Talk the Talk

by Penny Penniston

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: IN THE AUDIENCE'S SHOES

  Select a scene you wish to rewrite. This might be a scene from an exercise, a script-in-development, or a completed full-length work.

  1. Put the scene away for at least one week.

  2. Look at the scene with fresh eyes. Reread the scene or, if you are part of a writing group, review the scene with the group.

  3. Imagine that you are an audience member watching this scene.

  4. What are you focused on in this scene? What is the most gripping or engaging aspect of the scene?

  5. With what or with whom do you empathize? With what issues or people do you identify?

  6. What is the world like in this scene? How do you feel in this world?

  7. What twists or revelations in the scene are surprising or unexpected?

  8. As an audience member, how has your perception shifted from the beginning of the scene to the end? Do you leave the scene with different knowledge, assumptions, or expectations than when it started?

  9. Look through the rewrite exercises below. Based on your observations, would your scene benefit from any of these exercises? If so, do them.

  10. Once you have completed the selected rewrite exercises below, repeat steps 1 through 9 of this exercise.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: VOICES

  1. Read your scene all the way through.

  2. Make a list of the character voices that you want to rewrite.

  3. Pick one of the characters from your list. Go through the scene and focus exclusively on that character.

  a) Read sections of dialogue out loud. Do the punctuation and phrasing of the dialogue effectively capture the rhythm and flavor of the character's speech? Rewrite as needed.

  b) Line by line, identify the tones of the character's voice. Does the character's speech include multiple tones? Do those tones accurately reflect the character's background, his environment, and the forces acting upon him? Are there tones that should be added? Are there tones that should be removed? Rewrite as needed.

  4. Repeat step 3 for each character on your list.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: INTERACTIONS

  1. Read your scene all the way through.

  2. Pick a relationship in the scene to focus on. For example, if your scene contains three characters — Bob, Sue, and Helen — decide whether you want to focus on the relationship between Bob and Sue, Bob and Helen, or Sue and Helen.

  3. Go through the scene and focus exclusively on that one relationship.

  4. What is the status relationship between the two characters? In their interactions, do they both try to take high status? Do they both try to take low status? Does one take high and one take low? In the course of the scene, do they ever change their status goals/roles? If so, when? Why? Review the scene line by line and tweak the dialogue to accurately reflect each character's status role (in relation to the other) moment to moment through the scene.

  5. Return to step 2 and select a different relationship in the scene. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until you have covered all of the relationships within the scene.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: THE WORLD

  1. Read your scene all the way through.

  2. As succinctly and clearly as possible, give a name to the world in which this scene takes place.

  3. Identify the larger worlds that this world is a part of. Identify the smaller worlds contained within this world.

  4. Select one world from the list of worlds that you have described. Focus exclusively on that world and its role within the scene.

  5. Describe the setting and situation of this world. What does it look like when you walk around it? What does it sound like? How does it feel? Does the dialogue reflect this environment? If not, rewrite as needed.

  6. What defines status in this world? To what people and values does the world assign high status? To what people and values does the world assign low status? Does the dialogue reflect these status expectations? If not, rewrite as needed.

  7. What are the status tools and rituals in this world? Does the dialogue reflect the use of those tools and rituals? If not, rewrite as needed.

  8. Make a list of each character in the scene. Pick a particular character to focus on.

  9. How does this character fit into this world? Does the world attempt to give him high status or low status? How does the character feel about that status role? Are the character's status role within the world and his feelings about it reflected in the character's dialogue? If not, rewrite as needed.

  10. Repeat steps 8 and 9 for each character in the scene.

  11. Repeat steps 4 through 10 for each world on your list.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: FORCES AT WORK

  1. Read your scene all the way through.

  2. List each character in this scene.

  3. What is the dominant force acting on each character? Why is each character in this room at this moment? What does he or she need to accomplish before the scene is over? Make sure that each character has a dominant force keeping him in the scene. If he does not, rewrite as needed.

  4. For each dominant force: What is its direction? Where, specifically, is it pushing the character to go? What is it driving the character to do? If you cannot answer this question clearly and succinctly, rewrite the dialogue to make it clear.

  5. For each dominant force: What is its magnitude? How strong is it? What deep need or want does it come from? What happens if that need or want is not fulfilled? How might things change for the character if that need or want is fulfilled? If the answers to these questions are not clear, rewrite as needed.

