A text from Mira popped up in response to me telling her that I was home. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, she said.
Me too, baby. I'm gonna leave Ellie my car. Can we take yours?
Of course. How are you feeling?
Stressed, but okay. How about you?
Talked to my parents for a few minutes. Nothing remarkable. They kept it bland. What's stressing you out?
Work. Decisions. Can we talk about it this weekend?
Of course, honey. When you're ready.
Almost there.
Good. How's everyone there?
Doing good. Videogames, homework, living their lives with eyes on the future. As it should be, I said.
Good for them. They deserve it.
My thoughts wandered with talks of the future and Mira's words on the screen stood out to me like glowing neon lights. They do.
"This old lady is heading for a shower and bed, young'uns," I said, pocketing my phone.
"But it's like eight-thirty." Eleanor scowled and I laughed.
"Hence the old lady part." I smooched her cheek, then Riley's and the gamers on the sofa. All of them rolled with it and returned my affection. "Night."
"Night, Beej," Robert called after me as I headed down the hall.
I spent a longer time in the shower than someone who shared a bathroom should, before heading to my room to pull on a clean pair of pajamas. To my surprise, I found the bed made with fresh linens and hopped into it, enjoying Eleanor's foray into independence. It brought a smile to my face, but I couldn't deny the stroke of sadness. Robert needed me so much more when he first arrived in Seattle. Eleanor made friends, got a job, enrolled in school, and behaved as a thriving young adult whereas Robert took a few years to find his footing. For as happy as I was for her, it stung a tad.
My phone rang and I swiped it off the nightstand to see the image I snapped of Mira teaching while I sat in the front of her classroom. Bold, beautiful, with her cuffed sleeves and hands in her pockets. Just the image of her cooled my insides as I tapped the answer button.
"Hi, baby," I said.
"You got quiet, love," she said, and I looked at my phone to see the unanswered text that read, So do you.
"Yeah. Had a shower and in bed."
"Early bird. Full house?"
"Yes." In the quiet, I thought about the folder hidden in my work bag by the front door.
"You okay, honey?"
"Emotional," I said, gulping down the feelings that tightened my throat. "Long week."
"Billie, I know that you have a hard job. Harder than I could ever imagine. Remember the other day when you talked to me about being interested in my job and what I'm interested in?"
"Yeah." I brushed a tear from my cheek.
"I'm interested in what you do, too. The good and heroic things, as well as the sad and scary things, baby. Because when you're upset like this, and I know it's about work, I don't know how to make you feel better. It's been for days now and I just want to help you." She took in a slow breath. "You need to talk to me, Billie. Please, please don't shut me out. It hurts so much."
"I love you. I don't want to hurt you." I choked on a sob and covered my head with a pillow. "I'm sorry."
"I know you don't mean it, love. I know." She paused for a moment and all I wanted to do was run to her. "So, tell me, how was work today?"
I drew in a breath to steady myself before focusing on an honest, not too gory answer. "Our team worked on a sad case involving a baby. But Ainsley arrived on scene and she thinks the cause of death is S.I.D.S. and not anything homicide-related."
"Do you have a lot of cases like that?"
"Not too often, but often enough."
"It sounds upsetting."
"It is. Most of them are. The gang-related murders, while sad in their own right, are easier to swallow. When it's vulnerable people, it's hard." I sniffled faintly and sighed. "You're sure you want to hear about my job?"
"I want to hear about your everything. If you have snot running out of your nose, I wanna know."
"Mira." I laughed and hugged the pillow to my chest. "Gross."
"I know that's not the core of what's bothering you, but it's a start. Right, honey?"
"Yes, baby. It is." I listened to her soft breath sounds for a few seconds then asked, "Have you spoken to your sister?"
"A brief text or two. She sent a book-long apology earlier this week."
"How are you doing with all of that?"
"Managing. My parents called me three times and Mikey has every day. I'm not used to receiving so much attention from them. It feels ingenuine."
"I'm not sure if it isn't genuine. Change and tension can make people act differently toward people they care about," I said, closing my eyes and allowing my muscles to relax.
