Hard to Resist

by Lauren Landish

  “I think you’d sleep better in a tee shirt,” I say and look to my dresser, knowing she could easily wear one of my undershirts. “Although I’d rather you were naked.” I let my eyes fall to the bit of her cleavage still exposed. “I much prefer you slept naked.”

  “I think maybe I should go,” Rose says quietly. My body goes cold for a moment. It’s late. Very fucking late. And a part of me was looking forward to having her available to me in the morning.

  “Do you want to leave?” I ask her as I walk slowly to the bed and stand next to her. She looks at the bra in her hand and doesn’t respond. I cup her chin in my hand and force her to look at me. “Or do you think I want you to go?”

  Her lips part slightly, and her eyes tell me everything I need to know.

  “I want you to stay,” I whisper against her lips and then kiss her gently. “I want you here naked in my bed, and I want you to use me for your needs. And I want to do the same to you.” It’s the truth. Every word.

  She blushes and gives me a soft smile, pulling out of my hold. “Well, I wasn’t sure how needy you were,” she says playfully. It brings a smile to my lips.

  She looks good in my bed, but this is an exception. The reminder makes me question if I should bring that detail up now. I imagine it won’t go over well. This… relationship needs to stay at the office. We can’t get close, this is just sex, and limiting the arrangement is the best way to ensure it doesn’t get out of hand.

  As I climb into bed and debate on telling her just that, she beats me to it.

  “Don’t expect me to be at your beck and call. I don’t think sleepovers are the best thing for this…” She doesn’t finish her statement, and I simply nod as she motions between us.

  Although I was going to tell her the same damn thing, I don’t like hearing it. And I sure as fuck don’t like that she said it first.

  I should be happy about it. But I’m not. And that could be a problem.

  Chapter 21

  Charlotte

  What the hell have I gotten myself into?

  I look out the window of Logan’s stretch limo as it rolls through the downtown streets back to my apartment, thinking about the night before and trying not to bite my fingernails. The whole morning I’ve been struggling with the feeling of regret. For having an affair with my boss. It sounds stupid for even thinking of it that way, but it’s his power of authority over me that makes this so uncomfortable.

  Our little tryst was definitely mutually beneficial. I’m just not sure if it’s a mistake.

  At least I get to drive home in luxury. Although it’s one of the reasons I feel cheapened. I can’t even make eye contact with the driver. I’m sure he’s not thinking the best things of me right now.

  I need to make a choice. Either accept this lifestyle and our arrangements, or cut it off. I swallow the lump in my throat. The lines are drawn and I have a better understanding of everything. But I’m still unsure. It won’t be just sex for me. I can’t imagine this ending well.

  My eyes meet the driver’s as we slow in front of my apartment.

  “Here we are Miss Harrison,” he says easily.

  I give him a warm smile and say, “Thank you.” I wish I could remember his name, but I don’t. I climb out and wince. I’m sore and aching, all thanks to Logan. My smile grows. It’s a good feeling, being deliciously used. I shut the door and give the driver a polite wave.

  As I walk up to my apartment, I slowly feel better. I think it was just the drive maybe? The idea that it was a walk of shame of sorts. But being back here and knowing it was my choice makes me feel more at ease with the decision. The keys clink in my hands as I unlock the door.

  I freeze when I open the door, nearly passing out onto the floor.

  Ian and Sarah are sitting on the living room couch, practically making out. Sarah, who’s dressed in the skankiest outfit I’ve ever seen, has her hands on Ian’s crotch, rubbing it like it’s a pot of gold and Ian is running his hands all over her body.

  What the fuck?

  They stop when they see me standing in the doorway, glaring at them with a mix of hatred and shock. My gut reaction is to scream at them and tell them to get the fuck out, but I know better. Ian isn’t going anywhere, especially with Sarah here, and he’s more liable to throw me out than to sit there and listen to me badmouth him.

