“My plan was to get out of my contract. Not that it would erase what I did, but at least it would show Zach I was serious about our relationship. Then they offered me a book deal. A big one.” Reading the contract was overwhelming, even after Sonya had given me a preview of the contents.
“How do you feel about that?”
“Shitty. I’m profiting off him, but it’s like I stole it. It’s not…”
“Satisfying?” Leah asked. “Have you talked to him?”
“No. He won’t answer my calls.” I was tempted to book him for an appointment, but he’d be livid when he found out who his client was. And then nothing would ever be fixed. I’d prove him right—I wasn’t worthy of his trust.
“Keep trying. The agency’s been busier than expected since launch. Like, better-than-with-Barry levels. You did that. So yeah, he’s pissed, but I think some cold hard cash coming his way will take the sting out of it.”
Was he taking clients? “How do I make him trust me again?”
“That, I can’t tell you,” she said. “But he needs you.”
“So you have talked to him,” I said.
Leah shrugged, fighting a grin. “The party at Claire’s might be next week. But I didn’t say anything.”
I slumped in my seat. “That was supposed to be our First Friday event.”
Leah wriggled her eyebrows. “You should go. If it wasn’t for you, he’d have nothing to celebrate.”
“It was his vision. He didn’t know how to bring it to life. That’s all I did.” Zach had called bullshit on that claim, too. Maybe I would go to the party. If he let me in. I could get a taste of my own medicine.
“And that’s why you’re going to kill it on Elizabeth’s project. If people knew how to bring their visions to life, they wouldn’t need to hire us anymore. Zach wants you to succeed. He’s hurt because he cares about you. That doesn’t just go away. You know that.”
“He doesn’t see it that way.” I wished he’d talk to me. With clear heads, maybe everything would make sense. There was no way he wasn’t getting my messages. It was possible he was busy with the influx of new clients Leah claimed I got him. I set it up so he could drown his sorrows between the legs of another woman. Some marketing genius I was.
“Okay, so you can’t take back the blog. I haven’t read it. You didn’t say anything bad, did you?”
“Of course not. I was honest. About everything. Even when it started to feel like more than a business transaction.” I hoped he’d read that part, too. The part where I was falling for him. Not just for his body, but for the man who teased me about my sneakers and swore he’d keep me safe. I believed him. Anyone else who ever made that claim had let me down—except for my grandma. So I thought he’d understand why I needed the money, but not from him. From him, I needed so much more.
“Keep writing. Pour your heart into it. Even this part, where everything went sideways and it feels like crap. First of all, the readers will love it—”
I groaned.
“Listen to me. They’ll love it, because you broke through a wall with a man that should’ve been completely off limits. You were the one who was special enough to make him ignore all his rules, to be with you. They won’t be able to tear themselves away from the story. And I have a feeling Zach’s reading along, too.” Leah squeezed my hand. “Show them all it’s possible for the two of you to have a happy ending.”
* * *
Episode Six: The Confession
I don’t have to say your name. You know who you are. I’ve whispered it so many times at night, as I ran my hands over my body, hoping you left a piece of yourself behind. But you didn’t. You took everything with you. And here I am, in the place that stole it away from us, telling the entire world how I feel about you.
This was how I broke you. Everybody else kept you their secret, only taking you out to play with in the dark and abandoning you when something better came along. You are my something better. I miss you. I love you. I don’t know what that’s like. It’s something I’ve been afraid of, too, since it’s not a one-sided thing. Love only grows if someone can receive it. Love can’t grow in the dark.
I know you don’t want me to write this anymore—to share our secrets—but our secrets are nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t want to keep you a secret anymore. Instead of whispering your name, I want to shout it from the rooftops and call you back to me. I want to cry it out in your favorite place—the dark.
I don’t have to say your name, but I want to. More than anything.
25
Zach
I was an asshole.
It wasn’t breaking news, but every once in a while, it was good to be reminded. Like getting punched in the face when I deserved it. I learned lessons painfully.
I almost dropped my coffee cup when my phone pinged. I’d asked to receive alerts if there were updates to the True Confessions blog. It had its own ringtone, and I’d already had a false alert. Shannon wasn’t the only one baring her soul for anyone who scrolled by the blog. Didn’t stop my heart from pounding when I looked at the screen.
New update from Escort Lessons. Episode Six…
This was all Shannon. As I read the post, I pictured her standing naked by her bedroom window, running her hands over her body as she waited for my arrival. What she looked like in those shadows… Strong and scared and vulnerable.
Mine.
And more than that, I was hers. We shared a kinship, there in the dark, the place she claimed love couldn’t bloom. I read her words over and over. Each time they sunk in my thick skull a little bit more. She’d been the light in my life, the hope that I could pull my shit together and succeed. And when I left her, the light was gone. I left her in the dark, waiting for me.
I was thirty-three years old, and I was afraid of the dark.
I needed to call her, but as much as the dark scared me, the light was worse. I wasn’t sure I was ready to try again.
Instead, I called Jagger. “Have you read Shannon’s blog?”
He sighed, but it ended in a chuckle. “I didn’t have any plans of reading it, but Leah wanted me to. I can’t say no to her lately, it’s the belly. After she followed me around the condo, reading it out loud, I read the rest of it.”
