by KB Winters
“Damn, Hawk, I’m gone for ten minutes and you’re back on your phone.”
I glanced up at Lucas’ complaint and shrugged. “Sorry man. What’s up?”
We had just finished our afternoon workout and when Lucas went to hit the showers, I’d taken advantage of the moments alone to text Karena while she was on break at work. She was relaying an entertaining story about some woman she was helping, who seemed to be under the impression that her shoe emergency was on the same level as world hunger.
“Did you even shower?” Lucas stared down at me with a concerned expression.
I shoved my phone in my gym bag. “Not yet.”
Lucas crossed his arms. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been out of it for days.”
I sighed and glanced around the abandoned locker room. “I don’t wanna take any shit for this, but I met someone.”
“Someone as in…?”
“Her name is Karena. You remember what I told you and Miles about settling down? Well, I posted an ad on a dating site and after wading through a mountain of bull, I found the real deal.”
Lucas’ eyebrows shot up. “What does that even mean? Real deal?”
I hesitated, knowing what I was about to say would possibly make my best friend want to check me in for a psych evaluation. “I think she’s the one for me.”
“Whoa, whoa, hold up,” Lucas replied, his face contorted with confusion. “What are you talking about? I get that you wanted to find someone and get married, that’s cool, but, Hawk, that was what? Three, four days ago? How could you have possibly found quote, unquote, the one?”
Irritation bubbled up inside me at his critical tone. “What happened to supportive and on board Lucas from the coffee shop the other day?”
“Hawk, you know I’ll follow you to the end of this, whatever it turns out to be, I’m just surprised. Of the three of us, you’re the last one I would expect to jump into something so quickly.”
“Then, isn’t the fact that I am willing, enough to show you this is for real? You’re right, I don’t jump first and ask questions later. This isn’t something I’m taking lightly.”
Lucas studied me for a long moment, gauging my expression. “All right, man. So, tell me about her?”
He sat on the bench beside me as I was pulling up her picture, but as the screen was loading, it cut off with an incoming call and Miles’ picture took over. Lucas reached over and answered the call on speaker. “Hey Warren, where the hell are you? Hawk over here is falling in love and you’re missing the slide show!”
I rolled my eyes and let Lucas pry the phone from my fingers.
“Sprigg? What, are you Hawks secretary now or something?” Miles’ voice crackled with amusement.
“Very clever,” Lucas replied. “Actually, we’re out at the gym, you know, where your sorry ass should be.”
“Yeah, yeah, I decided to give you two a break from the shame of watching me outwork you.” Lucas opened his mouth, ready to fire back a smart ass retort, but Miles continued, shifting the conversation with a serious clip to his tone. “Listen, guys, I’m actually glad to have you both. I just got done catching up with a buddy, Willis, and got some very interesting intel. Apparently, their unit is shipping out for a deployment within the next few weeks, and when they go, they’re pulling in backup from our unit. Specifically, Rangers.”
Lucas looked over at me, his expression grim. “Any word on who they’re taking?”
Miles was quiet. “Hawk, I don’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if your name comes up.”
I nodded, processing the information. I hadn’t heard anything about being tagged onto another unit for a mission, especially considering I’d only been home a few days, but those kinds of decisions could sometimes be last minute. It had happened to me before, and just because I was changing out of my role as a Ranger, didn’t mean I was done yet.
“Anyways, just thought you might wanna know, see if Reeves knows anything about it,” Miles continued.
“Thanks, man. I’ll give him a call,” I replied.
Lucas said goodbye for both of us and hung up the call. We sat in silence for a long minute, before he broke into my thoughts. “It could be just gossip, you know.”
I nodded, unable to add anything. All I could do was think about Karena and how a deployment—especially on such short notice—could wreck everything I’d been working on. It was hard enough to forge a relationship long distance. At present, we were half a country away, but if I got sent out on a mission, we’d be worlds apart.
