An Island at War

by Deborah Carr

  ‘Estelle. Estelle, it’s me.’ A whisper cut through the silence.

  Estelle peered at the figure coming towards her. ‘Oh, thank goodness. Hans, I’m here. I can’t walk.’

  He reached her. ‘You are hurt?’

  ‘Only my knee.’

  He bent down. ‘Put your arms around my neck.’

  ‘What?’ she asked, embarrassed. ‘Why?’

  ‘Estelle we do not have time for coyness. I need to lift you and you will help me by doing as I say.’

  Mortified, she did as he asked amazed at how easily he then scooped her up into his arms. She held on tightly to him, her emotions fighting with each other.

  ‘You have broken curfew,’ he said through gritted teeth as he made short work of covering the remainder of the distance to the edge of the field. He stopped at one of the granite pillars either side of the field entrance and listened. ‘Do not speak.’

  She did as he asked aware that if they were going to be seen from the road then it would most likely be now as they made their way from behind the barn across the yard to the back door. She held her breath as he crossed to the house. As if by magic the door opened as they neared it and closed as soon as they were inside.

  ‘Where the hell have you been?’ her grandmother snapped as she locked the back door.

  Hans lowered Estelle on to one of the kitchen chairs and stood back, hands on his hips breathless. She looked up at the two of them.

  ‘I’m so sorry. I was at Violet’s, helping her, and forgot the time. The evenings are so light. Then my bike got a puncture and I had to leave it behind.’

  ‘You have broken curfew.’ Hans glared at her. ‘I should report you for this.’

  Estelle glanced at her grandmother still standing by the door, looking serious. ‘I know and I’m truly sorry.’ She gazed at him, unsure what he would do next. ‘Will you report me, though?’

  He stared at her for a while before shaking his head slowly. ‘Not this time. But I can’t keep doing this for you, Estelle.’

  She had to concentrate on not smiling with relief. ‘Thank you.’

  He turned to leave the room. ‘I will go to my room now.’

  As he went to pass her chair, Estelle grabbed his hand. ‘Hans, I really am sorry for putting you in this position,’ she admitted.

  He looked down at her, his expression softening. ‘Would you like me to carry you to your room?’ he asked gently.

  Estelle went to stand and winced in pain. ‘Yes, I think I do.’ She looked at Hans, picturing the width of their stairway. ‘You’re not going be able to carry me up the usual way though, are you?’

  He smiled at her for the first time. ‘No. You will be going over my shoulder this time.’

  Estelle sighed. ‘You’re going to enjoy carrying me upstairs like a sack of spuds, aren’t you?’

  He laughed. ‘Yes, I am.’

  Thirty-Eight

  Rosie

  December 1943

  Another Christmas away from you, Essie. That’s the fourth one now. Aunt Muriel says that now things are moving in the Allies’ favour that this could be the last time I have to spend Christmas away from everyone in Jersey. I’m crossing my fingers with my other hand as I write this.

  Aunt Muriel has finally heard from Pierre. He was badly injured in Sicily but is now back in England convalescing at a hospital in the Midlands somewhere. He’s invited her up there to visit him. At first, she said she couldn’t go and leave me behind, but I spoke to Queenie on the quiet and she’s invited me to stay at her flat for the two days Aunt Muriel will be away. I’m looking forward to it very much. Queenie is always great fun and I think she’s looking forward to me staying with her, too.

  Pierre has promised Aunt Muriel that he is on the mend now and it won’t be long before he can come to visit us. She’s worried that he will be sent back to Canada and she won’t be able to see him until after the war, but I think she will be more frightened if he joins his division again.

  Oh, Estelle when is this horrid war going to end? Aunt Muriel is getting tired of me asking her when she thinks this will all be over and I don’t mean to get on her nerves but I miss the farm so much, even Rebel who’s always frightened me a little.

