by Rinna Ford
I put the plate on its correct shelf and thought about what Ainsley had said. "That may be true, but I'd like to think that I had an influence on him too. We were always together when we were kids. I have to believe that he cares for me enough to stick by me, Ainsley, no matter what." I closed the cabinet and saw him leaning against the kitchen counter, his expression showed worry.
"You remember him? Did your memories come back?” His eyebrows rose up on his forehead.
I nodded and grinned. “I remember everything about him. We were close, Ainsley, really close. I was closer to him than pretty much everyone else, even my mom and Dev.” I could see the worry deepen on his face as he considered what I had just said. I put my hand on his forearm, reassuringly, “Dev was right when he said that I’m not ready for a big relationship. I just found out what I am and I'm starting to remember things, piece by piece. Just two days ago I didn't think I'd get a mate at all, so I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment. I promise, I'll take things slow with him, even if he was the most important person in my life fifteen years ago. I'll make sure of his intentions now, as a man, shifter, whatever, before giving him all of me."
“Okay, I believe you. I promise that I won’t say anything else about that." He took a deep breath and smiled weakly. "In the meantime, I'll be here to help you keep your hormones in check because, damn he's dreamy!" Ainsley playfully fanned himself and fluttered his lashes, making me laugh out loud.
"What's so funny?" Devlin asked as he and Xan walked down the stairs. I tried to stop laughing immediately, but Ainsley continued fluttering his lashes sweetly while his back was turned to the two approaching men. I smacked him on the arm making him playfully wince, and looked back to where Xan was standing at the kitchen island, waiting for something.
Like a cold bucket of water being dumped over my head, my smile dropped from my face when it occurred to me that he was waiting to walk me to my bedroom. Because I had said I was tired and needed rest, because he was a gentleman, or at least appeared to be one. However, the way he was looking at me told me something entirely different. It definitely wasn’t the way one best friend looked at the other. I saw the hunter in his eyes and I was his prey, and that made me nervous.
"Are you okay, Emi?" Xander smiled as if he weren't the reason for my sudden anxiety attack. He stood up and rounded the island, his eyes simmering with unspoken promises. "You don't look very good. I think you should go lie down."
Ainsley nudged my hip with his, and when I peered at him, he mouthed, "HOT." The corner of my mouth turned up in a grin. Once again, the wolf knew exactly what needed to be done to break me out of my funk. I wasn't a weak princess, dammit! I didn't let men ruffle me up and make me nervous!
I glanced up into Xan's eyes with more confidence. "I think you're right. It's been an exhausting evening and I’m still recovering from my first shift and all." I took a step back, "Are you coming?"
"Definitely," he grinned. "You lead, and I'll follow."
"See you two in the morning," I called out to Dev and Ainsley as I reached the bottom stair. I looked at the two of them still standing in the kitchen. Ainsley was giving me the thumbs up while Devlin had his eyebrows raised in shock at my sudden brazen attitude.
I felt a strong hand on the small of my back as I walked up the stairs to the second floor, and I smiled a little bigger. "How do you like your room?" I asked. It was a safe question, a polite one. My main intention was to keep him talking because I needed to get to know him, the man I had been apart from for fifteen years, not the boy from my memories.
"It's nice," Xan replied, glancing down at me, "but it's not the room I wanted. It's on the other end of the hallway just like your uncle said, far, far away from yours." He turned his head and looked in the direction of his room and sighed. He wasn't lying. My room was to the left of the staircase, and his was all the way at the end on the right. I chuckled at how serious Dev was taking it all. "It's not that funny," he scowled, which only made me laugh harder.
I reached up and smoothed out his scrunched up forehead with my fingers. He immediately stopped frowning and his eyes darkened at my touch. "I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you," I grinned. "I was laughing at Devlin. But, thank you for being so nice about this." We stopped just outside my closed bedroom door and faced one another. Xander took a step back and leaned against the door frame and put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, tenderly smiling at me.
"I don't completely understand why because it's natural for shifters to claim their mates if they're both willing, but I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel safe and cared for. I can't pretend to know what all you went through, but I can see it took its toll on you." I broke eye contact and looked down at my hands, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Xander took his hand and gently put it under my chin, making me look back up into his eyes. "Emi, you are the most important person in the world to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you realize that. I'll never hurt you, and I'll never leave you. When we were kids, you meant more to me than anyone else, and when I lost you, I felt like I had died too." He let go of my chin and took a step back.
"Xan," I whispered, my heart breaking for him. I hadn’t really realized what he went through when everything went sideways all those years ago.
"Anyway," he said, clearing his throat, "I'm the happiest dragon shifter on the planet, because not only did I find my mate, but she just so happens to be the best friend I've ever had. I'm not going to do anything that would cause me to lose you, so if you need time to understand that, then you'll have time."
He leaned forward and ever so gently placed a kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet and said everything that he declared to me before, and so much more. That one gentle kiss told me how he believed in me and that even though I was different, he didn't see me that way. I felt all of his happiness and affection in those few seconds that our lips touched, and I didn't want it to end.
When he pulled away, Xander stood to his full height and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "Emi, I need you to go in your room and close the door."
