All the Way Down

by Eric Beetner

  I pull Charlie to his feet. “Let’s make a deal. You tell me how old your little girl is, and I’ll walk right out of here. You love her like you say you do then this is cake.” I shouldn’t be messing around like this. There should be a bullet in his head and I should be miles from here by now.

  His wet eyes go blank and I feel his body tremble. “Oh God…” He makes a face like he’s swallowing a mouthful of sand. “Oh, fuck me, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

  I shake my head. “If it’s any consolation, Charlie, I ain’t doing this entirely because you’re a shit father, though, not for nothing, that would be enough for me.” The .22 gets pressed behind his right ear. “Nah, this is all down to appearances. Can’t have the men you borrowed from looking like softies.” I squeeze the trigger; the force of the bullet rattles Charlie like a toy. I release my grip on him and gravity does the rest. Fish my phone out of my pocket and take a few pictures. I send the photos to the dummy email my handler provided me as proof of contract completion, then erase them. Gotta love the modern world.

  The gun goes back into the jacket and I make my way back to my stool. I polish off the Bushmills I nursed for nearly a half hour before and snatch a towel from behind the bar. Wipe down where I sat along with my glass. Inspect my clothes for any errant blood and gore. No stains—double win. I use the towel to push the door open and walk into the sunlight. I get that sense like I’m forgetting something, like someone’s behind me, and I turn around, but Charlie’s still laid out on the floor. I shake that chill out of me and get to moving.

  Outside, not a soul has stopped. The six train runs above me on elevated rails, the sound drowning everything out. In the park across the street there are no kids playing, a few bums sleeping on the benches while the pigeons feast on clumps of day-old bread an old woman offers them. This far up the six line is mostly working class, but in the Bronx, the dirt always seeps in. I keep an eye out for any cruisers, but a neighborhood like this tends to get ignored this early in the morning. Walk over to a Jeep Cherokee and see Billy the bartender peek over at me while he gnaws on the fingernails of his right hand from behind the driver’s side window. I tap at the glass and he rolls down the window.

  “All set?” he stutters. Jerks his head around to spit out a piece of fingernail.

  I take a second to keep an eye out for any bystanders and to ignore how gross this guy is. “Keep the story straight and you’re good to go.” I slip Billy an extra hundred on top of the roll he I slipped him before.

  Billy the bartender nods. “Great, well, uh…” he offers a hand—same one he’d been going at like a hamster.

  I shake my head. “That ain’t how this works. Take the money and make good on what needs to be made good.” I raise a finger. “The way things are, I could pay you a visit next, got me?” It’s a lie, but he needs the fear of God in him. If Billy didn’t have a sterling reputation for being tight lipped, he and Charlie would have matching head wounds. Besides, I need someone to feed the cops some bullshit robbery story.

  “Absolutely.” He looks toward the bar. “Then tell you-know-who I say hi.”

  I turn to walk away. “Yeah, sure.” Don’t stick around to continue the conversation.

  Three blocks south and two east until I get to my ratty old Taurus. That familiar feeling picking up. I get it every time I finish a job. Wouldn’t call it panic, maybe more like dread. Like the shoe’s about to drop. I’ve had some people in the business tell me that this is natural—we can get over the guilt, but hell, we still don’t want to get caught. There’s no getting over the fear of a cop around the corner. I’m not sure I prescribe to that. Not with what happens after my jobs. Not with what comes next.

  I lean over and stare into my car. It’s dirty. Make a mental note to clean it up, like I did last week and the week before. I pop the trunk and toss my jacket and the bar towel in. I slip into the driver’s seat, ignite the engine, and take a long breath. It’s cold in the car—as if I’ve left the AC running the entire time. Close my eyes for a five count and open them. I hate this part.

  Charlie’s seated on the passenger side of the car—or at least something like Charlie. The entry and exit wounds from the bullet that scrambled his brain are gummy and pink. The gash I gave him is still fresh and bleeding. The blood collects at the tip of his nose and balloons before falling. The drops fall toward Charlie’s lap, but dissipate before they make contact. There’s no color in his face. He’s staring at me with a rage I’ve seen before. The same kind of look I’d give a man who’d popped me in the head. I can see the muscles in his face and neck tighten.

