by Molly Jebber
Magdelena was a pleasant and cheerful woman. She had a slender frame and beautiful dainty features, but he wasn’t interested in anyone but Ellie. He needed time to get over her before he could even think about pursuing another woman. “I’ll decline. I don’t want to give Magdelena the impression I’d be interested in her.”
“She went to the bakery and spoke with Ellie. She left us with six of Liza’s molasses cookies. She said she asked Ellie if you and she were interested in each other. Ellie said you were available.” She squinted and tilted her head. “What happened between you two?”
Daed had joined them. “You were quiet and gloomy this morning. I planned to ask you when you came back from town if everything was all right.”
So much for waiting to tell them about Ellie. “She told me she had left the Amish life twice. Once in Nappanee, Indiana, and again, when she and her daed moved to Charm. I won’t go into the details, but I will not be going to her haus, and she won’t be kumming here.”
Mamm scoffed. “I told you so. The gossips were right about her. You must be angry she deceived you and didn’t tell you earlier.”
“I’m sad more than anything. And, in all fairness, she said she was lost over the grief of her mamm. They were close, and she had a difficult time being reminded of her at every turn. She met a woman in the outside world who helped her heal. She returned to Charm and asked God, the church, family, and friends to forgive her. She’s changed, and she reaffirmed she will never leave the Amish life again.”
Daed wiped his brow with a worn handkerchief. “Joel, I don’t understand. Don’t you believe her? What’s the problem?”
Mamm shifted in her chair to face her husband. “Are you out of your mind? The girl left the Amish life not once, but twice. How could he be sure she would never leave if tragedy struck or for any other reason?”
“She didn’t strike me as a person who would lie. Besides, she told him the truth. It must be difficult for her to expose her past to him. She’s put it behind her and changed.”
Eyes wide, Joel turned to Daed. His revelation shouldn’t surprise him. He had no doubt Daed would receive Maryann with open arms if she returned. He had a forgiving heart and sought the best in everyone until they gave him reason to do otherwise. “I’m hurt she kept it from me this long. I didn’t believe what the gossips and Abigail had insinuated about her. It’s a lot for me to digest. Right now, I won’t be pursuing her.”
“I’ll be upset if you change your mind about Ellie.” Mamm pointed a finger at him. “You’d be dragging us into the gossips’ conversations if you were to resume your pursuit of her. I had enough of the gossips talking about us when Maryann left. Surely, you wouldn’t put us through it again. There are plenty of other women available, such as Magdelena.”
Daed wagged a finger. “The gossips are wrong to prattle on about townsfolks’ mistakes. The bishop has spoken on this subject, targeted at those who participate in such discussions, asking them to stop. I don’t pay the gossips any mind.”
“You may not, but I do. You’re gullible.” Her forehead furrowed. “I’m protecting our son from future heartache. You should agree with my counsel. I wish you’d told me this before I went to the bakery today. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to lay eyes on Ellie, but she waited on me. She offered me free tarts, and I turned them down. She can’t do anything to get in my good graces. I’m glad you came to your senses, Joel.” She whisked away from them and left the front room.
Joel opened the door for Daed, and they stepped outside onto the porch.
Joel crossed his arms against his chest. “Mamm shouldn’t be rude to Ellie. Ellie was kind to offer her free desserts. Mamm is going overboard to show her dislike for her.” He shook his head. “She’s never going to accept Ellie, and maybe my ending things with her is best for all concerned.”
Daed rested a hand on his shoulder. “Mamm is angry at the world over Maryann’s leaving. She thinks of Maryann as vulnerable and needing her. She excuses her leaving and blames the Englischer Maryann married.”
“I understand Mamm rationalizes Maryann’s faults because she’s her dochder. I don’t have patience for her criticizing Ellie at every turn.”
“Ellie is the easiest target for her to focus her anger on.” He placed a hand on Joel’s arm. “I can tell by your demeanor you’re struggling to stand by your decision to distance yourself from Ellie. I believe she has a stronghold on your heart. Pray and seek God’s guidance. Maryann didn’t return to us. Ellie repented and came back to her family and the Amish life. Take her at her word.” He left Joel and stepped inside the barn.