  I do wonder if Pierre will ask Aunt Muriel to marry him, but don’t think it will happen until he’s feeling back to his old self. That’s what I heard Queenie saying to her the other day anyway, when they were making plans for me to go and stay with her. If they do marry and she goes to live in Canada, do you think she might ask me to be bridesmaid?

  Thirty-Nine

  Estelle

  February 1944

  Estelle heard her grandmother groan in the washhouse. She had heard her moaning during the night but when she had asked if everything was all right her grandmother insisted she was fine. She had been quiet for a couple of days, but when Estelle tried to comfort her she shooed her away.

  Estelle couldn’t understand why her grandmother was being so distant over the past few days and suspected she was pretending to feel better than she actually was so as not to concern her. She was tired of arguing and was determined to be more forceful with her this time. She left the barn and crossed the yard to the washhouse.

  ‘Oh, Gran,’ she said, stepping into the room only to be distracted by the cold in the brick outbuilding. ‘It’s freezing in here. Please, let me finish this washing.’

  Gran shook her head slowly, flinching in pain. ‘Don’t start that fussing again, Estelle. You know how I hate it.’

  Estelle was too worried about her grandmother’s health to care if she annoyed her this time. ‘Whether you will admit it or not I can see by the grey pallor to your skin that you’re not well. You have to let me call the doctor to come and see you.’

  ‘Why?’ She scowled at Estelle. ‘I don’t see the point in paying for a visit when we both know he has nothing in the way of medicines to give me. Even poor Mrs Le Blancq from the village is now having to cope without her rheumatism medication and she’s in a dreadful way. Supplies just aren’t getting through to us. They’re struggling terribly at the hospital.’

  Estelle didn’t add that it would reassure her a little if the doctor checked her, just to know Gran was healthier than she looked or sounded. ‘Fine. Then if you won’t see him, at least let me finish this and get yourself indoors. It’s too cold for you to be out here.’

  Her grandmother slammed the sheet down on to the mangle. ‘It’s hardly much warmer inside, though, is it?’

  Estelle puffed out her cheeks. ‘You’re ill, whether you want to admit it, or not.’

  ‘I’m only a little worse today,’ she argued, not looking Estelle in the eye.

  ‘I disagree. But you leaving me to finish this and going indoors to change into dry clothes makes a lot of sense to me right now. It should do to you, too.’ She indicated her grandmother’s wet clothes. ‘Well?’

  Her grandmother groaned, irritated no doubt to be beaten in this difference of opinion. ‘I’ll go inside then, but no doctor.’

  ‘Fine. No doctor.’ Estelle was happy to agree to anything if it meant her grandmother taking things easy for a while. ‘Why don’t you make a hot drink and sit down and put your feet up for a while. Please.’

  The old lady nodded and walked out of the washhouse. Estelle watched her go. She was much slower than usual and despite her irritation at being told what to do she seemed lethargic and fragile. She was going to have to watch her closely over the next few days and probably weeks.

  Estelle carried on with the washing, putting the wet sheets through the mangle and then folded them to take them inside to hand on the wrack that came down from the kitchen ceiling. She didn’t think there was any point hanging them outside, not with it being so cold.

  Later that afternoon, Estelle heard a car. She peered down into the yard from the field and saw it stop and Hans step out. It must be later than she had realised. Just then her grandmother opened the back door and stepped out carrying a basket. She s
potted Estelle and raised the basket weakly opening her mouth to say something when she collapsed on to the ground.

  ‘Gran!’ Estelle ran down the slope into the yard. By the time she reached her grandmother, Hans was kneeling over her, his left arm under her head and the back of his right hand resting on her forehead.

  He looked up at Estelle gravely. ‘She is very ill. I have seen this before. There is an outbreak in town of diphtheria and many of our soldiers have been taken ill with it.’

  Estelle’s heart pounded with fright. ‘What can we do?’ She asked, her voice cracking with emotion, furious with herself for not insisting on going to fetch the doctor earlier.

  ‘Bring me a blanket. My driver and I will take her to the hospital immediately.’

