Before We Say Goodbye

by Michelle Pennington

  “This morning’s charter got rained out. I should have known you’d be in here trying to get those shoes.”

  As he talked, my eyes had zeroed in on the sublime masculine beauty of his strong jaw since I was at the perfect angle to appreciate it. And then moved to his lips. And only then did I realize how awkward it was to be laying on his bed for this conversation, so I sat up quickly.

  Then, holy fantasy moment, I found myself literally inches away from his lips.

  Our eyes met and my skin flushed like I’d gotten too close to a wildfire. His warm breath tickled my skin, which oddly made chill bumps break out all over my arms.

  I was supposed to be saying something. Arguing with him. Playing it cool. “Yes. So why bother trying to keep them away from me?”

  He grinned. “Because you’re a brat. So you won’t get them back any time soon.”

  Before I could argue further, he grabbed my hand and straightened, tugging me up off his bed in one smooth movement.

  “I’m getting them back right now.”

  But I was no match for Tate when it came to physical contests. He simply looped his arm around my waist again and carried me out the door. He sat me down in the hallway and said, “No. You’re not.”

  “I will as soon as your back is turned.”

  Then he stripped off his rain-soaked t-shirt, which effectively paralyzed my lungs because Tate was all bronzed shoulders and tanned, taut torso. “You can try, Katie-bug,” he taunted right before shutting the door in my face.

  I kicked his door, just to be as bratty as he said I was, and heard him laugh on the other side.

  Dang it.

  But as I went to the kitchen to get breakfast, I felt way more cheerful than I should have.

  Growing up, I had spent so much time at Piper’s house that it was basically my second home. My mom and dad were divorced and I was an only child. With my Mom working nights as a nurse and sleeping during the day, I would have had a lonely life if I hadn’t had my second family. And my cereal options would have been more limited as well. My mom only believed in having one box of healthy granola. The Collins’ pantry always had at least six boxes at all times, ranging from healthy to pure sugary nonsense. And I’ve always been a fan of nonsense.

  As I poured a bowl of Fruit Loops with rainbow marshmallows, Piper came into the kitchen.

  Now here’s the thing. Piper sleeps like a hibernating bear, but once she wakes up, she is fully awake.

  As I carried my brimming, heaped up bowl over to the little breakfast nook in front of the kitchen window, she slapped down a pad of paper with a pen on it. “It’s time to make a list.”

  Piper was always making lists. I had marshmallows to eat in the right order. First all the rainbows. Then all the stars.

  “I’m putting Quin Presley on there just because he’s always had a crush on you. And Alex Little, even though he just broke up with his girlfriend because he kind of seems like your type and might enjoy a bit of rebound smooching. And there’s always Zane.”

  I stopped chewing in shock as I realized what kind of list she was making, especially since Tate chose that minute to come into the kitchen.

  “Rebound smooching? Kat’s type?” he asked, sounding only vaguely curious as he got out a box of Frosted Mini Wheats.

  It would only take one false move before Tate figured out what was going on and roasted me under the full flame of his wicked teasing. Which is why I completely froze and said nothing.

  Piper, of course, had zero reasons to keep quiet. “I’m making a list of possible candidates to give Kat her first kiss.” She thumped her pencil on the paper. “This would be easier if you actually had a crush on someone. Are you sure you don’t?”

  Like a deer in the headlights, I swallowed my cereal and said. “Positive. I don’t like anybody.”

  She frowned. “Well, I hope that means you won’t be too picky.”

  Why couldn’t I just come right out and tell her that I didn’t want her help with this?

  Tate had filled his bowl with cereal but hadn’t poured milk in it yet because he was too busy staring at me. “I think I need to see that list.”

  Holy cow. No.

  Moving as fast as I could, which admittedly wasn’t that fast, I lunged over the table and pulled the pad of paper away from Piper. As I did so, I sloshed half-soggy fruit loops all over it. “Oh man,” I said, tearing off the soggy top sheet. “That’s a shame.”

