Today People

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "I'm not repenting, I mean, I'd do it again anytime," he'd said in the morning. And he had started the conversation with an apology for the brief good night kiss. Turned out he was proud of himself, instead, so she had to remind him they were just friends. Not that Terry had gotten that far, which had prompted her to brake and reverse course before she fell too hard for him.

  "He what?" Aunt Danielle stared at her, puzzled.

  "He kissed me yesterday, guess he finally found the courage, and didn't regret doing it," she explained with a shrug. She obviously intimidated men with her cold manners, though. It had taken Paul years to attempt a kiss, and Terry didn't know her that well.

  They had met twice and never been alone after all. And when they finally got to be alone, she didn't feel like taking Terry to her room, so they'd stayed in the hotel lobby and he'd been too shy to carry out what he had chatted so much about. Hence it had ended before it even started. So much for the heated chat conversations. In person it was something different indeed.

  Aunt Danielle didn't know about Terry. Helen had only told her friend Tina and her cousin Amanda about him, because Terry was African-American and Helen thought Mr. Goldberg and Aunt Danielle would be exactly like Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn if she told them she had found a black boyfriend. Amanda had said he looked gorgeous and sighed when things didn't work out. Terry was history now as much as Paul.

  "I know he likes you, but doesn't he have a girlfriend?" her aunt inquired. She seemed to like Paul a lot – or maybe she was just desperate to see her with someone.

  "He split with her. Don't worry, I can manage him."

  "Don't you like anything about him?"

  "He's a good writer when he wants to, but no, he talks too much for my tastes."

  Aunt Danielle sighed at the end of another failed love story. "What about the Wise Reader?" she asked. "Any chance he might become something else?"

  Helen glared at her. "You're kidding, right?" She was still expecting Chris to ruin their relationship with something she'd hate. She enjoyed his company and his comments, and hoped he'd find that wife he was aiming at so they could be friends forever.

  "Honey, why do you hate men so much?"

  "I don't hate them, I just don't seem to be able to find one I can trust."

  Aunt Danielle shook her head with a sigh of disappointment.

  "Hey, how long did it take for you to find the one?" Helen hugged her. "Don't despair. But please don't push me either, okay?"

  ***

  Chris sat with Mike in his backyard on the Sunday after his date with Sarah. He had just told his friend about it – the usual, expected outcome. Theater, dinner, coffee at home turned into sex. Much like it had been with other women. Carrie, Sandy... even the unnamed and forgotten one – well, of course she had a name, but he had done his best to forget her. Although going out with Sarah had pretty much brought back the memory of the strong woman that had broken his heart. Hence his musing about the whole night, although he hadn't told Mike what Sarah had reminded him of.

  "Was it worth it, at least?" Mike asked.

  "What?" he said absentmindedly.

  Mike winked. "Sarah Gordon."

  "Oh. No, not really." He sighed, having come to a conclusion. "I've had better lovers."

  Sarah was too much like Heartbreaker to be fully enjoyable. And he had known it from the start, hence the resistance at going out with her. He knew it would end up like that. But when he had decided to take the plunge, he had a plan. A plan that didn't involve falling in love.

  Mike looked disappointed, then shrugged. "Well, I guess it's a relief," he commented. Maybe he'd stop drooling now. He had Diane, after all, he better forget Sarah. "So, are you going to fool Mr. Goldberg together?" He looked worried again.

  Chris had told him the plan. Make a deal with Sarah. No more I love yous, just a deal. But living his life with a business deal?

  "No. I can't do it." He shook his head, lowering his eyes. "She's ready, and I thought I could go for it too, but..." He stared at his hands that had loved Sarah, Lucy, Carrie, Sandy, but mostly books. Helen's books.

  "Do you miss Lucy?" Mike inquired.

  "I don't know," he admitted. "I guess not, after all. I'm reading another manuscript, it's even more interesting than the first!" Now, that was an uplifting thought! Why thinking about women depressed him and thinking about books made him happy?