"It seems like that anyway." She let out a soft yawn. "You know, spending three days sharing a bed with you, then being by myself again doesn't feel very good."
"I know, babe. I feel the same. I loved our visit to the planetarium, by the way. It was really fun."
Mira chuckled, and I envisioned her cheeks reddening. "I'm really glad, Billie. I love doing things with you."
"Do you like the ballet?"
"In general, or a show?"
"A show."
"I've never been," she said. "How come?"
"Ever since I was little, I wanted to see The Nutcracker on stage. Robert and Eleanor aren't interested. Would you go with me the week before Christmas?"
"Billie, I'd go anywhere with you."
"Great. We can go hang gliding after."
"Except that!" She laughed and it made me grin. "Would you really want to do that?"
"Nah. Maybe zip lining though."
"I'd do that."
"So, you'll be my date to the ballet?" A soft smile settled on my lips as I envisioned the two of us on a fancy date. "And dinner before?"
"I'd love to. And tomorrow, I'll be your date to farm country for the whole weekend."
"Can't wait." Sleep clawed at me and I focused on the sound of her soft breaths. "I love you, Mira."
"I love you, too. Goodnight, honey."
"G'night."
***
"Why are you out here alone?" Dax asked as she approached. I looked up at her from my perch in the grass where I sat cross-legged watching the sun rise over the mountains. The chilly morning air lapped at me while I leaned back against the fence post.
"Thinking. The sun here is amazing."
"Where's your girl?" Dax dropped down to sit beside me, picking up a long blade of grass and popping it in her mouth like the crazy farm girl that she was. The ratty jeans, cowboy boots, and black Stetson didn't help the image much.
"I snuck out so she could sleep in. She's always up too early. Where's your girl, redneck?" I snatched the grass from her mouth and she smirked.
"Washing my lust off her body."
I laughed, shaking my head at her. "Liar. You just like to say provocative things."
"To make you laugh. It worked."
"Yeah."
"You gonna talk to me now?" she asked, gesturing to the vacant space in front of us. "Or we gonna keep staring at the sun?"
"Both maybe."
"Have you talked to Mira about your recruitment letter?"
"I haven't, but I plan to today."
"How do you feel about it?"
"Torn. I mean, it's an opportunity of a lifetime." As soon as I started to speak about it, my eyes welled up with tears. "But five months at Quantico. Time away from my siblings and Mira. Leaving my secure job. It's all so much."
"Erase all that a minute. If you didn't have siblings, and just Mira and the job, would you do it?"
"I don't know."
"What if you had only siblings, no girlfriend?"
"I don't know." I ran my fingers through my hair and stared straight ahead at the sight of the luscious property bathed in morning light. Birds chirped with their wakeup songs and I leaned my head against the fence post.<
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"Step back further." Dax propped her elbow on her knee, watching me as she picked at another blade of grass. "If you only had the job, no girlfriend and no siblings, would you do it?"
I glanced at her and nodded.
"Beej, to me, it sounds like underneath it all, you really want this, but you can't accept it because you're worried about your siblings and Mira. But you as yourself, want it."
"But it's not me as myself. It's me as a surrogate parent. It's me in love with someone in a way I never have been before." I ran my fingers through my hair again. "I can't make a decision just about me."
"Yeah." Dax held my shoulder in her firm grip. "You can."
The screen door squeaked several yards away and we turned to see Mira, bare-legged and with a blanket around her shoulders, gazing out at us. She smiled at me and I reveled in the way the wind blew her hair from her face. She was a sight as beautiful as the sun-kissed lavender fields.
"Talk to her, Beej." Dax wrapped her arm around my shoulders and I nodded.
"I will."
We returned to the main house to gather for breakfast. Like last time, Willa fried up farm-fresh omelets, Canadian bacon, and Dax made toast. When I brought my coffee mug to the kitchen table after a refill, Mira urged me into her lap. I smiled and leaned into her embrace.