  “Do you mind?” Sarah snaps nastily, her hand still on Ian’s crotch. Tears prick my eyes. She was my friend for so long. My grip on the doorknob tightens as Ian grins at Sarah, kissing her on the forehead as if she’s done a good job snapping at me.

  I grit my teeth and then bite my tongue, chanting internally to myself to stay calm, cool and collected. Ignore the pain and be the bigger person. I need to call the fucking landlord again, too. I swear to God if he put his name on the lease at some point when we were together I’ll loose it, but I can’t imagine there’s any other reason that he’d be in here right now.

  Fuck this. I don’t have time for this. I need to get to work.

  It takes everything in me, but I manage to tear my eyes away from them and I continue on to my room. Behind me, I hear them say something about me and laugh. I just ignore it and go about getting ready for work.

  I take a quick shower, scrubbing my skin harder than I should and am dressed in my business attire within fifteen minutes. My hair’s damp, but I just throw it into a bun. I have an hour-long drive anyway, so it can dry on the way.

  I stare at myself in the mirror, not wanting to go back out there. I don’t want to have to deal with this. When I finally decide I have to get the hell out and walk down the hall, I hear banging sounds coming from the second bedroom and Sarah moaning at the top of her lungs as if she wants the entire world to hear.

  I ball my hands into fists, anger threatening to overwhelm me. My jaw clenches, and I’m overwhelmed by all the emotions consuming me. I’m not going to cry. I refuse to cry and scream and give them the reaction they’re hoping for. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction and engage them with their bullshit.

  In fact, I’m over this. I take confident strides to the front door and I don’t look back. Fuck them. I’m moving on with my life. They can have each other.

  Grabbing my briefcase, I walk out of the apartment, Sarah’s pleasured cries trailing me, with one thought on my mind.

  I guess I’ll be applying for that temporary housing after all.

  I drive to work and I’m pissed the entire drive, my mood dark and gloomy. I hate the fact that they got to me. I’d be a liar if I said I was unaffected, but I plan to remedy that very soon. The first chance I get, I’m putting in for temporary housing.

  The image of them going at it will haunt me for some time, so I’m going to have to busy myself to forget it. I refuse to let those two assholes fuck up my day and distract me from my job.

  Wearing a scowl on my face, I walk inside Parker-Moore and make my way up to my office. There’s a stack of papers waiting on my desk when I walk in and I feel like it’s just what I need. Bury myself in work, and at the same time bury Ian and Sarah. A win-win.

  I set my coat and purse down and go get coffee from the break room before returning to look through contracts and emails.

  Over the next half hour, I find myself immersed in work and I lose track of the time. I’m just finishing up working data into a sales graph on my laptop when my cell rings.

  “Just when things were starting to get good,” I grumble in annoyance. Busying myself in work has made me feel much better and it reminds me of how much I love my job. It's been the perfect antidote to forget about Ian.

  For a moment, I debate ignoring the call. It can’t be anyone important, but curiosity gets the best of me. I pull it out and glance at the caller ID. Anger surges through my chest. It’s fucking Ian.

  Why the hell is he calling me?

  It annoys me that he’s back in my mind after I’d just managed to get him out of it. Scowling, I tap the ignore button on my phone and toss it to the side. I don
’t know what Ian wants, but I really don’t care. I’m done with him.

  I try to get back to work, but now I can’t focus. I’m too irritated. Ian had no business calling me, and it’s brought back that dark feeling that was finally starting to go away. I find myself wishing I had something or someone to make me forget my awful morning.

  Logan.

  The thought of Mr. CEO fills me with desire and pushes Ian out of my mind. The session we had the night before was mind-blowing, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing right this second. Is he working, busy running his company? Or is he up in his office, thinking of me?

  I hope he is, I think to myself, feeling my core heat, and I hope he’s hard as a fucking rock.

  The thought elicits a soft moan from my lips and I squeeze my legs together. This is why this relationship with my boss is bad news. Next thing you know, I’ll be bringing a vibrator to work.

