Married for a Month

by Cate Ashwood

  Three hours later, I’d managed to wipe out most of my headache, but the gnawing anxiety in my guts persisted. I’d made some progress on two of the beams for one of the construction projects we’d taken on. There was still more to do during the week, especially since we were still down a man. I pushed my safety goggles onto the top of my head and pulled my cell phone from my pocket. My stomach was starting to growl, protesting the fact I still hadn’t eaten.

  The voices in my head compelling me to call Chase needed to be silenced, and I needed to get out of the shop. Normally I would call Reid or Brynn, but they’d only ask about Chase and why I wasn’t spending my weekend with him. I didn’t particularly feel like answering any questions, so I dialed Daniel’s number instead. It was Sunday and I knew he was likely spending the day with his wife and my nieces, but I could always count on him to meet up with me when I called.

  “Hey, Alec. Long time no talk. What’s up?”

  I was more grateful than I wanted to admit to hear his voice. We’d always been close as brothers, but since he had gotten married a few years before, the time we spent together had become less and less frequent.

  “I thought maybe if you weren’t busy you’d like to grab lunch or something.”

  “Sure. Sophie and the girls wanted to see the new princess movie today, but I bet I could get out of it if I told them I was going to see my very best brother.”

  I heard him yelling in the background, his voice muffled as he called to his wife to ask if it was all right for him to skip out on the latest Disney spectacular. When he uncovered the speaker of the phone, I could hear the elation in his voice.

  “Yep, they’re okay going without me. I owe you one.”

  “You can pay for lunch,” I offered.

  “Sure. In that case, we’re going to McDonald’s. I’ll order you one of those burgers that cost a dollar.”

  “I’ll pay for my own lunch,” I grumbled with fake annoyance. “You know, for a doctor, you sure are fucking cheap.”

  An hour later, I arrived at Northside Brewery, a small craft place a couple of miles from the shop. I’d been there a couple of times before, and the beer was as good as the food. Today, though, I was staying far away from anything that contained alcohol. One more drink and my liver was going to forcibly vacate my body.

  Daniel wasn’t there when I arrived, so I sat at a table near the front, nursing a glass of ice water the waitress brought me. From the expression of sympathy on her face, I must have looked as rough as I felt. The dim lighting suited me fine since the aspirin had worn off, and the hangover I thought I’d mostly beat came back to kick my ass into submission.

  “Whoa, rough night last night?” Daniel asked a few minutes later as he slid into the seat opposite me.

  “Late night. Went out drinking with Chase.” I waved my hand dismissively and hoped that would be the extent of the questions he asked about Chase.

  “Aren’t you a little old to be abusing your body like that? You’re not exactly twenty-one anymore.”

  I scowled at him. “My body copes perfectly well, thanks.”

  “The dark circles under your eyes and the fact that you look like you’re going to either pass out or throw up tells me a different story.”

  “Fuck you.” I changed the subject. “How are the girls?”

  “Crazy. All of them. Amelia is into something new every week. I can’t keep up. Last week it was horses. This week it’s some boy band from the UK that’s just a bunch of letters. I don’t even know, but every time she changes her mind, she does it with such conviction, like whatever the obsession of the week happens to be consumes her whole life and she’ll just die if she doesn’t completely surround herself.” He emphasized his words with overdramatic gestures, and I could imagine Amelia doing the same. “Last week, she almost had Sophie convinced she needed to take riding lessons, and of course, Zoe sees her sister doing something, so she wants to do it too and between the two of them our house is in utter chaos all the time. I didn’t realize when Sophie got pregnant how fucked I was.”

  “I have a couch if you need a break, or if they need a break from you.” I regretted the offer the moment it left my mouth. Under any other circumstances, I would have been happy to offer my brother a place to stay, but with Chase living there… Would Chase even still be there when I got home? Were we still fake married?

  I had no idea what he was thinking, or where we stood, and a very large part of me wanted to avoid finding out for as long as possible. The reactions I was having were terrifying. I was terrified of losing him, and the moment I’d resolved to forget the whole thing had ever happened, a fragment of a memory flashed into my head and I remembered what being with Chase—really being with him—was like. I didn’t want to give that up either.

  I couldn’t have both. We couldn’t repeat what had happened and then go back to being friends. Even now, I wasn’t sure if we could go back to being friends, even if we swore to never see each other naked again. I’d already seen him, felt him, heard him. Short of a partial lobotomy, there was no excising that information from my brain.

  “Hello?”

  My attention snapped back to Daniel, who was looking at me like I’d started burlesque dancing on the table.

  “What?”

  “I was saying I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  “Change?”

  “About my life,” Daniel clarified.

  I looked blankly at him.

  “Jesus Christ, Alec. What’s going on with you? You’re completely spaced-out.”

  “Just tired.”

  Judging from the expression on his face, there wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to get away with that lie.

  “You’re scaring me. Are you drinking on a regular basis? Or something else? Recreationally, maybe?”

  “No. Fuck.” Although, the thought of lighting up a joint and letting the smoke mellow me out wasn’t altogether unattractive.

  “What is it, then?”

