To Love a Bear

by Emilia Hartley

  “And you are?”

  Hus thrust out his hand. “They call me Boomer.”

  “That’s quite the nickname. If I had to guess, your first name is something like Billy-Bob. You weren’t with the search team when we climbed this forsaken mountain. I take it you live in a hole in the ground somewhere around here?”

  “Close, but no cigar, sir. I live in a cabin a few miles north of here. I work clearing trees not far from here. Living and working here makes the mountain familiar territory. When the search and rescue team needs help, I offer it.” Boomer spread his feet apart and rested his hands on his hips. He was nearly a foot taller than the man, but that didn’t seem to intimidate him.

  Boomer wasn’t on the same level as him, so he would never earn his respect. It made Boomer wonder who could earn his respect. He didn’t think many could. Perhaps not even his wife.

  Her so-called soul-searching trip had been to get away from him, if Boomer had to guess. It only made him want to keep Emmy even more. She deserved someone who loved her, who would treat her like an equal. He didn’t think she got that with him. Even in the mountain wilderness, this man’s slacks were neatly pressed, and his shirt was tucked in at the waist. Even his hair was neatly combed, into what Boomer could only assume to be a style at the moment. The only thing out of place was the burning rage in his eyes.

  The man gave Boomer a wary side-eye but went on. “We’re looking for my ex…for my wife. She came to town about a month ago. From what I know, she climbed the mountain a week ago.”

  The man might have tried to backtrack, but Boomer caught the slip. Emmy and this man were divorced. He just didn’t want the search and rescue team to know that fact. “Does your wife frequently go on month long vacations?”

  “She wanted time to find herself. I gave it to her. I’m starting to think I never should have let her out of my sight. For a registered nurse, she can be awful stupid.”

  The growl that filled Boomer threatened to rumble the mountain beneath him. It filled him with burning rage. He glanced back to where he’d left Emmy, hoping that she’d stayed where he left her. She didn’t belong to him, but she also did not belong with this man.

  If he came near Emmy, Boomer would make sure he never saw the light of day again.

  The man stared at him, registering the threatening hum of Boomer’s growl. It wasn’t Boomer’s decision to make. He would rather see this man thrown down the mountain, but if Emmy wanted to go back to him, he couldn’t stop her either.

  The thought twisted his insides. It silenced the beast inside him. Fear gnawed on his very being.

  “If you see my inept wife, keep your inbred paws off her. Just call me or the ranger and I’ll come get her.”

  Boomer couldn’t open his mouth. If he did, everything foul he thought of this man would come tumbling out. Instead, he saluted the man and turned on his heel. The ranger called out to Boomer, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stay in the presence of the man who claimed to be Emmy’s husband.

  He desperately wanted to pick Emmy’s brain, to see what she remembered of her ex-husband, but he knew she remembered nothing. Perhaps it was better that way. She could start fresh. There was a life she could live that didn’t involve that man.

  Boomer dreamed of a life that involved him. For a moment, he considered showing her everything that could be good about a relationship. He wanted to shower her with treats and gifts and affection, just to give her a glimpse into something good. Each time he came close to the thought, he remembered the world of secrets that stretched between them.

  He could protect her from her ex-husband, but he couldn’t protect her from the world of bears. She would be a frail human in the world of monsters.

  Before he disappeared over the ridge, Boomer looked back. Part of him wanted to dispose of the man claiming to be Emmy’s husband. It would rid the human world of one more problem. What would Emmy think? She wouldn’t want that. She was a healer, a nurse, apparently.

  He found her waiting behind a tree. She jumped when he peered around it, clapping a hand over her heart and laughing with relief. The urge to pull her into his arms was strong and demanding, but he kept his hands in his pockets.

  “Did you figure out what was going on? Is everyone okay?”

  He smiled. She was concerned about the safety of other people. The truth lodged in his throat, but he couldn’t bring himself to let it out. “They’re looking for someone else.”

