A Father's Dreams

by Andrew Petoski

  I get up straight away and walk to the back to see what was going on. Stopping in the door frame I watch Hadley as she goes into stealth mode and is stalking a bunny in the backyard. She inches slowly towards the furry little creature, freezing every time it would twitch or move its head. Hadley gets within eight feet when a squirrel from the neighbors yard jumps up onto the fence and startles the rabbit, sending it bolting passed Hadley within a couple feet. Hadley turns with just enough time to see it scurry under the fence behind the garage and disappear. She spots me.

  “That was awesome. Did you see it?”

  “Yeah,” the smoke alarm goes off and I run inside. Darn stir fry started burning because I wasn’t tending to it constantly. I turn off the stove and open all the windows then try to fan out the kitchen with a cloth. Matt walks in shaking his head. “Don’t just stand there. Help get the smoke out!” I tell him. Matt just shakes his head and walks away into the living room. Hadley comes in and coughs a couple times.

  “Dad what did you do?”

  “Nothing, everything’s fine,” I reassure her. Matt walks back into the kitchen holding the fan from the front room and sets it up in the kitchen window then turns it on. Within a few seconds most of the smoke clears out. I look over to Matt who looks around, satisfied, and starts back towards his room.

  “Thanks!” I call out. He gives me a thumbs up over his head as he walks away.

  Walking over to the stove I inspect the damage and the timer for the oven goes off. Swooping over I grab the oven mitt laying out and remove the pan. I look down drudgingly, and, perfect, the garlic bread was just fine. Giving some sigh of relief I set the pan down on the table and finally return to the stir fry. It actually wasn’t all that bad. It was just the bottom that was burnt and probably forever stuck to the pan so I plated the good stuff and then just tossed the pan in the garbage after running it under cold water to cool it off.

  Bringing Hadley into the living room where there was no smoke I set her up with her plate on a TV tray and put on a movie for her. Going back to the kitchen I grabbed my plate and then went back to sit with Hadley. The movie was one of those animated musicals. I didn’t care for it much but she loved them. Finishing my meal, I could see Hadley had quite a ways to go.

  Silently getting up I snuck past Hadley and into the kitchen. Matt’s plate was still sitting on the counter untouched. Placing my plate in the sink I grabbed his food and headed for the stairs.

  Walking into his room Matt was on the bed sitting up playing his video game. Coming alongside him I peered over his shoulder to see the game. Awesome, he switched back to a racing game. Placing the plate on his lap I then flopped onto the bed and took the handheld game from him. He just stared at me in disbelief.

  “Eat,” I told him. Then put my attention towards his game and unparsed it. The controls were simple and I just killed in driving games. Moving up from fifth to first place Matt had nothing to complain about as he ate his meal. Two races later I unlocked a new car. “BAM!” I showed him the gleaming new car and he began to eat faster. Smiling to myself I started a race with the new car and before I could finish Matt was handing me his plate and taking back the game.

  Setting the plate on his nightstand I watched him move his hands as if on a steering wheel while he tried out the new vehicle. It had NOS and he sure used it. Half a lap ahead of everyone else and he took first.

  Hanging out with him for a while we take turns back and forth for about a half hour until the next car was unlocked. After again watching him blow by the competition with the new car I gave him a pat on the shoulder then grabbed his plate from the nightstand and headed back downstairs.

  Before reaching the bottom of the steps I could hear Hadley bellowing out the melody from her movie. I chimed in as I walked through to the kitchen. Singing loudly so Hadley could hear my support, I cleaned up the plates and set them to dry.

  The song becomes upbeat, and I slide into the living room in front of Hadley next to the TV and begin to play the air guitar. Hadley cheers as I strum away. My hips start a jig, and I can’t help but move to the corny music.

  Hadley joins me on the dance floor and we hold hands. Soon she is standing on my feet pounding out the rhythm with me. I pick her up and twirl with her. We spin faster and faster until I lose my footing and slip. Mid-air together my stomach flips to my chest.

