by Molly Jebber
“It’s my fault. I should’ve listened to your and Liza’s advice and told him sooner. Although, I’m not sure it would’ve mattered. He abhors rumspringa and, let’s face it, I didn’t practice rumspringa. I left without telling Daed, I came back and boasted about my adventures to you and our friends, and I didn’t ask for forgiveness from anyone. I continued to rebel. Then I left again, and both times, with Englisch men.”
“But you were friends and nothing inappropriate happened with either of them. There was no romance. Does he understand this?”
“He does, but even when I told Joel the story, I cringed. Just the fact I left with Jane and her bruder, and then with Bill, sounded bad.”
“You’ve changed.” Hannah clasped Ellie’s fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze.
“My choices were awful. I’m fortunate that when I went to the dance hall with Jane, the men I danced with didn’t touch me inappropriately and were gentlemen. She was a good girl, and the owners insisted the patrons be respectful of one another. Jane said they didn’t tolerate bad behavior. They kept a sharp eye out while we were there.”
“How much did you tell Joel?”
Her shoulders slumped. “Everything.”
Hannah blew out a breath. “Even about Mr. Phillips threatening your daed when he found you and Bill?”
She grimaced and nodded. “The entire mess.” Joel’s disappointed and disgusted expression sickened her. He’d stared at her as if she were a stranger. Had their positions been reversed, she would’ve been hurt and suspicious about him. She’d have asked the same questions.
“Are you hurt, angry, what?”
“I’m numb and in a fog.” She didn’t approve of his harsh judgment, but part of her understood it. In time, she prayed he would realize he’d gotten well enough acquainted with her to trust her word. The problem was she had left twice. A hard point to swallow for anyone, let alone Joel. He’d been contemplating a future with a woman who’d committed the very thing he was so against. “I may grow frustrated later.”
Ellie and Hannah left the buggy at the livery and crossed Main Street to the bakery.
Ellie unlocked the door, stepped inside, and held it open for Hannah. “I’ve lost him.”
“Not yet. Let him digest all this. You’ve built up a solid friendship which has blossomed into love. Am I right?”
“Jah, but love isn’t enough. You must have trust and dedication. I destroyed his confidence in me. I broke his heart.” She ached at his disappointment in her. She’d do anything to fix this. “What can I do, Hannah?”
“Wait. Anything you say or do now would fall on deaf ears. Emotions are high for both of you. Let the dust settle.”
She snatched her apron off the hook and tied it behind her neck and waist. “Danki for listening to my woes.”
“I’m always here for you.” Hannah rubbed Ellie’s back. “This will pass, one way or another.”
“It’s another I’m worried about.”
“Take one day at a time or one hour at a time to get through it. Whichever is easier, and remember, I’m always available to listen. God has a plan. Joel may be a part of it. Just be patient.”
“Liza suggested the same. I’m as patient as a caged bear, but I’m making an effort to remain calm.”
Until eight, she mixed flour, sugar, and spices to create cookies across from Hannah on the worktable. “I love to dig my hands in the dough, beat together the ingredients, and breathe in the delicious scents of baked goods.”
“Consider baking a good remedy for what ails you.” Hannah threw her ball of dough in the air and caught it. “It’s fun to use our old recipes and create new ones.”
“My favorite is leftover pie crust layered with cinnamon, butter, and sugar. Rolled up and then sliced and baked in the oven.” She kissed her floured fingertips. “Delicious!”
“Me too. I’ll make some this afternoon to cheer you up.”
“Good idea.” Hannah had been a surprise gift in her life. Her friend had lifted her mood more times than she could count. She was a good friend to Hannah too, but Hannah had exercised a lot of patience when they first met, putting up with her obnoxious attitude before she’d kumme to her senses.
She glanced at the clock. “Time to open. I’ll unlock the door and exchange this dirty apron for a clean one.” She switched aprons and opened the door. She gasped. “Mrs. Wenger.” She took a breath. “I wasn’t expecting to find someone kumming in at the same time I opened the door. Please, kumme in.”