  "You mean one of Helen's books? What is she like?" Mike sounded intrigued. By the woman, of course. Not her books. Mike would never change.

  "I don't know, she has so many faces," he said, thoughtful. He couldn't really label her. He couldn't say if he liked the woman or the writer or both.

  "That's interesting." Mike stared at him intently.

  Chris sighed. "I'm so sick of this search for a relationship!"

  "Take a break," Mike suggested for the first time. "You still have two months. You can afford one week break."

  "You're right." Chris stared back at his friend, determined. "I'll just read and relax. No dates for a week, then back to work."

  "Quit calling it 'work', man!" Mike scolded.

  "What else can I call it? It's part of my job, another task I should accomplish for the company – or leave."

  "We'd miss you at the Goldberg Corporation."

  "And I'll miss you all. But if I fail, what else can I do?"

  "You won't fail. You do have a heart, or you would have accepted Sarah's deal."

  Chris scoffed. "I love the company and you guys, I just don't seem to be able to do the same with a single woman."

  Mike shook his head with a sigh.

  ***

  Terry invited me to Engaged – some other kind of Meetic. Why, I have no idea. He says he's still interested in me. But he tends to tell me what I should do a little too much now – maybe I should tell him that I tend to do the exact opposite of what I'm told to do. But as he doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying, why bother.

  I'm not into the dating game very much. I'm enjoying my marriage with Mr. Writing. I've had hundreds of babies, and lovers, I might add. When I write the first draft it's love at first sight. Then it grows up like a baby, and in the end I have to let it go in the world, just like a child. I guess I have a fulfilling love life, even if it's not with real people.

  I've found my true sexual orientation. I'm asexual. I joined AVEN, although I'm not very active in the forum. But I loved their articles and explanations. Like others on the site, I have also been asked: "Don't you ever want to feel like a woman?"

  Answer: I do feel like a woman, especially now that my hormones don't give me any more sexual urges – and I feel fine without sex as well! I don't date because of the sexual implications of these things, but I have a healthy social life. I'm much of a loner anyway (sometimes I want to retire as a hermit, but I wouldn't do that to the few people who do care about me) and I'm not complaining. I'm not searching for my soul mate or whatever you want to call him. I feel fine now that I can call myself "asexual"!

  So glad I'm not alone anymore. I still feel different, but not unique – which is refreshing.

  ***

  Going out with Helen wasn't a date, so Chris took her to dinner again to discuss her latest manuscript. Again, she listened to all of his comments, sometimes smiling, sometimes frowning, sometimes replying and brainstorming with him on a particular scene or character – and their meal sat mostly untouched.

  Finally she took a deep breath, putting the annotated manuscript in her bag. "Thanks. I'll think about it, as usual."

  "I hope I'm useful," he said.

  "Definitely, yeah!" She smiled. "I should have met you earlier, you could have been my editor."

  "I don't know about that!" He felt flattered, but also unsuitable for the task. Still, it was a great compliment.

  "Right, you have another job, sorry," she apologized.

  "Yeah, except I'm not doing it very well lately." His enthusiasm faded as they moved to the sore subject.

&n
bsp; "Too much pressure?" she asked. "How are you doing with your search for a wife?"

  "You're not planning to write a novel on this, are you?" he inquired, knowing she got her ideas from everyone and everything – a sentence, a short exchange, an article, a title, a song, anything could sparkle her imagination and put her to writing.

  She laughed. "No, I'm just curious."

  "A good family is essential to career advancement and strong standing in society, I'm told," he declared as if he were Mr. Goldberg himself.

  "Actually, this shows social insecurity, and want of trophy children to improve social status," she replied gravely.

  "Is Amanda a trophy child?" he wondered.

  "Definitely!" She nodded emphatically. "Aunt Danielle was too old to have more, so I've been shown as a trophy too, even if I was in my twenties."

  He shook his head, thoughtful. "Mr. Goldberg used to rent children on special occasions before he got married."

  "You're kidding, right?" She looked shocked.

