Modern Flirtations: A Novel

by Catherine Sinclair

  CHAPTER XXXII.

  Little of what is really going on in society can be traced on its gay,sparkling surface, where, amidst laughter, music, jesting, and smiles,a deep current may be flowing on of anger, envy, mortification, anddisappointment. Agnes had lately allowed herself to suspect that herpreference for Captain De Crespigny was by no means mutual; and thoughit still lingered in her mind, out-living all that coldness and capricewhich had superseded the persevering ardor with which he onceendeavored to engross her attention, the indignation of her feelingsdrove her now to seek relief in any counter-irritation, and especiallyin cultivating, beside Lord Doncaster, the society where he was mostdepreciated, and where she heard many a story of him from the Abbe,which filled her with angry misgivings.

  Captain De Crespigny now perceived, with almost bewilderedastonishment, that the beautiful Agnes remained stationary the wholeevening with Lord Doncaster, wishing, he conjectured, to propitiate theuncle as a preliminary to securing the nephew, and that she actuallymade him a secondary object in society, while it was evident theMarquis observed and enjoyed this very visible alteration. It becameparticularly conspicuous at last, when Captain De Crespigny havingspoken, one evening, a few words to Agnes, strolled away in momentarypique at the careless inattention of her reply, after which the vacantchair, beside her and Lord Doncaster, was immediately occupied by theAbbe, who talked down both his companions, while a long discussionensued, of evidently deepening interest, during which the eyes of allthree were frequently directed towards Captain De Crespigny. Those ofAgnes now assumed an almost unnatural brightness, and her cheek becamedyed with a hectic flush of excitement. Then, for the first time, heperceived the gold crucifix which she held carelessly in her hand,while the Abbe spoke with an air of artful and subdued earnestness, andLord Doncaster, looking like winter beside spring, watched, withevident admiration, the changes of color and expression which flittedlike an aurora borealis on her beautiful features. It occurred toCaptain De Crespigny, that his uncle, believing, perhaps, in somedegree, the report of his marriage to Agnes, and being an enthusiasticadmirer of beauty, might wish the Abbe first to convert the young ladyto his own faith, before bestowing him upon her, and as the ideaflitted through his mind, he smiled inwardly to think how they wouldall be disappointed. Still the ceaseless conversation continued, andCaptain De Crespigny, apprehending it might never come to anyparticular end, resolved, for his own amusement, _coute qui coute_, tobreak up the _coterie_.

  "Miss Dunbar," said he, advancing, and in a matter-of-course wayoffering his arm, "allow me the pleasure of this quadrille with you!"

  Agnes seemed almost to awaken from a dream at these words, but, after amoment's evident perplexity, during which she assumed an air ofdignified indecision, Lord Doncaster having turned away to conversewith Mrs. O'Donoghoe, she slowly rose, and silently took her place inthe dance.

  Captain De Crespigny had hitherto been to Agnes like the sun to thedial, causing the lights and shadows of joy or anxiety to flit over hercountenance according to his own pleasure, but now he became piqued andastonished to perceive that he could not even command her mosttransient attention, and with a satirical glance at her absentcountenance, he emphatically exclaimed,

  "A delightful party this!"

  "Yes, delightful!" echoed Agnes, mechanically.

  "And delightful music too!" added he, observing with increased surprisethe total absence of her thoughts.

  "Delightful, indeed!" repeated Agnes, in an almost dreaming tone.

  "And what a delightful partner I have secured!" added Captain DeCrespigny, with some asperity of tone, while gazing more and morecuriously into her countenance. "I am so well pleased, that really itwas fortunate I did not shoot or drown myself yesterday! We areexcelling ourselves to-night, Miss Dunbar! I never saw you soagreeable, so particularly facetious! Your spirits are perfectlyturbulent!"

  "That is the more surprising, as I have done nothing this evening butyawn and be yawned at," replied Agnes, resuming her gay, banteringtone. "I have been plastered to the wall like Warren's Japan blacking,looking as grave as an old gate-post, while you were generally so faroff, that I borrowed a good telescope at last, to try whether it mightbe possible to see you!"