  Landing hard on the floor my elbows and forearm take the brunt of the force and burn from the impact. Looking around Hadley and Matt are gone. I’m alone in my room, on the floor next to my bed. I must have rolled over and off the bed in my sleep. Damn it, I was having a great time too.

  Frustrated, I gather myself up and head for the shower. After getting cleaned up it was an easy decision after last nights dinner fiasco to not cook for myself this morning. I grab the keys and head out.

  There’s a small twenty-four-hour diner just down the road. A good old-style joint where you pay per egg, piece of bacon etc., so the prices are all very reasonable and low. That is if you just get a few things but I’m hungry as hell so I’ll end up putting down a little bit extra.

  The truck is parked and I’m walking up, the smell of breakfast fills the air coming out through the grill vents from the kitchen. Walking right in I sit at my usual place at the bar stool dining area and spot Vikki. She pours me a cup of coffee but doesn’t bother bringing me any cream or sugar.

  “Morning Ben,” she says. I want to complain, but she knows darn well I drink black.

  “Morning Vikki.”

  “What’ll it be today hun?”

  “Let’s start out with country fried steak and eggs, then we’ll go from there.”

  “Sure thing sweetie,” she turns around and I watch her backside as she struts away from me with vigor. Vikki is one person I would definitely like to get to know better. There’s no way she would go for a man with my issues, so I’ve never tried an approach.

  The diner is filled with old memorabilia from the town. There’s an old map on the largest wall showing the original settlement when we were a major shipping port. Nowadays the only boats going in and out of the harbor are personal trawlers or those rich folk hiring charter boats to hook a fish for them to reel in. Occasionally you get the millionaire yachts overnight that come in to fuel or resupply and that’s about it. Makes the lakefront peaceful though without a lot of bustle or congestion, so I guess that’s a plus.

  The other pictures around the place are of the local high school teams, carnival photos, and a picture of the diner when it was first opened before it was remodeled and a second story added for a live-in home to the owners. Vikki pours me a second cup and drops a paper in front of me.

  Before I get to read it, the caffeine in my bladder catches up to me, and I’m off to the bathroom. A few moments of relief later, and I’m back to the counter, not washing my hands because my mother taught me not to piss on myself.

  The paper waits for me, and I set it aside, still can’t do all that media crap no matter its form. Vikki soon returns with my food. I forgot to order how I wanted my eggs, but they were poached just as I would have liked.

  “Thanks Vikki. How’s the kids,” I ask.

  “Derick’s doing good. His soccer team is going to regionals next week. They’re hoping for state, but I don’t know. Their star forward got his ankle clocked out last game so we’ll have to see how their scoring game goes.”

  “That sucks. Derrick still playing goalie?”

  “Yeah but they’ve been putting him in half the game as a half back due to the injury.”

  “Got it.” Starting on my food Vikki takes my cue and turns on the TV. She doesn’t put the news or anything on but one of those cable radio channels for me. Some kind of 80’s mix fills the air, not exactly my thing but I don’t mind it.

  Slamming my food down I’m trying to get in as much as possible because I don’t plan on having another meal today, maybe a snack later tonight but no real meal.

  “Vikki,” I call out, finished. She
walks back over. “Can I get an order of biscuits and gravy with a couple pieces of bacon?”

  “Sure hun,” she grabs my plate and walks back to the kitchen. An old couple come walking in, the guy holds the door open for his partner as she grabs onto the rail to step up inside. They sit at a round table in the corner. The woman sets her purse on the table and begins to dig for her glasses when Vikki brings them menus.

  I look forward and the door chimes as another person comes in. They sit right next to me and I look over. It’s Derrick, Vikki’s son.

  “Hey mom, can I get a muffin before school?” Vikki tosses him one of the apple streusel muffins and he’s gone as quick as he appeared. Didn’t even get the chance to ask him how the team’s been doing. Vikki takes out a dollar from her apron and puts it in the register to cover her son’s muffin. Sweet girl.

