Shivers

by Remmy Duchene

  “I know you’re not trying to give me that bullshit of ‘if he builds it, they will come’ mentality.”

  “I know you are angry,” Hercules stepped in.

  “You don’t know shit!”

  “Kofi, we believe he can do this,” Ciro told him.

  “And that is supposed to make me feel better?”

  “We can only help if he asks us to,” Hercules replied. “There is dishonor to him if we intervene now.”

  “Fuck dishonor! This is not the seven-hundred-year war where armies depended on their soldiers’ honor. This is a crazy asshole who wants him dead and doesn’t care to play fair. I can’t lose him. Do you understand?”

  “I do,” Ciro spoke up. “But we cannot intervene unless he seeks assistance.”

  “You’re both full of shit!” Kofi swung around at the sound of metal clashing to see Osaki dipping low with his sword in an X above his head. He was glad to see Aoi’s blade was blocked by the motion. Then he couldn’t take his eyes off what was happening. The battle that waged around him was fast and furious. Sparks flew off the weapons as they met. The wind picked up fiercely, sending a cascade of brown leaves swirling and tumbling around them. Dark clouds formed ahead blocking out the sun further, sending the lane into a dimness that Kofi didn’t think would ever lift.

  Ciro and the others tried speaking to him, but Kofi didn’t care for what they were saying.

  Please, Osaki—come back to me.

  There was so much he had to say to Osaki, so much he wanted to do with this man and be for him. It no longer scared him to be in love with a man, a Shiver. It terrified him even more to lose Osaki.

  At one point Osaki gripped Aoi’s shoulder and they soared through the air. Once they were high, Osaki slammed a fist into Aoi’s shoulder, causing his brother to hit the leaf-covered ground, hard. Debris surged upward, spinning in the air from Osaki’s anger, and rained down again over them.

  “Ciro,” Liosh called, his voice sounded weak.

  Kofi turned to see him crumbling to his knees. “What’s wrong? Liosh!”

  “I am weak,” Liosh muttered as Hercules caught him. The force field waned around them. “I have not had much practice with keeping my powers going for this long. Ciro, you must…”

  “I will,” Ciro interrupted and he waved his arm in the air.

  To Kofi’s constant surprise, a shield was erected around them again and he refocused on the battle while Hercules tended to Liosh.

  “I don’t know how much more of this I can watch,” Kofi whispered. “I need to get out there.”

  Still the battle waged on, metal clanging on metal. The fury of their movements sometimes caused Kofi to press his eyes closed because their limbs were a blur. At one point, Osaki’s sword fell from his hand and clattered to the ground.

  “No!” Kofi cried.

  “Do not worry so,” Hercules advised. “He has more weapons in his arsenal.”

  And just like that, something glowed blue along Osaki’s right hand and Kofi leaned in expectantly. It formed and stopped shimmering to become a long pole. Kofi was confused as to what Osaki would do with that against a sword but was quickly silenced. Osaki moved as a warrior ordained by some god, sending Aoi once more into the air.

  He swooped down in what looked like the death dive of a falcon, and the fight continued. Then, in a smooth movement, Osaki whirled around, seemingly to fly by Aoi. Instead, Osaki landed forward in a crouch, sword extending outward at his side. Kofi didn’t understand how he could turn his back on his opponent. His blood pressure soared further and Kofi slammed his fist into the shield. “Osaki! Pay attention!”

  “Kofi, damn it to Tartaros! You’re banging on my brain!” Ciro called. “Knock that off!”

  Kofi wasn’t listening. He punched, trying to break through. “Osaki!”

  His words, however, died in his throat as Aoi raised his sword above his head with both hands in what had to be called a deathblow.

  “Osaki!” Kofi screamed.

  Suddenly, Aoi’s eyes widened and he slumped to his knees then fell forward. Only then did Osaki flick his wrist. Droplets of blood rained through the air with the motion. Osaki then straightened his body and stood. As he walked toward Kofi, he shoved the sword back into its sheath.

