Tristan's Despair (2019 Reissue)

by Lavinia Lewis

  “Very funny.”

  Joey’s eyebrows knitted together and he snatched his hand from Tristan’s then sat up.

  “What’s so funny about that?”

  Confusion turned to disbelief then Tristan felt cold seep into his bones. “W-what do you mean?” he stuttered. “What are you talking about? I’m not a…a…”

  He couldn’t even say the word, it was so ridiculous.

  Joey sat up swiftly then swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He bent over then fumbled on the floor for his clothes.

  “Whatever,” he ground out. “What, you think that now you’ve fucked me you can go back to lying about what you are? Do you think I’m stupid?”

  “No… Of course not. I…”

  “Well, think again!” Joey fumed as he pulled his shirt over his head. “I told you, I know.”

  Frustration coursed through his veins as Tristan sat up and ran a hand through his bed-tousled hair. He grabbed hold of Joey’s arm and tugged on it until his mate turned and met his gaze.

  “I am not lying,” he said with as much conviction as he could muster. “I won’t ever lie to you, I promise, but you’ve got it wrong.”

  “Oh really.”

  Joey tried to pull his arm free, but Tristan kept his grip on it firm.

  “I am…different,” he conceded. “But I’m not a…a vampire.”

  Under different circumstances, having to say that phrase would have made him chuckle and roll his eyes, but right now, all he felt was a desperate need to make Joey believe and understand. As the implications of the situation began to set in, Tristan felt sick to his stomach.

  How could he have got it so wrong?

  He’d been convinced that Joey had known what he was. He’d wrongly assumed that Joey knew all about wolves and the mating bond they shared. When Joey had asked Tristan to bite him, he had thought that was Joey’s way of accepting him as his mate. But now they were bonded together for life and there was no way of undoing it. What if Joey decided that he didn’t want to be with Tristan for the rest of his life? Where would that leave him? Pain lanced through his chest at the thought of having to live the rest of his life without his mate.

  He wouldn’t be able to do it.

  Pants in hand, Joey stared at him intently. He could practically see the cogs turning in his mate’s head.

  “Then what are you?” he asked hesitantly. “Okay, so you’re not a vampire, but you’re not human either.”

  Tristan nodded while he looked at his mate and tried to come up with an appropriate way to tell him what he was and to explain about the life that Joey had inadvertently just become a part of.

  “What’s the name of the town?” he asked.

  Joey frowned. “Wolf Creek.”

  “The name is significant,” Tristan said and waited for his mate to clue in.

  After a moment, Joey’s eyes widened and his mouth hung slack. “Are you saying you’re some sort of werewolf?”

  Squirming on the bed, Tristan rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Well, sort of,” he replied. “That is, we’re wolf shifters, but essentially, yeah, I guess you could call us that.”

  Joey gaped at him before exclaiming, “Holy shit! Just like in the movies? Can you change into a wolf-man thing?”

  Tristan couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips. “No, we shift fully into wolves. None of that covered in fur and walking around like a man crap that you see in the movies.”

  Throwing his pants down, Joey climbed back onto the bed and stared at Tristan.

  “Wow. So what else is true or myth? Do you change into a werewolf at full moon?”

  Tristan smiled and nodded. “Wolf shifter and yes, we can change pretty much any time we want, but we have to change when there’s a full moon. It’s like a compulsion that we can’t fight. Well, we probably could fight it, but it would be very painful.”

  “Can silver kill you?”

  “Yeah, we’re allergic to the metal. You seem to be taking this pretty well and I don’t understand why. How come you knew I wasn’t human? And why did you think I was a vampire?”

  Color flooded Joey’s cheeks. “Uh, I went out for a walk last night and I saw you and your friend in the parking lot. You’d just got off his bike. I didn’t mean to spy on you or anything, but hell, I saw your eyes and your fangs and I put two and two together.”

  “Incisors,” Tristan corrected, his mouth curved into a wry smile. “Not fangs.”

