"I do. I'll call her now. Don't worry, Ellie. It's just about work. Did it freak you out?"
"Yeah. We're all sitting here reading books because we're scared of the world now."
I hesitated, unable to tell if she was kidding. "Really?"
"No." She giggled her head off. "It was cool to meet an FBI agent."
I chuckled and Mira rubbed soft circles around my stomach. "Is Robbie home?"
"Yep. He and Daniel are here. Finn and Olivia left. Riley is still here."
"Make good choices, Ellie."
"I am. Bye, Beej."
"Bye." I hung up and turned to Mira. "I have to make a work call, baby."
"Everything okay?" she asked, standing with me when I did, her hands on my middle.
"Not sure. One of the FBI agents showed up at my house, but didn't call me."
Her brow furrowed and she nodded. "Want me to come with you?"
"It's okay. I'll go outside for a minute." I kissed her quickly and she smiled.
"Okay."
I headed outside to the courtyard of the building a few yards from Saoirse's door, and dialed Donovan's number. My heart pounded in my chest despite the fact that I knew she would've called me if it was an emergency.
"How many kids do you actually have, Olsen? Were you busy as a teenager?" She answered with her usual snark.
"C'mon, Donovan. Why'd you freak out my siblings?"
"Also, Stiles' daughter was chilling on your sofa. Did you know?"
"What? Olivia is Stiles' kid?" I dropped down to sit on the stone bench as surprise coursed through me.
"Yup. She was pretty surprised to see me, too."
"Shit."
"Yep."
"So why are you stalking me at ten at night on a Saturday?" I asked, leaning my elbows on my knees.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. Where are you?"
"At my girlfriend's house. Why can't you tell me over the phone?"
"It comes across better in person. I'll be right there."
"How do you know where my girlfriend lives?"
"I put a tracker on your phone," she said.
I pulled my phone away from my ear, glaring at it for a second before I said, "Asshole."
Donovan laughed. "Your sister gave me the address. It's not far from mine. Be there in twenty."
"Okay." I hung up and pocketed my phone with a sigh.
I returned to Mira and again. She urged me into her lap and I draped my arms around her neck.
"Your face says you have bad news," she said, her crimson lips curving into a gentle pout.
"I do. I have to go, baby. Agent Donovan is meeting me here in twenty minutes." I brushed my thumb over her lips and she leaned into my touch. "You can stay here and I'll call you when I get back."
"Stay, Mimi," urged Denise. "We've got loads more wine."
"Yeah." Tasha rubbed her hands together. "We haven't even broken into the basic bitch Moscato yet."
Mira laughed, though her thick bottom lip remained. "Will you come back to my place after?"
"I will." I leaned down to kiss her gently and she stroked my cheek. Lap sitting was new for us and definitely new for me. I didn't hate it at all, and it fell in line with my newfound desire to be held by her. I stood and Mira joined me, holding my hand as I said goodnight to Saoirse and the other women, before walking me to the door.
"Is it bad?" asked Mira, bringing my hand to her lips for a kiss.
"I'm not sure. FBI agents hunting me down isn't usually the most wonderful thing, but she didn't say why. If I'm not back by morning, will you check in with Eleanor and Robert for me?" I shifted my position when she urged me to stand in front of her, and laced my fingers behind her neck.
"I will, honey." She caught me in a firm kiss, her hands on my middle. "Thank you for encouraging me to come here tonight. It's been pretty good."
"I'm glad." I stroked her cheeks and she smiled. "I'm also glad you're going to hang out longer. Enjoy yourself. I'm going to head to your place and change. I'll text you when I leave."
"Okay. I love you," she said, pulling me into a hug.
"I love you, too, baby." I kissed her again before breaking away. Painful tendrils of attachment dangled between us as I walked off down the path toward the taller portion of the complex and Mira's apartment. I glanced back to see her watching me until we were both out of sight.
