by Julia Mills
A knowing look passed from Zelda to Vaughn and then to Lola. They all smiled like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland and let’s face it, that was my gig for the moment. The longer they continued to leave me out of their secret club, the madder I got. I hadn’t even realized I was shaking until Vaughn whispered, “Just calm down and listen, my sweet little kitten.”
I was just about to leave scratch marks all over his six-foot-six-inch frame when Zelda chimed in, “You really need to have a saucer of milk or whatever it is that will chill you the heck out because although you effed up your spell in a way I can only imagine, it somehow worked.”
Looking down at my still fur covered chest, I spat, “You call this working? Are you blind?”
Flicking my ear, the Almighty Shifter Wanker leaned down until we were eye-to-eye and sassed, “No, ding-dong, I mean the finding your mate part. You did that.”
“I what?” I looked first one way and then the other, opening my eyes as wide as they would go and said, “Is he the invisible man?”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than Vaughn was lifting me from his arm and with his hands wrapped around my middle holding me in front of his face. I watched brilliant silver specks swirl in the depths of his gorgeous violet eyes as he grinned, “No, my little kitten, I am your mate.”
“Get the hell outta here. No way. That just can’t be.”
“Well, you better buck up, butter cup, because I promise you that Vaughn here is the man...or vamp for you.” Zelda grinned as she sdded, “All we have to do to is get you out that pretty furcoat and back into your skin.”
The Almighty Shifter Wanker was turning around as she added, “But first, I promised Carol I’d kick your ass for your ‘Madonna wannabe’ comment.”
I held my breath as Zelda looked over her shoulder and winked, “Do you feel properly chastised and promise never to speak ill of our Baba Yaga’s sense of fashion?”
“Yes ma’am,” I immediatelty answered.
“Good then. Now, tell me all about the spell you FUBAR’d.”
After explaining everything I’d done, to and including not being sure about the Anemone, we all sat in silence as Zelda thought. It was the first time since she’d revealed that Vaughn was my mate that I’d been able to think about what it all meant.
I had my mate, the one man in all the world created for me by the Goddess. Sure, he was a vampire and a Valentine at that. But everything I’d learned about Vaughn so far said he was a good guy. Furthermore, I was sure that the Valentines were not the soul-sucking demons Dad had said they were, which added to the list of things the old coot had been wrong about. I sometimes think he’d taken a few too many hits to the head if you know what I mean.
Heavens knew Vaughn made my heart race and my whiskers tingle. I could only imagine what it would be like when I was back in my body. He was also good-looking, like GQ model handsome with his dark hair, scruffy jawline and sexy muscles I just might have found while kneading my way across his chest.
Lost in thought about the ways my world was about to change, I had my claws out and was ready to strike when Zelda snapped her fingers in my face and snickered, “Earth to Sammie Jo. Wake up, kitty girl. I’m gonna neeed some more information if we’re gonna get you out of the fur and...well, you figure the rest out from there.”
She winked at Vaughn and I made a mental note to find out exactly how well he knew the Almighty Shifter Wanker as soon as I was me again and we were alone. For the moment, I paid attention to Zelda as she asked, “Did you burn away the nasty orange lava?”
“No. I was a cat. I couldn’t do anything but spit, hiss and run.”
“So, not only did it turn you into a cat but it took your magic?”
I hadn’t thought about it unilt Zelda asked, but yeah, I guess it had. I hadn’t been able to do anything even remotely magical since the nasty orange goo touched my feet. Nodding, I answered, “Yeah, that seems to be the case.”
“Okay, at least we have a starting point. Vaughn grab your cat, Lola grab your coat, it’s off to the Whitfield Farm we go.”
“Do I have to come? I’m not quite over that whole thing where she and her sisters tried to take my new body,” Lola complained.
“Oh, shut up and come on. Goddess knows, you need the practice.” Zelda stopped while leveling her glowing green glaze added, “There’s a hole in the wall of my beautiful new office to prove that you need all the help you can get.”
