by Julia Mills
Sammie Jo: A 'Not-Quite' Shifting Witchy Love Story: Magic and Mayhem Universe
The 'Not-Quite' Love Story Series
Julia Mills
Published by Julia Mills, 2018.
Copyright
Copyright © 2018 by Julia Mills
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.
This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.
The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Cover by Linda Boulanger with Tell Tale Book Covers
Edited and Proofed by Tammy Payne with Book Nook Nuts
Beta Read by Lyn Hamilton
Formatted by Charlene Bauer with Wickedly Bold Creations
DEDICATION
Dare to Dream! Find the Strength to Act! Never Look Back!
Thank you, God.
To my girls, Liz and Em, I Love You. Every day, every way, always.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWARD
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
EPILOGUE
ABOUT JULIA
ALSO BY JULIA MILLS
Foreward
Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!
I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.
What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?
Well, let me explain...
It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you...the results are hilarious!
So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!
For all the stories, go to https://magicandmayhemuniverse.com/. Grab your copy today!
Chapter One
“Please-th go get your mother, Henry Charles-th,” I purred with a lisp, as his chunky little baby fingers tickled under my kitty chin.
Not only had I not figured out how to talk without a lisp, but I simply could not resist a good petting. This being a cat thing was a real pain in the ass, although I had no one to blame but myself. Katie had always said we needed to study our spells better, but then again, she blew her soul all to Hell and now there was a Hellhound’s alter ego living in her body. What the hell did she really know? Anyway, I seriously have no clue how Salem, Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s cat, did it for all those years. Being a feline is not all it’s cracked up to be and I wanted out.
Steeling my resolve, I tried to pull away from those soft little strokes as I put a growl in my voice, “Henry, where is-th your mom? I really have to talk to her.”
“Sthe’sth out with-th daddy,” He lisped with a giggle and a hiccup just as his cute little twin sister, Audrey toddled up.
“Ohhhhh, kitty. I wanna pet the kitty” the female twin squealed before plunging her hands into my fur and giving me a deep tissue massage that had my eyes rolling back in head and me purring with such force that I damn near vibrated right off the porch.
Thankfully, before I completely embarrassed myself, Zelda’s dad, Fabio, who was a real hottie for an older guy appeared on the porch. Close behind was his girlfriend, Carol, the Baba Yaga (read that as Most Powerful Witch in the whole freaking world, cause that’s what she is) who was chuckling about some ‘dingbat know-it-all little witch who couldn’t use her own magic with both hands and a wand’.
Oh yeah, this is gonna be a fun conversation.
Opening my kitty mouth to explain, I never got to speak as Carol grumbled, “What is that? Get away from it kids, it probably has rabies or fleas or only the Goddess knows what.” With a look of disgust and her nose scrunched up like she’d just gotten a big ole whiff of steaming shit, she added, “It’s absolutely mangy.
Jumping to my feet, I sauntered over to the Baba Yaga, my fear from our previous encounter forgotten and my frustration with screwing up like a newbie trying to pass her HIPPOS to get her wand, I completely forgot who I was talking (read that as yowling) at and hissed, “I am not a that!”
Surprisingly, my fury pushed all the lisp out of my voice as I powered on. With my tail poofed to its full potential and the hair standing up along my spine, I screamed at the woman whose hair was teased and sprayed with at least two cans of Aqua Net putting the saying ‘the higher the hair, the closer to God’ to the test. I admit to having to look at her face for fear of going blind from her mismatched eighties’ neon striped top, black and white checkered skirt, and screaming fuchsia jelly platforms. (Yes, I said jelly shoes with platform heels **shudder**). “I am a Witch! One of your Witches! And need our freaking help! Think you can handle that, Madonna wannabe?”
I knew I had crossed the line when bright green smoke spewed from the Baba Yaga’s fingertips as flames danced in her eyes and her overdone Jersey-doo shook atop her head. “How dare you speak to me like...”
“Like what? Like someone who needs your help?” I spit, my back arched and my nails extended so far I’d grown at least a half an inch and would’ve made one helluva Halloween decoration.
Huge bubbles joined the smoke popping around the Baba Yaga’s head as frightful magic filled the air as the little voice in my head screamed, “Run, dumbass, run! You’re about to become a pile of fur. You and that damned mouth of yours!”
Spinning around in a half back flip – half sliding on my ass move that deserved a nine-point-nine for execution, artistry, and technique. Zig-zagging through the yard, avoiding the blasts of neon green and blod-red magic the Baba Yaga was throwing at me, I dove into the forest a split second before an especially angry blast of magic hit a huge tree to my left leaving a blazing hole in the enormous trunk as Carol bellowed, “And let that be a warning, you spiteful, bad-mouthed, little Witch! If I ever see your face again, I will make it my mission to remove it from your head – human or cat!”