  "I could not approach within a mile, you were so barricaded with Abbesand Marquises, but you of course occupied all my thoughts. Shall I everforget my vexation on beholding my fossil specimen of an uncledepositing his bones in the very seat I intended for myself. He isreally becoming a formidable rival!"

  "Very true!" replied Agnes, forcing a laugh. "Lord Doncaster is soagreeable, that I am all but captivated, and if this were leap year Imight, perhaps, use the lady's privilege and propose!"

  "Take care, or I shall tell him so!"

  "Pray do! It will save time, and he has but little to spare!"

  "I am very certain, if the old boy were ninety years younger, he wouldmake you an offer! But certainly marriage is a juvenile indiscretion,only for young people like us!"

  "Lord Doncaster says, he is any age I like, and pledges himself alwaysto continue so!" replied Agnes, laughing, though she became agitated tothe very tips of her fingers, while, trying not to seem embarrassed,she hastily drew her gloves on and off, adjusted her necklace, andbetrayed, by other nervous manoeuvres, that her mind was not quite atease under the observant eye of Captain De Crespigny, who looked at herwith satirical surprise, and at last exclaimed, in accents of wonder,"May my bridle be too long, and my stirrup too short, Miss Dunbar, if Iever dreamed of jesting with you in earnest, about the old veteranamateur in flirtations, my uncle! That is rather beyond a joke,--and asfor the Abbe, you ought to put him down in your private list ofdetestables, being a bad and dangerous man for young ladies to form anintimacy with. Let me be your father confessor to-night, Miss Dunbar,and tell me when, under his auspices, you mean to take the veil!"

  Seeing Agnes become more and more embarrassed, Captain De Crespigny'spoliteness now induced him to change the subject, though still unableto conjecture any probable cause for her confusion; therefore assuminghis usual tone of careless conceit, he added, "Mrs. O'Donoghoe tells methere are two singularly handsome officers in the room to-night; but Icannot see the second. We can be at no loss for No. 1. There is astrange-looking mortal opposite in black! He skips about in thequadrille like an industrious flea! Does it not seem like a frightfuldream, that we are expected to find steps for such music as this? Whatwould Monsieur D'Egville say, if he saw me, his favorite pupil,blundering through the figure to such discord?"

  "He would still be proud of his scholar! I mistook you for Duvernaylast night when you danced with Mrs. O'Donoghoe at the Crown ball. Herdancing-master must have been St. Vitus! She was as light as----"

  "As a cork flying from a bottle of champagne! You seem perplexed foronce to find a simile!"

  "And you are not particularly happy in yours! I have been puzzling myhead for the last two seconds who that gold man is opposite in uniform.He looks like a clever caricature of an officer on leave!"

  "That is Charleville of ours! Mrs. O'Donoghoe considers him the firstof men! almost superhuman! because, as she said to me yesterday, 'he isquite the thing! drives a tandem--rides races in a bonnet andhabit--can back his horse down the steepest hill in LowHarrowgate--writes occasionally in the Sporting Magazine--and smokesmore cigars in a day than the whole regiment in a week!'"

  "There is an officer of that description in every regiment, who isgenerally called 'Jack' or 'Tom.' I detest these hunting, racing,smoking, and betting men; but you may introduce him to me when thequadrille is over."

  "That is a ceremony I never perform, and never undergo! It is toosolemn an affair for me to engage in! I never mean, as long as I live,to be introduced to any one--never!"

  "Then if your present list of friends is to last for life, I hope itmusters pretty strong?"

  "Pardon me! We are not so particular at an ordinary as in an opera-box!There are ways and means of becoming acquainted without my makingpeople conceited, by askin
g to be introduced! I tread on a lady's gownin passing, look shocked, beg her pardon, receive the very sweetest ofsmiles, enter into conversation, and am intimate in a moment!"

  "Very easy and convenient! I never could imagine till now why officershad all become so awkward at parties lately, in tearing my dress withtheir spurs!"

