Naked Love

by Jones, Lisa Renee

  There was no letting with Shannon. She owned me.

  And I didn’t know what to do about it. I owned a business built on never letting a woman like her in. And I needed her or I’d fail. In my business or personal life, that wasn’t clear anymore. I was so, so very fucked, and I loved every second of it. Last night, I renegotiated the terms of the deal, and it scared the hell out of me. I never let myself want this before.

  After I left her apartment, I sat on my motorcycle, staring up at her window and talking myself out of going back. I stayed until the sun rose. Only thing that kept me away was that I’d locked the door when I left. I couldn’t breathe when her silhouette appeared in the window, but she didn’t see me and disappeared way too soon.

  She didn’t want a relationship. But things had changed. She didn’t want to define the new situation, but I needed to know that we were on the same page. I had to tell her how I felt. I couldn’t walk away from her one more night.

  Jag wasn’t in the habit of answering my texts since he met Leah. Yeah, it was my fault, but it stung, and I didn’t go away that easily. He didn’t go to the gym at the same time I did anymore, now that he owned the gallery—that came first. I used to be able to catch him there, but since he hired employees, he took every chance he could to go get new material. Especially with this museum exhibit happening.

  I was proud of him, and I needed his help. He’d stood in the same spot I was in now, and he made it work. Not how he expected it to, but damn, he was happy. He wasn’t the same guy who’d been my partner in crime for years, but he knew me better than anyone else. I loved that guy, and if he hadn’t gone through all that shit, he wouldn’t be where he was now.

  “What’s up?” Holy shit, he answered the phone.

  “Hey. I was wondering if you wanted to take the bikes out? Maybe get a beer someplace? I’d take a ride down to the Keys with you, if you needed to do any wedding stuff.”

  “Everything’s pretty much settled for the wedding, but a ride sounds good.”

  Stunned he said yes, I didn’t answer right away. Jagger and I had a lot to talk about, too, and I wasn’t good at it. I was a fool to blame Shannon for causing this situation. I was a fool—period. Better late than never that I realized it.

  “Zach? You there, man?”

  “Yeah. I’m open, and you choose where we go. Drinks are on me.”

  Jagger laughed. We got along so well over the years because we were good at not talking. “Everything okay?”

  “Things are great.” Never been better. “How about tomorrow?”

  “If you’re free now, I’ve got Claudia at the gallery this afternoon. Rest of the week might be tricky.”

  “Sounds good. See you soon.”

  I pounded coffee and took a long, hot shower to bring myself back to human. There was no need to hide my problems from Jagger, especially when I wanted his help fixing it. I did it to convince myself I was the same guy who walked into Shannon’s apartment last night. Not some lovestruck asshole afraid to tell a woman how he felt.

  We didn’t say much when we met up in front of the gallery. I waved to Claudia before I put my helmet on. Shannon and I only talked about my business, so I had no idea what she and Leah were working on. Leah’s office was in the gallery, and I was flirting with danger. I wasn’t ready to see Shannon again.

  Didn’t matter what time of year it was, the ride to Key Biscayne stayed the same. Nothing but open road and ocean. This was what I needed to clear my head. Jag and I used to come down here a lot when we needed a change of scenery and a little trouble close to home. Funny that we chose it as our destination today. Our favorite bar on the beach wasn’t crowded this time of year.

  “What’s going on?” Jagger narrowed his eyes, sizing me up, after we ordered our drinks. “It doesn’t have to do with the wedding, does it? Don’t tell me you’re blowing me off. I need you to stand up for me, no matter what you think of Leah. You’ve got to be there.”

  I wasn’t expecting that. “That’s not it. I wouldn’t fucking miss the wedding.” I took a sip of my beer as soon as it arrived. “And I’m over the Leah thing.”

  Jag raised his eyebrows at me over his glass. “Good. Because you’re stuck with each other.” He set the glass on the table and pushed it back and forth between his hands. He smiled, and I lost him for a minute. He squinted when he looked up at me. “Then tell me why you look like hell.”