Sounded like Leah. “Did you read it all? Even her confession?”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Do you accept her apology?”
“I don’t know.” I looked out at the bay. Shannon had only been here one night, but her ghost lingered. I saw her everywhere I turned. “If I give her another chance, I don’t know if I can be what she needs.”
And I couldn’t even fucking think about it, because the orgy she recommended I throw at Claire’s house to drum up business was tonight.
“How can you make it better?” he asked.
“She won’t take my money.” Though she needed it. She had no real home, no car, and she sent every spare dime she had to her grandma. But she put up a brave front, and it wasn’t my business to tell Jagger about that. I assumed she negotiated a fair deal with Leah. Leah wouldn’t screw her over, and if she knew Shannon was having trouble, she’d give her everything she could to fix it.
But that wasn’t what Shannon wanted. She was determined to show the world she could do it all herself. The problem was she had no idea of her worth. Jag was right; she deserved much more than a fucking trade with me. Especially when she was asking for something I didn’t consider to have any value—me.
“What’s more important to her than money?” Jag asked.
“Her grandmother.” Family. Security. A place to belong. I should’ve fucking hung up the phone and called her. But I wasn’t ready yet. I’d teased her, made her think I’d be the one to give that to her, when I thought I could trust her. “She wants to get her out of Detroit. Sounds like her neighborhood’s gone downhill, and she’s struggling.”
“Make it happen.”
“What am I going to do? Call up an old woman and tell her I’m fucking her gra
nddaughter and that I want her to get on a plane and come to Miami?” It wasn’t a half bad idea. But. “I just walked out on her. And I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive her yet.”
“Yet. But you will.” Jag laughed. “You can do better than that. You’ve been talking women into bad ideas as long as I can remember. Tighten it up and get Grandma down here.”
“Maybe I could surprise her. If I ask her for her grandma’s contact information, she’ll know I’m up to something. She won’t give it to me now, anyway. I need a way around the middle woman. I could bring her to First Friday or something.”
“Leah would be able to pull it off.” Fuck Jag for being right. “She’s probably got her information—emergency contact or something like that. And if you ask me, this is an emergency.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to ask her to do it?”
“No.” I couldn’t take the easy way out. I’d resented Leah for ripping Jag and everything I considered comfort and safety out of my life. Now she was the only one who could get it back for me. “I’ll ask her myself.”
* * *
Claire suggested I make the event black tie, and I went along with it since she donated her house as our playpen. The rented suit made me feel like a liar. The bowtie was like a closed fist around my throat. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
I thought about inviting Shannon, so she could see her vision in action. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to share my business with her again. Instead, I’d remind myself of what my life was like without her.
“Didn’t recognize the place.” I pushed it all down as I kissed Claire on the cheek. She wouldn’t think anything was wrong. I’d played this role for so long, I started to believe it. I was a fucking hypocrite, giving Jag and Shannon shit about lying to me when I’d done it to myself for so long.
“Isn’t it gorgeous? Leah did a great job. Shannon, too.” Claire raised an eyebrow, and it felt like she was dragging a confession out of me, but she might have no idea Shannon and I broke up. If we were ever truly together in the first place. “I didn’t get as many of the old crew to come tonight as I expected. That’s okay. They’ll come around when the girls tell them what they missed. A couple of them asked if they could invite a friend. I didn’t see any harm in that. There’s a lot of fresh blood here. I figured that was a good thing. What’s shocking is how young they are. I don’t think your associates will mind playing with their beautiful bodies. But I should warn you, Kathy brought her daughter.”
“She did?” It wouldn’t be my first mother-daughter team, but there was no doubt shit was going to get interesting tonight. “She’s legal, right?”
“She’s pretty close to thirty. She’ll hold her own.” Claire took a flute of champagne off the tray the waiter held, and handed one to me as well. “I’ll be at the door. Have fun tonight, Zach. Remember why you started the agency. Why you started doing this.” Claire kissed my cheek before she left me standing here, alone.
She’d meant well, asking me to get back to my roots and do things for the right reasons. At one time, I would’ve said it was because I didn’t give a shit about convention, and escorting was all about freedom. Escorting had been a security blanket, protecting me from the reality that I was alone.
Tonight I’d rebuild myself on the only things I could count on—vodka and pussy. The only places for which the view from the bottom was better than at the top. Back to where it all began. Too bad it didn’t feel right. Since I discovered Shannon’s blog, I’d thrown myself into the agency. The foundation was shaky at best, and it needed all my attention if it had any chance at surviving. I learned nothing in our time together, and I had no idea what to do outside of what she told me.
“Zach,” Kathy purred. She was one of my old regulars. “I’m so glad to see you again. You’ve been so busy lately. I hope you’re available tonight.”
She kissed my cheek, letting her lips linger close to my skin. I stiffened when she put her hand on my ass. I’d been out of the game for a while, and I’d forgotten the rules. Tonight was somewhat of a free-for all. The clients paid a fee, and the guys had agreed to split the money. What happened once they walked in the door was up to them.