  Joey nodded. “Who was the guy you were with? Was he your boyfriend?”

  Heat rose in Tristan’s cheeks to mirror his mate’s.

  Crap.

  He hated the fact that Joey had seen him with another man—even though nothing had happened between him and Brandon, it so easily could have. It most likely would have if he hadn’t caught Joey’s scent on the wind.

  Tristan shook his head.

  “No. He’s not my boyfriend. I just met him last night. I, uh, had too much to drink so he gave me a lift home.”

  “Did you and he…?”

  “No! I mean, we were going to hook up, but I changed my mind before anything happened between us.”

  “Oh.”

  Tristan didn’t miss the smile that graced his mate’s lips when he heard that news.

  “Were you jealous?” Tristan asked. “When you saw us together?”

  He wanted to know how strong the mating bond was in humans. If Joey had been with another man when Tristan had first found him, as irrational as it was, he’d have wanted to rip the guy’s throat out.

  Joey shrugged. “Yeah, I was. Wow, that sounds crazy, doesn’t it? I mean, I hadn’t even met you then. How could I have been jealous of someone I didn’t know?”

  Joey frowned and added, “I’m not some psycho sociopathic stalker dude or anything, just so you know.”

  Tristan chuckled.

  He snaked a hand around his mate’s back and pulled him to his side. Joey came willingly.

  “I didn’t think you were, and, actually, it was perfectly normal for you to be jealous when you saw us together.”

  “I don’t understand,” Joey said, his frown deepening.

  Butterflies danced in Tristan’s stomach.

  He didn’t know how to say the words but he knew that he had to get them out. Joey had to know about the bond between them. It wasn’t fair to keep it from him, but how was he going to tell him what he’d just done? He took a deep breath while he thought about the best way to proceed.

  “Do you know anything about wolves?” he began. “I mean real wolves that live out in the wild?”

  “Just what I’ve seen on Discovery.”

  Tristan nodded. “Well, we’re actually pretty similar. Just like real wolves, shifters live in packs and we—”

  “We were with your pack tonight, weren’t we?” Joey asked.

  Tristan had a feeling he could get into trouble for disclosing as much as he had so far, but what else was he supposed to do?

  Joey was his mate.

  He couldn’t lie to him and he didn’t want there to be any secrets between them.

  “Yes,” he replied. “We were with my pack.”

  “Wow, so they were all wolves?”

  “Not all, no.” Tristan closed his eyes for a moment while he tried to remember who had been present at the barbecue. “Let me see, uh… Both Pete and Kelan’s mates are human and there were a couple of cats there, too. Cary and G—”

  “Cats?” Joey repeated, his eyes wide.

  Tristan nodded. “Cat shifters. Well, big cats like leopards and pan—” When he saw the look of incredulity on Joey’s face, he cut off his words and let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry. Guess this is a lot to take in, huh?”

  “You could say that.” Tristan’s stomach flipped when Joey smiled. Then his face cleared. “Is that why Aaron made such a big deal about me not liking cats?”

  “Yeah. Aaron is a wolf, but his mate Cary is a panther shifter.”

  “Of course he is,” Joey
said dryly. “Is Kelan the leader?”

  Tristan chuckled at the terminology his mate was using.

  It was endearing.

  “Yes, Kelan is the alpha wolf. How did you know?”

  “I’m not sure. He just seems really powerful.”

  “He is.”

  “And I felt weird around him like I wanted to do whatever he asked.”

  “Yeah, we pretty much all feel like that around Kelan.”

  “Huh. What did you mean earlier when you said it was normal for me to be jealous?”

  “Um, yeah, about that…”

  Tristan frowned.

  Oh hell, here goes nothing.

  “Do you know that wolves in the wild form partnerships? They mate with another wolf then they stay with that wolf for their whole life.”