  I didn’t answer. I was trying to formulate a response that didn’t include how I’d railed my best friend over the side of my bed, but my brain was sluggish and thoughts of Chase made my mind dive into a different direction.

  “Alec?”

  I looked at my brother, his eyebrows knit together in deep concern, his deep brown eyes locked on mine. I saw nothing but love and concern there, and before I even opened my mouth, I knew I was fucked. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want anyone to know. Saying the words out loud would make it too real, but the way he was staring at me, I knew I couldn’t lie to him.

  “I slept with Chase.” The admission nearly killed me. Those four words were so much heavier than they seemed, the implications of the actions rippling through me.

  “When?” Daniel asked.

  “Last night.”

  “Was it good?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Does that matter?”

  “I’d say so. If you’re going to ruin the oldest friendship you have, the sex better have been amazing.”

  Guilt settled securely in. “You think the friendship is ruined?”

  “I have no idea. What did Chase say this morning?” When I didn’t reply, Daniel stared me down. “You bailed on him?”

  “I left him a note. I needed to get my head on straight before I talked to him.”

  He leaned forward, forearms resting on the table, eyes intense. He had his father voice on—the same one I’d heard him use on his daughters more than once when they’d done something they weren’t supposed to do. “And is it on straight?”

  “No.”

  “Tough shit. You need to talk to him anyway. The only chance you have at salvaging your relationship is to clear the air and see how he’s feeling. Running away like a pussy is definitely not the solution, and I’m fucking pissed that was your reaction. You’re better than this.”

  The waitress appeared to take our order, and I waited for her to leave before we resumed our conversation. I was regretting inviti
ng him out for lunch, and more than that, I was regretting opening my mouth about Chase.

  “You’re my brother. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

  “I’m on your side when you’re doing the right thing. You’re not. I’m guessing you were drunk. I’m guessing there wasn’t a lot of forethought that went into this decision. You both fucked up, but you fucked up worse because you ran.”

  Anger eclipsed the guilt. “I needed some time away. I needed perspective. I couldn’t think with him still wrapped in my sheets. One mistake and everything has changed. Forgive me if I’m not man enough to immediately adapt. I needed fucking time.”

  “Keep your voice down,” Daniel scolded.

  I crumpled. “I know I need to talk to him, but I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, you’d better fucking figure it out.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chase

  I leaned against the wall, waiting for Alec to speak. He looked at me expectantly, and my stomach turned over like those half-cooked pancakes I’d made for him all those nights ago. This shit right here was why I didn’t do relationships. It was too much for me.

  When I’d woken up, body bruised and wonderfully sore, I’d felt so good. Hazed out in a sleep-addled bliss, I was looking forward to round three. Or was it four?

  Until I rolled over.

  Alec was gone and his side of the bed was cold. I had no idea when he’d left, just that he’d left without saying anything. He’d left a perfectly cryptic note, something about needing to get to the shop and he’d call me later. I’d waited a few hours, knowing he’d needed to sort through things in his head, but by noon he hadn’t come home.

  I texted, feeling very much like the desperate guy who got too clingy after a date. Hesitating before hitting Send, I wondered if I was making things worse, but I didn’t know where things between us stood.

  There hadn’t been a response, and so despite the fact that it was the weekend, I dragged myself into work, opting to put my nervous energy to good use and get some shit done until I heard from him.

  As the day wore on, though, I became more and more irritated. I wasn’t some nameless twink he’d picked up at a bar. He was my best friend, and if he had something to say to me, he could say it to my face. A part of me was terrified he was going to end things. If he did—and he had every right to, after all—I would deal with his decision as it came. That didn’t make what he was doing now any less fucking unfair, and frankly, I deserved better than to be frozen out.

  Hell, I’d entertained the thought of running as fast and as far away as I could, but memories of being with Alec were hypnotic. I hated it, but I wanted him. For him, I had absolutely no shame, no sense of self-preservation. I stuck around because this was Alec. Alec was different. This wasn’t anything like the other guys, and as weird as it had suddenly become, I didn’t think I’d ever wanted anything more in my life.

  It was the only reason I’d answered when he called and the only reason I’d let him in when he showed up at my office. Maybe that made me desperate, or a little pathetic. Sure. I’d ’fess up to being both, because if there was something to save with Alec, it was worth fighting for.

  “You want to talk about this?” I asked, finally breaking the silence that had become unbearably awkward.

  Alec heaved a sigh. “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. This bet was a stupid idea. The club was a stupid idea, you kissing me in the alley was a stupid idea, and me fucking you was the stupidest idea of all.”

  I did my best to let his words roll off me, to not to let the hurt cling like frost, bitter and inescapable. I hadn’t been the only one involved in that kiss. There’d been heat and passion flaring up on both sides, and the way he touched me, I knew he’d wanted it as much as I did.

  He didn’t wait for me to respond, just kept talking, almost like he’d forgotten I was in the room.

  “I was so out of my mind with wanting you, I was so fucking desperate to get inside you, that I didn’t consider anything else. I didn’t give a second thought to the repercussions of what we were doing. I didn’t think about what the morning after would look like.” He ran his fingers through his hair, every muscle in his body tense. “I fucked you bareback without a second thought.”