  “Shannon and I—”

  “I heard,” Jag said. “Leah told me.”

  I wanted to slap that sly smirk off his face. Fucking Leah. “Did she tell you anything today?”

  “No. Why? Did something happen?”

  “Shannon and I are trading services.” It was possible to shock Jagger. Didn’t matter how many women he fucked in his past life. He leaned back in his chair and dragged his hand through his long hair. He opened his mouth a couple times, but instead of giving me shit, he shook his head and chuckled.

  “I never thought it was a good idea, and I’ve been doing my best to treat her like any other client, giving her what she wants. Obviously, she’s got an itch to scratch. My intention was to give her some insane sex so she could get it out of her system, and move on. She’s got amazing ideas for how to get the business off the ground, and I considered it a fair trade.”

  Jag scoffed, and he didn’t have to add the you’re such an asshole that usually followed that expression.

  “The last couple times, it’s gone somewhere I don’t think either of us intended for it to go. Really fucking intense. There’s a connection…” I trailed off, and Jag’s expression changed. He was like me, and if I’d been stupid enough to treat her like shit, he would’ve held my head under the tide until I stopped struggling. “I don’t know what to do about it,” I said.

  “The first step is admitting you have a problem.” He grinned and took a sip of his beer. He had to be loving this giant I told you so, motherfucker, after I’d given him a heap of shit. “What do you want to do about it?”

  Good question. I took my time coming up with an answer. “I told her that she wasn’t a client to me.” Every time I closed my eyes since I left, all I saw was her—the silhouette of her curves writhing under my touch, her mouth parting soundlessly, and the bite of her fingernails against my skin. My shoulders still stung. It was all I had left of her, and I’d rip myself open again and again to hold onto it.

  “But…?” Jag asked.

  I wasn’t sure if it was something that only happened in my head, or if Shannon and I went to the same place together. “Since we’ve gone beyond the original agreement, it’s not fair to keep seeing her under the guise that it’s only business.”

  “What does she want to do? Have you talked to her?”

  “Kind of. That’s the problem. I want to fucking spill my guts to her, and she keeps telling me to stop talking.” Out loud, it sounded miserable. “But it’s not like that. She had this scenario that she wanted me to come in, fuck her, and leave. Which I thought was smoking hot, but I couldn’t do it. She got pissed, and I told her I couldn’t keep playing the game. And she said she didn’t want a relationship. She wanted to work on herself.”

  He ran his hand through his hair again—the universal Jag symbol for thinking about his answer. “We know Shannon in very different capacities. She’s really, really eager to please. She’s at the beginning of her career, and she’s hungry for a chance. But she has a hard time with people telling her what to do. I saw it when she was working for Great Start, after Leah left. She was miserable. Leah gives her a long rope, and Shannon thrives. She wants to prove herself.”

  “She touched on that. And it sounds like her ex liked to tell her what to do.” I understood why she wouldn’t want to jump into another relationship. That guy was a fool, to have a woman like that by his side and snuff her flame. His loss was my gain. Or so I hoped.

  Jag shrugged. “She never talks about him. Even when she stayed with us for a couple days, sick from getting roofied. All she talked
about was the business—whether it was the TV show or the design company.”

  “So, Shannon doesn’t like to fail.” Falling for me was failing. She was trying to prove herself as someone who could handle responsibility and success. Though Leah gave her freedom, Shannon relied on her. “How do I make her think changing the rules is her idea?”

  “Do you know if she wants to?” Jag asked. “Leah had a hard time when I was still escorting. But fuck, we barely knew each other. I couldn’t leave the only job I ever had because I had a couple great dates with an amazing woman. What was I going to do? My choice was easy in the end. You own the agency now. A lot of people depend on you to stay in the business.”