After a quick change out of leggings and a sweatshirt, to black jeans and my gear belt, I made my way out front of the building to wait for Donovan to pull into the circular drive. I glanced at my phone, noting it'd already been half an hour. Just as my mourning for the loss of my night with Mira hit its height, a black SUV pulled into the complex. I stood there until Donovan rolled down the passenger side window. In the seat, sat a fair woman with feathery blonde hair. She looked familiar to me and when she smiled, I nearly started.
"Shit. You're Maya's cousin."
She laughed, nodding. "Hi, Billie."
"You look just like her. My God." I gripped my chest, then looked around her to Donovan. "You brought your girlfriend to work?"
"Technically, I planned to come up and talk to you inside but since you're here, get in."
I pulled open the back door and climbed in. "What's going on?"
"I wanted to talk to you about something. Let me park first." She drove around the building toward the parking garage and pulled into one of the visitor spaces.
"You made me change my clothes for nothing?" I asked while she cut the engine, and released her seatbelt. "Also, how's Maya, Nora?"
"She's okay. On an undercover assignment right now."
"Undercover? But she's a patrol officer…"
"They needed someone who could play a younger girl. Maya's it." Nora turned in her seat, pulling her knee up to her chest. I noticed she wore a casual pair of flannel pajama pants, and under her black jacket, a gray thermal top.
"Yeah. I could see that. Did you steal your girlfriend out of bed, Donovan?" I nodded in Nora's direction.
"I turned her ass a pretty shade of pink first." Donovan reached over and stroked her knuckle down Nora's cheek. She melted into her touch, and I noted a small visible shiver.
"I can't tell if you're kidding, but either way, T.M.I." I held my hand up and they laughed.
"Not kidding, for the record," said Donovan, a wicked grin on her face. "Right, kitten?"
"Right." Nora smiled at her, leaning her chin on her knee.
"So, you brought me here to show off your girlfriend or what? Because I had to leave mine for whatever you wanted," I said, frustration tangling my tone.
"Well, technically I wanted to meet your girlfriend, show off mine, and talk to you about something. Looks like I'm only getting two of my three wishes." She snapped her fingers and I looked to Nora.
"Can you get a handle on her, please? I might hit her."
Nora snickered and mushed her hand in Donovan's face. "Get to the point already."
"Ack. Bully." She sputtered and licked Nora's palm before tugging her hand away. Donovan leaned into the back and grabbed her messenger bag off the seat. "First, have you seen the papers lately?"
"No. I avoid the news. Why?"
She opened her bag, pulled out a folded newspaper article and held it to me. I opened it and immediately saw the headline, The Legend of Billie Jean: Seattle P.D. Detective Captures Serial Killer. "Jesus Christ," I spat, flopping back in the seat. "Are you kidding me? Who gave them this story with my name?"
"It's not a secret when a serial of this capacity is captured in such an unusual way," said Nora, to my surprise and my brow furrowed.
"Are you a cop?"
"Former FBI. Current psychologist."
"Did Donovan bring you in case I lost my shit?" I asked, sighing as I scanned the article. "I hate this kind of attention, Donovan."
"Nope. I wanted to tag along to catch a glimpse of my cousin's ex-girlfriend," teased Nora.
"It's been like eight years. We're barely a blip on e
ach others' radar." I set the article in my lap and looked to Donovan again. "Why am I really here?"
"Because," she said, shoving a thick white folder with the blue and gold FBI seal on the front. "I want you to read through this."
I opened the folder and a recruitment letter lay on top, signed by Donovan and Wilkinson. It cited the reasons why they felt I would make a good recruit to join the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the Seattle Field Office. My stomach swirled and I swallowed the nauseous feeling that rose in my throat. They allowed me my time to react, as I fingered through the pages.
"Wilkinson is retiring next year and I'm taking his position as the lead of our team. I want to fill my former position with someone I can trust who has good instincts and a kind heart," she said, her voice softening away from its usual sarcasm to seriousness that I didn't expect. "I've been searching for the right person for six months, and then here you are, working your way through unravelling a sleeper cell and catching a serial killer right in front of my eyes."