Huddling under the prickly vines and pokey nettles of a huge bramble, I let my inner Witch rail on me for a good five minutes, the highlights of which were, “Do you have a fucking brain in your head? Did you have to piss of the Baba Yaga? Do you like licking you ass and grooming your fur until you’re hacking up furballs all over the carpet? And how about that ADHD – Squirrel! Squirrel! Shiny! Shiny!”
At that point, I tuned her out, mostly because she was right but let’s not talk about that, my ego has taken enough abuse for now and there were way more pressing issues. Crawling out of my hiding spot when I was sure Fabio had calmed Carol down and taken her in the house, I nearly had to find a makeshift litter box as a deep, suave voice sounded from overhead at the same time I heard the flap of leathery wings.
“Hello, my little sweet,” the voice purred. “What’s a pretty little kitty like you doing in a dark and dank place like
this?”
Snapping my head back so far my neck cracked, I became a stunned statue as the goofy looking bat floated to earth, turning into the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen as his black Louis Vuitton touched down and he adjusted the sleeves of his crisp, white dress shirt from under the sleeves of his obviously custom tailored black suit. I admit to shamefully ogling his eye-popping diamond cufflinks and having to ask, “Wh-what did you say?”
Grinning like a man with all the answers, the man before me knelt down, picked me up and as he stroked my fur said, “I was asking your name, little Witch and wondered why you are still in your cat form.”
Biting my lip, which while wearing my fur pretty much means I was digging my top fangs into my chin...not a pretty sight but what’s a girl to do. Working hard not to roll on my back in his arms and lose all dignity as Tall, Dark, and Delectable worked wonderfully sexy, schmexy magic with his touch, I answered, “M-my name is Sammie Jo and...” I let my head fall forward and hid my eyes in his sleeve. “I don’t know how.”
Chuckling with a confidence that made me feel better, if only for a moment, my very own Batman, (Shut up! It’s true. You know you were thinking it too.) replied, “Well, today is your lucky day, Sammie Jo. My brother’s new mate just happens to be a Witch who is very tight with the Almighty Shifter Wanker and next Baba Yaga. I’m sure Lola will be able to clear all of this up for you.” He ran his fingers down my back, forcing the purr I’d been holding back since he’d first picked me up as he added, “My name’s Vaughn by the way.”
My kitty tummy knotted. Not even the sparkles in the depths of his beautiful violet eyes helped with the anxiety thrumming through my body. Lola, I knew that name. Had history with that name. History that was probably gonna get me skinned and fed to some baby Hellhounds and that was if I was lucky.
Throwing caution to the wind, I tried to act cool while knowing beyond all doubt that I was being carried to my death and pointed with my well-manicured paw, “Carry on, Sir Vaughn. Carry on.”
Chapter Two
It took me about ten minutes in Vaughn’s mansion before I was looking for a way to escape. Of course, it was impossible since the man who’d rescued me, who I now knew was a vampire, wouldn’t put me down. I tried the old ‘making biscuits trick’, digging my claws through his heavily starched dress shirt and into his skin, but he simply winked and moved to the other side of his lap.
What a cad. Letting me have my way with him. Nice if I was human, but seriously sucky when Lola figures out who I am and blasts me into the ether. Yay! Living life on the edge...not!
I guess I should back up and catch all you good people up on what’s really go on around here. As I said before, my sister, the oldest of our Coven of four, messed up a spell with such epic stupidity that she blew her soul from her body and left the poor little meat suit all alone in the big bad world to find its way to Zelda on its own. Right after that happened, Heidi, a Hellhound Shifter and friend of the Almighty Shifter Wanker (aka Zelda. Yeah, she’s got a lot of titles.) needed to get rid of her sassy alter ego, Lola, before she tried a home lobotomy. Bingo, bango and Lola was in Katie’s body, had her power and if I’m telling the truth, making it look good. (If you repeat that to anyone I will turn you into a toad. And despite what you see here, I can do it.)
But that’s not where it ended, Katie had been betrothed to Vladimir Valentine by our father centuries before, as some kind of sick trade to keep our family farm. Our dear old dad had always referred to Vlad as ‘the nerdy vamp’ which made Katie less than thrilled to wed him or even meet him. In an effort to escape her Fate, she ran, flitting from country to country all over the world for a while. Then when that didn’t work, she placed wards on our property that left Vlad smoking and blistered when he tried to visit. And as you probably have already figured out, in the end, my oldest sister tried to do a big-ass spell to do away with the blood oath and...well, you know how that ended up.
But that’s not where our beef with the Baba Yaga, the Almighty Shifter Wanker, Heidi the Hellhound and Lola ended. It should have, but it didn’t. (Sensing a theme here. Yeah, the Whitfield Witches aren’t the brightest. I own my hair-trigger temper and unstoppable mouth. I don’t love it, but I won – cause I gotta.)
Like the idiots you now know we are, my sisters, Barbie and Candy, (Yeah, our mom pretty much doomed us from birth.) and I went tearing into Asscrack and thought we could kick Zelda’s ass and get Katie’s body back. Needless to say, the Almighty Shifter Wanker, Carol, Heidi and Lola kicked our asses and sent us packing.