  Feeling almost cocky, I wadded it up in my fist until several drops of milk ran through my fingers. As I dropped it in the trashcan, I looked Tate square in the eye, shrugged, and went back to my seat. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a problem pulling it out and flopping it back open on the counter. He flicked a pink marshmallow off and read it.

  “Come on, Piper. You can do better than this for our Katie-Bug.”

  Ugh! I hated when he called me that—mostly because he said it in just the right tone of mockery to make me want to smack him.

  “Oh yeah?” she asked, crossing her arms. “Who do you suggest?”

  Tate poured milk in his bowl and in a tone as bland as his cereal said. “I could do it.”

  He wasn’t even looking at me and didn’t sound very interested, but I was one hundred percent ready to take him up on it. Piper, however, made a gagging sound. “Yeah, no thanks. I wouldn’t do that to her.”

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  Piper glared at him. “I want it to be romantic for one thing. And for another, how awkward would that be? My best friend and my brother? Kissing? Not in a million years. Come on, Kat. Let’s go back to my room.”

  Sigh. And this was why I had kept my crush on Tate a secret for the last three years.

  As I went to the sink to rinse out my bowl, I carefully avoided Tate’s eyes as he leaned against the counter eating.

  “Just say the word,” he said softly, too softly for Piper to hear since she was already halfway down the hall.

  For a second, just one, I pictured myself saying, “Kiss me,” and having Tate lean over and press his perfect lips against mine in a cereal-sweetened kiss. But, yeah, that belonged in the same realm as winning the lottery and my parents falling in love again.

  So, instead, I made a stink face and said, “The only thing I want from you is my shoes.” And for emphasis, I knocked his arm so his spoonful of cereal flew up in his face.

  And because I had years of experience messing with Tate, I ran away before he could get revenge.

  Chapter Three

  Since I wanted nothing to do with Piper and her plotting, I didn’t stay long at her house. Besides, my mom had been really sweet to let me stay out with my friends after graduation, and I knew she wanted me to come home early since she had the weekend off.

  When I got home though, she was still asleep. Shrugging, I went to shower and get dressed for the day. Since I had the time, I curled my hair—something I’d been getting better at. Today, I decided to try a new technique with my flat iron, which actually took forever and not the ten minutes like the tutorial I watched. By the time I was done, I heard signs of my mom stirring in her room, which was on the other side of my wall.

  Feeling strange with all this weird new pressure in my life, I wondered if talking to her might help. She was funny—sometimes too tired and distracted to focus much on what I was saying and sometimes way too focused. I wondered what today would be.

  Hoping for the best, I went into the kitchen and made my mom her favorite coffee. As I stepped into her room with it, I had to pause to let my eyes adjust to the darkness even though it was noon. She kept room-darkening curtains over the window to help her sleep and had even given me the bedroom with the best view because she was rarely awake to even enjoy it during the day. In fact, her room was the only dim room in our modern apartment with all it’s big, sunny windows. Sometimes, it was even too bright. With the door open, I was able to make it across the carpet without tripping over her uniform and
shoes that she’d dropped in the middle of the floor and safely set the coffee down on her bedside table.

  For a second, she didn’t move. She had a noise machine playing rainstorm sounds and a sleep mask over her eyes, but the scent of coffee finally penetrated her deep sleep.

  “Mmmm…are you wanting me to get up?” she asked in a drowsy mumble.

  “I thought you already were. I heard you in the bathroom a minute ago.”

  “I had to pee, but I’m still exhausted.” She sighed, and I thought for sure she’d fall back to sleep, but she pulled off her mask and blinked against the light behind me. “Okay, okay. I’m getting up. We have things to do today.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. Go back to sleep.”

  But she’d already swung her legs off the side of the bed and stretched. She combed through her short, pixie-cut brown hair and said, “No. I don’t have much time left with you and I’m sure not going to waste it.”

  “You know… I don’t have to go to college. I could just live here with you forever.” Did I sound hopeful or desperate?

