A Town Called Discovery

by R. R. Haywood

  Three nods.

  ‘James?’ Allie prompts. ‘Did you understand?’

  ‘Yes, Allie.’

  ‘We have something called True Death. It’s a random phenomenon that means sometimes people do not reset. They die and they are dead. We don’t know how or why, and we cannot stop it. Do you all understand? James, you need to nod or say yes.’

  ‘What did you mean about a toaster?’ Zara asks suddenly, looking at Bear.

  ‘Eh?’ he asks.

  ‘Toasters are electrical like computers. Did you know about this?’

  ‘Bloody Roshi,’ Allie mutters.

  ‘Toasters aren’t computers,’ Thomas says.

  ‘They can be,’ Zara says. ‘Some have microprocessors to determine cooking time and…’

  ‘Thank you, Zara,’ Allie says firmly. ‘We’re not in a toaster…we’re probably not in a toaster. No, we’re definitely not in a toaster.’

  ‘So, this isn’t America?’ Thomas asks.

  ‘No, Thomas. The town is based on what the AI determined to be the best environment to live within that promoted harmony, tranquillity and co-habitation within a close-knit community.’

  Thomas nods, ‘but it looks really American.’

  ‘Okay,’ Allie says with a forced smile. ‘Finished eating? I’ll show you round.’

  Bear looks at the mound of sandwiches left and the look of panic flitting across James’s face at missing out on eating them all.

  ‘I have questions,’ Zara announces. ‘How old am I? Do you know where I’m from? Am I British? Do we have a choice about this? Can you explain how an AI has enabled us to…’

  ‘In time, Zara,’ Allie says, cutting her off as she stands up and motions for them to follow her. ‘James? Take one with you if you’re still hungry.’

  ‘Okay, Allie.’

  ‘This really looks American,’ Thomas says.

  ‘When will my questions be answered?’ Zara asks.

  ‘I need a new job,’ Allie mumbles. ‘Bear,’ she pulls him ahead of the others and speaks quietly. ‘I’m guessing Roshi told you more than them but keep that to yourself for now…’

  ‘But…’

  ‘Wow,’ Zara says from behind them at the sight of James walking from the table with a plate piled with sandwiches. ‘Hungry?’

  ‘Want one?’ he asks, offering the plate.

  They go outside into the picturesque tranquillity of Main Street with Allie flipping the closed sign over on the door before locking it securely.

  ‘You have crime here?’ Bear asks.

  ‘We have normal people living normal lives here,’ Allie says, ushering them on. ‘Which means we have all the issues and behaviours normal people bring with them.’

  ‘Sheriffs are American,’ Thomas says, suddenly remembering her earlier comment.

  ‘And Scottish,’ Allie says.

  ‘But this is American,’ he says, looking round. ‘This is really American.’

  ‘We’re not in America,’ Allie says. ‘Hardware store is down there. We’ve got clothes shops, electrical goods stores…like I said and will keep saying, everything here functions as an entirely normal town…’

  ‘An American town.’

  ‘Okay fine, yes, Thomas. An American town. We use electricity and we have gas in our homes for our ovens. We have streetlights with bulbs that blow. We have drain covers that lift up when Main Street floods from heavy rain and yes, we have all four seasons here. The pharmacy is down there…the schoolhouse is…’

  ‘Schoolhouse?’ Zara asks. ‘For kids?’

  ‘Everything functions as normal, including our reproductive organs so yes, we make babies which means we need a schoolhouse.’

  ‘How is that possible?’ Zara asks. ‘You said we don’t have bodies.’

  ‘Zara, I just run the diner and do meet and greet. Sheriff’s office is over there. The bars are further down Main Street…’ She sets off, giving a running commentary while leading them across the intersection. Four barefooted people in blue coveralls following Allie while one of them carries a plate of sandwiches.

  ‘Knew it,’ Bear says, seeing a police liveried four-wheel-drive vehicle parked outside the sheriff’s office.

  ‘Knew what?’ Zara asks.

  ‘Nothing,’ he says, trying to see if it has a shotgun clipped in the rear window.

  ‘You’ll meet Sheriff Lars another time,’ Allie says, leading them across the road. ‘Hospital,’ she says, pointing ahead. ‘Yes, we need a hospital,’ she adds as Zara draws breath to ask more questions. ‘We get bugs, we have births and injuries…’

  ‘How? It’s not real. Bacteria doesn’t exist in a made-up world. This isn’t made up, is it? It’s real isn’t it,’ Zara insists.

