we’re not on the same page.”

  I put my hand on her knee and give it a reassuring squeeze. “Are you sure about that?”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “Karen, you can’t just guess, you have to talk to him about this. I saw the way he looked at you last night.”

  Her eyes sparkle when she glances up at me.

  “And I happened to notice how Jonathan looked at you.” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at me. This time it’s my turn to blush.

  “That meant nothing. He was probably looking for a new conquest for the evening.”

  “Come on, Camille, you do this every time. Why do you talk yourself down like that?”

  I shrug my shoulders. Why do I even care? I’m pretty sure after last night I’ll never see him again.

  “Can we go and have breakfast? Then you can tell me all about it.”

  “Okay, just give me a minute, then I’ll get ready to go.”

  We walk around the corner to a tiny coffeehouse. I can’t function in the morning without my first cup of coffee. We order a small breakfast and wait for the waitress to arrive with our order. We’re seated all the way in the back, and I like the peace and quiet here.

  “Now, tell me,” Karen starts. “I want to hear all the details, and leave nothing out! I was shocked to see you standing next to him.”

  I should have known Karen would ask me that; she knows me too well. Thank God I already had a few sips of my morning coffee or else I wouldn’t have been ready for this conversation. It doesn’t happen every day that she can ask me these kind of questions, and I’m sure she won’t let the opportunity go to waste.

  “I’m not quite sure what happened exactly. One minute I was running toward the door to thrust it open, and the next I was lying in his arms.”

  Karen’s eyes begin to sparkle again. She’s clearly enjoying this moment. She’s been waiting for something like this to happen for a long time. “Wow. But then why were you in such a hurry to leave?”

  I sigh.

  Maybe it’s time for me to tell my best friend that I know exactly who Jonathan is, and why I agreed to go to the concert with her, even though it’s not like me, doing things like that. I don’t think she’ll understand. I still can’t believe I didn’t tell Jonathan who I was last night. But even more importantly, I didn’t tell him why I’m here.

  But everything happened so fast. I didn’t think I’d run into him this quickly. I needed a little more time to prepare myself for that. Karen has been my best friend for years, and I never hide anything from her. Maybe it’s time to come clean with her and tell her everything. Once she hears my reason for being here, I’m sure she’ll understand why I didn’t tell her any sooner.

  * * *

  I wait quietly to see how Karen will react. After I told her the whole story, she just sat there staring at me. She’s been quiet for a long time now, and I’m afraid that she’s angry with me. I know it’s a lot to take in. I’d understand it if she felt that way for me not telling her sooner, but I hope she gets why I did it.

  Karen looks at me, the disappointment clear in her eyes.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this before we went on the trip?” With pain in her eyes she looks at me. “Don’t you trust me?”

  Tears well up in my eyes. “Off course I trust you! I spent nights lying awake over this, but I thought it was best to keep it a secret. I was scared you wouldn’t understand.”

  Karen slips out of her seat and sits next to me to give me a hug. “You know I’d do anything for you, right? Absolutely everything.”

  When Karen looks up after our hug, I see a shocked expression on her face. I sense him, even before I see him.

  “By all means, don’t stop on my account. I like seeing ladies getting all close and personal. That was sexy as hell.”

  His rough voice makes me shiver. I hate that after all this time, he still has that effect on me.

  Jonathan and Mike — they’re here.

  Karen immediately pushes away from me and returns to her seat across from me. When Mike sits down next to her, I understand why she’s so happy all of a sudden. Mike leans closer and kisses her on the mouth. Okay, she definitely hasn’t heard the last of this. She always tells me that I don’t give myself enough credit, but it’s clear she’s smitten with this man. And judging from the look in his eyes, I think he’s into her too.

  Jonathan comes to sit next to me, his brown-green eyes focusing on me from underneath his black cap. The cap is so low on his head I can barely see his face. He takes a sip from his coffee, his eyes never leaving mine. Is it me, of did the temperature in the coffee house just go through the roof? He puts his coffee on the table, the tension rising in the air because neither of us speaks. I stubbornly keep my mouth shut and see Karen and Mike exchanging a look between them before looking at us.

  “Maybe it’s better we leave these two to themselves,’ Mike announces.

  My gaze lands on Karen, silently pleading with her not to leave me here alone with Jonathan. She looks from me to Mike. I can see the internal battle behind her eyes. She hesitates for a moment, but when she picks up her bag, I know I’ve lost the battle. “I’ll see you later.”