“You caught me off guard too.” She shook her head, lifted her chin, and brushed by Ellie to the counter. “I’ll take three apple tarts and two loaves of nut bread.”
Ellie wrapped her purchases. “The apple tarts are no charge today, Mrs. Wenger. A gift to you and your family.”
Red-faced, Mrs. Wenger pressed her coins on the counter for full payment for her purchases. She scoffed. “Don’t try and butter me up to get in our good graces. I want nothing to do with you. Stay away from Joel.” Her lips tight, she hurried out of the store and shut the door behind her.
Ellie fell back against the wall and hung her head. The woman had added to her sadness and frustration over departing from Joel. Mrs. Wenger was closed off to Ellie. The woman couldn’t even manage a smile in her direction. Why couldn’t she give her credit for returning to the Amish life? Ellie gripped her apron and blinked back tears. She had work to do and pondering this any further wouldn’t change a thing. She didn’t want to appear sad in front of customers.
Two women came in the bakery.
She grinned at them. “Wilkom.”
The women smiled at her.
“Patricia, look at these cherry jam sugar cookies! I’ve never thought of using cherry jam in cookies.” She tapped on the glass. “I’ll take a dozen, please.”
“Diana, I love the flavor of cherry jam. Thank you for pointing them out.” Patricia studied the shelves. “I must have a dozen of those.” She perused the walls then grinned at Ellie. “Your bakery is lovely.” She took a deep breath. “And is so inviting with all the fresh bread, cinnamon, and sugar aromas.”
“Danki for stopping in. I hope you’ll visit us again soon.” She accepted their payment and handed them their wrapped selections.
She watched the kind Englischers leave. They had lifted her mood and brightened her day. A breath of fresh air would be good. She opened the door and scanned the crowded street. Store owners were opening their doors, sweeping their doorsteps, and waving to each other.
She tensed. Joel was across the street chatting with Magdelena Beachy. She groaned. The woman’s beauty had caught her attention the first time she’d gone to Sunday service in Charm. Under her thin white kapp, her coal-black hair complimented her flawless skin and dark brown eyes. She closed the door and ran to the kitchen. “Hannah, kumme here! Kumme to the window with me.”
Hannah followed her. “What’s happened?”
She nodded in Joel’s direction. “Across the street, Joel is talking with Magdelena. Her smile stretches from here to Nappanee as she talks to him. I can’t stand the possibility of him eventually marrying another woman. The terrible thought hadn’t entered my mind until now.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions.”
She toyed with her kapp ribbon. “We met the same way. Then next came friendship and, from there, we were falling in love.”
Hannah chuckled and covered her mouth. “I’m sorry to laugh, but you’re going overboard with your imagination. Joel isn’t going to get over you in one day and take up with another woman the next.”
“Magdelena is available, beautiful, smart, and the ideal Amish woman for him.”
“Everybody’s got habits and opinions others may find annoying. She’s sweet, but she’s too perfect.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s picked something from his sleeve three times since I’ve been watching them, and she’s adjusted the pins in her kapp twice. The woman is a perfectionist.”
�
�You’re attempting to make me laugh. I appreciate it, but it’s not working.”
“She is sweet, but you’ve captured Joel’s heart. I doubt he’s ready to consider someone new.”
“Joel’s somewhat of a perfectionist, although I find the trait attractive. They’re probably perfect for each other.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m going to go mad if I don’t stop letting my mind go there.” She quirked the corner of her mouth. “Earlier, Mrs. Wenger came in and bought tarts and bread. I offered her the tarts at no cost to show kindness. She was nasty to me. I get in trouble by breathing around her.”
“The woman frustrates me with the way she treats you. It’s uncalled for and ridiculous. Ignore her. Maybe with her being so against you and Joel, you’re better off if you aren’t considering a future with him. It’s important for families to get along.”
“I just don’t understand her.”
Hannah guided her from the window to behind the counter. She reached inside the kitchen door and handed Ellie a plate of cookies. “Dwelling on Mrs. Wenger will add to your sadness over Joel, and it won’t accomplish anything. I want to help put some cheer into those bones of yours.” She darted around the corner and presented Ellie with a heart-shaped butter cookie. “Just for you.”