  ‘Did you die?’ Allie asks her, coming to a stop on the pavement.

  ‘Well, yes but…’

  ‘But you came back.’

  ‘Maybe we didn’t really die,’ Zara says.

  ‘My head came off,’ Bear tells her. ‘And my wrist bone went through my eye into my brain.’

  ‘Ew, too much information,’ Zara says pulling back with a wince.

  ‘We’ll go in to see the doctor,’ Allie says, pushing through the door.

  ‘How did your head come off, dude?’ Thomas asks in awe.

  ‘This way please,’ Allie calls out, shooting Bear a glance before carrying on down a corridor.

  ‘Morning, Allie,’ a woman in a nurse’s uniform walks past, smiling in greeting.

  ‘Hi, can you tell me how we die if we don’t have bodies?’ Zara asks. ‘And get pregnant and…’

  ‘Nice to meet you too,’ the nurse says with a grin, turning to look back as she walks off.

  ‘No, I mean…oh, she’s gone,’ Zara says. ‘I just don’t get it.’

  ‘Okay, sit down here and I’ll see if the doctor is free,’ Allie says, stopping to look at James still carrying the plate of sandwiches before knocking at a door and listening for the response. She goes in, closing the door behind her, leaving the four in the corridor sitting on wooden chairs.

  ‘Sandwich?’ James asks, looking at Thomas to his side.

  ‘No, thanks…this hospital is American.’

  ‘Zara? Sandwich?’ James asks, leaning past Thomas to offer the plate.

  ‘I’m fine, how can you get pregnant or get sick if you don’t have a real body? I think she’s lying. Do you think she’s lying?’ she asks Bear.

  ‘Er…’

  ‘Sandwich, Bear?’ James asks.

  ‘Thanks,’ Bear says, taking one from the pile while Zara studies the inside of her own wrist.

  ‘I can see veins.’

  ‘Oh,’ Bear says, chewing.

  ‘We’re in America,’ Thomas says.

  ‘If I have veins then I have a heart and if I have a heart then…but I died…did you say your head came off?’

  ‘Yeah, at the top of the…’

  ‘Zara,’ Allie says, walking from the room. ‘You can go first.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For a preliminary check-up and to be aged.’

  ‘Aged?’ Zara asks in alarm.

  ‘To see how old you are,’ Allie says.

  ‘Oh. Right. Fine. Maybe this doctor can tell me how I can get pregnant.’

  ‘Have sex?’ Bear says, making Thomas snort a laugh and Allie tut.

  ‘I know how…I mean how,’ Zara says. She walks into the room, closing the door behind her.

  ‘Sandwich, Allie?’

  ‘No, thanks, James,’ Allie says, taking Zara’s seat next to Bear.

  Bear fidgets, shifting position a few times before plucking the courage up to ask the question. ‘Is Roshi here?’

  ‘No.’

  Bear nods and looks down the corridor.

  ‘She doesn’t spend a lot of time here,’ Allie says at length.

  ‘Why not?’ Bear asks.

  ‘What about Jacob?’ Thomas asks. ‘He spends time here?’

  ‘Jacob? Yeah, lots. You’ll see h
im during your training…and Larry,’ she adds, looking down at James.

  ‘I like Larry,’ James says earnestly.

  ‘Good,’ Allie says slowly, nodding at him with a smile.

  ‘But not Roshi?’ Bear asks.

  ‘Not Roshi,’ Allie says.

  ‘Why not Roshi?’

  ‘I said. She doesn’t spend a lot of time here.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I just run the diner and do meet and greet, Bear,’ she says stiffly, shifting position slightly.

  ‘How did your head come off again?’ Thomas asks, leaning forward to look past Allie.

  ‘NEXT!’ a female voice calls from the room.

  ‘Go through,’ Allie tells Bear.

  He moves to the door, knocking once before pushing it open. ‘Where’s Zara?’

  ‘Out the other door,’ a female voice says from inside as Allie motions for him to go in. He steps in and closes the door. Looking round to see a blue material movable screen next to a wide single medical bed set against the wall. Books and mock skeletal models adorn shelves and the sides, and a big wooden desk set to one side.

  ‘Hello?’ he asks.