  "Believe me, nobody is ever introduced to anybody now, and ladies havebecome equally ingenious with myself in picking up acquaintances. AtAlmacks last season, Lady Sarah Wyvell, having the good fortune to benext me in a quadrille, though we were not acquainted, asked, with amodest diffident air, if I could possibly tell her the hour. I politelytook the trouble of answering her, and mentioned, that the key of mywatch had been for some time mislaid, and therefore it was not woundup; but next evening, when we met at the Russian Ambassador's fete,would you believe it, she walked up to me, and, with a fascinatingsmile, begged my acceptance of a watch-key, beautifully set inturquoises!"

  "Which fitted exactly, of course!" added Agnes, laughing. "I like around unvarnished tale, and admire a ready invention, especially whenthe story is perfectly credible, and betrays no personal conceitwhatever. The world certainly grows more ridiculous every day!"

  "You never said a truer thing! It is a good plan in conversation alwaysto say what nobody can contradict! Never certainly was there a moreludicrous medley of people shuffled together, than here at this moment!Nothing but old Doncaster's whim could have brought me to such asnobbery and tag-raggery! Harrowgate is like death itself for levellingall distinctions! You may glance down the dinner-table, containing ahundred and thirty odd-looking guests, and each individual has the samequiet, little, unpretending bottle of sherry placed at his elbow, andlabelled with his name. Even the great millionaire, Mr. Crawford, whomight, if he chose, drink liquid gold, fares no better, though he hasbrought home the sort of nabob fortune people used to make long ago.The art is lost now!"

  "You might find it, I dare say, in some of the Useful Knowledge books."

  "Yes! but I manage still better, by spending a fortune withoutpossessing one, which does quite as well, and gives me less trouble.The hat is his who wears it, and the world is his who enjoys it."

  "What a pity that very good people like the Crawfords are so oftenatrociously disagreeable," observed Agnes, listlessly. "We must allow,that in this world rogues are the majority; and as their good opinionis the most easily gained, and the most easily kept, I wonder lessevery day that some men are satisfied to secure that, and live uponit."

  "I wish I had either!" said Sir Patrick, laughing.

  "The whole tribe of Crawfords are, in my opinion, seriously unpleasant,with their airs of condescending stiffness and ineffable superiority,"said Agnes, "never vouchsafing to appear, except at dinner, andhuddling out of sight the instant we rise. Those who desire to beexclusive should take private lodgings, and not spoil a place like thisby any purseproud finery! They almost live with Marion and theGranvilles; but I abhor that whole set!"

  "So I do!" exclaimed Sir Patrick. "I hate their very parrot! He sits ina golden cage at the window, looking over his nose at one in the mostexclusive manner imaginable. Old Crawford was a shop-boy in somegreen-grocer's once, I believe; therefore, it really amused meyesterday to hear him in the loud authoritative tone of a connoisseur,finding fault with the sherry. I never pronounce upon any wine till Ihave drunk a few dozen of it; but it is credibly reported, that theCrawfords at home indulge in nothing but Cape Madeira and water. We,who have been brought up upon claret, conform to custom with a bettergrace. I should never think of putting the cellars here out of fashion,by saying what I really think of them; but _entre nous_, the wholecontents are perfect poison. Of the two, I would rather drink theHarrowgate waters, because they have at least the one merit of beingwholesome."

  "Lord Doncaster seems to find the sherry drinkable," said Agnes dryly;"and, as you say, 'he has cracked a bottle or two in his time.'"

  "Very true! a really aristocratic man is so accustomed to everything ofthe best, that he tolerates or enjoys the inconveniences of an inn or asteamboat as an amusing variety," said Mrs. O'Donoghoe. "Besides which,Miss Dunbar, between you and me and the post, Lord Doncaster is old,and somewhat _passee_. You and he made quite a _tableau_ together thisevening; but take my word for it, Lord Doncaster is no chicken!"

  "I need not take anybody's word for that! I have my eyes in my headlike others!" replied Agnes, rather sharply, and glancing towards adistant corner of the room where Lord Doncaster was seated, with hiseye at the moment fixed on herself. "We may all see that he is not theyoungest man in the world; but he is certainly one of the mostagreeable!"