"All of that was a fluke, Donovan. I'm on a team. It wasn't anything special—"
"You look at things differently, Olsen. I need someone who looks at things differently and who leads with her heart and follows her gut. Especially in these circumstances."
"I can't just…accept this. I can't go traveling around the country catching killers and putting my life at risk every day. I have a family I need to take care of…"
"I thought you might say that. The position is largely based in the Seattle field office, with some travelling statewide for the most part. Our unit isn't a big travelling one. We focus on Washington."
"Still…being away from home for long periods—"
"We can work on keeping you generally local, Olsen. It's all negotiable." Donovan drew her gaze from me to Nora. She offered her a soft smile then looked to me.
"Caroline isn't away for more than a few days at a time, maybe once or twice a month. If that's any consolation," said Nora.
"I don't know. I can't just…accept this, Donovan. My job is secure. I've been there for almost fifteen years. I can't just go off to Quantico for months for training. I just…I don't know." My eyes stung with the emotions I fought to keep under wraps. "I don't know."
"I don't need an answer tonight, Olsen. I want you to take all of this and think about it." Donovan placed her hand on top of the folder, and I held my breath while I met her gaze. Her soft expression settled me some and I let out a shaky exhale. "Just think about it."
I nodded, glancing from her to Nora who offered me a supportive nod.
"Okay." My voice cracked and I tucked the newspaper article into the folder. "Can I go?"
"Yes. I haven't told anyone other than Wilkinson about my intent to recruit you. So no one other than the four of us."
"Okay." I opened the door, and exited the car while trying not to lose my shit. I tucked the folder under my arm and waited for them to drive off before crouching down to hide my face against my knees.
A sob left me as the overwhelming prospect of Donovan's proposal punched me in the gut. My mind spiraled out of control, splitting itself in two as one side warred with the other. One half saw all the possibilities of advancing in a career field that I loved. Catching bad guys, helping victims. But it shrunk and shriveled away under the assault of the other. Robert and Eleanor needed me. Mira and I had just begun. I liked my job and the stability it offered, with decent pay and benefits, not always being at someone else's disposal. There were positives to working homicide, and the less active nature at times was a benefit. I couldn't accept this proposal. Five months away from home while I trained at Quantico? Five months away from my siblings and Mira? I couldn't bear the thought of it right then.
I swiped at my eyes, and rose from my crumbled position. Mira wouldn't be home yet, and so I hurried off back to her apartment in fear that one of her neighbors or one of the women from the team would come to fetch her car and witness me losing my shit.
I locked the door behind me, setting the folder down on the dining room table while dropping into the seat. Part of me wished Mira accompanied me so I could crawl under her and let her hold me until I felt better. Another part was happy that she wasn't. I could turn down Donovan, toss the information, and pretend like nothing happened, but I would have to pull myself together first.
My phone buzzed in my hand and I looked down to see a text from Donovan that said, Think about it, Olsen. Don't be impulsive.
It pissed me off and I sighed, closing her message to sift through some of the others. Eleanor's name scrolled by as well as Roberts and Mira's. My thumb landed on Dax's last message, and I hovered over it before hitting the call button.
"My girlfriend is naked in my lap and you're calling me at eleven on a Saturday," Dax answered and it made me chuckle.
"Dax, I am not," I heard Willa say.
"Well, why aren't you?" I could almost hear the scowl in Dax's voice and she laughed afterward.
"Hush up, naughty show off. Talk to your friend."
"What's up, Beej?"
"I need to talk to you about something." I choked on my words and her playfulness cooled right away.
"What's wrong?"
I closed my eyes and paused for a moment to calm myself. I couldn't do it, couldn't say anything, so I snapped a picture of the article and the letter and sent it to her. "Picture."
Dax's phone made a few sounds and I waited for her to read it. "Shit."
"Yeah."
"You don't seem happy."
"I'm not. What would you do if you got that today?"
"Me?" She snorted. "They would never recruit me. I'd never pass the psych."
"Say they did and you did. Would you do it?"