Getting out of her chair with a groan, Lola grumbled, “Damn, I hate it when you’re right.”
Grinning from ear-to-ear, Zelda sing-songed, “Yeah, ain’t it the best.”
The trip to my house took less than thirty minutes all of which I spent hidden under Vaughn’s jacket shaking like a leaf and trying with all my might not to throw up all over his lap. The doors on the SUV were barely open when I catapulted myself from the seat to the ground, took a big deep breath and swore to the Goddess I would never ever again make fun of my cats when they ran from the car like it was the Devil himself. I now knew what it felt like from their perspective and let me assure you that it sucked...big time.
Leading the way around the house and into the back yard, I felt a little weird as Vaughn looked at our two story brick farmhouse and small hand-tended gardens. Was he thinking what dump? Did he think I was stupid for working so hard to keep it up? After all, he lived in a mansion, had tons of money and...
“And is already so enamoured with you that he would live in a tent and drink from raccoons, if it meant being with you.” His voice sounded in my mind, making me nearly fall ass over tea kettle as I spun around and said, “Did you just...ummmm...well, yeah...I mean....”
“Speak to you telepathically?”
I nodded, still not sure what was happening but willing to listen.
“Yes, I did. Being near you is solidifying out mating bond.” He got a wicked glint in his eye. “Just wait until I can hold you in my arms, I’ll show you what being mated to a vampire is all about.”
Shivers ran down my spine just before Zelda sighed, “Enough of that, you two. We’ve got problems over here.”
Making my way to her side, careful not to touch the orange lava that still bubbled and gurgled, I asked, “Problems?” Then immediately added, “But nothing you can’t fix, right?”
Shaking her heand and poking the lava with a stick, watching it spit more orange goo and her and try to avoid being poked again, the Almighty Shifter Wanker shrugged, “That’s the plan.”
Chapter Four
The silence was deafening and quite frankly freaking me out as Zelda, and now Lola, poked and prodded the magical lava without saying a word. Finally, just when I thought I might scream, the Almighty Shifter Wanker snapped her fingers, an idea obviously coming together in her mind.
“Tell me the words of your spell again.” She looked me right in the eye. “Exactly as you said them. Leave nothing out.”
In for a penny, in for a pound as my old granny used to say. If Vaughn didn’t already think I was a looney toon, he damned sure would now, but I had to stop walking on all fours and get back to my beautifully voluptuous self, even if it meant embarrassing myself.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sang the words that had caused all this mess. I had just uttered the words, ‘show me your face’ when Zelda screamed, “Stop!”
Looking around, trying to figure out what was happening, I finally caught sight of what had the Almighty Shifter Wanker up on her feet, standing like an Amazonian warrior and looking like she could chew nails. Filling the area between my blackberry bush and the butterfly garden was a huge cloud of acrid green smoke that smelled like shit on a stick and contained long black snakes that hissed and struck at anything that moved.
As if that wasn’t enough, the orange lava started churning and gurgling while expelling nasty green bubbles that smelled like ass. Something was up, and it wasn’t good...not in any way, shape or form but Zelda was standing strong with Lola at her side.
Staring at the newcomer, I jumped nearly a foot off the ground as Zelda growled, “What the hell are you doing here, Bermangoggleshitz? No one invited you. No one spoke your name.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “Just get back in your stinky smoke and make with the leaving, ‘kay?”
Throwing back his head, the evil Warlock barked with an oily, ugly and purely evil laugh that made my tail puff and my skin crawl before letting his huge head fall forward and chuckling, “Oh, silly little Zelda, when will you ever learn? I don’t need you or anyone else’s permission to come here.”
He moved a step closer to the orange lava that now was frantically bubbling and spitting foul smelling goop in every direction. I was just about to yell, “The orange goo is reacting to him,” when Vaughn scooped me up and moved behind the big oak tree.
Setting me on the ground, he ordered, complete with a pointed finger, “Stay here. I’ve heard of this bastard, and I’m not losing you before I even get to see what you look like without all your fur.”