  “Sounds like a great plan.” She might be drowsy, but her sarcasm was on point.

  I just chuckled. “It does to me. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  While I waited, I turned on my summer playlist with my Bluetooth speaker and danced while I unloaded the dishwasher. It was a chore I loved—something Piper didn’t understand—but I liked sorting all the cups and plates and bowls into their correct place. There were never many dishes unless one of us had friends over, and today was no different so it only took me a few minutes.

  Next, I moved through the apartment and out onto the balcony watering our potted palms and flowers. I stopped for a minute outside and leaned against the railing that faced the ocean. We paid more in rent to have a little bit of an ocean view, but it was totally worth it. I hadn’t grown up with a back yard to play in and we’d moved a lot as mom made more money and could afford nicer places, but I’d always considered myself lucky to grow up near the beach.

  The weather in Florida changed constantly. Even after the crazy storm this morning, the afternoon was now only overcast, and I could see signs of the clouds moving off to let the sun come out. I wondered if Tate and his Dad would be able to get a half-day charter to help cover their lost job that morning. Probably. There were always tourists trying to find something to do last minute, even before the big summer rush started.

  Had he really meant what he’d said earlier? That I just had to say the word and he’d kiss me? My insides felt like fizzy, bubbly soda at the thought.

  What about his girlfriend? I was pretty sure he hadn’t broken up with her yet. Anyway, I hadn’t heard that he had. But maybe that showed how little he cared about her…or any of them. And it was a good reminder that I shouldn’t get tangled up with him anyway.

  As if he would ever be interested in a stick-figure girl with freckles and swampy-green eyes.

  Mom came up behind me and ran her hands through my hair. “Wow. This is getting really long. Do you want to get it cut?”

  “No,” I said absently. “I like having it long for the summer. It’s easier to keep it back in a bun or ponytail. And ever since I watched all those tutorials on fixing hair for prom, I like messing with it. I’m starting to get kind of good too.”

  “You are. It looks really pretty.” She continued to comb her fingers through it. It felt nice—comforting. Then she ruined it all. “What are you thinking about?”

  And just like that, I tensed up again. “Oh, Piper has decided that I need to kiss someone this summer.”

  “Oh, really? Well, tell Piper to leave you alone. There’s no reason to kiss someone just for the sake of kissing. It should mean something.”

  See? There was that wise perspective I needed. “I know. That’s mostly why I haven’t kissed anyone before now. But I also kind of want to just get it over with, you know? And it’s just making me a bigger weirdo the longer it takes.”

  “So you want to kiss someone then?”

  Oh man, did I ever. “Yes.”

  “A particular someone, or just anyone?”

  Eek. I didn’t know how to answer that without baring my soul. “That’s what I was trying to figure out. Mom, why do you think no guy has ever shown much interest in me? I mean, a few have, but not really. And not for long. I don’t think there’s anything majorly wrong with me except that I don’t have many curves…but neither does Piper and guys go for her all the time. And I don’t think she’s that much prettier than I am.”

  My mom frowned and shook her head. “Definitely not. You’re both beautiful.”

  I sighed and emptied the watering can over the edge of the railing, careful not to get it on the striped beach towel someone had hung out to dry on the railing under ours. “Maybe it’s a personality thing.”

  “Or maybe,” she said, following me back inside, “It’s just that you haven’t had the right moment with the right person yet.”

  That made me laugh. “Well, I guess Piper has had a lot of right moments with right guys.”

  My mom frowned. “Or a lot of wrong ones, which can be worse. Don’t compare yourself to Piper or anyone else. Look at you! You graduated at the top of your class, you got accepted to the University of Florida, and in no time, you’ll have a great summer job.”

  My eyebrow lifted in grim amusement. “That was subtle, Mom.”

  She grinned. “Wasn’t it? I thought you and I could hit the outlet mall after lunch. I can shop and you can fill out more applications.”

