by Elena Carter
Tina watched him for a few moments. “Really? You’d do that for me?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that what friends are for?”
Tina bit her lip and blinked several times. She cleared her throat. “Thank you, Mike. I really appreciate it. I am so blessed to have a friend like you. Really. Sorry, I’m getting a bit too emotional. I guess it’s all the recent stress.”
“Come on, it’s not such a big deal. I was actually thinking you might not want a companion, because … I don’t even know why. Because it’s personal, I guess. Now it sounds silly, as I say it out loud. Anyway, I really want to help, that’s all. To make it easier for you.” He shrugged.
“You’re the best!” Tina smiled. “So, we’ll take your car?”
“Sure. I’ll drive. And I get to choose the radio too.” Mike raised his index finger.
“Is it too late to change my mind?” Tina feigned a wince.
“Definitely too late. No way back. Now, let’s go find some warm food.”
“With pleasure. I am hungry now. How does pizza sound?” Tina waved at the waitress, gesturing for her to bring the bill.
“I got this one.” Mike reached for his wallet. “Pizza sounds great to me. And I also happen to know a great place nearby, so we don’t have to starve much longer.”
“This is really strange,” Tina said. “I’m getting worried. I called Alice about five times, but she didn’t pick up. Tried calling at different times of day, too. Same result.”
“Have you tried going there?” Natalie asked. “By the way, I put you on speakerphone, can you hear me? Making some salad.”
“Yeah, I can hear you just fine. You know, I’m trying not to panic. I do need to go there and check on her, though, you’re right. It’s just … I don’t know …”
“You don’t want to allow any fears or negative thoughts, and going there will mean you did. That’s what you think. You prefer to pretend you’re not worried.” Natalie laughed.
“I guess you’re right.” Tina opened the window to let in some fresh air. It was a beautiful sunny day.
“But you should go. You know, considering the age and all … Oh, well, looks like I’m going to make you panic even more. Tell you what, why don’t you fool yourself?”
“What do you mean?” Tina moved her eyebrows together.
“Don’t go there to check on her because you’re worried. Go there for a different reason. Buy her a new geranium or something.”
“I see what you mean.” Tina nodded.
“Then you’ll have a whole different purpose, and your thoughts will be different too. Am I a genius or what?”
“You’re a genius.” Tina turned away from the window and leaned against the windowsill.
“Or go there to ask her for advice. Think of something she could help you with,” Natalie continued.
“Oh, that’s easy. I do need her advice. It’s actually why I called her in the first place.”
Tina told Natalie the story of Bob and Kate, and how Mike offered to accompany her on the mission. For a couple moments, Natalie was quiet. Even the sounds of the knife hitting the cutting board had stopped.
“Wake up, Nat. My boring story is finished. So is your salad, by the sound of things.” Tina attempted to make a joke.
“Haha …” Natalie echoed. “I just got a bit emotional, sorry. It’s sad story.”
“It is.”
“Plus, you know, I would really love to go with you. I mean, I’m happy Mike offered his help, because that’s what I would do, too. I just don’t know if I can.”
“I totally understand. And I wouldn’t even ask, because I know it’s not easy for you because of the girls.”
“But I want to, so much.” Natalie sighed. “When are you guys going?”
“Haven’t decided yet. Mike has to see if he can reassign a few projects, and I still need to come up with a plan.”
“A plan?”
“Well, a speech.” Tina ran her hand through her hair. “I really don’t know how much time I’ll have before she shuts the door in my face. Or calls the cops.”
“Come on, you’re being a bit over the top. Have you contacted her?”
“No. To say what?”
“To say hello. To ask her how she is. To tell her you’re planning to visit. You weren’t just going to go there without asking her first, were you? I mean, what if she’s out of town?”
Tina worried her lip in silence.
“I see,” Natalie said.
“Don’t judge me. I’m scared.”
“I don’t. And of course you are. It’s understandable.”
“Well, I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to be scared. I want to go and do the right thing. But it’s easier said than done.”
“It’s not easy. But it’s not impossible either. Look, if you already made the decision to do it, then stick to it and focus on the details. Instead of questioning the whole thing. You know what I mean? The better you plan it, the sooner it’ll be over.”
“I guess …” Tina shrugged.
“Like this simple thing of not even contacting her to check if she’s there. Say she’s gone for a few days to visit friends and family. You find it out when you get there because you didn’t do your homework. What’s your next step then? Wait? Set up a tent on her lawn? Doubt it. You’re gonna go back home, feeling upset, disappointed, and maybe temporarily relieved. At the same time you’ll still be scared because you still have to do it. And then later you’d have to go there again. So it’s not just wasting time, it’s wasting nerves and energy too.”
“You’re right.” Tina stretched her neck, moving it from side to side, then she got up and started pacing around the room.
“When was the last time you talked to her?”
“Not sure, maybe a couple weeks after the accident. Haven’t actually talked, just texted. It’s been over half a year now. What do I even say?”