Joel walked the fields and checked the status of the crops. His happy life had turned to one of turmoil and distress. Mamm would no doubt become his matchmaker again if Magdelena’s supper invitation was any indication, and it was the last thing he wanted her to do.
Daed’s opinion had shocked him into questioning his abrupt response to sever ties with Ellie.
Hours later, he joined his parents for supper. Steam rose off the bowl of fried potatoes, and the scent of cinnamon on hot apples on top of the ham made his mouth water. He’d lost his appetite until now. “Mamm, I’m hungry. This meal looks good.”
“Danki. Now I expect you to join us at the Beachys’ Monday evening. Understood?”
He chose not to argue. “Understood, but please don’t encourage Magdelena or her parents about me and her.”
“You don’t have any idea what’s good for you. Sometimes a mamm has to intervene on her child’s behalf and nudge them along a bit. Don’t worry. I’ve got your best interest at heart.”
“Mamm, please. I mean it. I’m confused. I may choose to pursue Ellie again, and if I do, it’s my decision and not yours. I’m taking time to sort everything out in my mind. Please honor my request.”
“You need my advice, whether you like it or not. Now, don’t give her another thought. Listen to your mamm.” She put up a hand. “Enough said on the matter.”
Daed shook his head. “Let’s have a peaceful supper. And, Fraa, don’t disregard what Joel is telling you. He’s a grown man.”
She scoffed but didn’t comment.
Joel hurried to empty his plate, bid his parents good night, and went to his room. Ellie’s laugh and the way she gazed into his eyes and hung on his every word made him feel like the most attractive man on earth. He loved her slender fingers, dainty hands, and the softness of her lips on his when he kissed her. He missed her.
He’d assumed she’d been innocent and followed the Amish rules. It was the impression he’d construed from her kind attitudes and compassion for him, her family, and their friends. Guilt, foolishness, and love mixed together confused him. He could forgive her, but could he really let go of her past and trust her?
He’d avoid her as much as possible until he’d had time to kumme to a definite conclusion. This Sunday was their off day from a service. He’d stay at home and rest. The next Sunday would present a challenge not to stare at Ellie’s beautiful face and overcome the need to speak to her.
His next dilemma would be making sure he didn’t give Magdelena the wrong idea about why he would attend supper with her family.
* * *
Joel built a new chicken coop and outhaus and tended to the animals for the rest of the week. No service yesterday had forced him to rest and forestalled an awkward encounter with Ellie, but he longed to talk to her. He rolled his tense shoulders back. He’d dreaded Monday kumming, but here it was, and he was going to supper at Magdelena’s. He blew out a frustrated breath. Ellie’s face was ever present on his mind. He’d give anything to have a moment’s peace from his tormented heart.
Mamm called out to him. “Joel, time to get washed up and ready to go. Husband of mine, you too.”
Joel accompanied his daed to the haus. “I’m not happy about this.”
“There’s no getting out of it now. We’ll have a pleasant time. I’m looking forward to getting to know them. They’ve been friendly at the Sund
ay services. You can be cordial to Magdelena, and if she presses you, tell her in polite terms you aren’t interested.”
He nodded and got ready to go. An hour later, they traveled to the Beachys’.
Magdelena met them at the door, along with a little redheaded girl.
“Kumme in.” She introduced him to her schweschder, Charity, and her parents. “Please sit and make yourselves comfortable.”
Charity stared at him with her big green eyes and held a forefinger to her lips. Her shy smile added to her charm. He guessed her age around five.
Mamm stood. “Let me help.”
Magdelena hooked her arm through Mamm’s. “You can help me set the table.”
Charity padded behind them.
Joel listened to the men discuss their work on the farms. He nodded when it was appropriate. He couldn’t shake his frustration and sadness over Ellie. She had raised grave concerns. She suffered a great loss, went through a rebellious time to overcome her grief, and then returned to God. He clasped his hands tight. He couldn’t make a mistake in who he chose for a fraa. Divorce wasn’t an option for him if Ellie should leave if they experienced a traumatic incident.
