Chasing Serenity

by Ashley, Kristen

  The best part about that, he had no idea if she was kidding or serious.

  “Is that so?” he asked through another smile.

  “Of course,” she sniffed.

  “I have to admit, I learned a lot when you and Mi got in that three-hour discussion, dissecting all of Moira Rose’s outfits on Schitt’s Creek. Me and Jacob were gripped with interest, especially considering the visual aids you forced on us as you looked them all up on your phones. I hope you two didn’t mistake him falling face first into his mule. He wasn’t falling asleep, he was in deep contemplation about the pros and cons of ‘aggressive accessorizing,’” he teased.

  “We didn’t discuss it for three hours,” she huffed.

  “It felt that way,” he muttered.

  Her chin tipped just enough, he knew behind her glasses she was rolling her eyes.

  “To finish what I was saying,” he continued. “My favorite part of the night was making out on your front step for half an hour when I brought you home.”

  Her nose scrunched but her body pressed closer to his.

  Yeah, that was her favorite part too.

  “And I’ll repeat my gratitude for your invitation to stay the night,” he kept on.

  It had killed him, and he’d questioned it a dozen times since he’d declined.

  But they weren’t there yet, she was drunk, and the bottom line was, it wasn’t cool.

  “A gentleman would not remind a lady of her inebriated indiscretion,” she rebuked.

  “Wait. Sorry, you should know, I’m not a gentleman.”

  She clicked her tongue, but she did it with one side of her lips hitching up.

  “Do we need to head out to meet your friend?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  He liked it that word sounded disappointed.

  “I’m driving,” he decreed.

  Her head tipped to the side. “Why?”

  “I know you’ve been hydrating, but you drank so much, you still might have alcohol in your system.”

  “You can stop giving me shit now,” she warned.

  He gave her a crooked grin instead and murmured, “Okay, baby” before he dipped and touched his mouth to hers.

  She pressed back.

  He then let her go.

  She clicked on her pumps into the house, and he followed her just enough to see her grab a small bag from the kitchen island.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  Judge led the way out, stopping after she closed her front door to lean in and test it to make sure it was locked.

  He felt her eyes on him while he did this, and he felt her hand jerk slightly when he took it and held it as he guided them to the Cherokee.

  It had jerked because she was surprised at the hand holding.

  But she didn’t pull away.

  Since he needed to work on his gentleman skills, he opened the door for her, and he felt her gaze on him again as he closed it after she hiked her ass into his SUV.

  He rounded the Jeep, climbed into his side, dropped his visor to let them fall, put on his own shades, started up, and they took off.

  “Fashion Square, yeah?” he asked.

  “Prep and Pastry is just outside. I’ll show you where to park when we get there.” She had her phone out and was looking at it. “Tiff is already there.”

  “Shit, are we late?”

  “It’s usually at least a half hour wait, Sundays, it can be longer. She got there early to put our names in.” She dropped her phone in her bag. “Apparently, Tiffany is hungry.”

  He was too.

  That was surprising, considering their meal last night was unexpectedly (for two chicks who clearly looked after their bodies) filling. Homemade bacon jam and brie puff pastry tartlets. Fried chicken thighs and the best waffles he’d ever eaten, made with heavy cream. Followed by a light pavlova covered in mascarpone cream, pomegranate seeds and raspberries.

  He’d noted Jacob was mostly along for the ride (and the food), and it was Mi and Chloe who were the engines of the Club.

  And it couldn’t be missed it was organized to within an inch of its life.

  It had a scheduled timeline, they all had stations, and as such, Judge spent most of his time hanging out at a counter and watching, talking sports and shit with Jacob, and spelling him at the fryer when that time came.

  But the food was great, Chloe could really cook, and her friends were awesome.

  City folk for certain, but that was a small part of how he grew up, so even if he didn’t pick that for his life, he was comfortable in it.

  “You have, as you predicted, Mi and Jacob’s enthusiastic approval,” she noted as he headed to the 10.

  “Enthusiastic, eh?”

  “Don’t fish, Judge. You’re likeable and you know it,” she returned.

  “How likeable?”

  “We can just say, chéri, that I wasn’t that drunk last night.”

  Well…

  Shit.

  “Baby, we’re not there yet,” he said low and gentle.

  She had no response, so he glanced at her.

  “Christ, did I hurt your feelings?” he asked.

  “No one…”

  She delicately cleared her throat but didn’t say any more.

  “Did I hurt your feelings by not spending the night last night, Chloe?” he prompted, quiet and careful.

  He heard her take a sharp breath into her nostrils and then she said in a rush, “I’m the oldest. I’m expected…certain things are expected of me. It’s natural, I’m sure, but it sometimes isn’t the greatest that no one thinks to take care of me.” Pause then, “You took care of me.”

  Jesus.

  He got it now.

  “Honey,” he murmured.

  “It’s fine. It’s life. Upon some reflection, I realized that was why I spent so much time in France. J’adore France.”

  And she pronounced “France” as “Frahnce” and didn’t sound like a poser when she did.