  Her brows shot up. “Oh, well.” She glanced over her shoulder as if she could see the search and rescue team from where they hid. She could still choose to leave with them. He couldn’t stop her.

  Boomer didn’t say anything more. He wanted to berate the man she’d once married, to promise her the world, to beg her not to leave. Instead, he managed to keep his lips firmly pressed shut. She could make her own decisions.

  When she looked back at him, her hand fisted over her heart, and stepped toward him, he nearly melted. She wasn’t ready, and that was alright by him. He would greedily accept every moment he got to spend in her presence.

  They left a team of humans crawling the mountain side in search of her and went back to his cabin.

  Chapter Five

  Her body hummed, exhausted from the epic hike Boomer had taken her on. Her lips still tingled with the memory of his touch. She didn’t think kissing a man named Boomer would have made her feel fireworks, but he’d brought explosion after explosion with his lips alone.

  If only another voice hadn’t crept into her mind. A man’s voice had made it through the murky wall in her mind and called her a traitor, a whore, filth. It sent her reeling, stumbling away from Boomer. His confusion and shame had been apparent the moment she pulled back, but she couldn’t find the words to tell him what happened.

  She didn’t want to let the voice into reality and give it control over her. She shoved it back and tried to bury it in the murk, but it only left her silent for the rest of the hike.

  Boomer had called the cabin home. The way he’d said it made her feel like she belonged there. She wanted to go back, wanted to call it home, too. The voice in her mind had doubled its effort. It’d hissed in her ear and soured her stomach.

  She couldn’t let the wall in her mind confuse her any longer. She needed to know who she was before she ruined everything. Back at the cabin, she unplugged her phone from the wall and retreated into the solitude of the bathroom. Locking the door behind her, she sat on the edge of the tub and turned the phone on.

  There was no signal, the bars flashing in and out of existence. Emmy hadn’t expected much else up here in the wilderness. While those she might have known were unreachable, there were always memories stored in phones. She swiped the screen, amazed at the muscle memory involved with using her phone, and opened the photos folder.

  The first few images were just landscapes and architecture, moments she captured that didn’t give her any clues as to who she was. Anyone would have taken those photos. The further she swiped, she uncovered pictures of cats and pictures of food. Neither seemed important.

  Then, she came across a photo of herself. A man stood over her, smiling into the camera as if he hadn’t a care in the world. His hair was carefully trimmed and brushed to the side. The collar of his shirt was pressed, and his face was neatly shaven. His arm was slung around Emmy’s shoulder.

  The voice she’d heard earlier came to life again. It was as if she could see his lips moving, his brow furrowing with anger as he called her all those vile things. The carefree smile disappeared. In its place was betrayal.

  She swiped again, unable to look at his face. Unfortunately, more images of him popped up over and over. Each time, his arm was over her shoulder. She didn’t smile, not the way he did. Her lips were pressed tight, barely curved into a semblance of happy.

  Even though the photos revealed a part of her life, she was still no closer to understanding. They weren’t the skeleton key she’d hoped to find, unlocking the door firmly closed in her mi
nd. Instead, she was still just as confused.

  A sense of infidelity warred with her trepidation. It seemed as though she was with this man, but it didn’t seem as though she’d been happy about it. Not the way she was in Boomer’s presence. The thought only filled her with more guilt. She couldn’t be a good person if she was cheating on this man. Even if she didn’t remember him, it felt horrible to find happiness in a stranger over a loved one.

  The bathroom door vibrated as Boomer knocked on it. “Hey, are you alright in there? You’ve been in there for a while. I just…I wanted to make sure you didn’t pass out or something.”

  She laughed at the thought of falling asleep on the toilet.

  The door groaned, Boomer probably leaning against it from the other side. “That laugh tells me you’re awake, but are you okay? If this is about earlier, I’m really sorry. I’m a fool.”