  The chef dings his bell and Vikki walks over to him then brings me course number two.

  “How often does he come in like that?” I ask Vikki.

  “Oh, lately its most mornings when he wakes up without hitting the snooze button three times.” That’s about all the kid talk I can take as I start shaking a little, so I quickly change the subject.

  “Have you been out to Ed’s at all lately?” I ask.

  “No. Derrick hasn’t had that kinda interest for the last couple years since he’s more into sports now,”

  “That sucks, but I get it.”

  “We’ll its good for me. Since I just work mornings I get to catch all his games. There’s one tonight at 5 if you want to tag along then grab some drinks.”

  “No, that’s alright but thanks, already got plans for tonight,” I didn’t have any plans but I just know I wouldn’t do well being around kids and school and all that. Poking at my food for a minute my mind drifts then I force myself towards the second plate. Getting about half way through I can’t fit anymore biscuit so I nibble on the bacon until I finally get it gone. Vikki’s in the kitchen, but I call out to her anyway.

  “Thanks Vikki, I’m heading out,” I set a twenty down on the table for her and Derrick. She goes to get me change but I tell her to keep it.

  “Thanks hun,” she gives me a smile and pours me a cup of coffee to go in one of those styrofoam cups and snaps the lid on before handing it over. I take the cup and raise it towards her as my good-bye.

  Sitting in the truck now I take a sip of the coffee and quickly hold it away, damn hot. Setting the cup down in its holder, I drive off.

  It’s going to be about two hours on the road today. There’s nowhere in this small town to get what I really want. The miles slip by me on the highway, and I don’t remember how I got there but my first destination is in view. One of those giant toy stores comes fuming into view before me. Finding parking this early was easy, and I felt like the only person at the store.

  Inside I browsed up and down all the aisles. I looked at dolls and bikes. There was a mini roller coaster that caught my eye, but I had no attachment to it. There were action figures galore and giant blow up balloons featuring their toys at the top of every aisle display.

  Sighing at all the things I couldn’t relate to I head towards the electronics section. There was a kid less than half my age with more video game wisdom than I could imagine. I just asked him what all the kids were using these days and he came forward with a motion censored hand held set. The box was red so I asked for it in black and sure enough he pulled one out from the locked case behind him.

  “What kind of games do you have for it?” I asked him.

  “Everything on the left side of aisle three,” he told me pointing to my right. I turn and there had to be over four hundred games lining the wall.

  Looking back at him overwhelmed I ask, “what about racing games?” He walks down the aisle and opens up one of the cases and brings back four games. I still can’t decide, “Can you just grab the best selling racing and shooter game you have?”

  “No problem,” the kids walks off with all but one of the racing games, must be the best one. He also comes back with another game. I looked it over and it just seemed to be a typical war shooter. “Do you have any alien or monster shooters?” I ask. He returns with a blue blooded alien being shot on the cover. Excellent.

  Taking my merchandise I head over to the arts section and grab the biggest pack of crayons they had and then started looking for that darn coloring book. Whoa, they had about four different kinds of those too. I grabbed the one with the thickest lines and headed to the register.

  A few hundred dollars later, mostly for the game system, and I’m once again a happy man with a little pep in my step. I take my vibrantly bright goody bag with a little skip and whistle back to the truck.

  Rock gets put on and I’m a jammin’ all the way home. It’s some time in the afternoon when I return, but I’m paying no attention to time and really have no clue when I returned. I bring the bags in and go through my safe ritual of unlocking the padlocked door. I step inside and turn on the light.

  The room is blue on one side and pink on the other. Hadley’s things I have wrapped and stacked up on the pink side and Matt’s on the blue. Ducking into the closet I pull out the boy and girl wrapping paper and wrap their gifts accordingly.