  Total class.

  “But I needed a break,” she concluded. “And it’s just nice that you considered us. Me. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “Of course,” he replied. Feeling it didn’t need a big deal made of it, and there was something more pressing to discuss, he asked, “No one?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “You seem tight with your mom and dad. Duncan too,” he noted.

  “There’s parental taking care of your children, no matter the age they are. And they’ve always done that. Always. I love them both, like crazy, and as far as I can tell, though there might be some prejudice, they’re the best parents ever. But there are other things.”

  She said no more.

  But he knew.

  Heavy things.

  Like your parents divorcing.

  And your mom’s best friend committing suicide.

  And that was a huge-ass burden.

  “I’m assuming we’re talking about you helping your brother and sister to deal,” he remarked.

  “Failing in helping them,” she corrected.

  Another load to bear.

  Suddenly, Judge was getting pissed.

  “Your parents were in the thick of shit, especially your mom. But your brother and sister should know you’ve got your own baggage to unpack,” he stated, his words edged and curt.

  “Why especially my mom?” she asked, her words suspicious and guarded.

  “Because she got divorced and lost her friend, both publicly, and how Corey Szabo went, I can’t even imagine,” he explained.

  “Mm,” she hummed.

  There was more there.

  He didn’t push that.

  He said, “It gets to be a lot, being the only one looking after yourself.”

  “Well, you see, the thing is, I did have someone looking out for me. I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but he did it my whole life. And then he blew his brains out in the Pacific Palisades.”

  “Fuck,” he bit.

&n
bsp; “So, you know, he promised,” she said. “He promised he’d look after me. And there are other things. Things he said to me. Things he taught me. Things that I found out with what he’d done, and things he’d done earlier, they were all great advice, but coming from him, they were a pack of lies.”

  Judge lifted his hand her way, palm up and said, “Hey.”

  She left him hanging for a couple of seconds before she slid her hand in his.

  He gave it a squeeze then rested their hands on the console between them.

  Only then did he say, “I’m here to listen, even if I’m up north and you have to call me. Okay?”

  “I think we should probably get into this now, Judge,” she stated.

  He didn’t understand why she’d want to do that, when they weren’t far away from the restaurant and this was a lot.

  But if that was what she needed.

  “Okay, then I’m here now, so let’s do it.”

  “No, I don’t mean that. I mean you need to know there are some things you’re not going to know about me, my life, the people in it. Not at first, I mean. Not until we’ve established…something. It upsets some, and it’s caused issues in the past, but I hope you understand, unless I know I can trust you, there are parts of my life…my family’s life…”

  He got it.

  Christ, yeah.

  He got it.

  Because in some ways, though nowhere near what she had to deal with, he had that himself.

  Unlike him, however, she had a decent size family.

  Lots of love.

  But this meant she was still isolated.

  “I get it,” he told her.

  “Does it upset you?” she asked.

  He glanced at her to see she was looking at him.

  His eyes were back on the road when he said, “I really do get it. I didn’t put it together, but Duncan asked me to sign an NDA before I went to Tom’s house. I just thought it was standard for people like Tom, your mom. That said, that doc was pretty thorough. I thought it was more about your mom. But I see now it’s all of you.”

  “It’s all of us, it’s everything,” she replied. “Don’t believe a single thing you see out there, Judge. It’s all carefully curated for your consumption or stolen and then twisted so someone can make money off it.”

  “Yeah,” he muttered.

  And yeah, he knew that part real well.

  “But it comes down to the fact we are not normal people. I hear celebrities saying that and I think, ‘Where’s your mortgage? Do you struggle to pay for childcare so you can go to work? Do you hesitate to see a doctor because you can’t afford the co-pay on your insurance? Or you have no insurance at all?’ Of course, Mom and Dad eat and breathe and sleep, but their lives, and by extension our lives, are not normal.”

  “Yeah,” he repeated, though that one short word came nowhere near to explaining how deep he felt it that she understood these things about herself, her family and the extent of their privilege in the world.

  “And from the start, you have to get that.”

  “I get it, and I promise you, it doesn’t scare me away.”

  She fell silent.

  When he glanced at her again, he saw she was looking out the side window.

  “It doesn’t,” he asserted.

  “We’ll see,” she whispered.

  Yeah, they would.

  But now he knew, she’d been burned before.

  Maybe badly.

  Something else for later.

  Time to move on from that.

  “Sorry you lost Szabo, honey,” he said softly.

  “I’m not, he put my mother through hell.”

  And you, Judge didn’t say.

  He felt her shift and smoothly take her hand from his.

  “Let’s stop talking about me,” she suggested. “We’ve been all about me all the time. Right now, go. The top five things I need to know about Judge Oakley.”

  He laughed. “No pressure.”

  “Do you not know yourself?” she challenged.

  Right then.

  “Got my dog while I was out running,” he began. “Was on a trail, early, no one around, except him. He followed me home. No collar. No tags. Think it’d been a while since he’d eaten. Probably a miracle he didn’t become the target of some coyotes. I put up signs, gave notice to the city and shelters. No one claimed him. But he claimed me. That’s number one.”