  It was hard to let him blame himself when she’d wanted it. After he’d shown her that cave with its hidden brilliance, Emmy couldn’t help herself. She’d wanted to touch him, to taste him. It as if she wanted to find the heartfelt truth on his tongue. He might have initiated it, but Emmy was the one who’d pushed it too far.

  She tucked the phone into her pocket and pushed off the edge of the tub. Boomer backed away from the door when she unlocked it, but he didn’t move away from the doorway. His eyes were a mixture of brown and gold again. Worry and fear twisted in them barely hidden by his grin.

  “Your eyes, they change colors.”

  His jaw tightened. She caught it just as a grin slipped over his lips. He was going to lie to her again. Something told her this was the same as whenever she mentioned bears. It was obvious there was something going on that she didn’t understand, that Boomer didn’t want her to know. She wanted to press but remembered the phone in her pocket.

  Perhaps it was okay for everyone to have their own secrets.

  “That happens when my emotions run high for a while. Usually, hiking or rock climbing helps with that. Kind of bleeds out the energy until I’m too exhausted to deal with emotions, but…when you’re around, I can’t seem to control it.”

  Her breath hitched. It wasn’t the whole truth, but she could hear the hesitation in his voice. It gave sincerity to his words that she hadn’t expected. Guilt weighed heavy in her stomach.

  Boomer pushed away from the doorway. He looked like he wanted to say more. Emmy almost begged him for more. The ghost of his kiss pressed against her lips. It was a reminder, of the exhilaration she felt with him and of the remorse she felt as a traitor.

  Chapter Six

  Emmy didn’t want to open the door. She wanted to linger in the small cabin of his ancient truck and pretend that the world outside didn’t exist. The dreams still haunted the back of her mind when she was alone. A man’s voice tried to scratch its way to the surface, always sending her heart racing.

  In Boomer’s company, all was quiet. She could focus on his laughter, on his horrible humor, and the way his hand looked on the gear shift. She wanted him to touch her that way, but after the kiss on the mountain, everything had become so much more confusing.

  Her body reacted to him in ways that made her feel truly alive. His touch made her regret ever losing her will to live. It was her mind that had screamed. She hadn’t understood the fear. Not until they made it back to his cabin and she opened the photos on her phone.

  She belonged with someone else. At least, that was what she’d gleaned from the photos. The man looked happy, even if she didn’t. She didn’t know how to process this without her memories. Which made everything she felt about Boomer even more confusing.

  He’d suggested that she accompany him today. At first, she thought he didn’t feel comfortable leaving a stranger in his house all day, but then she saw a glint in his eye and realized there was another reason behind it. Of course, he didn’t share his plan, but when they pulled up to a small trailer with First Aid emblazoned across the door, she felt a sense of familiarity.

  It wasn’t déjà vu. She’d never been there before, but something about the small cross on the side of the building stuck in her mind. It tried to pull her through the murky wall and into her memories, but nothing came.

  Boomer looked at her expectantly. She didn’t know what to say. Clearly, it’d been a move meant to jog her memory. She didn’t know how to tell him it had failed.

  “You want me to play nurse today? Or is this just where you want to hide me?”

  “Can it be a bit of both? You can watch us all work from the window there. It also means they can’t see you. We are a hardy bunch, so it’s not like we’ll be knocking down your door all day. None of the guys should bother you at all.”

  “Is it just the…” She mentally counted the faces she could remember. “Is it just the five of you?”

  Boomer nodded. His curls fell over his shoulder and she had to tuck her hands beneath her thighs to keep from reaching and touching them.

  “Guys like us don’t need much help.”

  She grinned. “That’s awfully conceited of you.”

  “And that’s a very big word for a woman who can’t remember her own name.”

  She hissed playfully and stuck her tongue out at him before shoving open her door. The inside of the trailer smelled familiar. It was a sterile, chemical smell that greeted her like an old friend. She glanced back at him, catching the thoughtful look in his eyes and feeling her stomach clench.