  The barrier around them evaporated and Kofi ran forward, tossing himself into his samurai’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Osaki’s neck, kissing every bit of skin he could find. But Osaki wasn’t hugging him back or returning the kisses. Scared, Kofi eased away and Osaki slumped to his knees. His shoulders rose and fell rapidly, his eyes filled with tears as he flung his head back and let out a shout filled with so much pain, Kofi gripped his chest. The samurai’s cries echoed off everything around them and came back to Kofi like the saddest song he’d ever heard. Kofi knew then that was the agony of having to kill one’s brother. The sensation of it ripped into Kofi and he simply knelt there with Osaki, throbbing with every part of his being then going numb.

  It rained at that moment. Lightning streaked across the sky, crashing into a tree and cutting it in two. Thunder rolled through the heavens, dying in the distance. Osaki fell forward on his hands and bowed his forehead to the wet ground. Kofi slumped before him and touched his head, trying to push his wet hair from his face.

  “Osaki, please look at me…”

  “Give him time,” Ciro explained. “He must mourn. He has just done something that will change him forever. He needs cleansing and he is going to need to know you will not judge him for what he has done.”

  “Forgive me, Father.” Osaki lifted his face to the pelting rain. “Forgive me.”

  Silently, they all stayed with Osaki, allowing him time to just be for as long as he needed to. Kofi trembled in the cold but he said nothing. He understood that sometimes silence was golden, though he wanted to go home to get Osaki in the silence of their bedroom and merely hold him. Kofi didn’t know how much time went by until the rain stopped and he didn’t care. They finally got back to the house in Japan and Ciro left to get Carter. In the meantime, he sat alone with Osaki while Hercules suggested taking Liosh out for something to eat to regain his strength.

  “Are you hungry?” Kofi asked.

  They didn’t turn on many of the lights in the house. A solitary one sat on a small table in the room, illuminating the space dimly. Osaki stood by the window, shirtless with his dark hair spilling down his back. Kofi felt aroused and helpless at the same time. Though he wanted Osaki to touch him, to hold him down against the bed and have his way with him, Kofi wasn’t sure that would help the situation.

  “No.”

  “Osaki, I don’t know what to do,” Kofi admitted. “I know you’re hurting and I know there probably isn’t anything I can do to stop that pain, but I feel so helpless. Just… Please, tell me what to do.”

  “Oh, darling,” Osaki whispered. He turned and extended a hand to Kofi. “You are doing everything I need. You are here with me. You care for me. I see it every time you look at me. I just do not know if you can forgive me. Still, I need you to.”

  “Forgive you? Osaki, what for?”

  “I have committed a grave transgression in this war. My brother is dead by my hands. I do not know if you can love a man who is capable of that.”

  “Stop this nonsense!” Kofi growled. “You did what you had to do. And besides, Aoi hasn’t been himself in how many hundreds of years? This is not your doing. Do you understand?”

  Osaki’s eyes shimmered dark and hauntingly at him.

  “This is not your fault.” Kofi cradled Osaki’s face and repeated, “Don’t blame yourself for this.”

  “I just want to hold you, Kofi.”

  Kofi shook his head. “Not if you’re going to keep blaming yourself like this.”

  “I will try not to. Can that not be enough?”

  Kofi stepped into Osaki’s arms and tucked his head beneath Osaki’s chin. “I just want to have you to myself tonight. Is that selfish?”

  “No.” O
saki kissed his head and held him tighter. “But we both know Carter has been worried. You must apprise him of your safe return first.”

  “I swear, you are too good to be true. There are so many things I want to say to you.”

  “And you will. Come, lie with me until Carter gets here.”

  Kofi loved that idea but had to wait. Carter barged into the room then and instantly hauled Kofi away from Osaki and into his arms. “Carter, I’m okay. Osaki and the others took care of me.”

  “I should give you some privacy,” Osaki offered.

  Kofi caught his arm. “No. You don’t have to leave.” But Carter wouldn’t let Kofi go. He felt Osaki pull from his grasp and though Kofi felt cold and alone, he smiled at his brother to alleviate the worry he knew Carter was going through.

  “Did Aoi hurt you?” Carter asked, oblivious to what had happened between Osaki and Kofi.

  “He tried,” Kofi admitted. “But I wasn’t worried. Look who I had in my corner.”