"I hear you two have special plans tonight," said Willa, her smile radiant and giddy. "Are we ever going to know?"
"We do?" I looked from Willa to Mira who offered me a mischievous smile.
"We do. Be ready by two." She patted my hip and my brows lifted.
"This is suspicious. Am I getting kidnapped?"
"A little."
"A little-napping." Dax held her fingers an inch apart and it made us laugh.
"Well, I'm excited." I draped my arm around Mira's shoulders and she wrapped hers around my waist. "Are we going to a sex shop to buy all the fun toys you wanted to try?"
"Billie!" Mira laughed and hid her face against my arm.
"We have a sex shop in town," said Dax, nodding toward the front door. "Willa gets all her kinky toys there."
"Dax!" Willa swatted Dax's arm, and the name shouting continued. "I went there one time to buy a strap-on for your enjoyment, if you care to recall."
"Hmm. I do recall." Dax grinned and grabbed Willa into a rough hug after setting the jelly down on the table. Willa laughed, hugging her arms while Dax pretended to bite her all over.
"So fresh," said Willa, smiling through it. She turned in Dax's arms and kissed her.
I loved seeing Dax happy and affectionate with her girlfriend, and I pulled my gaze back to Mira who watched them just the same. I stroked her cheeks and she smiled up at me.
"You wanna go buy heaps of sex toys?" I wagged my brows at her and she laughed, gripping my forearms.
"Why do I need sex toys when I have you?" Mira's smile morphed into a grin. Dax and Willa cracked up while my jaw fell slack in a moment of surprise.
"Well, now who's naughty?" I chuckled and nipped her lips.
"Still you." She ran her fingers through my hair then pulled me into a sweet kiss. I melted into it, almost losing myself in the moment when I made a grab for her breasts.
Our kiss ended and she gnawed at her bottom lip while Dax whistled from behind me.
"Someone's hard up. Did you two not roll around naked in the throes of ecstasy last night?" teased Dax as she returned to the table with Willa. The two of them sat close and Willa leaned against Dax while crunching on a slice of toast with strawberry preserves slathered on top.
"We started to then passed out together." I laughed and Mira's cheeks turned pink, though her chuckling bounced me in her lap.
"We did."
"Yup. I woke up laying between her legs with my head on her stomach. Mid-kiss, passed out. How horrible of a girlfriend am I?" I said, grinning at Mira who covered her face while she laughed. Dax and Willa both laughed at us. We offered them quite a bit of entertainment it seemed.
"You're a perfect girlfriend, honey. Don't even." Mira stroked my sides and I leaned my head on hers. Willa smiled at the two of us before leaning back in her chair.
"Mira, I was thinking about you the other day. While Dax was serving a warrant, I was bored to tears and watched a show on the science channel about String Theory and the theory of a multiverse," said Willa, finishing up her toast. "Dax said something about comic books capitalizing on this. What are your thoughts on that?"
I sipped my coffee and watched as Mira's expression shifted from lighthearted to confused in a heartbeat. Her brow narrowed, and her body tensed under me. She glanced between Willa and Dax, her delayed response unnerving for a moment. Dax watched her, in her quiet stoic way, and Willa waited patiently for Mira to respond.
"Are you…seriously asking me or just joking?" asked Mira, the hands she had resting in my lap returned to nervous writhing.
"I'm asking," said Willa, her expression softening. "It seemed like people take a theory of physics and run wild with it. Do you think there are accessible alternate dimensions?"
Mira gulped, and I let my hands fall on top of hers. "People do take string theory and run with it. Ultimately, string theory is the idea that a particle, rather than a single dot, is a string that vibrates like a guitar string. Each string particle is looped and each string has the same properties. What makes them different is the vibrational patterns." Mira gestured in the air, drawing a circle then wiggling her finger. "Like music notes. So people assume these vibrations, and differences in the notes per se, are evidence for other dimensions where forces are different."
My heart thundered in my chest with excitement over Mira's gentle teaching style. She explained it simply and I wondered how she would actually explain it in front of an advanced class. Dax and Willa listened to her, neither of them shoving off the idea of it.