  Boomer shifted the truck into gear and rolled away from the trailer. She stood in the doorway, watching him leave her alone. He was right, though. She could see all the way down the hill from where she was. They had already cleared enough trees to leave a wide-open lane.

  He’d told her they’d been hired to clear the trees and even level some of the land to make way for a ski resort. She felt no small amount of trepidation at the idea of a resort taking over the hillsides. It was too beautiful to mar with humans, but that was far out of her reach.

  It wasn’t like she would stay here forever. At some point, she would remember who she was. There would be a life waiting for her. She just didn’t know if that was the life she wanted. The photos she’d uncovered made her question everything. It was all too easy to smile and laugh in Boomer’s presence. Being around him made it feel like they’d known each other forever. Not even her amnesia could take him away from her.

  With no one around to distract her, Emmy wandered through the small first aid station. She rummaged through drawers and let her fingers graze over bandages. There was something naggingly familiar about it all, like a bell that rang on the other side of the wall in her mind. She wanted to grasp it and inspect it, but it was just out of reach.

  There was a ghost beside her. Not a real one, of course, but the ghost of herself. It filled her body and moved her like an automaton. There was a truth here, in the stacks of gauze and bottles of alcohol, that was just out of reach.

  Boomer had known, too. It was why he’d brought her here. There was no other reason she could see, because she was woefully alone up here. It would have been no more interesting than lying in bed and watching soap operas all day again, if it weren’t for the ghost following her. She wondered how Boomer knew.

  He’d disappeared to speak to the search and rescue team they’d come across. He might have lied about who they were searching for, but she wasn’t a fool. She’d known all along and still chosen to stay with him. Something about leaving with them had frightened her. It’d frightened Boomer, too, enough to get him to lie.

  She thought of the photos she’d found in her phone. The pictures of her and the man hadn’t begun until she’d dug past all the food and cat photos. They were older than the rest. Did that mean her relationship with him had ended? Emmy had no way of knowing until she broke the barrier in her mind.

  With a huff, she dropped onto the low stool and pressed her eyes closed. The space in her mind was dark, devoid of anything more than what had happened over the past few days. She backtracked through the recent
memories. They took her through the kiss atop the cliff, through the glimmering cavern, and through the breathtaking hike all over again.

  Her stomach warmed at the memories, as if that was enough. Her body didn’t need anything beyond that, but she wasn’t ready to give in. Once she reached the murky wall, she pushed. She fought against it with everything she had.

  Who was she?

  Why was she here?

  Emmy dug and dug and dug for more.

  ***

  “How’s the female? She sick of your company yet?” Orion jabbed Boomer in the ribs.

  Over any other woman, Boomer would have laughed and challenged Orion to steal her from him. His beast rose with a growl that slipped from Boomer’s snarling lips. Orion wouldn’t be going anywhere near Emmy. She was still too frail, still recovering from whatever it was that had brought her out here.

  Boomer wanted to feel his fist hit Orion’s nose, feel it crack beneath his knuckles, but he knew three other bear shifters would descend upon them the moment he moved. So, he kept his chin high and made his way toward the Forwarder. Orion could jab all he wanted, but Boomer could drive away with his middle finger in the air.

  “Come on, man! Get the stick out of your ass.” Orion followed him. “How is she? You’ve kept her locked up in that cabin of yours for a few days now. You can’t tell me you didn’t…”

  Orion didn’t get to finish his statement. Boomer’s fist connected with his jaw, sparing Orion’s nose. The other bear shifter grunted and staggered away. Boomer cut a sidelong glance up the hill to the first aid station. The curtains didn’t move, no pale face appeared, and he breathed out a sigh of relief before turning back to Orion.

  The other bear shifter looked at him incredulously. It wasn’t the first time Boomer had punched him, but it was the first time it’d happened over a woman. Boomer heard the shuffle of approaching footsteps as the three other bears moved to surround them. Reid sent a questioning look to Boomer over Orion’s shoulder.