  Estelle ran inside, grabbed a crocheted blanket from the back of her grandmother’s chair and rushed back outside. ‘Here,’ she said, holding it out for him to take. Hans was crouched in the vehicle, talking in a soothing voice to her unconscious grandmother. He took the blanket from Estelle and covered her grandmother, then shouted an order she didn’t understand to the driver who seemed reluctant to get back into the car.

  ‘May I come with you?’

  He shook his head and took her by the shoulders. ‘There is no room. I’m sorry. We will take her to the hospital and I will return and let you know what the doctors say. Please, try not to worry.’

  Estelle stood back, wishing desperately that she could accompany them but aware that to argue would only delay her grandmother reaching medical help.

  He got into the car without another word and she watched them drive away.

  Estelle spent several frantic hours doing her best to keep busy. Finally, just before seven in the evening, she heard the car pull up outside the house and was opening the back door in the kitchen just as he closed the car door and began striding towards her.

  ‘Come inside,’ he said his expression stony. ‘It is too cold outside.’ He ushered her into the kitchen and closed the door.

  ‘What did the doctor say? Will she be all right?’ She was so tired with worry and close to tears.

  Hans took off his cap and coat and hung them up over her father’s jacket on the hook. She wondered if he was giving himself a little time to try to decide what to say to her. The thought made her even more anxious. He turned back to face her.

  ‘Please,’ she pleaded. ‘Tell me. I’d rather know. How bad is it?’

  ‘She is very sick, Estelle,’ he said his expression solemn. ‘Frau Woods has diphtheria, as I suspected.’

  Estelle gasped and covered her mouth with her hands briefly. ‘Can I go and see her?’

  He shook his head. ‘It is highly contagious.’ He rested his right hand on her arm. ‘You will need to be careful in case you’ve also contracted it.’

  Estelle thought about Hans and how he had rushed her grandmother in his car to the hospital. ‘But what about you and your driver? You could have caught it from her, too?’

  ‘We will see. She was unconscious the whole way to the hospital and the doctor told me that the disease is passed by coughing and sneezing.’

  She thought of what he had told her earlier. ‘You said that there had been an outbreak on the island. How are they going to deal with something infectious if there’s no medicine getting through?’ She thought everyone must be suffering from a lack of food, especially fruit, and must have little defence against illnesses like this one that she knew could be deadly. ‘I couldn’t bear losing Gran too, Hans,’ she suddenly cried out. ‘I’ll have no one left to face all this with.’

  He looked down at the floor and Estelle could tell he was battling with whether or not to tell her something.

  ‘What? There’s something you’re not telling me?’

  He pressed the tips of his fingers against his eyelids and exhaled sharply.

  ‘Hans. Tell me, please.’

  He lowered his hands and, after a second’s hesitation, said, ‘Your grandmother will be fine. I made one of the nurses on the German ward give me a phial of the diphtheria antitoxin. I took it to the doctor treating Frau Woods and he assured me he would give it to her. So, please try not to worry.’

  ‘You did that for her?’

  ‘And for you.’

  Estelle stared at him unsure what to say. ‘I’ll never be able to repay you if you’ve saved her life, Hans. Never.’

  He stared into her eyes looking sadder than she had ever seen him look before. ‘You have no need to repay me, Estelle. I am happy to do this for you.’

  ‘But could you get into trouble for doing this?’

  He waved his hand. ‘It is of no matter.’

  ‘Can’t the German doctors share their medicines with the local ones to help the islanders?’ she asked. Surely, as a doctor, they must wish to help all people who come into the hospital suffering from a sickness.

  ‘There is very little in their stocks, too, I’m told.’ His voice was quiet and Estelle could tell just what a chance he had taken helping her grandmother like he had.

  She sensed he wanted to move away from talking about it. ‘If there’s no medicine then how are the staff at the hospital going to be able to stop the disease spreading?’

  ‘I am told that they isolate the sick from the healthy until the virus runs its course. Which is why –’ he gave her arm a gentle squeeze – ‘you are unable to visit your grandmother at the hospital until she is well again.’