"What? Why?"
"Honey, because if you don't I'm going to kiss you again. And even though I thoroughly enjoyed kissing you sweet, this next one is going to be so much more than that." My eyes widened in understanding. "It's going to be the beginning of everything I want to do to you, so unless you want to start that tonight, I suggest you go in your room and close the door."
I huffed out a nervous laugh as I considered his words. He knew that even though I may want what he was offering; and boy did I want it but I wasn't ready for it. Taking him into my bedroom would mean so much more than the one-night stands I was familiar with. This man was my past, and he was meant to be my future too. Was I ready for that? Physically, yes. I wanted him like I had never wanted anyone else in my life. But mentally and emotionally, I was nowhere near ready. It was obvious that I had trust and commitment issues that I needed to overcome. Devlin and Ainsley knew it, and so did Xander. Deciding to do the smart thing for once, I parted my lips in a smile.
"Goodnight, Xan," I whispered and maneuvered so my back was against the door. I reached for the knob with my right hand.
"Goodnight, Emi," he replied. He leaned forward and gripped both sides of the door frame as I turned the knob and walked backward inside my bedroom and slowly closed the door, leaving my mate standing alone in the hall.
Chapter Thirteen
“Again,” Devlin commanded, and at that moment I almost hated him. Not really, but he definitely wasn't my favorite person.
Xander leaned against a tree with his arms crossed watching my caster training, which after three days had gone absolutely nowhere. I was almost certain that I didn’t have any major caster abilities because aside from being able to make potions, nothing else manifested no matter how hard I tried. We had been working on the basics like lighting a candle and moving water from one bowl to another through the air with zero success. For three. Fucking. Days.
I threw my hands up in a guttural scream and turned around in a circle. "I give up!" I yelled and began walking back toward the cabin. "I'm defective, Dev. It's time we admitted it."
I had taken several more steps when Devlin appeared right in front of me. I tripped over my own feet falling backward in surprise. He just stood there and watched me fall with a look of disappointment on his face and his arms crossed over his wide chest.
He slowly reached one hand down and helped me up. "Maybe you're right," he told me, "maybe you don't have complete caster abilities. But, you're not defective, Emelia. Don't ever say that again. Do you understand me?"
Before I could answer, he turned and stormed away toward the cabin. I stood there shocked at his statement.
"You know, he's right," Xander called out. "You are anything but defective, Emi." I turned toward him as he stopped right beside me. He scratched his chin thoughtfully and grinned. "But you know, I haven't seen you shift yet."
"That's because I've only done it once since the curse wore off." I scrunched my face in embarrassment. "I don't know how to do it."
"Okay, we'll come back to the curse that you just mentioned in a minute because we haven't really talked about it," he told me, "but what do you mean you don't know how to shift? It's the most natural thing for a shifter, next to being with your mate. I imagine that you're a dragon since Eric Von Brandt was, right?"
I nodded. "Yeah. I'm a dragon like my dad." I shifted from one foot to another. After three days of failures when it came to casting abilities, I needed something to go right. I hoped with Xan's help, I could shift. "Can you help me?" I asked. "I mean, talk me through it. I can feel my dragon all the time and we've worked a lot of things out, but I can't seem to call her forward."
"Okay, I can try," he agreed and slowly turned around so his back was to me.
"Wha, what are you doing?" I questioned, puzzled by his behavior.
"Honey, you're gonna want to get naked so you don't shred your clothes if this works. And if I see you naked, I'm going to want to take you right here even more than I already do. It seems as if you trust me more after the last few days, but I still don't think you're ready for that, so I turned around so I can't see the delicious body that you keep hidden under all those clothes."
My face flushed deep red and my dragon purred happily at his response. "I do trust you," I replied quietly, "I just don't trust me." We were quiet for several seconds and I began unbuttoning my flannel shirt, one button at a time. "Anyway, that's a conversation for another time, I think. What do I do when I'm completely naked?"
I heard him gulp before he answered. "Do you feel your dragon now?"
I turned my thoughts inward as I removed the shirt and began working on my jeans. My dragon was still purring but had gotten quieter. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Yes, I feel her."
"Good. Now you just need to ask her to take over. But Emi, you also have to let her. Don't try to fight for control. You want her to take the lead in order for this to happen, okay?"
"Okay," I furrowed my eyebrows as I toed off my boots.
Hey, you ready to come out and meet your mate? I asked her. She purred even louder and I felt her rub against my subconscious.
"She's ready, I think," I told Xander. "How do I get myself back? I don't want to be stuck as my dragon form forever."
He chuckled. "That won't happen. Just ask her to switch back. As long as you're on good terms with her and you're not in danger, she'll let it happen."
I stripped off the last of my clothes and walked into a clearing about forty feet away. Okay, I'm letting you have control, I told her. And I did. I let my dragon take over, and as she did, I felt my body shift and change until I was in my second form. It was painful for sure, but once the transformation was finished, I felt almost lighter. Free.
Looking over in Xander's direction, I saw him approach with my clothes in hand. He had a look of awe and excitement on his face as he dropped the clothing on the ground and carefully walked further into the clearing.