  “I know. I can keep giving the clients to the other guys, and not go out on assignments myself. But if one of us thinks it’s a relationship and the other one doesn’t, it won’t work. We have to be on the same page.” Though this talk left me with more questions than answers, I had a better idea of what kind of woman I was dealing with. Now I wanted to give her more than she asked for. Failure wasn’t an option for either of us.

  “I know you’re trying to rebuild what you had before, but did it make you happy?” Jag asked, nodding when I gaped at him. “Don’t be so afraid to change.”

  16

  Shannon

  I hated taking advantage of Leah’s kindness but there was no way I was making it into work by nine in the morning. Not when I tossed and turned until I texted to tell her I needed more time. Wishing I begged Zach to stay.

  I made so many mistakes last night. I told Zach I wasn’t looking for a relationship, which was true. But I wanted him. I didn’t know how to define it. I wished I could crawl inside the cocoon he kept his heart in and watch it transform. On paper, Zach was everything I wanted. Caring, sexy, and smart. Protective but not smothering. Drop-dead gorgeous, and by far the most experienced lover I ever had the privilege of taking to my bed—not that we’d made it to my bed yet. It was possible for someone to be good at something and not like it, yet Zach loved sex on every level. The physical act and the mental game.

  But I wasn’t sure if he knew how to love. And since I hadn’t done such a good job in that department, either, I didn’t know if I’d be the best teacher. All I knew was I had a lot of love to give. Love that hadn’t been wanted. Our broken pieces could fit together perfectly, or we could ruin ourselves for any poor unfortunate soul who dared step into our web in the future.

  The bottom line was I wasn’t sure I was ready to try again.

  There wasn’t enough coffee in the world for this morning, but if I wanted to play in Zach’s sandbox, I had to learn to suck it up. I squinted at my email while I waited for my little pot of coffee to brew.

  There was an email from Insight magazine, re: The Escort Lessons. I couldn’t be reading it right.

  Dear Ms. Gallagher,

  Thank you for submitting The Escort Lessons to our True Confessions blog. We’re intrigued by the concept, and we’d like to offer you a contract for one year of blog posts based on your original idea.

  The email went on to discuss terms, including complete anonymity—considering the sensitive subject matter—and payment was enough to keep Grandma warm and fed well beyond the harsh Michigan winter.

  Accepting the offer should have been automatic. And it would have been, when Zach was a client. If he found out about a silly little blog, he’d never trace it back to me. But now it felt too raw. Too private. What did I send them next? Episode Four: In Which I Fall for the Escort? It would get hits and advertising dollars, that was for sure. But this was veering into a place much more personal than professional. The intent of the blog was to show that, as a strong, independent woman, I could separate sex from a relationship, and I didn’t know if that was true anymore.

  Zach and I had no relationship. Only sex. Because that was what I asked for.

  I clicked out of the email and dragged my ass to work. I couldn’t lose my job as I pondered whether or not to take on a side hustle.

  Leah had entered the stage of pregnancy where she glowed all the time. She insisted it was sweat. No matter what it was, she always had the attitude that if someone wanted something hard enough, they could make it happen. I usually basked in it, but today it made me feel like more of a slug.

  “Sure you’re up to this?” she asked when she got a good look at me.

  Makeup had been out of the question. I’d knotted my hair on top of my head, and threw on the first clothes I saw on the floor. Nobody was here but Claire and some contractors. They’d only be impressed with what I did, not my fashion sense.

  “Yup. Bring it on.” I went right for Claire’s coffee maker. It made much fancier coffee than my glorified hotel room pot, and some day, I’d have one of these for my own. I wasn’t sure if I loved or hated that I pictured Zach making coffee in my imaginary kitchen. Bonus points that he was naked. It added to the unattainability of the fantasy. “What are you working on?”

  “Wedding stuff. The guys were using chemicals, so I didn’t venture in there. I’m basically supervising today.” She clicked at her laptop keyboard. “I booked you and Zach separate hotel rooms. I wasn’t sure what to do. You haven’t said anything else about Zach… Or maybe you have, and I’ve been so wrapped up in this wedding crap, and I’m the horrible friend who’s got no idea what’s going on around her.” She wiggled her eyebrows, giving me a chance to dish.