  He smiled. "Nope. He even hired women to pose as wives when needed. Then he married Danielle and suddenly became a family man. And wants everybody to do the same."

  "You do know him well," she observed, serious.

  "I've been working for him for almost twenty years now. I might not be his personal assistant, but I know a lot."

  "Good, but we were talking about you, here." She grinned.

  "Okay." It felt good discussing it with her – she wasn't judgmental like the others. "Search is going bad, I keep meeting the wrong people and I'll probably fail Mr. Goldberg, and my life with it." There, he had said it.

  "No, you won't fail your life if you do what you want instead of blindly following someone else's orders," she replied immediately. Finally someone on his side, not trying to push him into that marriage thing.

  "Easy to say for you, but imagine your publisher refused to publish your latest creation..."

  "I'd go indie. I know I'm good, and so are you."

  "So what would you do if you were in my shoes?" he asked, curious. He couldn't predict the answer with her, and it was refreshing.

  "I'd probably look for another company," she answered. "We have a lot in common, Chris, both workaholic and passionate about our job, so I understand how you feel."

  "But you're ready to switch publishers if you have to."

  "I'm married to Mr. Writing, not Mr. Publisher. If Mr. Publisher doesn't like me anymore, I'm ready to learn a new way to put my babies out there."

  "I get your point, but you basically work alone. I'd rather not quit the Goldberg Corporation, I like it there. I work with my best friend and get along with everybody else. I've been there for so many years, I like to call it home."

  "Mmm. Then you're in trouble." She sighed.

  "I know. Don't you ever feel like your heart is like dead?"

  "Yes, although I still cry for movies or books... but that flutter... it comes and goes so quickly it's not even worth remembering. I haven't felt my heart in ten... no, twelve! God, twelve years since my heart really beat for someone!"

  He was impressed. Not that he had felt his heart anytime later. Heartbreaker had been history for some fifteen years. "What was he like?"

  "Very sweet." She stared in the distance, remembering. "Sometimes I thought he was gay, but common friends told me he wasn't. I even asked him out – me, who was brought up believing men should do the first move!" She smiled at the memory.

  "And he refused?" he asked, wondering if he had such fond memories of someone – anyone, really. Heartbreaker wasn't worth remembering. It had been an ardent passion that had burned out way too quickly, leaving him ashes and regrets.

  "Yeah." She lowered her eyes, her smile fading out. "My friend said he got scared. He liked me, but his life was a mess at the time and he didn't want to involve me."

  "And then you went separate ways and never saw each other again," he deduced.

  "Exactly. How about you, when was last time you felt your heart beat?"

  "For a woman, about fifteen years ago," he answered. "I kept wanting a family for a few more years, then gave up completely. I don't want to be a family man."

  "At least you're honest about it!" she commented. "But now you must become one to please Mr. Goldberg..."

  "I know. Goldberg Corporation is my family, and I won't quit on them. No promotion? Never mind. I don't need that promotion to be happy, although I'd have appreciated it."

  "Are you giving up?" she asked with a smile.

  "No, but I won't consider myself a failure if I don't succeed."

  "That's the spirit! Tell me, Chris, did you grow up in a dysfunctional family?"

  "Not really, no. Actually, I thought we were the perfect family, until it all went wrong."

  11.

  Not even Mike knew the whole picture. Yes, his best friend knew about his parents – mother lost to cancer at fifteen, father to a car accident when he was twenty. But then they lost sight of each other for a few years until Mike was hired at the Goldberg Corporation. By then he had married Diane, who was pregnant, and Chris had been promoted executive – after recovering from Heartbreaker. Mike didn't know about her either, hence no need to tell him Sarah Gordon was much like that lost passion.

  Fifteen years earlier, Chris had a sister, two years younger. They were still a family, or so he thought. They lived together at their parent's house, and Chris was still only an employee at the Goldberg Corporation. He heard rumors at work, so he confronted his sister.

  "What's on your mind, Sherry? I thought we were family and shared everything!"

  "We do." She switched off the TV, curling up on the couch next to him almost defensively. "We share the house, your salary, thank you..."