She accepted the gift. “You’re the best, Hannah.”
Hannah nudged her. “So are you.” She handed her a tray of assorted cookies. “Here are more goodies to fill your shelves.” She gasped. “I left white bread in the oven. Maybe for too long!” She dashed to the back room.
The door opened, and Ellie dropped the cookies. She swallowed to wet her dry throat and breathed deep to recover. “Magdelena, um . . . are you looking for anything special?” She hadn’t expected to face the girl so soon after watching her with Joel.
“I came in to get molasses cookies, but I’d better help you first.” She rounded the corner and stooped to pick up the broken cookies. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”
“You’re kind to lend me a hand, but I’ll clean this mess up after you leave.”
Magdelena shook her head. “Nonsense. I’m not in any hurry.”
Ellie dragged over a wooden trash bin, and she and Magdelena threw the pieces in it. “I’ll sweep and get the rest later. Danki. I appreciate your help.”
“Happy to oblige. I’ll take a dozen molasses cookies, if you have enough. Liza’s recipe is the best.” She paid for her purchases. “Ellie, I noticed you and Joel talking a lot after the Sunday service meals. Are you and he planning a future or are you just friends? I ran into him in town, and I plan to ask him to supper unless he’s taken.”
Ellie struggled to answer her. She wanted to tell Magdelena she loved Joel and to please stay away from him. She wouldn’t do such a thing. She had no hold on him. Joel was clear he wouldn’t plan a future with her. She hoped in time he would return to her. She bit her bottom lip. Joel wouldn’t appreciate her pushing Magdelena away from him. She wouldn’t risk being perceived as controlling or unfair. She’d tell her the truth. She swallowed the hurt. “We’re friends.”
Magdelena’s smile couldn’t get any wider. “Danki, Ellie.”
Ellie fell back against the wall behind the counter after Magdelena departed. Magdelena was a perfectionist, all right. The annoying woman had even cleaned up Ellie’s mess. And it was thoughtful of her. The woman couldn’t be friendlier, which made it harder to resent her for being interested in Joel.
Hannah passed through the open doorway from the kitchen. “I had my hands full in the kitchen when I heard you drop the tray of cookies, or I would’ve thrown them away for you. I recognized Magdelena’s voice? Am I right?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“What do you mean?”
“She asked if Joel was available. I had to tell her jah, but I almost choked on my answer. She’s perfect for him. No ugly past, beautiful, smart, polite, and probably for a boatload of other reasons. I find her very likeable. I’m sure he will too.”
“He could’ve pursued her, but he chose you.” Hannah squeezed Ellie’s arm. “Why don’t you go and check on Liza. The trip home might be the distraction you need from Joel.”
“Danki, Hannah. I promise I won’t be long.” She lifted her shawl off the metal hook by the door and crossed the road to the livery. She greeted friends and customers going in and out of the stores, got her buggy, and went home. She waved to her daed working in the garden, and then went inside to the sitting room. “Liza, you’re dressed and up. I’m surprised. How are you?”
Liza sipped her hot tea. “I’m doing much better. Nothing to worry about. I’m sure whatever it was, I’m over it. I kept a biscuit and this tea in my stomach, and I’ll be back to work tomorrow. I’m sorry to leave you and Hannah to run the bakery by yourselves today.”
Ellie batted the air. “Don’t be silly. We’re worried about you. You take it easy. I’ll make supper tonight.”
“Your daed said he’d make eggs, pancakes, and bacon. I believe the man would live on breakfast food for all three meals a day if we’d let him.” She chuckled.
“Jah, he would.”
“How are you doing?” Liza leaned forward and brushed Ellie’s cheek with the back of her fingers.
“I’m heartsick over Joel. I’d give anything to make the pain go away.” She kept her chin down but looked up at Liza. “Magdelena and Joel were laughing and talking in town. I happened to look outside the bakery window and caught them. I can’t stand the thought of him being interested in another woman. And she’s a lovely person.”