“Ask her how she is.”
“And?”
“And see what she says. You know, my opinion is that it’s best to be open and honest.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, you text her and say, ‘How are you, Kate? Sorry I haven’t reached out earlier. It was really tough. Well, you know, I don’t have to explain. There’s something I wanted to discuss with you, preferably in person. Do you think we could meet?’”
“When you say it out loud it somehow doesn’t sound as difficult as it does in my head.”
“Things always look and sound different in our heads. It’s good to voice them sometimes. Or to have someone else voice them for you.”
“Not everything from inside my head is ready to be voiced, though.” Tina chuckled.
“I’m sure it isn’t. This trick doesn’t work with everything, believe me. But sometimes it can work magic.”
“You know what, Nat, your magic actually made me feel much better. Really. You are the best, did you know that?” Tina stopped and looked at the window.
“I do, but I don’t mind being reminded.” Natalie laughed.
“Thank you. I mean it.”
“Thank you. I made salad and pasta and cleaned half of the kitchen counters while sharing my extensive wisdom with you. Thinking of starting a podcast, in fact. Imagine how much I’d get done around the house.”
“Glad my moaning is stimulating your productivity.” Tina’s lips curved up. “Seriously, though, thanks for all the advice. I’ll message Kate, then I’ll go to the flower shop and get something for Alice.”
“That’s my girl! Text me later and let me know how it goes, okay?”
“Sure. Thanks again, and talk to you soon.”
Tina hung up and plumped down in her chair, raising her feet up on the windowsill. She leaned back and closed her eyes.
Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she opened her eyes to look at the screen. It lit up, notifying her of a message on WhatsApp.
Greg: You’re on the right track. Everything will be all right. Don�
�t worry. Thank you for doing this.
Tina stared at the screen for a few moments, then shook her head, got up and headed to the kitchen.
“First, coffee,” she said.
As the invigorating aroma of coffee and spices filled the kitchen, Tina leaned against the kitchen counter and stared into the distance, a thousand thoughts racing in her mind.
She thought about how her life had changed recently. She recalled getting the first WhatsApp message from Greg, and how it scared her. Then came a memory of meeting Alice in a cafe. It made her smile. She also thought of Natalie and Mike, who showed her how blessed she was to have friends like them. Their constant support helped her get through everything.
I wouldn’t have made it without them, she thought. I wonder if Kate had anyone like that around.
For the first time, thinking of Kate didn’t make her stomach cramp from fear. She actually wanted to see her and talk to her.
Tina poured her coffee into the cup and returned to her desk. She turned on her laptop, and as it was loading, took her phone out and glanced at the screen to read Greg’s message again.
I still don’t know how he does it, she thought. Although, why care? As long as he does it somehow, I’m happy.
She put the phone on her desk, and started typing.
Hey Kate,
How have you been?
I know it’s been a while and you’re probably surprised to get a message from me.
I’m sorry.
It’s been a tough time for both of us. Well, that’s a huge understatement, actually. I don’t even know if I have the right words to describe it.
It left me with a huge aching hole inside. It’s empty, but it hurts at the same time. I’m sure you know what I mean. And sometimes things, feelings, emotions, and people would slip into that black hole. Not because I wanted to. But I couldn’t help it. I just didn’t have enough resources.
I’m sorry for not reaching out. I’m sorry if you needed me, but I wasn’t there. I’m really sorry, Kate.
There is something I need to talk to you about. Something important. And I think it’s better if we do it in person. Besides, I would love to finally meet you!
Could we see each other, maybe for a coffee, whenever it’s convenient to you? Just let me know when and where.
I’m really looking forward to hearing back from you.
Best regards,
Tina.
Tina looked at the house and tried to remember why she was there.
She knew that she went there for a reason. She knew someone who lived in the house, but she couldn’t remember who it was. The memories kept slipping away.
She also didn’t know why she was hugging a pot with a plant. She peered down at the bright red geranium. She looked at the house again. Geraniums covered the porch and windowsills.
Tina was feeling very confused. She couldn’t even figure out if she came to the house with the plant in her hands, or if she was leaving.
Something told her that she brought the plant as a gift to whoever lived in there. A woman, she thought. But she wasn’t sure if it was her memories returning or a logical conclusion from the number of flowers in the house.
This is so strange, she thought. What happened to me? Why can’t I remember how I got here, let alone what the reason was?
She needed a closer look at the house.
Maybe there will be a name on the door.
Walking, however, wasn’t as easy as it should have been. At first, she could hardly lift her foot off the ground. As if it was glued or soldered. When she finally managed to do it, the first step was so difficult it left her out of breath. She wobbled, but caught herself from falling. The air around her was too thick—almost like jelly—and she had to really make an effort to move in it.
Tina clasped the geranium tighter and tried again. The second step was a little easier, but still made her sweat. She took a moment to catch her breath and continued.
With every step, it became easier. The air was giving in. When she was a few steps away from the porch, a shadow flashed in one of the windows.