  The crease on Joey’s forehead was a clear indication that Tristan wasn’t explaining himself clearly enough, but he carried on regardless. He was afraid that if he stopped speaking now, he wouldn’t ever be able to get the words out.

  “Wolf shifters mate in the same way. We only have one mate, for life.”

  “Okay…” Joey acknowledged.

  Tristan braced himself while he held Joey’s gaze. His heart was beating furiously. “For me, you’re it.”

  “It,” Joey repeated. “What is it exactly?”

  “My mate.”

  Joey stared at him.

  When a couple of minutes had passed in silence, Tristan started to worry that Joey wasn’t taking the news very well.

  “Don’t you have anything to say?” he whispered.

  Joey stayed silent and chewed on his bottom lip. After a short while, he opened his mouth but then closed it again before he said anything.

  “Is there anything that perhaps you want to know?” Tristan prompted.

  “There’s plenty,” Joey said at last. “But I don’t know where to begin.”

  “Okay…”

  “I’m your mate.”

  “Yes.”

  Joey nodded. “And, what does that mean exactly?”

  Holding Joey’s gaze, Tristan said, “It means that you’re mine.” When no reply was forthcoming Tristan continued, “You were made for me, Joey. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it—you’re mine and I’m yours—forever.”

  “Oh.”

  Tristan let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh? That’s it? Wow. I was expecting, I don’t know, more.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry but I really don’t know what to say here, Tristan. I mean come on. We’re mates—made for each other? Do you know what that sounds like? Freaking insane! Why don’t you tell me more about the forever part?”

  “Wolves only have one mate until either they die or their mate does. When a wolf meets their mate, they are basically meeting and recognizing a missing part of their soul.”

  He lowered his eyes to Joey’s neck, pleased to see that the wound he’d left was already healing.

  “The bite seals our bond. I’m sorry, Joey, really I am, but when you asked me to bite you, I thought it was because you knew what I was and what the bite would mean for us. Did it hurt?”

  Joey shook his head. “Not much.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “What about love?” Joey asked. “You said that a wolf recognizes their mate, but doesn’t love come into it?”

  “Of course,” Tristan affirmed. “Love is important to wolves too, but that comes later, just like it does in all relationships.”

  “But what if it doesn’t?” Joey questioned. “What if you don’t fall in love with your mate?”

  Tristan frowned. “That’s impossible.”

  “Why?”

  “Because mates are made to complement each other. Why would you not fall in love with someone who was perfect for you?”

  “I don’t know,” Joey said around a shrug. “What if you’re already in love with someone else?”

  Tristan couldn’t contain the growl that ripped from his throat.

  “Are you?” he demanded.

  Part of him didn’t want to know the answer, because as irrational as it was, he’d want to find the guy to beat the crap out of him. He’d like to think he could be a bigger man than that, but he didn’t want to have to test the theory.

  “No,” Joey replied, scowling. “And don’t growl at me.”

  “Sorry,” Tristan mumbled. “To answer your question, it might hurt to have to leave someone you were already in love with, but I imagine a mate would quickly recover. The mating bond is far stronger than any emotion, even love.”

  “What if you decide you don’t want to be with your mate anymore?”

  “That wouldn’t happen.”

  “You sound pretty damn sure about that.”

  “I am. There is nothing you could do that would make me want to give you up.”

  Joey snorted. “I doubt that.”

  A hollow feeling began to form in Tristan’s stomach.

  “Don’t you feel the bond between us?” he asked quietly. “For me, it’s strong—incredibly strong. A deep connection—our souls are entwined. I know that it’s different for humans, but don’t you feel anything, anything at all?”

  Joey regarded Tristan silently for a moment before replying.

  “I do feel…something, but I don’t know how to explain it or what I’m supposed to feel. Tell me how it feels for you?”

  “It’s like a pull,” Tristan replied, trying his best to explain the way he felt. “It’s like I have to be near you and the thought of being separated from you leaves me feeling cold. I feel like if you’re not in my life, I can never be happy again.”