  “Good number one,” she said softly.

  His mouth tipped up.

  “Best friend is Rix, John Hendrix. Former firefighter. Used to be on the Hotshot crew. Wind turned, he got caught in a jam, tree fell on him. He lost both his legs from below the knee, but it was a straight-up miracle he even survived. He manages the Prescott store now.”

  “Rix? The man…that was…at Duncan’s…?” she asked haltingly.

  “Yup.”

  “But—”

  “He has fancy legs he uses sometimes. His sitch is relatively new. My guess is, he’s getting used to them. Mostly, though, he’s in a wheelchair.”

  “Okay,” she murmured.

  “That’s number one part two,” he told her.

  She laughed low.

  He grinned at the road.

  Then he got into the tough stuff.

  “So skipping to number three. I love my job. Found my calling. Love Prescott. Love the mission and ethics of River Rain. Love the kids. Got great staff and volunteers. What we do is important. There’ll come a time when the program will benefit from new blood and I’ll need to move on, but I thank God that time is not now.”

  She said nothing for a spell before she prompted, “Okay.”

  He was taking their exit off the highway as he pointed out what she obviously missed, “My job is in Prescott, Chloe.”

  “Is that number four?” she asked. “Because that’s one of the few things I know already.”

  “What I mean is, that’s been a thing for other women in my life. Ones that have lived in Phoenix.”

  “Prescott is not the moon,” was her only response.

  Even so.

  Message received.

  He grinned at the road again.

  Then he said, “Number four is, if I have a choice, I will take the road I’ve never traveled.”

  “Adventurous,” she said under her breath.

  “Yeah. There are things I like to do that I do a lot. But given the chance, I’ll take it to try something new.”

  She touched his thigh.

  He took her hint and gave her back his hand.

  Her fingers curled around tight.

  “And the last thing?” she asked.

  “I grew up part-time in New York City. My dad operates a hedge fund. He made his first billion when he was in his early forties. It wasn’t his last. His name isn’t that close to Szabo’s on a particular list, but it’s not far away.”

  Her hand was now squeezing his tight.

  “Your dad is Jameson Oakley?”

  Of course she knew who he was.

  “Yup.”

  “Mais non,” she whispered.

  “I think I know what that means, but…yeah.”

  “No wonder your coat is fabulous,” she remarked.

  He started chuckling. “Yeah, and I’ll be taking that back with me.”

  “Of course,” she said in that way women say it and mean, “not gonna happen.”

  Before he could ask why she seemed to have stolen his overcoat, she kept talking.

  “Do I need to sign an NDA?” she asked, sounding half joking, but with her experience, also probably half serious.

  “Dad would say absolutely. I say no. But you and me will have a deal.”

  “What deal?”

  “You give me what you feel you can give, and along the way, I’ll earn your trust. And vice versa. You are far from normal, and that’s what interests me about you. But in that, what we share, we’ll act like normal people. You get what you earn. Cool?”

  “Cool,” she agreed with
a squeeze of his hand. “And chéri, it’s best to come at it from the Indian School side.”

  That took them out of the deep, and eventually she guided him into underground parking at Fashion Square.

  They walked up to the restaurant on the corner, and Judge met Tiffany, a full-figured, six foot two, heavily made-up female who was not biologically female.

  She was either in transition, or today she just felt like being a she.

  She looked him up and down as they approached, and after the introductions, turned right to Chloe. “Mi told me he was scrumptious.” She turned to Judge. “And that’s Mi’s term, not mine,” then back to Chloe, “but she didn’t tell me he was so tall.”

  “Tiff finds it even more difficult than I do to nail down a tall guy,” Chloe explained.

  “No pressure,” Tiffany purred.

  “There’s plenty of me to go around,” he pointed out. “But just saying, after it goes around, I’m paying.”

  Tiffany shifted her attention back to Chloe. “Oo, I like him.”

  Chloe’s shades were aimed his way when she replied.

  “I do too.”

  And there it was.

  Morning made.

  * * *

  Judge came up for air and said the last thing he wanted to say.

  “I gotta get on the road, baby.”

  She pouted.

  She was on her back on her couch.

  He was on her.

  They’d been making out.

  He took some second base liberties, but mostly it was getting-to-know-you groping.

  It was phenomenal.

  Having her soft body under his was spectacular.

  Smelling her, tasting her in his mouth.

  Finally getting his fingers in her hair.

  His lips on the length of that neck.

  But he did have to go.

  “I gotta get back to my pup,” he told her. “Rix’s got him, and he likes him, and he might not give him back if I don’t go claim him.”

  She did an eye roll and grumbled, “I suppose that’s fine.”

  “I will point out, we got zero work done on Duncan and Tom’s promo.”

  She became interested in looking anywhere but his face.

  She’d been there, but he still ran it down.

  “There was the ‘quick trip’ to Nordstrom shoe department that you and Tiffany had to make that lasted an hour.”