“Ellie, he’s going to need time to get over you too. And maybe he’ll find you’re the one for him. These days apart will be sad and upsetting, but you will heal or you’ll get back together. God will make sure of it. In the meantime, we love you and I’m always here to listen.”
“Having you listen and give me advice does help.” She glanced at the clock. “I should get back to the bakery. Hannah might be swamped with customers.” She stood. “I’m relieved you’re better.” She kissed Liza’s cheek.
“Hug Hannah for me.”
“I will. Love you.” Ellie rushed out and went back to work.
Hannah had a line of four customers. “Ellie, I’ll help you wait on customers until I go to the kitchen. We’re almost out of oatmeal cookies.”
“All right. Danki.” Ellie hung up her shawl.
They waited on the customers until the store emptied. Hannah had worried eyes. “How’s Liza?”
“She’s drinking hot tea, and she had a biscuit. Both agreed with her. She’s on the mend and plans to join us tomorrow.”
Hannah grinned. “I’m thankful it’s nothing serious.”
“I’m sorry you got bombarded while I was away.”
“I had one customer at a time until the last few minutes before you came in. Being alone does make me appreciate having you and Liza with me.”
“We make a good crew. I didn’t imagine working at a bakery. I really love it. The aromas, creating new recipes, and, best of all, working with you and Liza. The sheriff and Dr. Harrison keep me entertained each morning, and it’s fun to talk with the customers. Most of them, I should say. Some can be rude.” She pushed a stray hair back in her kapp. “Being here also helps ease the agony of Joel and me parting.”
“I love digging my hands in dough, forming cookie balls, and selling goods people enjoy. I find working here rewarding and fun. Devouring our creations ourselves is even better!” She laughed. “But I’ve got to stop.” She patted her middle. “Or I’m not going to fit in my dresses.”
“Me too!”
“I’m going to the kitchen to bake. You’re much better at the counter than I am. I’m too slow!”
“You do fine.” She watched Hannah go to the back. She couldn’t get her mind off Mrs. Wenger’s earlier visit to the bakery. The woman was like a herd of cows standing in the road. She’d like to grow a civil relationship with Mrs. Wenger. She didn’t relish having ill feelings with anyone. But how could she go about
it?
* * *
Joel bought long nails from the hardware store and avoided the bakery. Ellie had revealed difficult news for him to swallow. She’d been obstinate, disobedient, and rebellious for a while after her mamm’s death. Had he met her then, he wouldn’t have given her any consideration as a potential fraa. The Ellie he knew was sweet, compassionate, kind, and faithful to God. She spoke her mind but in an appropriate manner. The Ellie she’d told him about was the opposite of this.
Right or wrong, she’d accomplished having him fall in love with her before she spilled her true history. He couldn’t shake the fact she’d made bad decisions. No coaxing or prodding. She’d sought to flee to the outside world. The Englischers provided her a way out. She claimed she’d not done anything inappropriate with the men she left with both times. He believed her. She could’ve omitted some of what she’d told him to make it easier on herself, but she’d been honest. He’d asked direct questions, and she’d answered them. He respected her for her honesty, but it was too late . . . or was it? He rubbed his forehead. She wasn’t easy to forget. She still had a hold on his heart.
He ached and couldn’t think straight since their troubling discussion. To pursue her would mean he was ready to accept her past. His family would know it too, reminding him of the pain of what they went through in Lancaster when Maryann left. No wonder his mamm didn’t approve of Ellie, and he was sure she didn’t have all the details. She’d never give him her blessing to pursue Ellie, even if he chose to.
Daed had shown his support of them. He might change his mind once he found out about Ellie’s bad choices. Joel’s happiness with Ellie had been shattered. He’d found women attractive and befriended them but, until Ellie, he hadn’t been interested in any of them enough to pursue them. Ellie was the first woman to capture his heart. She would attend Sunday services and social events. The sight of her would make his heart spin. He dreaded not talking to her and having to work hard to move on. He’d wait a while before telling his parents. He wasn’t sure he could truly let her go.
He went home. His mamm approached him. “You missed Magdelena Beachy and her parents. They’ve invited us to supper Monday evening.”