I must admit, that my heart did a little pitter pat and my brain kinda fried for a moment, which is the only reason Vaughn was able to get away with ordering me around without a fight. I planned all kinds of devious retribution as I watched through the bushes.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Zelda yelled. “We’ve had this conversation before. This is my world, and you’re not welcome.”
The acrid smoke around Bermangoggleshitz got thicker, and the snakes I now saw were part of his body stretched as far as the could towards the Almighty Shifter Wanker with opened mouth and venom dripping from their long, scary fangs as the evil Warlock shouted, “Give me the lava and I’ll be out of your hair.”
Shaking her head, Zelda scoffed, “I should have known. This was all your doing, wasn’t it? You messed with one little Witch’s location spell just to cause trouble and get your hands on some bad shit.” She stepped forward as Lola stepped behind her and added, “Why Bermangoggleshitz? Why do you have to be such a pain in my butt?”
Tapping one of his long, sharp claws on his chin, the evil Warlock tsked, “How quaint, you think I only messed with one little Witch.” He chuckled evilly. “My dear Zelda, I messed with so very many of your little Witches on that night, looking for the right one. And then I found her, here on this little farm, so very powerful, filled with so much belief in the Goddess and a beautiful voice on top of it all.” He took another step forward before continuing, “All I had to do was let a drop or two of the venom from my claws drop into her potion and viola, my little pretty was created. Now, if you’ll just step aside, I’ll collect what is mine and leave you be,” he paused and then like it was an afterthought be added, “At least for the time being.”
Holding up her hand, Zelda shot a tiny burst of black magic at Bermangoggleshitz, smiling when he jumped out of the way and taunted, “Now, you know I can’t do that, Bermangoggleshitforbrains. This shit is evil, and I’m not letting it out into the world.”
Chuckling like he knew something Zelda didn’t, the evil Warlock shot back, “You can’t stop me by yourself and from what I see your only backup has no dark magic.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I can stop you by myself, and although my girl Lola doesn’t have any black magic, she is hella good with fire spells.
Everything happened faster than I could follow. Zelda zapped Bermangoggleshitz with a huge blast of darkness while Lola set the angry, orange lava on fire and Vaughn stood behind both Witches ready to grab them and haul ass if the situation demanded.
Roaring so loud that the leaves on the trees shook, Bermangoggleshitz raised his hands and bellowed, “I will watch you bleed.”
“You wish” Zelda answered, throwing another flash of black magic at the evil Warlock at the precise moment that Lola joined in, and together they pummeled the bastard back into his acrid cloud of green smoke, along with his nasty snakes. Only letting her arms drop when she knew he was gone, the Almighty Shifter Wanker barked with laughter, “Damn, I love it when a plan comes together.”
“Did we have a plan?” Lola scoffed, kicking a huge pile of still smoldering ash.
“Of course we did,” she answered, “We always do.” Then looking towards the bushes where Vaughn had left me, she motioned with her hand and chuckled, “Come on out, Sammie Jo. Let’s see about getting you out of that fur coat and into your own bod, sound good?”
“Yes,” Vaughn and I answered in unison, causing Zelda raise an eyebrow in his direction and add, “Whoa there, fang face. This is all about the witchy. You and your mate can talk things out when I’m done, ‘kay?”
Saluting with all the panache I’d already come to expect from my vampire, Vaughn spun on his heel and disappeared with a parting, “I’ll be waiting by the SUV.”
Coming towards where I was sitting, Zelda sat down on the ground and while looking at her hands, she apologized, “I’m sorry for saying you got what you deserved. I should have checked it out before making a judgment. Hope you can get past it since Mac and I kinda spend a lot of time with Vlad and Lola.”
Not sure what to say, pretty shocked that the Almighty Shifter Wanker and Witch next in line to be the Baba Yaga had just admitted she was wrong and apologized, I did the only thing I could, I accepted and issued my own apology. “We’re all good. Goddess knows you had every right to kick my ass after what my sisters and I did back in Assjacket.”
