by R. G. Angel
He looked around in panic and I could feel it too, that presence.
I turned around warily; there was nothing to be seen but the presence felt oppressive. It was just like in my nightmare. And for the first time in my life, I felt threatened in my sanctuary. My heartbeat accelerated and cold sweats ran down my spine as I detailed every gap between the trees surrounding me.
I was not paranoid; the squirrel was getting more and more agitated too. It got so agitated that it jumped from my hand to hide very high in a tree.
I started to back away slowly toward the more frequented path. I looked around warily with every step as the feeling of fear and danger kept escalating, making it hard to breathe. As I turned around I saw something, a shadow from the corner of my eye and I started to run, run like my life depended on it which, against all logic, I felt like it was.
I felt choked by this… thing following me. As if despite me running as fast as I could, they were getting closer, but I was too unsteady and scared to turn around and check. My only priority was to get out of there.
Come on, Fay, just a bit faster; the path is not far away now, I kept repeating to myself.
As my lungs started to burn from my rapid and sharp intake of air, I made the mistake of quickly looking back and that was when my foot got caught on an external tree root, making me fall heavily.
I managed to turn, trying to minimize the impact, and landed on my hands.
It hurt but I quickly turned around, wide-eyed, expecting my stalker to attack me. I wouldn’t have been able to scream even if I wanted to; I was far too breathless to even try.
“Hey!” I heard someone shout from behind me and that voice made me feel safe immediately.
I lay back down with relief, looking at Tamlin upside down.
I frowned and crooked my head to the side to look at him.
He was not looking at me; he was looking at our surroundings with a menacing look on his face, detailing everything, with his brows furrowed, his lips pursed. He was standing with a leg forward, his hands in fists, his body clearly ready to either protect or attack.
I frowned. How odd… But it didn't matter. I was safe now; Tamlin was here. I just lay there for a few seconds, looking at yellowing leaves on the branches and the gray Oregon sky. I just needed a moment to calm my heartbeat and shake off the dread that was still so deep inside me.
“Are you alright? What happened?” he asked as he leaned over me, his beautiful masculine face hiding my view of the sky His longish wavy hair fell over his face. He really was a stunning man.
“Fay?” he asked with concern, detailing my face. “Are you going into shock?”
Shock? I shook my head. “No, I’m just catching my breath.”
He twisted his mouth with uncertainty as he reached down to help me up.
As soon as I was standing again, I tried to put some order to my clothes. Shoot! I thought, seeing my bleeding knee and ripped jeans.
“What were you even doing here by yourself?” he snapped.
I looked up from my ripped jeans at once, seeing that the previous concern on his face had morphed into irritation.
“Excuse me?” I asked, really taken aback by his mood swing.
“You had no business being in the woods by yourself, Fay. This is not safe!” he chastised again, his jaw muscles bulging. “Don’t you have an ounce of self-preservation?” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “For heaven’s sake, Fay, don’t be stupid!”
I jerked back; that was crossing the line. “Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me that way?” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “I am not your sister!”
“Thank God for that!” he snapped right back.
I glared back silently.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“What were you doing here, Fay?” he asked, visibly calmer now even if his voice was still deeper than usual and his face not as relaxed as usual.
“I was here for my research. I wanted to do my paper on squirrels,” I replied in a peacemaking gesture even if I was still taken aback by his outburst. It was so far from the placid, cool, and controlled Tamlin I’d met so far.
“And you got lost?” he suggested, resting his hands on my shoulders, preventing me from turning around and avoiding his eyes. He was looking at me with a challenge in his eyes. What answer did he expect from me?
No, Mr. Know-it-all, I never get lost in the woods! I’m not a clumsy helpless little girl! I wanted to tell him that, I really did but I couldn’t. The real reason would just feed his previous outburst. And seriously what could I even say? Something like ‘yeah, well, I felt an invisible menacing force that wanted to hurt me so I ran to safety?’ That was bound to have him questioning my mental health.
So, I did something I didn’t want to do, I gave in. I nodded, making me look both foolish and weak.
I wasn’t the bravest girl on the planet. I wouldn’t be the one running in a fight I knew I couldn’t win, but I was not a scared little girl either. However, sometimes it was better to pretend. “Yeah… I got lost” I looked past him, seeing the path now… I’d been so close.
“You’re hurt.” He pointed at the scrapes on my hands.
I looked down and saw that both my hands and knees were bleeding.
I shrugged.
“Come on, let me get you to the infirmary.” He tried to put his hand on my back to lead me away.
I shook my head and took a couple of steps out of reach. “No, no infirmary,” I objected firmly. “The scrapes are not that deep; I’ll just clean them up.” I looked straight into his eyes to show him I wouldn’t budge.
“Have you got everything you need to take care of that?” he asked knowingly. I bet there were not a lot of students with first aid kits in their room and I was one of them.
I pursed my lips, deciding not to answer that question. When did I get that cocky with a person of the opposite sex? I was the shy kind, avoiding confrontation, but it was different with him. Somehow the feeling of familiarity I had around him loosened my tongue.