“Joel, Son, I asked you a question.” Daed shook his arm.
His cheeks heated. He sat up straight. “I’m sorry. My thoughts drifted elsewhere for a minute.”
“It’s all right.” Daed rubbed his back. “Tell Mr. Beachy about the things you build in the workshop.”
He leaned forward. “When time permits, I like to handcraft wooden boxes of various shapes and sizes to store potatoes, vegetables, or other items.”
“Call me Mark, and I admire your talent. I repair things, but I don’t have the knack for woodworking.”
Mrs. Beachy came in. “Supper’s ready.”
“Let’s go, men. I’m hungry.” Mark ushered them to the kitchen.
Charity tugged on Joel’s pant leg. “Will you sit by me?”
He grinned and took the seat next to her. “I’d be honored.”
She beamed. “Danki.”
Magdelena pulled out the chair and sat on his other side. “I hope you’ll stay long enough for us to take a walk and chat later.”
Mamm spread her napkin on her lap. “Of course we will.”
Joel’s stomach churned. Magdelena was beautiful and charming, but Ellie had a firm grip on his heart.
Daed darted a glance at Joel and back to Magdelena. “We don’t want to overstay our wilkom, and Joel and I have to get up earlier than usual to start our day tomorrow on the farm.” Daed took an exaggerated deep breath. “Mrs. Beachy, you have cooked enough food for a king, and it all looks delicious.”
“Call me Bernice.”
Joel could’ve bolted over the table and kissed his daed. He had done his best to rescue him. He didn’t miss Mamm’s pinched lips and hard stare at her husband. Joel didn’t want to cause trouble, but he was glad to have his daed’s support.
Mark said a prayer for the food and passed his fraa the first plate. “Joel, my dochder is a fine cook, and she’ll make a good fraa to a man one day. I suggest you consider her before some other gentleman snatches her up.”
Bernice bobbed her head and took a bite of the chicken she’d prepared in a light broth.
Joel struggled to swallow the sip of water he’d taken. The man was forthright in why they’d been invited. The reason he shouldn’t have kumme. Why had he let his mamm talk him into this? “This meal is delicious.” He cleared his throat and took a drink of water.
Magdelena blushed and gave him a bashful smile.
Charity giggled and held a hand to her mouth.
Daed scooped another helping of stewed tomatoes onto his plate. “Mark, please tell us about raising cattle. I’ve thought about it, but I’d have a lot to learn first.”
Again, his daed had intervened on his behalf. He was blessed to have such a thoughtful man for a daed.
Joel nodded. “Jah, I’m interested too.”
“I’d love to share my experience with you. It is quite a process.”
Joel listened to the man during supper give details about how to raise cattle. He enjoyed Mark’s talk and was relieved he didn’t push Joel any further about his intentions toward his dochder.
Bernice rose and removed an empty serving plate from the table. “You men take your discussion to the sitting room, and, Magdelena, grab your shawl and show Joel the property.”
“Can I go?” Charity stared at her mamm with pleading eyes.
“You stay in the kitchen or sitting room. You can play with your dolls.”
Joel shrugged. “I don’t mind if she joins us.”
Charity would provide a wilkom distraction from having any serious discussion with Magdelena.
Magdelena gave him a curt shake of the head. “Charity, you stay here.”
“Please. Joel said he wants me to go.”
Bernice turned on her heel. “Charity, you are not going with them.”
“Oh, all right.” She pouted and lifted her doll out of the wooden cradle in the corner of the room. “Is Peter your friend, Joel?”
Joel grinned at the child. “Jah, he’s a good friend.”
“I like him. I like his schweschder too. She’s pretty. Is she your friend too?”
Joel froze. All eyes were on him. Charity’s question about Peter hadn’t phased him. Her inquiry about Ellie had prickled the hairs on his arms. “Jah, I’m friends with the Graber family.”