  Carter stared into Kofi’s eyes then hugged him again. “I thought I’d lost you.”

  “Well, you didn’t. And I love you for worrying.”

  “I love you too—and you.” Carter stepped by Kofi to stand in front of Osaki.

  “Aw, come on, Carter. Give him a break!” Kofi objected.

  “No, hold on,” Carter replied. “I know how hard this must have been for you. But you have to know you gave me my brother back and for that, I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “There is no thanks necessary.”

  “But you had to kill Aoi…” Carter pushed.

  “No. Aoi—my Aoi—died a long time ago. Besides, I could not have Kofi in danger. It hurt me too much. I love him too much.”

  Carter hugged Osaki tightly. Once they parted, Carter kissed Kofi’s head. “We’ll talk later, okay? I know how this moment feels and I know there is nothing you want more than to spend time with him.”

  Kofi nodded.

  “Okay. I’m going to have Ciro take me home. If you need anything…”

  Kofi smiled. “I will call. But…” He turned to look at Osaki. “I will have everything I need right here.”

  When Carter said his goodbyes, Kofi turned to see Osaki staring out of the window again. This time Kofi touched his back. “Come to bed, baby,” Kofi told him. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. We don’t have to say anything. Just let me feel you beside me, in my arms to know you are here. You are here. ”

  Osaki accepted Kofi’s extended hand and Kofi led him to the bed. Then, like virgins unsure of each other but knowing they needed to feel that intimacy of being wrapped in a lover’s arms, they crawled into the bed and eased against each other’s bodies.

  “I am here,” Osaki whispered, brushing his lips against Kofi’s forehead. “I am right here.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Morning came too quickly. It felt as if Osaki had only fallen asleep mere minutes before. Kofi must have been exhausted, for the moment Osaki cuddled him close, Kofi tossed a possessive arm across Osaki’s body and was out like a light. Osaki, on the other hand, feared sleeping, for he didn’t wish to wake up and find Kofi was not with him—back to being one of Aoi’s prisoners. For hours, he merely held onto his love, kissing his forehead and stroking his shoulder.

  Osaki opened his eyes slowly. Kofi was warm against his chest and breathing softly when the sun rose. He moaned, feeling the ache of the day before and his battle with his brother. The guilt returned like a razor, slicing through his heart. It hurt terribly and for a split second, Osaki forgot to breathe. He gasped, body tensing, and closed his eyes.

  Kofi muttered something in his sleep and squirmed a little before resting again with his head on Osaki’s shoulder. That movement soothed Osaki and he exhaled long and hard. He took a little while longer to bask in his lover’s embrace, to feel love and enjoy the quiet peace.

  As much as he wanted to remain where he was, Osaki eased from Kofi’s warmth and stood at the side of the bed, gazing down on the toned body that was laid bare for him. He smiled but had to get dressed. He pulled on a blue kimono, strapped his katana to his side sheath. As he approached the bed again, he tied his hair up then knelt to caress Kofi’s cheek gently.

  “Darling…” His voice cracked with the one word. Never in a million years would he have thought that he could love a man the way he felt for Kofi. How was it possible to find such intense emotions after he’d been taken in battle? The only downside was that he wasn’t sure if Kofi loved him. Sure, he knew Kofi felt some softness, some kindness, but was it love? “Sweetheart?”

  Kofi moaned and shifted on the bed. “Osaki?”

  “I’m here.”

  His big, brown eyes fluttered open and Osaki smiled. There was a pride to be enjoyed knowing the first thing his lover saw in the morning was his face. “I must go.”

  “Wait, what? Where?”

  “Temple.”

  “Okay. Give me a second to get dressed. I’ll come with you.”

  “No, my love,” Osaki whispered, leaning in to kiss Kofi’s nose, between his eyes then his forehead. “This I do alone. But I will not be long. Shall I get your brother for you?”

  Kofi eased up, bracing on one elbow. Osaki moaned when Kofi snaked his fingers through Osaki’s hair. “I love you, Osaki.”

  Osaki blinked. For a moment, he could have sworn his heart stopped. He wanted to smile but he was afraid those words would not exist, that they’d disappear or—worse yet—Kofi had never said it. “Say it again.”