  My coffee wasn’t ready yet, and neither was I.

  “I can change it if you want,” she added.

  “Keep it as is.” If nothing else, I could expect the unexpected from Zach. There was no way to tell what a Christmas day wedding would add to the mix. Having a safe haven I could retreat to was a good idea.

  “Okay. When I hired Jagger for the reunion, I booked us separate rooms at the hotel. Mind you, we barely spent any time apart, but it was nice to have the option.”

  I poured my coffee and sat in the chair beside her. “Things got a little weird last night.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Leah gripped the edge of the table, and from the look on her face, I wouldn’t be surprised if she flipped it.

  “No,” I said quickly. “Not at all. I… don’t really know how to describe what happened.”

  It was surreal, floating around in my head like a dream. Both of us raw and exposed, letting the night take us wherever it led. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he left, just as I asked him to. I thought I’d be satisfied, but I wanted more.

  She put her hand on top of mine. “The two of you have a connection. The longer you fight it, the more miserable you’ll make yourself. I’ve lived this life before. You were there. I know Zach isn’t Jagger, but he’s Jagger’s best friend, which means a lot. Jagger doesn’t let people in very easily. So, while I don’t really know Zach and we’re never joining each other’s fan clubs, I would really love to see the both of you happy. Bonus points if it’s together.”

  * * *

  Leah’s question had been about so much more than hotel rooms, and it didn’t distract me from thinking about last night, but it gave me another point of view. Leah and Jagger understood, but they couldn’t answer any questions for us. I had to figure it out on my own.

  It shouldn’t hurt that I hadn’t heard from him today. I made it clear I wanted the ball in my court. But he liked to break my rules. I was playing enough games I didn’t understand, and I couldn’t afford to add any more to the mix.

  I texted him. Has Jagger talked to you about Christmas?

  Yeah. He’s getting married.

  That was why I hated texts. There was a chance he was trying to be funny, and I was rolling with that, but he also could be slamming a door shut in my face.

  Nope. I wasn’t considering that option. I know what they’re doing. I want to know what we’re doing. I added a winky face, to take the edge off.

  What are we doing, Shannon?

  I almost dropped the phone. Christmas is your choice. Whatever you want, I’m yours.


  He didn’t answer right away. Are you sure?

  This was the worst idea I ever had. If I weren’t there last night, I’d be convinced he hated my guts. Yes. Why wouldn’t I?

  You want to wait until Christmas to see each other again?

  Okay. This was better. I won’t have a chance to get enough work done before then. Jagger’s taking the headshots, and the site will go live.

  This isn’t about work anymore. You know that as much as I do.

  I didn’t have a chance to say anything else before the phone vibrated in my hand.

  “I sound like an asshole in texts.” Zach’s deep voice resonated in places inside me that still ached from last night.

  “Yeah. You kinda do.” My only consolation was that I was dealing with someone worse at relationships than I was.

  “At least I own it.” He wasn’t any easier to decipher over the phone. “I’m sorry I didn’t do what you wanted last night. But I’m also sorry I did do what you asked me to. Leaving like that… It took everything I had not to come back.”

  “You should have,” I said. “The whole thing sounded a lot better in my head.”

  “You mean your plan or what you said?”

  “The plan.” I laughed. “Words are hard, aren’t they?” Which was why I tried to avoid them.

  “Yeah. They are.” Neither of us said anything else right away. Zach cleared his throat. “Want to go get a drink?”

  “I look like what the cat dragged in.”

  He chuckled. “I might like seeing you like that.”

  Of course he would. He wrecked me. “We’re going to wind up in bed again.”

  “No,” he said too quickly. “Only talking. We need to learn how to behave ourselves, with the wedding coming up.”

  “Do we ever.” I considered telling him about what Leah had asked me, but things were complicated enough without factoring in a forced sleepover.