Magdelena pulled her shawl tight around her shoulders. “Let’s go. Shall we?”
He rose.
Charity waved to them and wore a pitiful look of rejection.
He was half tempted to reach for her hand and take her with them. Not a good idea. He shouldn’t disrespect Magdelena or her mamm. He waved back to the sweet little girl and dragged his feet to the door and opened it. He followed her outside. The fall evening air was cool but not uncomfortable in his heavier wool shirt. “Are you warm enough with your shawl?”
“I’m fine. Danki.” She scanned the land. “Daed and his men do a good job managing our property, and raising cattle was a good decision.” She sat on the weathered hardwood bench outside the barn. “Sit with me.”
Joel picked up a stick from the ground and toyed with it. He wasn’t in the mood for any serious conversation, and she no doubt had questions. She’d had to have noticed him with Ellie at the after-service meals.
“You’ve not paid me any attention, and you appear to have other things on your mind. I had hoped this might be the first of many times we’d spend together. Tell me what’s bothering you. Maybe I can help.”
Beautiful and caring, she would be a wonderful woman for him to consider pursuing, but he wasn’t the one for her. Until he could reconcile what to do about Ellie, he wouldn’t open himself up to Magdelena or any other woman.
“I don’t want to give you the wrong impression as to why I came to supper. I came to encourage a friendship between our parents.” He held up his palms. “It’s not you. You’re everything any man would be blessed to consider for a potential fraa.” He looked away. “It’s no secret Ellie and I were getting acquainted and our friendship was growing.” He diverted his gaze to the horse grazing in the corral. “She told me something upsetting, and our relationship ended. I need more time before I can move on with another woman.”
She frowned and folded her hands in her lap. “Ellie and I talked. She said you were friends.” She sighed. “It’s obvious by the way you’re acting, you two are more than friends.”
Joel dropped the stick and stood. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Our parting was recent. It’s been hard since we had our difficult conversation. I’m not sure where things with Ellie and me will end up.”
Magdelena nodded and rose. She crossed her arms. “Was this her decision or yours?”
“Mine. I’m not sure I did the right thing.” He shuffled his feet. “I shouldn’t be discussing Ellie with you.”
“I’ve heard from the gossips abou
t her past, but I’ve also witnessed her change of heart to commit to the Amish life and God. If you’re judging her based on her mistakes, I’d be disappointed in you.”
Magdelena was straightforward in her support of Ellie. Not at all what he’d expected in a woman he thought was interested in him.
He kicked the stick he’d dropped and flexed his hands. “It’s not easy for me.”
She narrowed her eyes and moved her hands to her hips. “It shouldn’t be hard for you, Joel. You still care about her, don’t you?”
He closed his eyes and nodded.
“Then don’t let her go. Leah has told me Ellie isn’t the same girl she met when her family first moved here. She’s serious about her decision to obey God and Amish law, and she’s been as good as her word. I trust Leah and Ellie. You should too.”
His throat constricted. Magdelena, Leah, and others were accepting and happy about Ellie’s change. She was defending the woman he loved, and he’d pushed Ellie away. Magdelena’s wise advice had penetrated his heart. He had been thinking about this all wrong.
“You surprise me, Magdelena.”
“I don’t want a man who’s in love with another woman, and I like Ellie. I invited you here to find out where the two of you really stood. I’d like nothing better than the two of you reconciling your differences.”
He smiled. “You’re going to make a man very happy one day. If I didn’t care about Ellie, I’d have been interested to find out if I was that man.”
“Danki, Joel.” She hugged herself. “Let’s go inside. I’m chilly, and Charity will never forgive me if I don’t let her have time with you.”
The little girl had startled him with her comments about Ellie. Kinner said whatever was on their minds. He guessed he shouldn’t be surprised. He liked Charity’s dimpled cheeks and the impish gleam she had in her eyes. “She’s adorable.”
Magdelena laughed. “Most of the time.”
They went inside and played checkers with Charity.
Daed tapped him on the shoulder a half hour later. “Is your game about over? It’s time for us to go home.”