Everything would be over before it could even really begin.
Chapter Nine: Karena
“All I can really say about today’s massive cluster, is that at least we both have tomorrow off,” I said, tugging the cork out of a chilled bottle of Pinot.
“Cheers to that!” Becca added, holding up her empty glass as I poured a generous amount for her, and then dumped the rest into my own waiting goblet.
I set the empty bottle on the coffee table and sank down onto the opposite end of the couch, stretching my legs out over the middle cushion. Becca’s legs were tucked underneath her, her body folded in on itself like a ball. We’d both had an incredibly long day at Beckham’s and had agreed to have a girl’s night in as soon as we broke free from the chaos.
“This is nice,” Becca said, holding up her glass after taking her first long, lingering sip.
I smiled. “My latest outlet shop find.”
“Wine at an outlet shop?” She cocked a brow down at the contents of her glass. “I didn’t even know that was a thing.”
“Welcome to the world of broke girl status,” I sighed, relaxing back and closing my eyes. I took another long sip. “Dinner should be here soon…” The wine was sinking into my empty stomach and the warmth from the alcohol mixed with my run down body was making it hard to keep my eyes open. Luckily, Becca and I were good enough friends that we were both comfortable basking in the silence together. Neither of us felt the need to make up a conversation to fill the space of my quiet apartment as we waited for the buzzer alerting us to the delivery person downstairs.
Becca had followed me home straight from work, and I’d barely had time to tap out a quick text to let Colton know I’d be busy most of the night and we would have to pick another time to talk on the phone. I was happy to spend the evening with Becca, but a part of me was already missing the sound of Colton’s voice, and was ready for her to leave so I could let his sultry drawl lull me to sleep.
Or…maybe let the wine work its magic on my resolve to keep things PG-13 between us until we met in person…
My mind drifted off, wondering what Colton’s skin on mine would be like, when a loud buzz jarred me. I sat up, my eyes wide, and alarmed.
“I’ll get it,” Becca said, rising from her end of the couch. She stooped to grab her clutch purse on the way to the door, and buzzed in the delivery man after calling down to the door to confirm that was who had requested access to the building.
“Becs, hold on, I have some cash,” I insisted, pushing off the couch.
“No, don’t worry about it,” Becca said, waving me off as I reached for my own purse that was hanging on a peg by the door. “I got it.”
Heat flooded my cheeks. I didn’t want to be a pity dinner, and I knew that Becca was only offering because she knew I didn’t have a lot of extra cash floating around. “Thanks,” I mumbled, trekking back to the couch. I hated that I was worried and twisted up over every penny, enough to where my best friend knew I was in a bad situation. I tried not to talk about it a lot, but I replayed a few comments I’d made to Becca over the past few days, and realized maybe I’d let on more than I’d intended. Besides Colton, it was the only thing that I thought about, and since I wasn’t talking to Becca about Colton, I guess I’d filled our conversations with my money woes.
Becca answered the door, paid the man who handed over the two bags of Thai food and when he was gone, she carried them into the living room. �
��Mmm, everything smells so good!”
“Thanks for getting dinner, Becs. You didn’t have to do that.” I took one of the bags from her and unpacked the contents on the coffee table. “I should have at least paid the tip.”
Becca sank down to her knees beside me and unpacked the bag in her hands, lining up the small take out containers beside the others I’d unloaded. “Don’t worry about it, Karena. That’s what friends are for.”
I smiled and swallowed what was left of my pride. We dug into the food and after a few minutes, found solid footing again and were talking and laughing like nothing had happened, my embarrassment forgotten.
When we were stuffed, we reclined back against the couch, each of us resting our hands on our full stomachs. “We look like we’re preggers,” Becca teased, looking down at our identical poses.
I laughed and smoothed my hand down my nearly flat stomach and for a flicker of a moment, wondered what it would really be like to be pregnant. It wasn’t something I thought about often, but I couldn’t help but think back to some of the conversations that Colton and I had shared. He was very upfront about his desire to someday have a family, and as the days went by, it was getting harder to keep myself from slipping myself into the picture he painted.