  Very carefully I find just the right spots on the piles before me and place them delicately as if they were glass. Backing up I look and take a deep breath. I slide the wrapping paper back into its place and then stand by the door, staring back in. I’m filled with joy and accomplishment, but my tears still fill my head. Before the sadness can take over I click off the light, then close and lock the door behind me.

  My breakfast feast catches up with me as my colon strains for relief, and I head to the facilities. Finished now, I pass by the locked door and avoid staring in its direction, opting for the living room and security of my chair.

  Following my daily ritual I recline myself, tune the radio, and settle in for my afternoon nap.

  5

  “Are you both packed yet?” I yell into the house from the front door. Hadley comes running down with her duffel in tow and no sign of Matt. “Matt we’re walking out the door!”

  Hadley and I step out to the stoop as I catch Matt’s distinct footsteps on the stairs coming down. I wait to watch his approach. Hadley looks back and shrugs then heads to the truck on her own. Standing in the doorway, Matt appears. He’s wearing a black hoodie with his headphones on underneath. He stretches his arms back and forth tensing up and then releasing his tension with a flick of the arm resonating to his fingers. He walks passed me without acknowledgment or saying a word, jumps the front stairs, clearing all of them, and then jogs over to the front seat and hops in pulling the hoodie down over his face.

  I smile to myself knowing just what he’s experiencing and lock the door behind us. Climbing in to the truck I make sure to keep the radio off to not ruin Matt’s vibe. We sit silently together on the way to the middle school listening to the rock music echoing away from Matt and barely filling the rest of the vehicle.

  We’re running about five minutes late. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t raise these two to be so punctual all the time. Pulling up to the middle school a bunch of boys are running out the front door in a line and cross in front of the truck. Without hesitation Matt jumps out leaving his bag behind and sprints after, slamming the door to catch up with the pack. The rest of the boys pass and I then pull into an empty space with Hadley.

  Grabbing Matt’s bag the two of us start jogging in together. Inside the main doors we are immediately engrossed by the huge cafeteria and begin snaking our way through the tables. There are two gyms here, one to the east and one to the north. We head to the east gym.

  I enter the gymnasium alone as Hadley ran off to the locker room to change. I find a seat in the bleachers about three rows up and plant myself there. Nothing much to look at for the moment as Hadley is not out yet and the team is just in four rows doing their stretches. A minute later Hadley comes running out, hair now in a bun and u
niform on. She finds me in the bleachers and gives a quick wave before sitting down in the back of the second row and starts her hamstring stretch in coordination with her other teammates.

  It’s kind of comical watching their warm-ups. After stretches the middle-schoolers start doing summersaults from one end of the mat to the other and then backwards summersaults returning to where they began. This is followed by skipping and then the awkward attempts of cartwheels before finishing with two sprints. Hadley’s cartwheels are impressive but that’s about where her talent will end for the practice. She loves gymnastics. She’s a little clumsy, making it entertaining though.

  The group now splits up into four smaller groups. One group to the vault, one to the uneven bars, on remained on the floor and Hadley’s group was sent to the balance beam. They started out the first round by just walking the beam and then jumping off the end to establish their balance. Next time up she had to outstretch each leg and point their toes alternately walking the beam. So far so good.

  Now they have to skip along the beam while raising one leg and jumping as high as they can while skipping along the beam. Hadley is in her usual position about five people back so she can watch and memorize the routine before it’s her turn. Moments later, and it’s her turn to be up. Hadley gets about two thirds down the beam with her skip jumping before she lands cockeyed and leans way over to one side but saves it. She recenters herself and then finishes her skip jumps to the end proudly raising both of her hands after she sticks it to the matt on her dismount.

  That is about as far as most people got because out of the seven girls in line all but two sat down to watch as the natural show offs had to strut their stuff first doing cartwheels, then one of the two girls sat down and the last did back handsprings down the length of the beam to a single flip dismount and stuck it. All the girls sitting clapped, but I did not cheer, she wasn’t my little girl and I felt bad for all those sitting wondering if they felt inadequate or like a loser because they could not perform so elegantly.