She stopped and looked at the window. There was no one. The curtain wasn’t moving. She squeezed the pot tighter and swallowed. Forcing herself to continue walking, fear churned within her, forming a whirlwind. She didn’t even know what she was afraid of; all she knew was that she had to fight the feeling. The geranium in her hands offered a strange comfort, so she hugged it tighter. She finally made it to the porch and stopped, looking at the steps.
I hope I can make it, she thought.
To her surprise, stepping up on the porch wasn’t any harder than walking on the path. In fact, it was even easier.
The wood underneath her foot squeaked. It was the first sound she’d heard since she got there.
Never thought a squeaking floor would make me so happy. Tina tried to smile, but her face was numb. Moving her facial muscles was as hard as taking the first step toward the house. She felt the resistance of the jelly-like air again.
It’s the air. The air in this place doesn’t want me here. It wants to push me out.
The thought surprised Tina so much she stumbled. It was as if it wasn’t her thought. As if it was planted in her head.
What if this place doesn’t want me to breathe? Another thought sneaked into her mind. Then the air will become not suitable for me, and I—
Tina panicked and gasped for air. Her chest felt tight. She could breathe, but the air was too thick and stuck to her throat and lungs. Her head grew heavy. Her vision faded, and she closed her eyes. When she was about to collapse, a chirp resonated around her, breaking through the unnatural quietness of the surroundings.
Tina opened her eyes. A hummingbird hovered in front of her. At the same time, she was finally able to take a deep breath, which brought the much-needed oxygen to her blood and clarity to her vision.
While Tina enjoyed the restored ability to breathe, the tiny bird kept hovering in front of her face, as if it was waiting for something. Tina recalled reading an article which said hummingbirds were especially attracted to the red color.
It’s the geranium. Good thing I picked this color out of the assortment they had at the shop.
The memories of the day flooded her mind. She remembered talking to Natalie, writing a message to Kate, going to the flower shop and buying the geranium, then going to Alice’s house. She had knocked on the door rang the doorbell, and even tried to peek through the windows—all to no avail. So she’d left the geranium on the porch with a quick note that she stuck in between the leaves.
Dear Alice, getting a bit worried about you. Hope you’re all right. Please call me when you can. Tina.
Everything was becoming clear to Tina. She remembered going back home, doing some work, checking a few times if Kate had read or replied to her message, and then going to bed.
Tina laughed with relief as she realized this was a dream. Her fear disappeared, and the air became normal again. She looked around.
Something has changed, she thought. Actually, everything has changed.
Everything looked the same, but it felt different. The sounds were back. The wind rustled leaves in the trees, and a dog barked somewhere at the end of the street. The colors of everything surrounding her appeared more vivid. And she could move with ease again.
She bent down and put the flower pot on the porch. Then she stretched and gazed at the hummingbird still hovering around.
“Thank you!” Tina said with a big grin.
She swore the beautiful tiny creature nodded. And then, in the blink of an eye, it disappeared.
“Okay, I guess it’s time to go home now,” Tina said, not sure whom she was addressing. But whoever or whatever it was, it worked. The next thing she saw was the lamp on the ceiling in her bedroom, covered with stripes of sun rays shining through the blinds.
Tina lay in her bed with a smile. She was happy to be home, safe and sound, but she also felt like something really important had happened to
her. She felt that she had succeeded and learned a new lesson.
The hummingbird saved me again, Tina thought. As weird as it may sound, she is definitely my friend. She replayed the scene with the hummingbird in her head a few times and had no doubts that they had a full interaction.
I need to share it with Alice! Tina thought. I wonder where she is. And I wonder why I ended up at her house again in the dream.
Thinking about Alice brought back the worries. But Tina remembered Natalie’s words and shook off the troubling thoughts. She got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make coffee.
While the house was filling with the aroma of spiced coffee brewing in the brass cezve on the stove, Tina picked up her phone to check the new messages. And finally, she saw a notification on the screen with Kate’s response.
Anxiety roiled in her stomach. She bit her lip and clicked to read it straight away before she could change her mind.
Hi Tina,
Thank you for your message. I’m doing fine, thank you.
Sure, I’d be happy to meet you. Were you planning to come over here? I don’t go out of town much.
I work throughout the week, but have a bit more spare time on the weekends.
How does Sunday afternoon sound? There’s a nice coffee shop downtown that makes the best cappuccino and cinnamon rolls. It’s also quiet, so we can have a chat and I’ll see if I can help you.
Let me know what you think!
Ttyl,
Kate
Tina frowned and read the message again. And then once again. And as she started reading it for the third time, she heard the boiling coffee spilling onto the stove.
“Shit!” She grabbed the cezve and turned off the stove. The dark brown foam that had escaped the coffee pot was burnt on the hot glass surface, and the kitchen was filling with smoke.
“Great! What a wonderful start of the day.” Tina threw the hot cezve in the sink and ran the tap. The hot metal hissed under the running water as if it was also annoyed.