  "Well! old or young," continued Mrs. O'Donoghoe, resuming her habitualsmile, "Lord Doncaster is my very particular friend, and if I meet himten times in a day, he shakes me by the hand as cordially the last timeas the first."

  "Tiresome old bore!" replied Sir Patrick; "I would put my hand in mypocket the second time, and tell him, once a-day must do!"

  "Instead of putting it into an empty pocket, Sir Patrick, offer it toone of the two Miss Crawfords," said Mrs. O'Donoghoe, rolling her eyesaffectedly round, like the wire-drawn eyes of a wax doll. "The oldnabob is so rich, that it took five India ships to carry home hisfortune, and he has settled his whole countless rupees on the youngladies. What do you say, gentlemen?--one each? That tall may-pole, theeldest, who looks as if she could eat her own shoulders off, will be agreat catch."

  "She has proposed to me twenty times," replied Captain De Crespigny,"but I am not to be had! It would be necessary for me to hang all herrelations, they are so vulgar! The second looks as fat and round asfrom yesterday till next year; but if she were less like a turbotstanding on end, more like the person I admire most in the world, andseveral years younger, possibly I might propose."

  "If you thought she would have you," replied Mrs. O'Donoghoe, laughing,"you would propose without minding the years. If a girl had eighteenpence, you would propose instantly, for fear she might spend a shillingof it!"

  "I am told Miss Crawford was born in diamond ear-rings," said Agnes."She looks as if it had rained precious stones on her ever since,--asif she had been pelted at the Carnival with diamonds instead ofsugar-plums! The price of blonde and feathers is raised in every townwhere the Miss Crawfords arrive!----"

  "The Miss Crawfords must not be ridiculed," interrupted Captain DeCrespigny, looking very magnanimous, "at least by any one exceptmyself! They are my preserve! They both dress in the last extreme ofjewellery to please me; and I am pleased. If I have a weakness in theworld, it is for dress; and, in my opinion, ladies ought all to shinelike glow-worms every night. Look at this indefinite article of a manapproaching! Tall, and covered with orders, he looks like a houseinsured! Who can he be?"

  "Never distress yourself about who people are," said Agnes. "Somebody'sson, I believe,--and somebody's nephew or cousin, with estates in allthe disturbed districts of Ireland."

  "Very accurate and satisfactory! Watering-place imaginations are apt tobe a little inventive; like Cuvier, who described the whole history andformation of any animal from seeing merely a single tooth! With thatbottle-green coat and all that light hair on the roof his head, helooks like a bottle of porter newly drawn, and foaming at the top. Itmakes me thirsty to see him."

  "I excel particularly in biography," added Agnes, laughing. "Thattigerish-looking man you are inquiring about, with all the little starsand bits of ribbon, had a whole regiment of horses killed under him atWaterloo! He saw sixteen colonels of cavalry lose their heads that dayin battle, and he received fifteen mortal wounds himself, before heleft the field!"

  "Agnes, your stories would be as difficult to bolt as the Americanoyster, which it took three men to swallow whole! You remind me of theman who contrived to place a fly's eye so that he could see through it,and he found that it multiplied everything, till a single officerappeared like a whole army. I never saw a man ride as that stranger didthis morning! His horse is a mere spider, and he jumped up and down inthe saddle
like a cup and ball?" said Sir Patrick, laughing; "but theclimax of all his atrocities was, five minutes ago, when Marionre-entered the room, I heard him request that the master of theceremonies would introduce him to one of my sisters! I am at a loss toguess which, but here he comes, drawing on a splendid pair of gloves!"

  "Pray do not let me be the victim!" said Agnes, shrinking back with acontemptuous toss of the head. "I have no turn for teaching a bear todance! and I will not be made ridiculous by having such a partner! Theugliest man I ever saw for nothing! Is he a human being?"

  "For my part, I do not feel that being ridiculous or otherwise dependson any one but myself," said Marion good-humoredly; "and if it willmake a man, all ribbons and orders of merit, happy, to perform aquadrille, I have not the least objection to be his partner, especiallywhen he wears such very clean gloves!"

  "Miss Dunbar!" said the master of the ceremonies, approaching Marion inhis most pompous manner, "allow me to introduce the Duke of Kinross!"