I shook my head, dismissing the mental wanderings.
“Luckily for us, we’re not, and we can have more of this,” I said, holding up the empty bottle of wine. “I have another one stashed away, if you’re game.”
Becca smiled and threw back the last of what was in her glass. “Yes ma’am.”
I started to the kitchen, the empty bottle tucked under my arm so my hands were free to take empty takeout boxes to the trash. “What’s Keith up to tonight?” I called behind me.
“Work,” Becca answered, her voice flat.
“Oh.” I tossed the empty containers and set the empty bottle in the stainless steel sink. “How are things going for him?”
My question was met with silence. I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering if I’d stepped on an emotional land mine. After our argument in the parking lot the other night, things had been a little tense, but we’d quickly made up and brushed it aside. Becca and I were having a good night together and I hated to think I’d wrecked it by seeming pushy with my question, no matter how innocent it may have been. I grabbed the new bottle of wine from the fridge and started to open it.
“Karena? Who’s Colton?”
I froze, my fingers stiff on the metal bottle opener at the sound of Colton’s name.
“What?” I abandoned the still corked bottle, and raced back into the living room. I stopped short when I spotted Becca, her finger’s poised over the keyboard of my laptop. At the sound of my frantic footsteps, she turned to stare at me, her eyebrows halfway up her forehead. “What is all this?”
“Becca! What are you doing?” I swooped into the room and yanked the laptop—that I’d, ever-so-stupidly, left open the dating, well, marriage, profile of the ridiculously good looking Army Ranger, Colton Hawkins—out of her reach.
I clutched it to my chest and stared down at my best friend, whose expression was a mix between curiosity and amusement.
Becca held up her hands. “I’m sorry, Karena. I was going to check my email and it was just…there.”
My cheeks went hot, wondering exactly how much she’d seen. Enough to know his name…
Well, shit.
I pinched my eyes closed and Becca giggled. “Okay, girl, time to spill. What on earth is going on? Since when are you on a dating website?” She patted the spot next to her on the couch, coaxing me to join her. I stood firmly rooted, the laptop wrapped tightly in my arms, like it contained state secrets.
“Please?” She added.
I sighed, admitting defeat, and set the computer back on the table. “Why can’t you just check your email on your phone like normal people?” I mumbled under my breath as I went back to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine.
When I returned, she was pouring over the web page, her blue eyes wide and sparkling with wonder. “Oh. My. Gosh!”
I plopped down beside her and watched as she read everything again. “I know, I know, it looks a little insane, but I promise, it’s not what you think…”
Becca laughed and looked at me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were trying to find someone! You were like the last of the Mohicans of single girls, or something. Well, this is an interesting place to start. Although, as gorgeous as this one is, I’d probably keep looking.” She paused for breath and shoved her thick, tawny gold hair out of her face, ruffling it back in a perfect, bed head mess.
“Why?” I asked, my voice harsh with defensive undertones. Colton’s profile picture was staring back at me, and even though we’d been talking for nearly a week, and we’d video chatted a few times, the sight of him sucked the air right out of my lungs and made me want to pinch myself to make sure it was all really happening.
Becca looked at the profile and then back at me. “Did you read this? It’s like he’s looking for a mail order bride or something!”
My wall went up even higher at her skeptical comment. “Not exactly.”
Becca’s eyes went wide and she slapped a hand over her mouth.
I rolled my eyes and snapped the laptop closed. “I’m done talking about this.”
Becca reached for my hands and tugged me towards her, forcing my attention back to her. “I’m sorry, Karena, I didn’t realize…I just…this isn’t like you. What’s going on?”
I blew out a hot breath, puffing myself up. “Okay, I’ll tell you what’s going on, but you have to promise not to judge.”