I lowered all the way down to the ground and reached my head in his direction. He put one hand out and touched my snout. I closed my eyes at his touch because even in this form, I craved the feeling of being near him.
"So beautiful," he breathed. He stroked my head and worked his way back toward my wings. I turned my head so I could watch him and pushed out one wing when he got closer to it. He ran his hand over it and I shuddered. "I've never seen a gold dragon before," he told me, "but it doesn't surprise me that you took this color." Xander huffed out a laugh at the thought, making me feel warmer. "Okay, pretty girl, do you want to change back now?" he asked me.
I turned my thoughts within again and felt her begin to recede back. I could tell she'd do anything Xan asked by the way she flipped and fluttered in my head, and my body slowly shrunk back into my human form.
Xander quickly turned around and ran for my clothes when he realized how quickly my dragon complied with his request. He cast his eyes away as he handed it all to me. I rose to my feet and began dressing.
"I think you have more influence over my dragon than I do," I chuckled.
He laughed too. "She, you are magnificent. I can't wait until I can shift with you. When do you think your uncle will give my dragon back?"
"We can always ask when we go inside," I told him and picked up my shirt.
I felt him turn around at that moment, so I turned away. I didn't realize it, but I showed Xander my cursed mark on my back. He audibly gasped when I realized what I had done, and quickly threw the shirt over my shoulders and buttoned it up.
"What is that?" he asked.
"Oh, the tattoo? That's the mark I was cursed with," I told him as if it were no big deal.
"Your curse was physical?"
I finished with the last button on my shirt and reached for my boots. "Yeah. I know it's big, but it's finished now, so it's okay. I'll have it for the rest of my life, but it doesn't hurt anymore, so it's all good. I promise." I smiled a little too big and finished tying the laces of my boots. "Are you ready to go back to the cabin?"
"Sure." It seemed as if I were more uncomfortable than I thought about my mark, and I kicked myself for how I reacted when he asked me about it, I should have just told him.
"You said that it doesn't hurt anymore," he said as we found the path back to the cabin. "Does that mean that it hurt before?"
I swallowed as I prepared to give him my answer. "Yeah, you could say that. When I was cursed fifteen years ago, it started as a tiny little mark on the middle of my back. Since then, it has grown with every new moon, burning itself into my skin. It's much bigger than you saw, but it's done now, so no need to worry." He stopped walking and looked at me in horror.
"No need to worry? You suffered every new moon for fifteen years, and I'm not supposed to worry? I'm your mate, Emelia. The thought of anyone or anything hurting you thoroughly pisses me off. I want to rip your mother to shreds for cursing you and taking you away from me," he growled and stormed ahead.
I ran to catch up with him and gripped his bicep, making him turn around. "You’re right," I scowled, “but it’s over and done. I may feel like my mom is a bit of a bitch right now, especially since I’ve learned that she is living her life happily while I was made to suffer, but there’s nothing I can do about it, can I?” I took a step back, creating some distance between us. I was pissed off too. “Lucia may be one of my least favorite people, but at least she didn’t turn me in because of something I couldn’t control.” I did it. I had to go there. The anger was misplaced, but it was there and I needed to say something about it.
He took a step back and his face hardened. "Oh, so now the real reason why you don't trust me comes out. You don't trust me because of what my father did fifteen years ago. You're afraid I'll do the same thing, right Emelia?"
"Yes!" I shouted. "Part of me is afraid that you'll realize what a fuck up I am, especially with me being a half-breed and 'forbidden,' and you'll le
ave!" I gulped back my tears as I took in his softening expression. "I've been left alone and treated like dirt since the moment I was cursed Xan. I've been kicked out of homes and been told how worthless I was so many times I lost count, all because I was different from everyone else. So yes, I'm afraid you'll do the same. It would kill me if I let you all the way in and you left me too."
"Emi," he sighed and took a step toward me. "I promise, I'm going to earn your trust, and when I do, nothing will keep me away from you." He lowered his face until it was only a breath away. "I've loved you since before I even knew what love was, and that hasn't changed for one second. Not when I thought you were dead, and especially not now when I found out that you were meant to be mine forever. I will earn your trust, and I'll do whatever I have to do to get it. You just have to believe in your worth before that happens, and I'll help get you there, I promise.”
I didn't realize I was holding my breath until his lips touched mine. It was much like our first kiss three days before, but then he pulled away slightly and licked his lips hungrily. He slammed his mouth back onto mine and kissed me with a passion I hadn't ever experienced before. It was rough and animalistic, but with all the love and tenderness I began to expect from him.
He pushed me backward until I was against a tree and the kiss became more frenzied. Our hands reached and gripped each other wherever we could find with closed eyes. My hands found the bottom of his hoodie sweatshirt and went under to touch his bare skin.
My fingers traced the muscular, flat plane of his stomach and I groaned with the thought of using my mouth on him. Of tasting the salt on his skin as our bodies moved together as one.
His body stilled at the sound of my moan, and he gently removed himself from me. He put his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. "Honey, you're not ready for that yet. Not with me and not with what that would mean."