  6. Are there forces (other than the dominant force) acting on any of the characters? If so, what are they? Does the dialogue reflect all of the forces acting upon each character? If not, rewrite as needed.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: TURNING POINTS

  1. Review the middle of the scene. In what way do the forces draw the characters together and compel them to interact with each other? If a character does not have a force drawing him into the action of the scene, rewrite to give him one.

  2. Do the forces acting on each character come into conflict? If so, where? If not, look at each combination of forces and find opportunities to bring them into conflict. Rewrite as needed.

  3. Go through the scene and mark any moments where the balance of forces shifts. Can you find the exact moments? Can you articulate exactly what has shifted? If not, rewrite to make the shifts clear.

  4. Go through the scene and look for additional opportunities to shift the balance of forces. Have you missed an interesting twist or undercurrent? If so, rewrite as needed.

  LESSON 19: REWRITE EXERCISE: THE ENDING

  1. Review the end of the scene. Which force has won? How do you know? Can you point to a particular moment in the scene when the force dominated? If the answers to any of these questions are unclear, rewrite as needed to make them clear.

  2. How has the balance of forces changed from the beginning of the scene to the end? How is the new status quo different than the old one? If the answer to this question is unclear, rewrite as needed to make it clear.

  GEORGE: White. A blank page or canvas. So many possibilities.

  —James Lapine and Stephen Sondheim (Sunday in the Park with George)

  LESSON TWENTY:

  Scene to Script

  O

  nce you have mastered the fundamentals of dialogue and can maneuver that dialogue deftly through a scene, you are ready to proceed to a full script. Organizing the plot of a full-length script exceeds the scope of this book. (For a list of suggested reading on this topic, see the Appendix.) The task of writing a full-length script goes far beyond mere dialogue and scene construction; however there are core principles from this book that you can expand and apply to a full-length work.

  The Dominant Force (The Beginning)

  As discussed in a previous chapter, plays and films (like all of the performing arts) are experienced over a p
eriod of time. They are not instant events. They last. They travel from beginning to end. They move. The fundamental job of a scriptwriter is to create the series of changes that move the audience through the performance.

  It's a big job. So how do we do it? How do we create moments of change? Somewhere, thousands and thousands of years ago, the first dramatic writer faced this problem. The answer that she came up with is the answer that most writers still use to this day: We get other people to make these changes for us. We call them characters.

  Within the world of plays and films, characters are very good at changing things. Sure, there are other things a writer could put in his script that would, without the help of any characters, cause things to change — lightning could strike, for example, or a wild animal could go on a rampage — but those things aren't very reliable. It's hard to build a two-hour sequence of changes around them. People are much better at changing things. Unlike lightning, people have free will. Unlike wild animals, people have large, intelligent brains. If you want to make something happen on stage or film, the easiest way to do it is to put some people up there. (Some writers find other ways to do it: They create a world in which lightning has free will or wild animals are capable of intelligent thought, but the ultimate effect is still the same: Things start changing.)

  So, you create a world, you fill it with characters, and the characters run around and start changing things. They say stuff, they do stuff, they move around. Suddenly the world is filled with activity. All sorts of characters are changing things all the time. You've solved the problem of nothing happening, but you've created a new problem: Everything is happening, all the time, and in no particular order. You've got changes happening in all sorts of directions and the audience doesn't know which ones to follow. Let's imagine what this might look like. We're writing a script. We'll call it Hamlet.

  Change 1: Hamlet's father's ghost appears. He tells Hamlet that he was murdered by his brother. He begs Hamlet to avenge his death.

  Change 2: Hamlet goes to the salon and gets a facial.

  Change 3: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern open a dog training facility outside of the castle.

  Change 4: Ophelia and Hamlet's mother bake cookies for the court.

  Change 5: Hamlet's uncle kills himself.

  Change 6: Ophelia decides to take up basket weaving.

  Change 7: Rosencrantz asks Ophelia to marry him.

  Change 8: Hamlet's mother goes into Freudian psychoanalysis.

  Change 9: Hamlet tries to murder Ophelia.

  Change 10: A group of players arrives at court. They do a production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

  Change 11: Guildenstern decides to buy an Italian villa.

  Change 12: Polonius writes a self-help book.

  You can see why an audience would eventually get frustrated.