  "I've heard rumors," he snapped, knowing he was handling it badly, but unable to control himself. "What's up?"

  "Well, I have a degree, a boyfriend, so I want to get married and get on with my life," she said matter-of-factly.

  "And where exactly did you meet him?" He glared at her.

  "At a club downtown." She shrugged. "We got along very well."

  "Are you aware Eddie Johnson works at Goldberg Corporation?"

  Sherry nodded. "That's why we started talking. About you. He's higher-placed and earns more, though."

  "This doesn't give him the right to boast he fucks my sister!" Chris exploded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "I am now," she retorted. "Anyway, as you don't seem to have a steady girlfriend and will be able to keep all your salary, I was wondering if, as wedding gift, you could leave me the house."

  "What?" Chris stared at her, disconcerted

  "Yeah, I mean, this is perfect to start a family, and as you don't seem to like Eddie very much, you might as well move out."

  "Why Eddie?" he protested. "What's wrong with Mike?"

  She snorted. "He's your best friend!"

  "I thought that was a bonus!"

  "It's not." She glared at him. "I'm sick of your perfection, Golden Boy. Get out of my life."

  "Sherry! You're kicking me out for a total stranger?"

  She straightened her back, looking him in the eyes with a determined expression. "You know what I liked about Eddie? The way he talked about you. We both hate your behavior."

  "Sherry, I'm your brother!" he protested, shocked. "You're everything I have left!"

  "And I'm sick of you, Chris!" she screamed. She continued in a lower but more threatening tone. "If you don't leave on your own, I'll make your life so miserable..."

  "You're doing it already," he said sourly. "I took care of you since dad's death and that's how you thank me."

  "I used you, Chris," she replied with contempt. "But I don't need you anymore. Oh, and, by the way, I was at the wheel that day, not him."

  He gaped at her. "Dad died because you were driving?"

  "Yup. Never did anything right for this family, didn't I? Don't be so surprised I want to get rid of it."

  Chris was too shocked to react. He star
ed with horror at his beloved younger sister who had just turned into a hateful, murderous stranger.

  She looked distant now. She slowly smiled. "Eddie will be very happy in this house."

  Chris could almost hear his heart break into tiny pieces, shards of pain that pierced his body and mind – a sensation he hadn't forgotten in fifteen years. Heartbreaker had taken advantage of his state. He had thrown himself in the passionate love story to forget Sherry. And it had all ended in ashes, from both sides.

  ***

  Chris shivered under Helen's shocked stare. He wouldn't tell her about Heartbreaker, though. They were talking about family, not former lovers.

  "Oh, God!" Helen gasped. "What happened next?" she asked, frowning with worry.

  He still didn't know why he was telling her about Sherry. He had never told anyone about his sister, not even Mike. What would be next, his disastrous relationship with Heartbreaker? Although he found it easier to confide in a stranger than in a friend who might know the counterpart. Helen didn't know Sherry, Mike did. She might have heard of Heartbreaker, though, even if the bitch had left the company a long time ago. Trophy wife to a rich man, to Chris's disgust.

  He lowered his eyes, staring at his hands – the hands that had wanted to strangle Eddie Johnson on that awful night of fifteen years earlier.

  "I moved out, she married him, we didn't talk for a couple of years," he said quietly. "Then he got fired and started drinking. She tried to leave him."

  "Did she call you?" Helen asked.

  "Yes. She apologized. I forgave her. Tried to help her, sent her to one of our lawyers for the divorce. She wanted him out of our parents' house."

  "Did they have kids?"

  "No. Her husband couldn't have any, another reason for her to look for someone else. She had actually found another man, and was in love again. But Eddie didn't let her go."

  Helen held her breath, then pondered. "Wait a minute! I heard that story about a former employee who killed his wife under the influence of drugs or alcohol and ended up in jail!"

  Chris nodded, staring into space. "I had the perfect family. My parents were happily married. Then everything went to hell. I don't want to go through any of it ever again."