He sighed, probably seeing that he would have to be the mature one, the one surrendering. “Could we at least go back to the dorm?” He gestured to the path. “Just let me have a look. I’m trained in first aid and I have a first aid kit.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly, about to retort that I was not a baby and that I could take care of myself just fine. Yep, I was still not completely over the comment he’d made at the shopping center about taking care of me being his job.
“Please…?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “It’s more for me than for you. Imagine, a student on my floor dying of an infection like tetanus would look very bad on my resume,” he joked with a tentative smile.
His comment did the trick. I nodded with a small laugh. I couldn’t really blame him for his comment really. It had been the truth; it was his job.
“Okay, you win.”
“If only…” he mumbled, but it was clearly not meant for me to hear.
We walked back to campus in silence, both looking around every so often, me to make sure nothing was following us. Him? I wasn’t sure but he remained tense until we reached the dorm.
I was feeling a bit uncomfortable as we stepped into his room. I knew it was silly to be as it was probably not as big a deal to him as it was to me.
“Come here.” He took me to the small sink to wash my hands with warm water and antiseptic soap.
He dried them so softly that I didn’t feel any pain. I looked up at him as he was looking at my scrapes. He was so tall, so muscular, but even more gentle than my mother was. It was like it would hurt him to hurt me.
“It’s not too bad.” He looked up with a relieved smile. “Go sit on the chair, I’ll be around in a second.”
I sat on his desk chair, studying the room. It was pretty bare and so organized that I thought I was in some military room. He only had one poster for some old black-and-white movie on the
wall, a couple of books and assignments on his desk, but he had two bookcases full of books.
“I don’t think we can do much about your jeans.” He brought me back to reality.
He was crouching in front of me, cleaning my knee wound with a warm, wet cloth. Seeing him in such a posture was embarrassing me even more. All the energy coming from him was telling me bravado, courage, strength, honor, and yet it looked like he was bowing, his touch delicate, almost tender.
“You know.” I shrugged. “I could still go for the grunge look. I’ll only be about two decades late.”
“It could work,” he replied as he kept on working cautiously on my knee, putting on the antiseptic cream and a Band-Aid.
He stood up and sat on the bed close to me.
“Okay… How does it feel?” he asked, reaching for my left hand and putting a thin coat of ointment on it.
“I didn’t feel a thing!” I exclaimed. “You are very good with your hands.”
He looked up, arching an eyebrow, and I blushed, realizing how he could have interpreted it. “So I’ve been told,” he teased, chuckling.
I blushed even more as a little sting of jealousy muddled in my embarrassment as I wondered who told him that and how many times.
I shook my head. “What I mean is that you’re a good nurse.”
“Yeah…” He started to work on my other hand and, as he had his head down, I could freely look at him, how the sun was playing in his black hair. His hair was such a deep black it looked like it had some blue in it under a certain light.
He scratched his upper lip with the back of his hand and looked up at me, probably feeling my eyes on him.
When he looked up, I burst into laughter.
“What? What is it?” he asked with a wide smile. He didn’t know what I was laughing about but seeing me laugh made him laugh too.
“You…” I pointed to his face. He probably got the back of his hand dirty as he cleaned my knee, and when he scratched his face, he put some soil just above his upper lip, making half a Dali moustache. “You look like Dali!” I brought my other hand to his face to remove the dirt.
However, when my fingers brushed his upper lip, we both froze. I slowly and gently removed the trace from his face, wanting to make this moment last. I looked up at him, my fingertips on his lips. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to escape my chest at any moment. Tamlin looked just as shaky as I was, his rapid breathing mirroring mine.
Then, as if I were hypnotized by his stunning eyes, I leaned in and locked my lips with his in a chaste kiss.
I started to move my lips on his slowly and I wasn’t sure I was doing it right. It was the first time that I kissed anyone, but as his own lips started to move in sync with mine, responding to my kiss, I realized I was doing alright.
I’m kissing Tamlin! I thought, not believing it was happening.
But almost immediately, he brought his hands to my shoulders and gently pushed me away, breaking our kiss.
“No, it’s not right, we can’t do that,” he breathed, his voice deeper than usual.
It felt like a bucket of icy water had been thrown on me.
Firstly, because I was mortified to have done that. It was not like me! I did not go around kissing people, and secondly, I was hurt because, even if it was totally justified, rejection hurt just the same.
I jumped off the chair, taking two steps back toward the door before stopping. I had to apologize for my behavior. “I’m… I’m sorry I shouldn’t ha—” I quickly glanced at the door. “I’m going now.” I turned around.
“No, wait!” he exclaimed, jumping from the bed. “It’s not that I—”
“No, no, no,” I shook my hand dismissively, looking everywhere except in his eyes. “I was out of line,” I added quickly before opening the door on a very tall, very pretty blond girl with red nails and red lips.
That’s more like it. I was not ugly; I never thought I was, but it was clear that she and I didn’t play in the same league.
The girl looked down at me suspiciously.
“Thank you for the Band-Aid.” I pointed to my knee and the girl relaxed with a little mocking smile. “Hello,” I added, looking at her before walking slowly down the corridor to show her that we didn’t do anything wrong.