  I swallowed hard, almost able to feel the rough scrape of Alec’s words against my skin. “So?”

  He glared at me, instantly exasperated. “Jesus, Chase. I didn’t even consider using a condom.”

  I crossed my arms and stared him down, wanting to make sure he really heard me. “Doesn’t matter. I trust you more than anyone else on earth. I could have slowed things down too. I didn’t. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

  “It does matter, Chase. But for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t… hurt you, I mean. I swear. I’ve never done that before… fucked raw like that.” He exhaled like he’d just told me his biggest secret.

  “I know. I know you wouldn’t.” I paused, not wanting to ask my next question, but knowing I had to. “You want to call this all off? Forget any of this ever happened? I can go home tonight if that’s what you want.”

  “I don’t know.” He sighed again, sounding defeated. “This weird thing between us is fucking with my head. As long as I’ve known you, the feelings I’ve had for you were nothing but platonic, and then I’m flung into this synthetically romantic relationship, and all of a sudden it’s like someone flipped on the light and I’m seeing you for the first time, and all I want to do is put my fucking hands on you.”

  “What do you want to do about it?”

  He didn’t respond, just looked at me like maybe I held all the answers.

  I didn’t, but I kept talking anyway. “Probably a lot of what we’re feeling—what we’re both feeling—is a by-product of being in such close quarters. We’re sleeping in the same bed, sharing meals. For all intents and purposes, this is a marriage, pseudo or not. Weird feelings were bound to develop.”

  “But when this is all done, what happens then?”

  I paused. It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about after. I had. I’d just thought about what would happen in the immediate future more.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe once we’re not living together anymore, the weirdness will fade.”

  “Maybe.” Alec didn’t sound convinced.

  The longer we stood there, staring at one another, the more drained I felt. Energy seeped from me as the impasse grew wider. I heaved a sigh. “This fucking sucks.”

  Alec laughed, the tension fractured. “Yeah, it does.”

  “I didn’t think when we took the bet that things would get so goddamn complicated. I thought we’d spend a month hanging out and eating junk food.”

  “Didn’t turn out that way.”

  The mood turned serious again, and I looked at Alec, taking the time to formulate my words before I spoke, trying to convey as much sincerity as I could without venturing into maudlin. “It’s not too late to call this off.”

  The way Alec looked at me made me feel exposed and vulnerable. Dense silence fell between us. He stared at me for a long time without saying anything. I’d known him long enough I could tell he was weighing the options and calculating risks and outcomes. All I could do was wait for him to speak, but it felt like eons had passed.

  The atmosphere shifted as Alec walked toward me. Only a few feet separated us, but the closer he drew, the higher the temperature in the room seemed. His dark eyes were molten, simmering, trained on me and pinning me in place.

  He stopped short, mere inches between us. Anticipation mounted. I could almost taste it. If he didn’t speak or touch me, I was going to lose my mind. I held my breath as he reached out, lifting my shirt to drag the backs of his fingers across my abdomen.

  “Any boundaries that ever existed have already been obliterated, Chase. I know what you taste like and the way your body feels like wrapped around mine. I know what you sound like when you come. No fucking way I’m forgetting that—even if I
wanted to.”

  “Do you?” My heart hammered, and the way he was looking at me, his already dark irises swallowed up by the liquid black of his pupils, made me want him like I never had before. I couldn’t believe it had taken me this long—years, decades—to fully realize how beautiful he was, how masculine and powerful.

  “No.”

  I waited for him to make a move, to step in closer and kiss me. But he didn’t. Instead, he slid his hand lower, palming my cock through my jeans. I was achingly hard, and his hand felt so fucking good. I sighed, my breath shuddering as I exhaled and pressed into his touch. He rubbed harder and I could feel the heat of his hand through the layers of fabric. It set me on fire. There was enough pressure to make me whimper. It was shameless and I didn’t care, as long as he kept touching me.

  After the distance of less than a day, it felt so fucking good, like balm after a burn, to be close to him again.

  I reached for him, needing to touch him as much as I needed to be touched. I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his jeans and pulled him toward me until he was close enough I could slide my other hand around the back of his neck and pull him in to kiss me.

  He didn’t resist, just moved toward me willingly, his lips meeting mine. I closed my eyes and let the kiss soothe away all the tension that had built over the course of the day. It started out slow, simmering, but as we had before, we caught fire, the connection between us igniting the last of our defenses and burning them to ash.

  Alec held me tight against him, his hands strong and sure against my back, while I grappled to put my hands on him everywhere I could reach. I needed him, needed more of him, and he kissed me harder as I pushed up against him.

  Just like that, I was lost in the feeling of him, the last of the turmoil erased with the taste of his mouth on mine. Until now, I’d never understood why people in relationships got so crazy, but it was like my whole life I’d been going through the motions, never knowing what it was like to really be with someone. With Alec, I was drowning, and it was the best I’d ever felt. I wanted him to pull me under, to surround me, to never let me surface again.