Becca’s expression shifted and a question clouded her blue eyes, but she nodded and held back her comments as I explained how everything had happened.
“Wow,” she breathed when I finished the story.
I nodded and took a deep breath of my own. “I know, it’s…unconventional. But you know me, I wasn’t looking for this. Not at all. But it just kinda happened.”
Becca blinked a few times, still processing everything I’d told her.
“Becs! Come on, say something!”
“I don’t really know. I mean, it sounds like it’s moving very, very fast.”
“Do you think that’s bad?”
“Maybe? I guess, it depends on why it’s moving so fast. I mean, what’s the rush? Last time I checked, you didn’t want a relationship, and now, you’re all starry eyed and giddy about this guy and talking about running away with him or something. Where’s that coming from?”
I let out a slow exhale and dropped back against the couch. I looked up at my friend, knowing I couldn’t hide from her. She knew me too well. “I can’t do this life forever, Becca. I feel like I’ve been on a hamster wheel forever. After everything with my parents, I was so excited to break away and live my own life, but the problem is I can’t build the life I want. I hate my job, and I can’t even force myself to suck it up and push through because right now it’s not even enough to cover my bills. I don’t have anywhere else to go, Becs. My life has been paycheck to paycheck for so long—I can’t even remember the last time my savings account had more than a hundred bucks in it. Do you know how scary that is? Like, all it would take is one unexpected bill and I’d be screwed.”
I shook my head, fighting back the frustrated tears that were pricking at my eyes. Becca reached over and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry, Karena. I didn’t realize it was so bad…”
“I know. I don’t like to talk about it.” I paused to take a deep, steadying breath. “Anyway, it’s been like this for a long time. I don’t have any great ambition or passion, and overall, my life feels like something is missing. And you know, I’ve never been the kind to think a man would fix that in the blink of an eye. I’m not under some fairy tale bullshit spell right now. Trust me. But, somehow, between last week, and then this week—I’ve changed. Meeting Colton and talking about life with him has helped me see things a little more clearly. Something needs to ch
ange, and I don’t know, it’s been an exciting distraction, if nothing else.”
“I get that, but Karena, where is it going? I mean, you read his ad. He wants to get married. That’s a huge step!”
“I know.” I looked down at my lap, gathering my thoughts. Becca wasn’t saying anything unusual. She was voicing the same thoughts I’d been fighting off all along. I couldn’t argue with her, and yet, I also couldn’t find it in me to pull the plug on things with Colton and tell him that it was too much, too fast.
I didn’t want to lose him. But I also didn’t know if I could give him the one thing he was asking for.
Chapter Ten: Colton
After a little digging, I found out there was a huge possibility I’d be called to join the next deployment to Iraq. Colonel Reeves had given my name as a suggestion to the commanding officer of the unit next on the rotation. When I went to his office, he’d explained that it was a strategic move on his part, based on our last conversation. He’d assured me that if I went, I’d come home to a Captain’s promotion as a reward for two back to back tours. The news had floored me, but not in the way I would have expected.
At least, not the same as it would have before meeting Karena.
My entire life had changed since meeting her, and what once would have been viewed as an exciting opportunity, now hit me upside the head and left me feeling confused and torn between two worlds. The one I was living in, on base, doing my daily grind, and the one I’d built in my mind with Karena.
After leaving Colonel Reeves’ office, I checked in with my squad, and then headed home for the night. As soon as I showered and changed into a pair of track pants and a plain white t-shirt, I sat down at the computer and clicked on Karena’s video chat screen name to call her. We’d been texting through the day and I knew she’d be waiting for my call.
The deployment wasn’t a sure thing, and until it was, I didn’t see the point in bringing it up with her. If it happened, it wouldn’t be for a while, so we had time to figure things out. The promise of my promotion was still in the back of my mind. If I got called out on the mission, I’d come home to a promotion. I didn’t need to get married. Or, at least, not so suddenly.