  “I love you. I didn’t want you to leave without me saying it. I wish I’d told you before you headed into battle but things didn’t work out that way.”

  “Life is full of surprises and things that never work out as we plan. You do not understand how happy you have made me.”

  “It’s just love, Osaki.”

  Osaki smiled. “No. It is not just love. It is love from you.”

  Kofi kissed him a searing smooch that turned Osaki’s insides to mush and left him more aroused than before.

  “Can I not talk you into staying?” Kofi whispered, sliding a hand into the neck of Osaki’s kimono and pinching a nipple. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I wish I could,” Osaki replied, shifting his mouth into position for another kiss. “But this has to be done. I will be back before you know I am even gone. I love you.”

  Kofi eased back and smiled. “I love you too—and yes, having Carter here while you are gone will be nice.”

  Osaki nodded and rose. He didn’t pull his hand from Kofi’s cheek until a while longer. Before he turned to exit, Kofi blew him a kiss and his heart fluttered beautifully. Once outside the door, he sent a mental message to Ciro, letting him know Kofi needed his brother, and left the house, walking north along the sakura-lined path. The fragrant smell of the flowers raised his spirits to a point where he thought they couldn’t go any higher. Then he remembered Kofi confessing his love and Osaki was flying.

  * * * *

  “You’ve been quiet,” Kofi said, moving around Osaki’s kitchen easily. “I really need you to say something—anything.”

  “Are you happy?”

  Kofi turned to look at Carter. “Um… That wasn’t what I expected.”

  “Well, I’m your brother. So I’m asking.”

  “Um…” Kofi poured them both coffee and as he handed a mug to his brother, he sat, thinking of the question. “I told him I love him.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “Do you love him?”

  Kofi frowned. “What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I know it’s fast—but we date Shivers. We don’t have the luxury of waiting three years. And besides, you’ve seen Osaki. You’ve spoken to him. Does he look like the kind of man that I could resist?”

  “A year ago, you could resist all men.”

  “That’s a fucked-up thing to say, you know that?”

  “I’m sorry, Kof. But as your brother, I have to make sure you are going i
nto this with your eyes open. Osaki is a wonderful man and I adore him. But being gay isn’t going to be easy.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? Trust me, I know. But every time I think of something harming him, I just… I lose my damn mind. He touches me and I get this feeling like…like…”

  “Like everything that was wrong with the world was finally set right.”

  “Yes.”

  Carter nodded.

  “I know you want me to be happy. And the truth is I was living my life before, but now it has meaning. Now I’m more than just a brother—and don’t get me wrong. I am proud and ecstatic to be your brother—but there is more to life. Osaki makes me smile. We play together, Carter. The other day we played tag.” Kofi stopped to chuckle in nostalgia. “And when he kisses me, I melt.”

  “You don’t have to explain, Kof.”

  “Yes. I need you to see that this is what I want. This man is who I want. He’s done everything to protect me. He’s made one of the biggest sacrifices in his entire existence to make sure I came home in one piece and he never asked for anything in return. This morning I told him ‘I love you’—three simple words—and the look on his face was like I’d told him we’d won the lottery. I never got that from any other relationship and I’ve never felt this way in any of them. Osaki is mine.”

  Carter nodded once more and sipped from his coffee. “Then okay. I’ll be here if you have questions about the Queerdom and to be your brother of course.”

  Kofi laughed. “Queerdom—right. Say, where is Liosh?”

  “Oh, the half Shiver. Ciro took him to the North Shores to see his mother. After all, it is her first grandchild. We have tons to catch up on with him, but his mother died a few years ago, so it was just him and Aerios.”

  “What a shame. Good kid.”

  “Kid? He’s almost fifty-seven.”

  Kofi arched an eyebrow. “Say what? I guess he inherited the genes, huh?”

  “He’s a demi-Shiver,” Carter explained. “He’s got the long life.”

  “Where are the others?”

  “They’re giving you and Osaki some space,” Carter replied. “Hercules has a lover, so he is spending time with her. Ares is keeping Adrestia out of trouble—you know, the same old, same old. Don’t worry. They’ll appear again when they think you’ve had enough…um…quality time with your Shiver.”