I didn’t know if she was his girlfriend or what, and I didn’t want to cause him any trouble.
“So I was thinking that for the party tonight—” I heard her say just before walking in my room where, as the perfect conclusion of such a perfect day, Krysten was bagging some of her belongings.
Please, God, or whoever, don’t let her kill me with her babbling, I thought, forcing a smile.
“I got in!” she squealed, jumping up and down.
“Yay!” I faked enthusiasm as she pulled me into a hug. “So, when are you moving out?” I asked, suddenly more interested.
“Tonight,” she sighed. “I know, it sucks, right?” she added with a contriteness I was not sure was genuine. “We just got used to each other, became friends, and now we have to part.” She shook her head sadly.
“I know; it will be hard.” I probably sounded as fake as she did.
She continued to babble for at least half an hour, but after two weeks of sharing my living space, I started to master the skill of blocking her out to a small buzzing sound in the background.
It was easy to keep up with her, a couple of uh-huhs here and some I see and yeahs there and you were able to keep her going for hours.
As she was talking, I settled at my desk, trying to find a new subject for my study as I didn’t feel like going back to the forest anytime soon.
I was browsing the net when someone knocked on the door.
“I don’t think it’s for me,” Krysten said, adjusting her hair and lipstick.
“Just say I’m not here, please,” I whispered. I knew it was Tamlin coming to apologize or do whatever else good guys would do in this situation, but I really didn’t feel like dealing with that. I had enough emotion for one day… Hell, it was more emotion than I had in a year!
Krysten gave me a thumbs-up, opening the door slightly, hiding me from view.
I sighed with relief. At least she could be useful for something or at least I thought so until I heard her say ‘yeah, she is here, just a second.’
Damn you, girl! I thought, flushed with anger.
“I’m sorry, he is just too hot to be sent away,” she whispered to me apologetically, before opening the door wide, letting my visitor in.
My mouth almost dropped when I saw the light-brown hair, the icy-blue eyes, and the million-dollar smile… Gareth Somersen.
“Hello, Fay.” He completely ignored the model-like Krysten and her flirty smile. “I told you I’d see you around,” he added with a wide smile.
I couldn’t help but crack a smile as his cockiness was somehow charming and Krysten’s face was priceless.
I turned my chair toward him. “Not sure coming into my room counts; it’s not really what we can call fate, is it?” I asked playfully.
“You told me you didn’t believe in fate so…” He shrugged, a glint of humor in his eyes. “I decided to force destiny.”
“We have become the makers of our fate when we have ceased to pose as its prophets,” I quoted, still smiling.
He arched his eyebrows. “Karl Popper? Nice.” He nodded with appreciation.
“You knew that?” I asked, stunned. He was the first person I’d ever met who knew Popper well enough to recognize his quotes. Because even if he was considered as being one of the most influential philosophers of science of the twentieth century, he was pretty unknown to people my own age.
Gareth just nodded.
“I didn’t know that,” Krysten intervened, bringing our attention to her.
She was looking at us, apparently eagerly following the exchange, but I had completely forgotten she was here, and based on Gareth's annoyed glare, he just wished she wasn’t.
“I see…” I didn�
�t really know what to say to her without sounding mean.
“That’s a shocker!” He snorted, looking at her up and down. “I was sure you were the kind of girl who knew that,” he added with heavy sarcasm.
“Well, strangely enough, I don't,” she replied, still unable to pick up on sarcasm.
“Oh my…” Gareth looked back at me with a look saying, ‘Is she for real?’
I pursed my lips, doing my best not to smile. “Gareth is helping me with my animal behavior project,” I told her, trying not to laugh. “If you don’t mind,” I continued, looking at the door.
“Oh, of course! I was going anyway!” She picked up her Hello Kitty bag. “I’ll come back tomorrow to pick up the rest.” She waved to us and left the room but not before winking at me with a wicked smile.
I sighed as she closed the door. I would be lying if I said that I was comfortable in his presence because that wasn’t the case, but I knew that it was mainly due to his good looks. Tamlin was extremely good-looking too but in a safe kind of way. Gareth was different; he looked somehow… dangerous, his beauty almost aerial.
“Is Gareth helping you with your project?” he asked with a chuckle, sitting on Krysten’s bed.
I shrugged slightly. “I had a… setback with my project, and now, if the offer still stands…” I closed my laptop, turning on my chair to face him.
“Of course, it does.” He seemed truly pleased.
“But…” I frowned. “Why did you come in the first place?” I asked curiously.
“I felt you were in trouble,” he said seriously, looking into my eyes.
When I paled, he laughed, waving his hand. “Just kidding. I wanted to invite you for coffee. So, here it goes. Fay, would you like to go out and have coffee with me tonight?” he asked, leaning toward me, resting his forearms on his legs.
I looked at him for a couple of seconds. I could easily say no, that I didn’t know him well enough, or that it was better to concentrate on work or something like that, but even if I should have, I didn’t.
It was maybe because I felt so alone today as I was running in the woods, or because of Tamlin’s rejection or maybe even a combination of the two, but for the first time in an eternity, I decided to ignore the uneasiness I felt with him.