“Yeah, but you had no clue what had happened to Katie, although asking, before you try to blast people into oblivion, is usually the best course of action.”
“Duly noted,” I snickered.
“Okay, now that you two have had your girl time, can you make with the spell so we can get outta here, Zel? I’ve kinda got the creeps after seeing that Bermango...whatever you called him,” Lola grumbled.
“Alright, Grumpy the Witch,” Zelda snickered. “I’m making with the spell.” Turning towards me I watched as a magic of every color of the rainbow filled the air all around the Almighty Shifter Wanker, and she spoke the words that would return me to my body.
“Goddess on high, hear my call,
This little Witch wasn’t to blame, no ma’am not at all.
It was the big, bad, ugly Bermangoggleshitz,
And I took care of him, with a zap and a poof and a whole lotta glitz.”
Laughing so hard at Zelda’s goofy spell I didn’t even realize I was no longer a cat until Lola grumbled, “Good grief, Charlie Brown, are you always this clueless?”
Looking down, I saw hands instead of paws and launched myself at Zelda, wrapping her up in a huge bear hug as I squealed, “Oh my Goddess, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’ll never be able to repay you. Thank you!”
Pulling me off and holding me at arm’s length, the Almighy Shifter Wanker nodded and said, “We’re cool as long as you never ever latch onto me like that again.”
“Deal,” I readily agreed, vibrating with excitement and trying to remember where Vaughn was.
Pointing towards the front of the house, Zelda waggled her eyebrows and snickered, “Your man is waiting by the car, remember?”
Jumping to my feet and running as fast as my chubby little legs would carry me, I raced towards my man ready to make our union official in every way possible.
Chapter Five
The next few days were full of lots of conversations and not a lot of schmexy time, which was pissing me off a little more with each passing moment. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy meeting Vaughn’s family. His brother Vlad, Lola’s mate, was charming but then there was Vincenzo who had a seriously bad attitude and Vaughn said just to ignore.
It wasn’t until day three that I m
et Veronica, oh my Goddess where to start when describing Veronica. For starters, I knew beyond all doubt that she never looked in any of the hundred plus mirrors hanging in the mansion. The proof was in the way her hay-colored hair was knotted on top of her head with a plethora of broken and split ends pointing in every direction like a peacock’s tail sprouting from her faded purple scrunchie. I am sad to report that there was more bright red lipstick on her teeth and chin than her lips, that her pink and green plaid blouse in no stretch of anyone’s imagination went with her rainbow colored zebra striped yoga pants, and her nails, well...let’s just say Vanessa had issues with her nerves cause those babies had been gnawed to the quick and then some.
By day four I had had enough. If Vaughn didn’t find me attractive or didn’t want to be my mate then he was gonna have to say the words. I knew hearing them would break my heart, but something was up, and I was going to get to the bottom of it. Hell, I had wanted to find him so bad that I’d damn near helped Bermangoggleshitz destroy the world, the least Vaughn could do was put up or shut up, right? Right!
I had plotted and planned for nearly twenty-four hours. Now, the time had come. I was sitting in his room, waiting for him to get home and my nerves were getting the best of me. Deciding to think of another way to have the most difficult conversation of my life, I had just gotten to my feet when Vaughn appeared in the doorway and my heart skipped a beat.
My eyes didn’t leave his as he closed the distance between us. I was breathless and rethinking my plan of talking before kissing him like he was the air I breathed, but I knew it was the way it had to be. We had some things to get straight before I let him know that I already loved him more than I had ever known it was possible to love another.
Raising my hands with my palms facing my gorgeous mate, I cleared my throat and said, “Not another step, Mister. I have something to say, and you’re gonna listen.” I leveled my gaze and tried to look intimidating despite his twelve-inch height advantage and the pounding of my heart. “I want you to know that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I just can’t let you touch me, not yet.” I looked away from his hypnotic eyes and added just above a whisper, “Because if you do, I’ll lose my nerve and will have accomplished nothing.”