  “That bit about it not being personal?” I get a cigarette lit and offer it to Charlie with a smirk. “I lied. It was kind of personal.”

  This comes with every kill. Guilt, I could live with, but no, they need to hitch a ride. Stick by my side for a while. They don’t last long, though. Maybe a week at most, but it’s enough to make a guy wonder a few things. For one, am I nuts, like in a medical textbook kind of way? The second question, why I even do this, I’ve already got the answer to.

  Charlie loses his form a moment—his jaw stretching as he howls. He snaps back into reality and the look in his eyes is murder—tries to reach out and grab me, but the hand goes through my shoulder. That part always makes me wonder: if they can’t touch me, how in the hell are they sitting in my car?

  Charlie runs his ethereal hands through his ethereal hair.

  “Please…” His voice is strained. Creaks like a chair leg about to snap.

  He loses his form again. Bits of him float away like smoke only to converge and reform the next moment. This is what they do—repeat what they told me before. Except it’s all static and broken up, like an old radio with a broken tuner.

  “I have a little girl,” Charlie says it with the same desperation as before.

  That riles me. Makes me wish I could pop him again.

  “Get a grip, Charlie. You’re dead—a ghost. Man up.” I put the car into drive and we’re off—another notch in my belt and another passenger along for the ride.

  2

  It’s a fifteen-minute drive to the Rainbow Academy Daycare Center in the Parkchester section of the Bronx. Charlie’s still going on with all the shit he said before I plugged him. Nothing new, nothing I don’t already know. As he jabbers on, he keeps breaking apart and reforming. The last bits to reappear are always the wounds. First the bullet hole, then the gash over his nose. As soon as they’re back, they bleed fresh and gum back up in moments.

  At least the neighborhood’s alive. There are two maintenance workers for the condominiums power washing the sidewalk to the right of my car. I spot another two fellas smoking cigarettes three cars up. They’re too well dressed to be loitering. Guess Paulie’s in need of a little more protection lately. Across the street, I spot an undercover vehicle five cars back. That one’s a decoy. The real undercover cops are in a van marked “Panetta’s Bakery.” Par for the course. I used to see this all the time overseas, and the cops in America are infinitely worse at hiding than the ones in the UK and Ireland. Paulie’s a known commodity in the organized crime scene. One good lawyer, though, and a thousand vice cops mean shit. If I were a smarter man, I’d ask Paulie for a reference—maybe the rates to retain one of them. Wait—scratch that. If I were a man with a glimmer of extra cash, I’d ask Paulie about retaining a lawyer. Problem is my money’s spent as fast as it comes.

  “I don’t know…” There’s a little emotion when Charlie says it—like he’s mustering the nut to be mad at me. “Little girl…” It’s strange. He can emote, that much I see, but he’s stuck with a limited script. He follows me as I get out of the car and feed the meter. If this were real, if Charlie were stuck as some broken record while chained to me, how pointless would life be? We all suffer, fight, and scratch for our last moments in any existence to be an echo. To watch the schmuck responsible for our end go about his boring, useless day.

  That’s some
depressing shit.

  I eye Charlie. He’s giving me a hell of a staring at—knives and all that. “Get in line,” I tell him. I check my watch. It’s near one o’clock. Need to make this quick. I’ve got a hospital visit to make.

  Behind me, two Spanish ladies push long carriages filled with toddlers down the block and toward a playground. It’s the first day this year over sixty-five degrees—perfect for the little ones to play. I smile and wave back at the kids as they wave to me. Watch them go by and try to recognize any of the cartoon characters on their shirts. One kid’s got a Bugs Bunny T-shirt on. Decide he’s the only one of the group with cool parents. I light a cigarette and inhale—close my eyes. Get my game face on. Abandon the smoke after three more puffs. It goes sailing into the concentrated water stream coming from the power washer a few feet ahead. One of the maintenance guys scowls at me.