The last few months since had been pretty lonely since my goofball sisters decided to take off, declaring me a loser for staying where, and I quote, ‘we were not wanted’. After they took off in a cloud pink sparkly magic teasing me about plowing the fields and milking the cows – as if we even had that crap – we have a magical farm that produces all the exclusive and hard-to-find goodies Witches need for specialty spells. You know the ones, death spells, weight loss spells, get-rich-quick spells, pass-the-BAR spells and...**sigh** love spells.
Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking, so I’m just gonna confess – I was trying to cast a find-my-true-mate spell when all these feline shenanigans began. Let me explain, I had just harvested a new batch of Mandrake roots (Yes, they look kinda like voodoo doll or a wrinkly skinned baby but let me assure you that they do not scream until you faint. I love Harry Potter, but Wizard please.) and noticed the rose hip bushes were weighted down with their little red berries. Carrying a basket full of the gray roots and red berries, I also pulled some seeds from a sunflower and added some baby’s breath and Bachelor buttons to the mix as I sang to myself on the way back into the house.
Tired of being alone, I had already decided to find my mate, no matter what it took. So, three nights later with the full moon high in the sky, I lit the fire under my cauldron, and when the water from the well that had been blessed by the Baba Yaga began to boil, I slowly put the ingredients I’d grown, picked and ground into the bubbling liquid.
When the fluorescent orange bubbles rose into the air, I admit to getting lost in the beauty of the magic filling the night sky. I was literally giddy with the anticipation of finally finding the man the Goddess made for me that I could have made a mistake, might have forgotten to add the essence of Anemone, the blood-red flower that grows in the Adonis Garden on Mt Olympus. But I’m sure I used all the proper ingredients at the proper time.
Anyway, awash in the magic and the possibilities and the beauty, I began to sing:
“Man of my dreams, Love of my heart,
The Goddesses work of art
Come to me now. Show me your face,
I long for your embrace. I long for your love.
Come to me, my mate, I pray to the Goddess above.”
Stop laughing, I was caught up in the moment and admit to being a bit mushy when I made up the spell, but let me tell you that all of that BS ended with a bibbidi-bobbidi-BOOM! The ground started to shake, the soft, delicate bubbles decorating the skyline turned into massive, misshapen blobs and before I could shut the spell down, my cauldron jumped into the air, spun around like a children's toy and landed with a thud a hundred yards from where it had started.
Running towards the dented cast iron kettle, through the fluorescent orange lava that was covering te ground and had just raised my hands to hopefully contain my mistake when from one heart beat to the next I was turned from a rather curvy redheaded Witch to a rather curvy black cat. And that, as they say, is my story and I’m sticking to it.
I was at Zelda’s to get the spell reversed, but as you know that didn’t work out. Now, I have a whole new problem, starting with Vaughn and ending with keeping my ass, whether it’s fur covered or not, attached to my big ole hips.
Got any ideas?
Yeah, me neither...
Chapter Three
I woke to the sound of arguing. (Yeah, I fell asleep. So sue me. I dare you to sit in the hunky vamp’s lap while inhaling his into
xicating scent with his hand leaving a fiery trail down your back and not either jump his bones or fall asleep. Since I have no desire for a kitty-vamp tête-à-tête, I took a nap.) Opening one eye as the disparaging remark of ‘being a mangy-cat is exactly what she deserves’ flew from the mouth of none other than Lola, I continued to stay as still as possible until Zelda scoffed, “Stupid little witch. I should leave her that way for pissing off Carol.”
“Oh really, is that what that Madonna wannabe said happened,” I spat from my spot on Vaughn’s lap. Standing as tall as I possibly could I added, “Well, she’s a liar and just to set the record straight, Carol threw the first punch, so to speak by calling me a that and telling Charles and Audrey to get away because I might have rabies or...” **shudder** fleas.”
I swear I heard Vaughn trying to hold back his laughter as both Lola and Zelda burst out laughing like I was doing stand up. Climbing across the vamp’s lap, thankful when he lifted me and headed towards the chuckling Witches, I yelled over their levity, “I’m sure as shit glad you’re having fun, but I came to you for help, Zelda.”
I immediately paused, realizing that Bitchy Sammie Jo was probably not going to get any help from the Witch in line to be the next Baba Yaga with the level of nasty attitude I was throwing around. So, I took a deep breath and after slowly letting it out while trying not to stare at what used to be my sister laughing at me like I was crazy, then tried again. “I really need your help. I screwed up a spell and don’t know how to fix.”
I saw the look of intrigue in the Almighty Shifter Wanker’s green eyes and watched her fluff her auburn curls just before she asked, “What kind of spell were you working?”
“It was a...” Suddenly tongue tied and incredibly embarrassed by what I had to say, I whispered, “A find-my-true-mate spell of my own design.”