  “Wow,” Joey breathed. “That’s intense.”

  Tristan shrugged. “It is what it is. I think it feels that way for all shifters.”

  Joey averted his gaze.

  Tristan watched him in silence. He wished he knew what his mate was thinking, although Joey was like an open book, his feelings displayed clearly on his face. Right now, it was evident that he was confused, maybe a little afraid.

  “I’m going to need some time, Tristan,” Joey said at last. “I need to think about all of this. It’s a lot to take in, ya know?”

  Ignoring the pain in his chest, Tristan nodded.

  “You can take as long as you need. I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready to talk to me.”

  “Thanks, I uh, I appreciate it. I’m gonna go back to my room now.”

  Tristan wanted to reach out and grab Joey, to beg him not to go, but he knew that wouldn’t achieve anything. He had to be true to his word.

  “Okay, sure.”

  “If you’d like, we could meet up tomorrow after your shift at the garage ends?” Joey suggested.

  “Really?” Hope swelled in Tristan’s chest.

  His mate might want some time to think about everything they’d discussed, but at least he didn’t want to keep his distance for too long. Tristan could hardly believe that Joey wanted to see him again so soon. Maybe he was feeling the effects of the mating bond, after all.

  “Yes, really,” Joey replied, leaning forward to plant a small kiss on his lips. When he pulled back he asked, “What time do you get off?”

  “Five thirty. I can meet you at the diner in town if you’d like?”

  “That’s okay. I’d like to see where you work. We can walk to the diner together and talk on the way.”

  Tristan nodded eagerly and a huge grin stretched across his lips.

  Some of the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders dissipated.

  “Great. It’s a date.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Staring at the phone on his nightstand, Joey let out a weary sigh.

  He had planned to call his editor at the paper so that he could tell him about the story he’d uncovered, but there was no chance of that now. Even though getting the scoop on real-life wolf shifters would send his career into the stratosphere, Joey knew he couldn’t do that to Tristan or his family and friends—his pack as Tristan had called them
.

  Joey wished not for the first time that he could be tougher and not driven by his emotions. If he cared less about Tristan’s opinion of him, he’d write the damn story in a heartbeat.

  The trouble was, he did care.

  He cared a lot.

  How could that be? He’d only just met Tristan. Mates. He tossed the word over a few times in his mind, but he still didn’t fully understand it. How could Tristan be so certain that they were destined to be together? It was a crazy notion. Romantic, but crazy.

  There was no doubt that Joey was attracted to Tristan.

  His pulse went into overdrive whenever they were near and leaving him the night before had been oddly difficult. He couldn’t believe that Tristan could be his forever if he wanted him to be—if he accepted him as his mate. The idea of spending the rest of his life with Tristan caused an odd sense of peace to settle over him.

  It felt right.

  When he’d set off for Wolf Creek, Joey had been sure his life was about to change for the better, but, of course, he hadn’t known how. He’d had a hunch that something was imminent, something big, although he couldn’t say why he had felt that way. At the time he’d been convinced it was to do with his job, that he could bring home the story his colleague Mason Jacks had failed to uncover.

  If someone had told him the change he’d been anticipating was to be permanently bonded to a werewolf he’d have laughed them out of the room.

  Then he’d have called for the men in white coats.

  Yet here he was.

  The decision that Joey needed to make was going to be his most difficult ever. Should he stay in Wolf Creek and pursue a relationship with Tristan or would it be better if he just packed his bags now and got out of Dodge?

  Both options had merit.

  If he left right away then he could go back to his life in the city before he became too emotionally invested in Tristan—before he fell for him. He knew that would be an easy thing to do. Tristan looked at him like he’d just discovered the cure for cancer or had lassoed the moon.

  A man could get used to that kind of adoration.

  The more he thought about leaving, the tighter his chest felt, like a heavy weight was pressing down on it, preventing him from breathing properly. He didn’t want to go, yet how could he stay?