  Charlie gets in my face. There should be noises coming out of him. I keep moving and he passes through me. He goes slack-jawed and stutters: “Fuck…” He bucks forward—the same way he did when I pulled the trigger before—and snaps back into focus as if nothing happened. His wounds knit back together and tear apart fresh. The amount this bastard’s bled, he’d have filled a bathtub by now.

  I hold my smile and ignore him. “First relevant thing you’ve said since I shot you.”

  There’s a cheap doorbell by the entrance to the daycare. Jab my index finger against it three times and wave to the women manning the front desk. There’s a high-pitched buzz and I pull the door open. The inside of the place smells like baby wipes and lemon-scented floor cleaner. It’s not enough, though. The undertone of used diapers and stale baby formula catches me off-guard. There’s a mural behind the reception desk with backwards letters and cartoon characters climbing all over them. It spells out rainbow daycare. The reception desk is littered with flyers detailing all sorts of reading, sports, and family activities for kids ages two and up.

  “Good morning ladies.” I wave. “Is Mr. Gigante in?”

  The younger one, the one goes by Gina—I think—smiles back and nods. “He’s in his office.” She’s pretty. In another life, I’d try to charm my way into her pants. I take care not to admire her for too long. I don’t want to come off as creepy—don’t care how secure Paulie feels about this place or any of his employees—I’d rather they not commit me to memory for any negative reasons.

  I ignore the older lady. She frowns like an old hound—keeps her eyes half closed and pointed down at the slate grey finish of the reception desk. I can tell she’s got me figured out and wants nothing to do with a guy like me. Paulie isn’t exactly secretive about his status. It’s the details that get left out.

  “Is it cool to go in?”

  Gina—I think—answers, “Yeah, the kids are all eating lunch, so he should be free.”

  “Great. Thanks.” I walk past them and down a hall with multiple decorated doors flanking me at each side. I hear a hodge-podge of nursery rhymes surrounding me. There are squeals of happiness and grumpiness, depending on which room I pass. At the end of the hall is a half-open wooden door with a small, square window. Above the frame is a huge sheet of yellow poster paper with a dozen little hand prints spelling out “We love Mr. Paulie”—fucking adorable.

  Paulie’s bald head pokes out from the right side of the doorframe. “Bryan, come in.” He’s serious—always serious—also, impeccably dressed for a man in a daycare center. The suit on him is worth more than everything in my closet. That’s a conservative assessment.

  I stand at the doorframe. Look around his office. “Is it okay to talk shop in here?”

  Paulie scribbles on a pad and paper. Goes back to staring at his computer screen. “Yeah, yeah. I check it every morning for any bugs.”

  I close the door behind me and take a seat in a cheap office chair. The phone in my pocket is out and I slide it over the desk. “Dumped the SIM and battery on the ride over—as usual. You get the pictures?”

  Paulie opens a desk drawer and slides a new burner phone over to me. He snatches the phone I used to take the pictures of Charlie and tosses it in a small bucket next to the trash can with a flyer taped to it that says, phones for our troops. He does this every time, even if I reset the entire phone to factory settings. I think it’s overcautious—borderline paranoid—but I don’t voice that opinion. Not like I owned the phone, and hell, maybe Paulie knows more about this stuff than I do.

  “Fantastic.” Paulie looks up to me. “How’s it going with you?”

  I nod and lean back. “It’s going. Need to visit Liam in a few.”

  “How’s he holding up?”

  “Still not talking, eating, walking—you know—all vegetable.” I understand Paulie’s trying to be polite, but all I want is to collect my pay and leave. Talking about my brother’s condition before I get to see it in person only darkens my mood even more.

  “Your mom?”

  “Please. No need to invoke storm clouds on a nice day.”

  Paulie arches his brow and folds his hands on his desk. There’s a poster behind him with a racial rainbow of smiling children. “All right, well…”

  Charlie pops up behind Paulie’s shoulder. Paulie doesn’t bat an eye; he can’t see or feel Charlie. That’s all on my shoulders. I’d like to tell him to cut it out, that he’s all in my head and nobody else gives a damn about him anymore, but Paulie’s already given me enough side-eye during our partnership. Last thing I need is mental health being an even bigger factor in his concerns over me.