  Right before she follows Mike to the exit, she mumbles a little sorry in my ear. She’ll regret this. I can’t believe she’s just leaving me like this. First at the concert, and now here. I’m beginning to doubt whether she actually is my best friend. I’ll be giving her an earful when I see her again. I keep looking at Karen and Mike as they make their way to the exit. The eyes of every single person in this coffee shop are riveted
on me. Some of the girls are shooting daggers at me with their eyes, clearly wondering what Jonathan is doing with someone like me.

  Believe me, girls, I’m wondering about the same thing!

  It remains silent for a few more minutes, and then I look at him.

  Just when I think he’s not going to say anything, ever, he looks at me with those moss-green eyes of his.

  “Why did you leave in such a hurry last night?”

  “Believe me, Jonathan, I’m not the girl you’re looking for.”

  Damn, Camille — maybe you should just shut up now!

  A smile spreads on his face, and a dimple I didn’t notice yesterday appears in his cheek. Why on earth does he have to have a cute dimple? Isn’t it enough he’s drop-dead gorgeous? I think my panties have just evaporated. A shiver runs through my entire body, and all because of one look he gave me. Why does he have this effect on me? I keep staring at him while he brings his cup to his mouth. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down when he swallows.

  “And what do you think I’m looking for, Camille?”

  I’m surprised by the softness in his tone. The mental image I had in my mind about rock artists doesn’t match with what’s sitting next to me.

  “I don’t know. I just know it’s not me.”

  “Then maybe you should leave the thinking to me. Let’s do something fun today.”

  I drink the last of my coffee and get up from my seat.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sorry, Jonathan.”

  I try to leave the coffee shop as fast as I can; I need to get back to our apartment, like right now. The last thing I need to do is fall in love with Jonathan. I came here with a purpose, and maybe it’s time I remind myself what that purpose is. Because every time Jonathan looks me in the eyes, I seem to forget why I’m here.

  Jonathan

  I just couldn’t stop myself. When I entered the coffee shop, my eye immediately landed on her and her friend. That seems to happen every time I see her—even if she’s part of a big crowd, I immediately find her. It feels like my entire body lights up whenever she’s near me. So I had to go talk to her. Mike didn’t need much convincing to go over to them — which reminds me that I still haven’t asked him about Blondie. I’ve never seen Mike with a girl before, so she must be special to him.

  Yesterday I was resolved that I’d have to see her again, no matter what. So when I saw the opportunity today, I didn’t hesitate, but even before I had the chance to speak two words to her, she left me behind. On my own. All I saw was her beautiful ass sashaying from left to right on the way out. Everyone here is staring at me. Some girls are already on the edge of their seats, ready to move in, to come sit with me. So I figure this is the right time to get out of here. I get up to leave but turn back to take my cup of coffee with me. If I want to enjoy this, I better take it with me and drink it somewhere alone. As I turn around, my gaze lands on Camille’s handbag. In her hurry to get away from me, she must have forgotten about it.

  I reach for the little blue bag and decide to take it with me. I don’t know much about women, but I do know they need their handbags. If she wants it back, she’d better spend some time with me. And this time it’ll be more than a few minutes. A smile curves my lips when I think of how much of a hurdle it’s going to be for her to come and get this from me. Of course, I could play the perfect gentleman and run after her, but where’s the fun in that?

  * * *

  With a beep, the door to my suite opens. I throw the keycard on the table near the entrance and sit down on the sofa near the window. I put my cup on the coffee table and put her handbag on my knees. I slowly open it. After rummaging through a few other personal items, I find her cellphone. I swipe my thumb across the screen and see a picture of a smiling Camille on the beach. She looks so relaxed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this.

  When I scroll through her contact list I happen upon Karen’s number—thank God Mike told me her name. I’m positive she’s my only chance of getting in touch with Camille. I push the call button before I change my mind. It only rings twice before she answers.

  “Hey, Camille, how’s Hottie doing?’

  This makes me chuckle—does Camille think I’m hot? Or were they talking about me? What could they have said about me?

  “Hey, Karen, this is Jonathan. Camille left so fast that she forgot her purse.”

  “And you didn’t mind going through her stuff?”

  Jesus, this girl is a firecracker; I understand why they’re best friends.

  “I don’t think men are able to discover the secrets of a woman by going through her purse, so calm down. But because Camille never seems to be able to stay with me for longer than all of ten minutes, I decided to kidnap her bag.”