“Depends on what you have in mind.” To get the other guys work, I’d deflected booking her by saying I’d been busy with a long-term client. Kathy had called for a few appointments, and over the phone, it was easy to blow her off. Now. I was desperate for a way out. I didn’t want to fuck Kathy or any of the women I invited. Shannon should be here. She built this as much as I did, and she was my best client.
Had been.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her, as passion exploded all around me. I wanted her. I wanted to taste her kiss and feel her skin under the palm of my hand. I missed her freckles, those damn sneakers, and especially her ponytail. I bet it needed a good tug.
I wasn’t taking any clients tonight.
Kathy caught me off-guard, squeezing my ass and capturing my mouth as I opened it in protest in a kiss. And for a minute, I let her do it. To see if I wanted my old life back.
When we separated, I had my answer. But I didn’t have a chance to tell her before I spotted the life I’d thrown away.
Shannon clutched the door frame, in her black dress from Christmas Eve Eve and those damn sneakers. Her mouth was open, and when she caught my eye, she was already backing away from the room, shaking her head. It only took seconds before she broke into a run.
“Kathy, I…” had nothing to say to her. I had to get away from this woman and follow Shannon before it was too late.
Kathy clutched my arm like she knew I was about to run. “No need to explain. I’ll be sticking to Tommy. Thanks for that hookup. You always knew exactly what I like. But I was hoping I could introduce you to my daughter, Lilly. She just moved to Miami, and she’s having a hell of a time meeting people her own age. I thought the two of you could have some fun.”
“Send her my way. I’ll introduce her to someone.” I trotted off before she had a chance to say anything else. Claire’s house was huge, and Shannon could’ve been anywhere. But she wasn’t. She was gone.
A part of me wondered if I’d imagined seeing her.
Fuck.
I grabbed another vodka on the rocks off a tray, as the waiter passed me by, and downed it in a healthy swig.
“So glad to see you, man.” Brandon had dressed up, his way—black leather pants and an unbuttoned top. His hair was a mess, like he’d been up to something good. I hadn’t seen him since I made the initial introductions. “You got a minute to talk?” he asked.
“Everything okay?” Fuck, I was supposed to introduce him to Lilly. I could barely remember anything since I saw Shannon. Good thing I hadn’t told Kathy too much about who I planned to hook her daughter up with. I couldn’t fuck anything else up tonight. “Mostly everyone here is a regular, so if there’s anything fucked up going on—”
“No, I’m having a great time.” He looked over his shoulder to the living room, where couples and trios were too busy among themselves other to notice our conversation.
Would they switch partners halfway through the night? They should, if they knew what was good for them. Tonight was an all-you-could-eat buffet, with none of the regrets.
“I’m grateful for this opportunity, man. I want you to know that.”
From the way Brandon shifted his weight in his combat boots, I expected him to say something I didn’t want to hear. “But?” At least he had the balls to be honest with me.
“I’ve met someone”—he bit his lip—“and it’s making it hard to do this like I should. I… uh… brought her here tonight. She wanted to know what I do.”
I liked her already—she was open enough to come see what this was about. I scanned the room, looking for an unfamiliar face. “Who is she?”
“She’s the one with her hair up, on the chaise.” A dark-haired woman turned, like she knew we were talking about her, and winked at Brandon.
I narrowed my ey
es, drinking in the details. She was somewhere in her late thirties, early forties. I’d seen her before, but she wasn’t a client. Maybe I’d seen her on TV. “She’s gorgeous.”
She turned back to the party and struck up a conversation with one of my regulars, then laughed and looked back at Brandon. This time, her gaze lingered a little longer.
“The last thing I need is another scandal,” I said.
“No shit. And the last thing I want to do is cause any trouble. For either you or Samantha. We’re testing the waters.”
I definitely recognized her from TV. That name rang a bell. “Is she a client?”
“No. I met her on a playdate.” He grinned.
“A playdate?” That wasn’t a term we ever used at the agency. Shannon had revolutionized my marketing, and the guys were making up their own rules.
A flush burned Brandon’s cheeks. “She’s my daughter’s best friend’s mother. We hit it off. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, but…”
“I’ve heard that before.” It was going to be one of those nights that I had a hangover long before I went to bed. “Do what you’ve got to do, man. But I’d hate to lose you when things are getting good.”
“I hear you. I’m having a blast working for you.” He met Samantha’s gaze, and I knew all good things had to come to an end. “But I wanted to be honest with you. You can’t help these things when they happen. They fucking steamroll you.”
Didn’t I know it?
* * *
“This is how we’re going to pull it off.” Leah always looked so goddamn smug when she was dealing with me, but today her smile was more of a grimace. She waited for me to take my seat at the coffee shop. We decided to meet away from the gallery, to keep Shannon out of the equation. It had been a few days since the party, since I saw her last. I’d called her, texted her, but she didn’t answer. I didn’t blame her after what she walked in on. People fucking all around her, and me in the middle of it all, sucking face with a client. A text wouldn’t do it justice. I’d been an asshole, ignoring her attempts to get in touch with me when she’d said some pretty heavy shit. It was possible she moved on after she got her confession out of her system. And after she thought I’d done the same.
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