  ‘Have some patience’ the doctor says, walking out from behind the screen while pulling a pair of latex gloves on. ‘Get it? Patience? Patients?’ she laughs as she walks over. Bright red hair, freckles on her nose and a smile that seems to stretch from ear to ear. Beautiful too. Not just pretty but beautiful. ‘Right, let’s have a look at you…name?’

  ‘I’m Bear,’ Bear says, looking down at his embroidered patch.

  She pulls a face, cocks her head and squints at him. ‘Roshi?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Makes sense. You sound British. Say how do you do.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Say how do you do.’

  ‘How do you do?’’

  ‘Deffo British,’ she says. ‘Open your mouth…yep, you’ve got teeth and a tongue. Aces.’

  ‘Are you Australian?’

  ‘G’day mate!’ she booms while looking in his ear, making him flinch from the volume. ‘Strip off.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Strip off,’ she says, nodding at him.

  ‘Er…’

  ‘I need to check you over. Come on, don’t be shy…behind the screen…what?’ she asks when he stands gawping.

  ‘Nothing,’ he says, moving past her to get behind the screen. She follows after him, grinning as he grabs the zipper at the front of his coveralls.

  ‘Need a hand?’

  ‘S’fine,’ he says, tugging it down.

  ‘Go on, get yer kit off,’ she laughs.

  He winces, grimaces and drops the coveralls to cover his groin with his hands, then remembers being in the masquerade room stark naked with everyone laughing at him.

  ‘Nice bod,’ the doctor says appreciatively, ‘you work out huh?’

  ‘What?’ he says weakly.

  ‘Bad doctor,’ she says suddenly. ‘Didn’t introduce myself. I’m Doctor Lucy. Nice to meet you,’ she holds a hand out.

  ‘Er…’ he grits his teeth and holds a hand out to shake, trying to cover himself with his other hand.

  ‘I saw your willy,’ she says, shaking his hand. ‘Oh, stop it. I’ve seen so many now…come on let’s have a proper squint at ya…arms out to the sides.’ She prods and pokes, making noises and pulling mock-serious faces. ‘Nice and trim fella, nice arse too,’ she says, poking one of his cheeks. ‘Roshi’s a lucky bitch…I had some hairy old guy when I came through. He’s dead now. I killed him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Joke! Right, let me see your tackle.’

  ‘My tackle?’

  ‘Your plums mate. Need to do the old cough test,’ she comes to his front, reaching down to cup his testicles in her hand. ‘Cough…’ he coughs. She squeezes gently, moving her thumb and fingers to probe. ‘Cough,’ he coughs again. She carries on, pursing her lips and looking him in the eye while juggling his bollocks. ‘Bit awkward…’ she says seriously. ‘Say ar.’

  ‘Arrrrrrr.’

  ‘Say do you do extras?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Joking,’ she lets go to stand back as he covers himself again. ‘Nice testes though mate, good and bouncy.’

  ‘What the fuck?’

  ‘Ah, mate we just met, take me for a drink first. Oh, gee sorry, I thought you said do you want a fuck…’

  ‘I never said…’

  ‘Twenty-five to thirty-five.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘You are, mate.’

  He shakes his head, baffled and lost.

  ‘Your age,’ she says, ‘twenty-five to thirty-five.’

  ‘That’s not very precise.’

  ‘You’re not a bloody tree mate, you don’t have rings up your arse I can count.’

  ‘Yeah but…’

  ‘You got a couple of grey hairs in your head, but your pubes are okay, you got lines round your eyes but your belly hasn’t gone wobbly. Probably more like thirty-five but you know, could be an old guy that looks younger or a young guy that…’

  ‘Can I get dressed now?’ he interrupts.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’m perving.’ He grabs his coveralls, yanking them up to pull the zipper over his chest. ‘Go out that door,’ she says with a laugh as he rushes past. ‘Nice arse…’

  ‘Stop it,’ he yelps, covering his backside with his hands as he goes out to see Zara sitting on her own in a small waiting area.

  ‘NEXT!’

  He scoots over to sit down, crossing his legs and folding his arms.

  ‘You should report her for that,’ Zara whispers angrily. ‘That was awful.’

  ‘You heard it?’ he asks in shock.

  ‘Every word,’ she whispers. ‘Completely unethical.’

  ‘Wahay! Look at you big fella,’ the voice comes through the door.

  ‘Must be James,’ Zara says.