  ‘I have to see her, though. What if she needs me for something?’

  He shook his head. ‘There is no option, I’m afraid. She will be well looked after by your nurses and doctor. They are used to coping with disease. You have to put your trust in them, Estelle, and hope she recovers soon.’

  Estelle thought of the nurses and doctor working tirelessly to care for the locals. She had heard that their wards were below the ones for the German soldiers who were now cared for by German nurses brought over from Germany to relieve the local nurses to care for the islanders.

  ‘It appears I have no choice, then.’ She felt like crying. What if she had seen her grandmother for the last time and their final conversation had been one where she had irritated her? Why hadn’t she called for an ambulance when she knew her to be ill? She voiced her angst to Hans and lowered her head into her hands.

  ‘Even if you had called for an ambulance, you know as well as I do that the horse-drawn vehicle would not have arrived here and been able to deliver your grandmother back to the hospital quicker than my driver did.’

  He was right. ‘I just feel so hopeless. I’m not sure what to do?’

  ‘It is hard, but you must carry on looking after the farm. If you need me to, I will help you.’

  She smiled at him. ‘Thank you. Yes, I suppose staying busy will help keep my mind from worrying. How will I know how she’s doing though?’

  ‘Will it make you happy if I make it my duty to visit the hospital each day and ask after Frau Woods for you? I can then report back to you on my return each evening?’

  Estelle didn’t think she could be more grateful to anyone at that moment. Without thinking, she twisted in her seat and put her arms around him. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what I would have done without you today.’ Her throat tightened and she tried to push back the threatening tears. ‘If my grandmother survives this then it will be down to your selflessness.’ Unable to hold back any longer, Estelle began to cry. ‘And your bravery and quick reactions,’ she sobbed. She turned away, embarrassed.

  ‘Estelle?’ Hans whispered. She couldn’t speak as she tried to gather herself. ‘Estelle, your grandmother will be fine, I am sure of it.’ He took her by her upper arms and gently turned her around to face him. Estelle looked up at him his blue eyes filled with emotion as he gazed at her. She was so full of gratitude and relief that her grandmother now had a chance because of him.

  Hans slowly went to move away from her. Without thinking, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Gratitude merged int
o something else, into desire and longing. His arms circled her, pulling her tightly against him as he kissed her back. She had never been kissed like this before.

  Rebel growled, bringing them both back to reality, but Estelle opened her eyes and wished more than anything she could stay exactly where she was. She let herself feel everything she had been holding back from. She loved Hans, deeply.

  He looked stunned and his hands fell away from her. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, pushing her away from him carefully. ‘I do not know what I was thinking.’

  She hated to see him so ashamed by what he’d done. She wanted to reassure him then thought of Gerard locked in a prisoner-of-war camp while she was kissing an enemy officer, and guilt coursed through her. She had crossed a dreadful line.

  He cleared his throat. ‘This is wrong. We must not do this again.’

  Estelle nodded. ‘I’m – I’m sorry.’ If anything more were to happen between them, it would only lead to misery – for them both.

  Shaken by what had just happened, Estelle watched him leave the kitchen. She had loved Gerard since she was fourteen. She knew she loved him. But she knew now that what she felt for Gerard was a gentle, sweet love and might not be the all-encompassing passion she had just experienced. But how could she betray him in such a way?

  And how could someone as kind and willing to put his own freedom at risk be her enemy? Hans was a good man. Hadn’t he proved that today?

  That wasn’t the point, though. Their countries were at war. It simply couldn’t be.

  Forty

  Estelle

  April 1944

  Estelle was desperate to see her grandmother again. It was nearly eight weeks since she had been taken ill and today she was being brought home to complete her recuperation at the farm. Estelle was determined to be much stricter with her. It would be a relief to have Gran back home again. Disease was rife on the island. Countless islanders and Germans had died from diphtheria and illness because there were no medicines getting through to the island. Her grandmother had been very fortunate.