  When I hear Karen laugh in response, I decide there and then that I like her. Who knows — maybe she can help me get Camille to see I’m not a bad guy.

  “Okay, I think I can hear the front door opening. That should be her.”

  Karen yells Camille’s name, putting her hand over the phone, because all I hear are muffled sounds. I can’t hear a word they’re saying. Eventually, Camille comes to the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Camille, I just wanted to let you know I found your handbag.”

  “Where are you now? I’ll come and get it.’

  Does she really think I’ll let her have it that easily? It’s clear she doesn’t know me at all if that’s what she believes. If she knew me, she’d know that if I decide to go for something, I don’t give up until I achieve my goal.

  “What’s this handbag worth to you, exactly?”

  “Jonathan, I really need my bag.”

  I fish a bunch of keys on a keyring out of her purse. It has some kind of funny monkey on it.

  “Why?” I say cheerfully. “Can’t sleep without your monkey?”

  “Seriously? Are you going through my bag?”

  She sounds agitated, which makes me laugh.

  “Afraid I’m going to find or see something that’s for your eyes only?”

  “No, of course not,” she replies. “I just don’t like it when people go through my stuff.”

  “Our next concert is this Sunday. I’ll make sure there are two tickets waiting at the pay desk for you and Karen. If you promise me you’ll be there, then I will give your bag to Mike and he can give it to Karen.”

  I bite my lip while I wait for her to respond. Would she really refuse this offer? I don’t think I’ve ever gone through this much effort to get a girl to want to see me. I hear her arguing with Karen right before she comes back on the phone.

  “Okay, we’ll be there.”

  Yes! To be honest, I didn’t think she was going to give in. But no matter what, I have to see her again. Even if she’d said no, I would have found another way to win her over. After I’ve given her the details about the concert, I end the conversation and throw her cellphone back into her handbag.

  My mind is all over the place while I walk back to the concert hall. I make it just in time for the sound check. I hope spending some time behind my drum kit will clear my mind. When I enter the common room, everyone falls silent. All the band members are looking at me strangely.

  Okay — what’s going on? Did I forget something?

  “Can someone tell me why you’re all looking at me like that?”

  Max is the one who speaks up.

  “You do realize that you’re walking around with a little blue handbag, right?”

  Everyone starts to laugh, and I realize that I walked the whole way from the hotel to here with this ladies’ purse. Fuck — what if one of those crazy paparazzi would have seen me? It’d be all over the news already. I can only imagine my picture on the front page:

  Jonathan a.k.a. Sticks spotted walking around with ladies’ purse

  “Who does it belong to?”

  “Camille, a girl I met at the concert last night.”

  Max, the lead of the band and also our singer
, looks at me angrily.

  “Seriously? After everything you went through with Sofia, you still haven’t learned your lesson?”

  Jesus, what is with everyone today? Why are they all being so judgmental?

  “Hey, before you start playing daddy again: I didn’t sleep with her.”

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Shit! I’m really having a bad day. The look on Max’s face tells me all I need to know. I hurt him. Dammit, he’s my best friend, the last thing I want to do is snap at him. Everybody from the band knows he’s having a hard time, with his father being sick and all.

  “I’m sorry, Max, I didn’t mean it like that. You have no idea what kind of day I’ve been through.”

  Without turning around to look at me, he speaks to the group. ‘The sound check is in fifteen minutes, and I’d appreciate it if everyone is there on time.” He turns around and gives me a death glare. “That means you too, Sticks!”

  When he strides out of the room, he closes the door with a loud bang.

  “Seriously, Jonathan? Was that really necessary?” John asks.

  “What? I said I was sorry. Will everybody just quit busting my balls over it?”

  I’m about to storm out when Max re-enters the room, his angry eyes still fixed on me. Right behind him there’s Joe, our manager.

  “Okay, why don’t you all have a seat? I have some important announcements to make.”

  Once everyone’s seated, he starts going through a whole list of things that are going to happen in the next couple of days. We have a radio interview, a TV show…I love being a musician, but all the extra work that comes with it? Not so much. I do realize it’s part of the deal, and I don’t want to disappoint our fans, so I just roll with it. When he’s finally done with everything, he lets us leave for the sound check.

  “Oh, before I forget, one more thing: next week on Saturday night, you are all expected to be present at a benefit dinner. It’s in a local art gallery, Art Nouveau. The owner is a friend of mine, so I made reservations for an entire table.”