  I should go see him, I tell myself. But I’m not sure of what I’d even say. We’ve already crossed the line, mixing business with pleasure, and I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Maybe I should let it go and just let him make the next move.

  The ring of my cell breaks me out of my thoughts. I pick it up and check the screen. Ian. Again.

  “Fuck off,” I growl, tossing the phone back down. I don’t know why I just don’t block his number.

  I spend the next few minutes trying to get back into the groove of studying sales data, but I give up and start going through my emails instead. Responding to them takes less focus, and at least I'll be able to get something done.

  As I’m finishing up answering the last one, I receive a visitor.

  “Hey chica, what’s shaking?” Eva chirps, sticking her head in the doorway. As usual, she looks sharp in a pearly blouse and black slacks, a glossy belt wrapped around her trim waist. Her hair is down today and is styled with voluminous curls. It looks good on her and makes her big eyes seem absolutely huge. On top of that, she’s sporting a huge smile on her face that says she’s happy-as-fuck about something.

  “Nothing,” I mutter, sitting aside my work laptop. “What’s got you so chipper today?”

  Eva steps into the room and begins wringing her hands excitedly. “You know that deal I’ve been working on?”

  “Yeah?”

  She does a little victory jump. “Well, I got it!”

  I get up from my seat and go over to give her a big hug. “Congratulations Eva, I’m so happy for you!” I really am. She’s been working her ass off over this. I give her a tight squeeze.

  “Thank you!” Eva grins at me as we pull back from each other. “We’ve gotta go out and celebrate!”

  For the first time in hours, I smile a genuine happy smile. I am definitely getting drinks with Eva and letting loose.

  My desk phone rings before I can answer, and I hold up a finger to Eva. I need to take the call in case it’s a client.

  “Why the fuck are you ignoring me?” Ian snarls. “Couldn’t handle seeing me happy, huh?”

  Anger burns in my chest and I grip the phone so tightly I fear it might crack. It’s hard keeping my emotions in check, but I somehow manage. This gives me comfort. I feel like I’m in control now. I take a deep breath and calmly say, “Just leave me alone, Ian. Please. I’d appreciate it if you just forgot my number. I don’t want to ever see or hear from you again.”

  “You act so pissed, like I did something so horrible to you.” Ian argues. “When it's obvious you bear some responsibility for what happened, hell, you brought all this on yourself.”

  Again I feel a surge of anger, but it’s weaker than the last time. This man, if I can even call him that, is someone I never really knew. Why should I let anything he does or say bother me? His words are designed to bait me into a screaming fit, and he knows what he's saying is utter bullshit. I’m not going to play into it. He’s not fucking worth it. Not anymore.

  I look at the doorway and mouth an apology to Eva. Her eyes are full of pity, and I hate it. I shake my head and close my eyes. I am at last done with Ian. Forever.

  “You never loved me, did you?” I say to him. “You were just using me this whole time, pretending to be something you weren’t.” I don’t know why, but saying the words out loud shatters my last defense. I feel raw and vulnerable, but in a way, stronger for admitting the truth. I open my eyes as Ian goes off about how I wasn’t there for him, saying things that are mostly falsehoods designed to get me worked up. But I’m no longer listening.

  Bye, Ian.

  Tiredly, I drop the phone from my ear and lean over to hang it up.

  At that moment, I hear a small sound near the doorway and I look over. My heart skips a beat. It’s Logan, standing behind Eva... and he’s staring at me with a pissed off expression.

  Oh shit. I don’t know what all he heard me say, but this isn’t what it looks like. My heart beats frantically, and I try to think of how to explain it. But it’s too late.

  Before I can think of what to say, Logan turns and walks off.

  Chapter 22

  Logan

  I know my driver, Andrew, is waiting out front of the building. I stare out of the large windows and look down. I need to go. There’s more work I can do here. There’s always more work, more deals and emails and business ties. But I want to leave and get the fuck out of here. I’m pissed.

  She told me she was single, and I believed her.

  I clench my jaw and try to relax my fists.