  So I ignore it. It works better if I’m the only one who knows I’m all sorts of crazy and that the corpses of the people I’ve recently killed hang around with me for a few days. Charlie will keep on with the gore show. Pull some shock magician bullshit on me. Appear whenever the lights go out in the apartment. Then, he’ll start to fade away. Before I know it, he’ll be a fingerprint smudge in my peripheral. It’ll be another job I barely remember. Then it’ll be time for the next job.

  “Okay, standard fee for debt collection—minus my cut.” He makes a big show of typing on one of those old-school calculators. I imagine him with one of those visors and a stogie between his lips like a bookie in a black-and-white movie starring James Cagney.

  “How’s the daycare business? Getting more than one computer anytime soon?” I might as well lighten the mood in the room. Ghost Charlie’s running amok in a fit of rage. The ghosts have a habit of doing that, even if nothing gets accomplished. They stretch and pull at themselves. It’s all the physics of a cartoon, but unnerving with the textures of the real world.

  Paulie smiles. “Smart ass.” Shakes his head. “Not too bad. Some of these kids…” He looks around like one of them could be skulking in corner. “…they can be little motherfuckers. Can’t do much on account of the parentage and all.”

  That’s about right. More than half the kids here are the spawn of the mafia glitterati of the Bronx. Future paesan kings and Jersey Shore queens are being cultivated by a man who acts as a handler to most of the hit men in the Bronx and lower Yonkers. I don’t bother to know any of the parents’ personal details. Would be too a big a headache at some point. Much better to keep the relationship simple. I talk with Paulie—only Paulie—and I keep my nose and identity out of anything with potential stickiness. When he decided to move forward with this daycare idea of his, I questioned his sanity. Then I realized the son of a bitch not only had a front, but he literally had a massive human shield. Nobody in their right mind would come after him so long as he was holed up in here.

  “You try sending a letter home to their parents?” It’s empty advice. Makes me sound interested.

  Paulie slaps at his calculator. “Yeah, but some of the parents are worse. Tell you something. You’re better off doing what you do. At least when someone lips off to you…” He makes his hand into the shape of a revolver and puts the “barrel” to his temple. “Know what I mean?”

  “Not as much as good ol’ Charlie there,
but yeah, I get it.”

  That brings Charlie back to us. “I can make good…” He paces back and forth behind Paulie, throws his arms in the air and his fingers lose form. Fade out like smoke from ten dying cigarettes. I track Charlie’s head wound and count how many times I spot a kid’s smile peeking through from the poster behind him.

  “So how long does it take to calculate my take?” I’m tired of waiting.

  Paulie clears his throat. “Well, looks like it’s gonna be seven K this time. I had to tack on a few more fees.” He gives me this bullshit grin. “Didn’t have a choice.”

  “More fees?” This crap again. Paulie pulled this garbage two gigs ago, but he at least had a reason—I made a mess of the hit. I fight the urge to pistol whip the bastard, but there’s not much choice in the matter. An illicit career doesn’t give a guy much leverage, especially if he does the dirty work.

  “Fuck…” Charlie stomps over to me and tries to get in my face. Seems he’s only relevant when he curses.

  I keep eyes on Paulie. “You didn’t say a damn thing about new ‘fees’ when I took the gig. Figure I’d be seeing at least nine.” I was depending on that extra to keep my nose out of the water for at least an extra week. I fight the urge to throw my chair at the bastard’s bald head.

  “Shit’s getting complicated. I got a bigger stable to take care of. Papa’s had some issues lately, incurring operational costs and all.”

  Bullshit. The guy Paulie is middle man for, Tony Papa, is cutting back—going cheap and handing work over to off-the-boat kids from the rougher patches of the planet. Past few years, the wet work scene’s been flooded with these poseurs. They’ve been getting a strong rep for quick work, but you get what you pay for. Hardly the level of professional that can keep things discrete if everything goes pear-shaped.