  ‘What’s your name?’

  ‘I am James.’

  ‘James,’ Bear says.

  ‘We shouldn’t be hearing it. What kind of hospital is this? What kind of doctor is she? Do you know what she said when I asked about pregnancy? She said use a Johnny or make him splodge on my belly. That’s not funny, Bear.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he says, recovering from the snort of laughter that came out of its own accord.

  ‘Get behind that screen and strip off then, big boy.’

  They both stare at the door. ‘Did she say anything else?’ Bear asks quietly.

  ‘No,’ Zara says with a huff. ‘I said if we’re not really real then how does it work. She said she didn’t know.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘And I’m twenty to thirty apparently.’

  ‘Oh. I’m probably thirty-five.’

  ‘I heard.’

  ‘HOLY SHIT!’ the doctor yells out from inside the room, making Bear sit up in alarm and Zara stiffen. ‘Your wonga is enormous mate … you’re like a human tripod.’

  ‘Jesus,’ Zara whispers, shaking her head.

  ‘Be careful when you get your first stiffy, you might faint.’

  ‘Bear,’ Zara snaps, ‘stop laughing.’

  ‘It’s so thick…and long too…like a…like a big one-eyed snake. Can I take a picture of it?’

  ‘Oh my god, this so awful,’ Zara says, covering her face with her hand.

  ‘Is it heavy? Jesus mate, that’s heavy as anything. Now, you go easy if you meet a nice girl, or a bad one, or a bloke for that matter but don’t let Tammy know you’ve got that beast tucked down there. Get dressed and off you go…’

  The door opens to the doctor staring wide-eyed at Zara and holding her hands out a dozen or so inches apart. ‘Did you hear that?’ she whispers loudly. ‘This guy’s willy is huge.’

  ‘This is awful,’ Zara snaps as James walks out behind her still carrying the plate of sandwiches and looking entirely nonplussed at the fuss.

  The doctor goes in, closing the door behi
nd her then wrenching it back open. ‘Almost forgot, you’re probably twenty-five to thirty-five, James.’

  ‘Thanks, Doc.’

  ‘Huge penis,’ she says, closing the door. ‘NEXT.’

  James sits down and resumes eating, looking about the waiting room with idle curiosity.

  ‘I’m reporting her,’ Zara whispers.

  ‘To who?’ Bear asks.

  ‘Hi, I’m Doctor Lucy…what’s your name?’

  ‘Thomas, ma’am.’

  ‘Ah mate, nice manners there. Yank are ya? Last fella through had the biggest dick I’ve ever seen…let’s hope you’ve not got a tiddler eh?’

  ‘Must be someone in charge,’ Zara says.

  ‘The old lady?’ Bear asks.

  ‘The old lady,’ Zara parrots angrily. ‘There is no old lady. This isn’t real…I mean…I mean it is real but it’s not the real that Allie was saying…what I mean is…’

  ‘I think I’ve got it,’ Bear says. ‘Can I ask a question, how many times did you die in the circuit?’

  The door opens with a grinning doctor Lucy winking at James while Thomas scrabbles to get dressed behind her in full view of the others. ‘You’re all done. Out you go, Tomo.’

  ‘Yes, Ma’am,’ he whimpers, scurrying past while pulling his coveralls up.

  ‘Good manners that Tomo. Right, use a condom if you have sex because you can still catch nasties even here. You might get the shits over the next day or two but that’s normal for newbies. Just drink loads of water. Allie?’

  ‘Behind you,’ Allie says, walking through the doctor’s office.

  ‘All yours…Zara, the grumps, is twenty to thirty, Bear the fittie and Trouser snake Jimmy are twenty-five to thirty-five and me mate Tomo is an old bugger at thirty to forty.’

  ‘Great, thanks,’ Allie says.

  ‘I want to report this doctor,’ Zara says, pushing up to her feet. ‘She groped Bear and was very inappropriate about James’s penis.’

  ‘Huge,’ Doctor Lucy mouths, staring at Allie while nodding towards James and holding her hands out again. ‘You wouldn’t get the tip in your mouth.’

  ‘That is outrageous,’ Zara snaps.

  ‘I’m guessing grumps was a lawyer, see ya!’ the doctor goes in, closing the door as Allie heads wearily across the room to the exit door.

  ‘Lawyer? Was I a lawyer? And why is she calling me grumps?’