  The way she was talking to him didn’t fucking sound like things were over between them. I don’t like it.

  I don’t like that I feel lied to. More than that, I don’t like my reaction. I wanted to pin her down and fuck her while he could hear her on the phone. I wanted to show her who she belonged to. And that’s dangerous.

  She doesn’t belong to me. That’s not what this is supposed to be. I can’t deny what I’m feeling though. And I fucking hate it.

  I haven’t gotten one productive thing done since I walked in on that phone call.

  I breathe heavily and turn away from the window. I feel like a caged animal in this office. I need to find a release.

  I look back at my computer screen and feel a small pang of guilt.

  It’s a record of her phone calls and texts. It wasn’t quite legal to do, but it was easy. And I needed to know.

  My father used to do this shit to my mother. I don’t want to be like him. I hate falling into his old habits.

  When he looked at her messages though, he found plenty. All I’m seeing is evidence that they’re over.

  It doesn’t make me any less angry. I don’t like her getting worked up over him. I want all of her passion. Every last bit. That fucker doesn’t deserve an ounce of it. If she wants someone to yell at, I’d rather it be me.

  I’ve been obsessing over that thought since I’ve realized it’s true. I shouldn’t want it.

  It’s well past five and this floor of the building is silent. Everyone’s gone home, so I’m certain Charlotte has already left. I may drop by her office.

  I crack my neck and ignore the pings from my computer and the direct messages on my screen. I have a heavy duty punching bag in my basement. It's for moments just like this.

  I’ve never thought of myself as a selfish man. Cold at times and distant, sure. I have flaws. Not selfish though.

  But I am when it comes to her.

  As if my thoughts brought her to me, a timid knock sounds at the door and then it slowly opens to reveal my Rose. I stand behind my desk and wait for her to enter. The air is thick with tension as she slowly shuts the door and finally looks up at me with those sweet blue eyes.

  “Hey,” she says and her voice is soft and she’s twisting the bit of hair hanging along her shoulders from her ponytail around her finger. I’ve never seen her look so insecure in my life. Her eyes dart around the room as she stands in the doorway.

  “I-” she clears her throat and then looks me in the eye. “I just wanted to clear up what that conversati
on was about down there.”

  My body’s tense and I feel on edge. I’m not giving her anything. I want to hear what she has to say. “Go on,” I say simply as I walk to the door and lock it.

  “I… Ian and I,” she starts and takes an unsteady seat on the leather sofa in my office. It makes a soft sound as she settles into it. She clears her throat and sets her purse on the floor.

  She looks uneasy. It makes me feel off balance. I like knowing how things are going to play out. I set the terms, I decide how it ends. This little prick is making me have doubts. Ian is going to pay for that.

  “Your ex?” I ask, as if I don’t know who she’s talking about. I now know everything about that fuckface. I resist the urge to take out my anger on her and instead I slip my jacket off and lay it neatly on the desk.

  “Yes. Ex.” She emphasizes the word and it’s the first time since she’s been in here that she’s had any confidence in her voice. Good. The anger turns to a low simmer and I turn away to unbutton the cuffs of my shirt.

  “I am completely over him.” She throws her hands to the side and continues to talk with her eyes focused on the desk. “I swear, there’s nothing there whatsoever.” She pauses and a flash of sadness crosses her eyes. “He just… won’t leave.” There’s a hint of desperation in her voice and her eyes gloss over with unshed tears. She fights them back and continues, “Him and my friend--ex-friend, they were there this morning and-”

  I turn and face her and press, “Won’t leave?”

  “Yes,” she says with conviction. “It’s my apartment. It may be shitty, but it’s mine. I had it before he moved in, and now he’s refusing to leave.”

  I walk quickly back around my desk and hit the spacebar to bring the computer back to life. Ian Rutherford‘s information is still there.

  Charlotte goes quiet. And after a moment she reaches for her purse. Her voice is tight as she says, “Anyway, I just wanted to clear that up.” She sounds defeated as she stands.