"I don't know, Beej. Maybe? The idea of leaving Willa and the farm for training is daunting enough."
"Yeah." I sniffled, leaning my head on my hand. "Leaving Mira and my siblings. Being on call and at risk all the time."
"It's a lot to think about. When did they present you with this?"
"Ten minutes ago?"
"Oh. Well you can't decide in ten minutes. Do you have a deadline?"
"No. Probably not until next year since Donovan isn't taking over until then."
"Give yourself time. Sleep on it. Come out here next weekend."
"Okay." I closed my eyes and let her words soothe some of the rushed feelings that bombarded me. "I'll talk to Mira about it."
"And go to sleep."
"Okay." I swiped at my eyes, and let out a slow breath. "Thanks for talking to me."
"We'll talk more about it."
"G'night, Dax."
"Night, Beej."
I gathered up my papers, and toted everything off to Mira's bedroom where I set them beside my bag on the chair. With emotions still bouncing all over the place, I ditched my clothes, again, and pulled on Mira's giant floppy sweater before crawling into her perfectly made bed. I didn't want to spoil her night or her fun by calling her to come home. So I followed Dax's instruction, and pulled the blankets to my chin and closed my eyes. In the safety of my favorite place, sans favorite person, I allowed myself to calm down and settle into at least some rest.
A tickle on my forehead woke me and I opened my eyes to see a worried Mira crouched in front of me.
"Who's sleeping in my bed?" she asked, her voice soft.
"Me." I reached for her as a wave of emotions choked me up again. She kissed both my hands and pulled me into her arms after she climbed in. "What time is it?"
"About two. What happened, honey? How long have you been here?" She held my head to her chest and I buried my face in her sweet-smelling hair.
"I never left. Can we just cuddle, please? Just…can you hold me?"
"All night," she promised, tucking the blankets around us then cuddling me close. "I love you and I'm here."
I sniffled, nodding as I listened to her soft breathing and just knowing she was there helped lull me back to sleep. With ache in my heart, and torment on my mind, restlessn
ess found me, but it wasn't greater than Mira's embrace.
***
The smell of something yummy woke me the next morning, and I wandered to the kitchen after washing up. I found Mira frying up bacon and eggs and plating up crispy toast. She smiled at me when I kissed her cheek, and wrapped her arm around me as I leaned against her.
"Morning, honey," she said, hugging me to her. "I love that you're still wearing my shirt."
"It's cozy. I'm so tired." I sighed as I dropped my head on her shoulder. "Smells yummy."
"Bacon is magic. I'm almost done." She patted my hip and I lifted the dish of toast to tote to the table.
Mira followed with the rest of the food and some orange juice. We sat together, and ate in relative quiet while Mira ran her fingers through my hair. I had a difficult time looking at her because as soon as I did, I knew I would crumble inside.
"Dax asked us to her place next weekend. Would you want to go?"
"I would." Mira nudged my chin and I met her gaze briefly. "My heart hurts when you're sad."
I crunched on a piece of bacon and watched her while she doted on me. Still, no words made it to my lips.
"When you're ready?" she asked, brushing her thumb over my bottom lip and I nodded. "Okay. Come here a minute." I stood from my chair, and she urged me into her lap again, my feet dangling with her fluffy socks covering them. I leaned against her, and ate my toast while allowing myself to be held by her again.
"Sitting like this is new," I said, my voice soft.
"I wasn't sure if you'd like to sit this way, but couldn't help it anymore because I wanted you to. I like the weight of you on me. It's comforting," she said, in a bout of honesty that made me smile.
"I've never sat in anyone's lap before so never thought to."
"Well, you’re pretty petite without all your work gear filling you out," she said, stroking my hip.
"We're about the same size. I wore your pants yesterday."
"Leggings. My regular pants would be too big."
"We'll test that theory later." I leaned my head against hers and she kissed my cheek.
We finished breakfast pretty quickly, though Mira draped her arms around my middle until I finished my coffee.
"It's been nice spending all weekend with you, honey." Mira nudged my chin up and I kissed her forehead.
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