  What we need is a way to organize things. Thousands of years ago, dramatic writers stumbled on two organizing principles that still work to this day:

  Focus on One Central Character

  Rather than trying to follow what everyone in this entire made-up world is doing, have the audience just follow one character. We'll call him the “Main Character” or the “Central Character.” Let's just follow Hamlet, for example.

  Change 1: Hamlet's father's ghost appears. He tells Hamlet that he was murdered by his brother. He begs Hamlet to avenge his death.

  Change 2: Hamlet goes to the salon and gets a facial.

  Change 3: Hamlet goes to a bar and gets drunk.

  Change 4: Hamlet decides to take a fencing lesson.

  Change 5: Hamlet polishes his shoes.

  Change 6: Hamlet takes his mother out to lunch.

  Change 7: Hamlet goes riding with his friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

  And so on. So, this is a little better. At least we're following the same person. We're not completely confused any more. We're just bored. We don't care about what Hamlet is doing. The whole thing doesn't seem to add up to anything. What we need is another organizing principle.

  Give the Central Character a Dominant Force

  If the central character has a dominant force, he's not going to just initiate random changes in this world. He's not going to just wander around doing stuff. He's going to try to change things in a particular direction. He will initiate changes in pursuit of a goal. Let's give Hamlet a goal:

  Change 1: Hamlet's father's ghost appears. He tells Hamlet that he was murdered by his brother. He begs Hamlet to avenge his death.

  So, Hamlet's goal is to take vengeance for his father's death by murdering the king. That leads to…

  Change 2: Hamlet makes the guards, who were witnesses to the ghost's appearance, swear an oath of secrecy.

  Change 3: Hamlet begins to behave erratically. This behavior confuses the king and queen. Everyone at court tries to figure out what is wrong with Hamlet.

  Change 4: A group of actors comes to court. Hamlet writes a play for them to perform. The play imitates the king's murder of his father. Hamlet hopes to see evidence of the king's guilt in his reaction to the play.

  Change 5: The king is horrified by the play. Hamlet realizes that the king is truly guilty.

  Change 6: Hamlet goes to kill the king, but he finds the king praying. Hamlet is determined that the king should die in a state of sin, so he does not kill him.

  And so on. Now that Hamlet has a dominant force, he doesn't just change things willy-nilly. Every change he makes on stage is in pursuit of a goal. Hamlet doesn't get a facial; he doesn't polish his shoes; he doesn't take his mother out to lunch. Why? Not because he can't do those things, but because they are not part of his agenda.

  The audience now has a clear set of stepping-stones that lead in a particular direction. Out of these changes, the audience can assemble a narrative. They keep leaping onto new stones because they want to find out what happens next. They want to see where the changes will lead them.

  The dominant force is a powerful tool for focusing a story, setting it in motion, and giving it direction. Because it is so powerful, 99% of all successful plays and screenplays introduce one somewhere within the first quarter of the story. It is, in effect, the story's beginning.

  Competing Forces (The Middle)

  The dominant force is not the only force in the script. There are other forces at work. Why? Because if there weren't, you'd have some very short scripts.

  Imagine you're writing Macbeth. The dominant force for Macbeth is that he wants to become king. Without any other forces in the script, the existing king (and his subjects) would just hand over the crown. No fight, no argument, no debate, they'd just give it to him. Macbeth wants it in Scene 1. He gets it in Scene 2. Play over — go home.

  In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones wants to find the Lost Ark of the Covenant. Without other forces in the script, he'd simply fly to Egypt, dig it up, and bring it back to the U.S. Ten minutes — movie over. And you haven't even started your popcorn yet.

  As the writer, you've got to do better than this. People are paying good money to see your work and if it's over in scene two, they're going to want their money back. So, you've got to find a way to make your story last a while.

  To do this, you must create competing forces within your script. The dominant force (the goal) is not the only force. Other forces will cause twists, bends, and setbacks in your character's path. The ways in which your character wrestles with these forces will give your story a middle. They will create obstacles that lengthen the distance between beginning and end.

  The most obvious of these forces will be external. They will come from other characters within the script. Writing textbooks tend to call these characters “antagonists” or “opposition characters.” The Nazis fight against Indiana Jones for the Ark. Claudius plots against Hamlet. Duncan leads an army against Macbeth.