"I think popular culture takes liberties with this, like in comic books as you've said. A lot of the basic principles of physics and quantum mechanics have been used that way. Quantum entanglement for example," she said, rounding off her opinion with a glance in my direction. I smiled and drew figure-eights over the back of her hand. "People want to hold on to the notion that the universe is bigger than us, that everything has meaning, as they search for the theory of everything."
"I like the idea of quantum entanglement," said Willa, her expression thoughtful. "That people could be connected just by their interaction."
"In quantum mechanics, it's about subatomic particles. The application to humanity is very loose," said Mira, tensing again as if she misstepped in her response. "So many students in my class enroll just to hear romantic theories about entanglement."
"I can see why. It's appealing. We're all looking for something to make us feel a connection to existence." Willa nodded, draping her legs across Dax's lap when she leaned back in her chair.
Dax met my gaze, a small smirk playing on her lips as her eyes flickered to Mira then back to me while she rubbed Willa's knees. I nodded, smiling at her while placing a soft kiss on Mira's temple.
"Astrophysics appealed to me in that way. Looking larger, turning to the planets and the galaxies always made me feel connected to something greater. Subatomic particles in their tiny, quantum states, didn't do it for me. Sometimes it felt like a tease, to see these complex interactions, and mind-twisting experiments that carried little meaning on a larger scale. I mean, they had meaning, but not soul-filled meaning."
"Understandable for sure. Not being able to explain why we exist as we do is frustrating," said Willa, her expression laden with pensivity.
"Quixotic fantasies about quantum entanglement never did anything to mend a broken heart. The universe though, the moon, galaxies, stars, planets. It might not mend us, but at least it nudges us into an experience of awe." Mira's tension slipped away, and I imagined it was the moment she began to believe that Willa was actually interested in what she had to say.
A soft smile settled on Dax's lips as she listened to our partners. T
he two of them slipped into a thoughtful quiet and Mira met my gaze. I smiled at her while thumbing her crimson lips. Sea-green eyes bore into me, as if a brand of confidence instilled their color. I kissed her gently, and she stroked my cheek while we lingered there a moment.
"For Dax's library, I bought a mid-eighteenth century globe stand," said Willa, perking up. "Do you want to see it?"
"You have a library?" Mira's expression lifted like the cute little nerd that she was as she looked to Dax.
"It's Willa's library. I built it for her." Dax poked Willa's cheek. "She's my favorite bookworm."
Mira laughed, nodding hard. "I'd love to see it."
Willa dropped her feet and hopped up. "C'mon."
I stood from Mira's lap to let her join Willa as the two of them headed back toward the living room. Mira smiled at me over her shoulder and I tossed her a wink on her way out.
"I think they're new besties," said Dax, her smile lingering as she gazed in their wake. "Together, we must have a thousand books in there."
"Mira's office at work is like that, too. You're just as much a bookworm, so don't even play."
"So are you. I bet you have conversations about science and shit every day with your genius Lena Luthor girlfriend." Dax propped her feet on Willa's vacant chair and helped herself to a slice of melon.
"We do at least a little. Who is Lena Luthor?"
"Comic character who is a genius." She waved me off. "Get reading, Olsen."
I laughed at her, shaking my head. "Not going to read comics. They're hard to follow."
"At least watch the shows on Netflix. Does Mira talk about her work much?"
"Not often, but I coax it out of her. Sometimes she gets shy about it because she's worried she'll bore me or something. But I love it."
"I'm not surprised. She could probably read you the dictionary and you'd fall head over heels."
"Accurate." I pointed at her and she laughed. "But still, she's the most interesting person I've ever met. And the smartest."
"I always thought Willa was the most interesting person. Especially since I had a crush on her when we were kids. She didn't know it though. Every day after school, she'd come into the bookstore where I worked. She'd buy a danish and coffee, disappear into the stacks of books, and read for hours before buying one thing. I watched her all the time. We were like fifteen and sixteen."
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