  “Okay,” I answered in a dramatic tone. I’d already reluctantly filled out three or four applications but hadn’t heard back from any of them. Which I didn’t hate. I knew that with tourist season starting, however, all the businesses around here would need more staff. “But I’ll have a harder time getting that first kiss if I’m working all the time.”

  “Perfect. Let’s go!”

  By the end of the afternoon, my mom came home with a new water bottle from her favorite kitchen store, a new set of scrubs with a seahorse print, and a new swimsuit that made me wonder if she was looking for a little romance of her own. I came home with a dozen applications to fill out and a migraine. Luckily mom agreed to pick up sushi for dinner so neither of us had to cook.

  After popping a few Advil, I hugged my mom and headed outside. I needed some time to think.

  The beach was only a three-minute walk from our apartment complex, so in no time, I had my toes deep in the powder soft sand. The top layer was hot from the sun, but packed hard and mottled from the morning’s rain where it hadn’t been sifted by other feet. But as my feet sank deeper with each step, it was cool and silky. The constant breeze that swept inland from the gulf caressed my skin, humid and salty. I knew if I licked my lips, I would taste it.

  It was seven-thirty, so the sunset had almost died away and the beach was almost deserted. Since the surf was high from the storms, I settled into the sand far enough back that there was no way the water would reach me. I didn’t feel like walking home with wet, sandy shorts scratching my legs.

  As usual when I stayed long enough, I found my center again. Something about the scale of nature—the vastness of the sky and sea—made my problems and stresses ease away. It’s weird that feeling inconsequential would be exactly what I needed, but it was.

  Did it really matter in the scheme of the universe if I kissed Tate or if he rejected me? Or if Piper got freaked out at me for trying?

  Even if things went horribly wrong, I doubted I would care too much about it when I was twenty-five or thirty or fifty. But I had a feeling I would regret it if I didn’t try.

  Just like I knew I would regret leaving for school before I even knew what I wanted to do with my life, but there was no way I was rocking that boat.

  Chapter Four

  Filling out job applications was not fun. By ten o’clock the next morning, though, I had them all ready to drop off again except the ones that I’d submitted online.

  Ready
to move on and have fun before I had to go to work, I put on a white and a blue linen top, braided my hair, and went to drop them off. I had a terrible feeling that I’d be getting calls with job offers by the next day.

  I wasn’t being arrogant. Our town has such a hard time finding enough people to staff all the restaurants, stores, and attractions when tourism season starts that most businesses hire international workers in on visas. Local people who speak English as a first language are in high demand, even teenagers without much work experience. Too bad, because I would have loved for the whole process to take longer so I’d have more time to spend at the beach.

  As I dropped off the last one at a kids’ clothing store, I skillfully sidestepped the manager’s hints that I could start working on the spot. “I’m so sorry,” I told the frizzy-haired lady with frantic eyes. “I have a prior obligation. I’ll look forward to hearing back from you though.”

  “Well then, I’ll be in touch.”

  I forced a smile. “Great.”

  When I stepped out of the cool store into the burning hot air, I got a text from Piper wondering where I was.

  Me: Dropping off job applications.

  Piper: Meet me at the harbor? Hot guy!

  Ugh. I didn’t want to meet this guy, whoever he was. Because I was pretty sure she didn’t mean her brother, even though he could be down there if his boat was in. I was going to excuse myself, but then I saw the time and realized that if Tate and his Dad had taken out a six-hour fishing charter, they’d be getting back soon. Plus, my favorite snow cone place was down there.

  Me: See you in ten.

  When I got down to the docks, Piper was waiting for me next to her dad’s boat slip. “There you are. Come on.”

  I rolled my eyes but trailed along behind her. “I don’t want to meet anyone.”

  “Oh yeah? Then why did you come down here?”

  I pointed at the snow cone shack. “Why do you think?”

  “You already know Wyatt?”

  “Wyatt who?”

  Piper laughed and shook her head. “Wyatt the snow cone guy.”