  Marion accepted his Grace's offered arm, looking by no means so muchpetrified at the unexpected rank of her partner as Agnes did, whostarted, and colored with evident vexation, at having even in thoughtrejected the greatest man in Harrowgate, the hero of all her castles inthe air, and one who was considered as eminent for ability as for rank.

  "Well, Agnes!" exclaimed Sir Patrick, in a bantering tone, "for thefirst time in a long life you have made a blunder. You who never, evenat chess, would play a pawn, if you could move a knight or a bishop, tohave actually rejected a ducal coronet. I thought that in general youcould draw out people's whole histories and characters like anopera-glass, and see through them in a minute. You generally knoweverybody's peculiarities and everybody's value, who everybody is, andwhat everybody does, with notes and annotations of your own, alloriginal and authentic,--who have elder brothers to impoverish them,and rich uncles to give them hopes,--in short, their whole biographybetter than they know it themselves!"

  "To be sure! I am an inestimable cicerone, 'honest, civil, obliging,and thoroughly to be depended on!' Where other people have only twoeyes, I have three, and I make it my duty to ascertain who brings afootman or an abigail, what carriages people travel in, what stay theyintend to make here, whether they hire a sitting-room, or lounge, likeMrs. O'Donoghoe, in the public saloon! I do believe the well-informedvisitors at Harrowgate know exactly how much silver we carry in ourpurses every day, and what our washing-bills amount to!"

  "Not much in some cases!" said Captain De Crespigny, fixing hissatirical, mischievous glance on a shabby-genteel stranger who seemedto be lurking near and watching the lively party with an evil eye."Look at this dark figure leaning against the door in a sort of Italianbandit attitude, trying to look romantic with his arms stuck on likecrooked pins, his neckcloth perfectly strangling him, and his scarletwaistcoat like a robin-red-breast!"

  "Is there a man in a waistcoat!! where?" asked Agnes eagerly. "AnotherDuke, I suppose. He seems like the picture of a robber in some sixpennystory book. But how he stares at you, Captain De Crespigny! I declarethat look would pin me to the wall!"

  "It is rather odd! Surely I have seen that man somewhere before! Hemust have dressed my hair at Brighton, or measured me for a coat atDodd's. He is probably now the sort of L200 a-year man who wears a goldchain and vagabondizes about perpetually from one watering place toanother! He seems by his look inclined to pick a quarrel with me; and,if he does so, I feel pretty certain he ought already to be sent amongthe velvets below stairs, which he certainly shall be without muchceremony. What can the fellow mean by looking such daggers at me inparticular?"

  "One addition is expected to the Crawford party to-night, which willpuzzle you all!" said Mrs. O'Donoghoe. "That enchanting suite of roomsnext the garden has been bespoken during the last three weeks, by someperson whose name is quite unguessable! The landlady says that Mr.Crawford has made her solemnly promise never to divulge it! Now! thereis something worth knowing!--a dark unfathomable mystery in a placelike this, is perfectly inestimable!"

  "I undertake to solve it in twenty-four hours!" exclaimed Sir Patrick,with animation. "When there is a real undeniable secret to be ferretedout, I am wider awake than most people! I can do everything but what isimpossible! If I fail, then, as the lawyer once pathetically exclaimed,'may my head forget the wig that covers it!' What will you bet that Isucceed? Here is my betting-book to register our agreement; I neverstir without it!"

  "I have no turn for betting my head off my shoulders; but you shallhave the Pigot diamond for your trouble!" replied Mrs. O'Donoghoe. "Ihave been busy about it for three weeks in vain, going aboutinvestigating, with my glass at my eye, like Paul Pry, but the maidspretend to know nothing, and the landlady looks bursting withmysterious importance whenever she speaks of her coming guests!"

  "Then I am twice a man when there is anything to be found out!"continued Sir Patrick. "If I had lived in the days of the Iron mask,that affair would have been probed to the bottom, and laid open. I havequite a genius for unravelling mysteries!"

  "If so, I allow you three days for scrutinizing the expected _incognito_,after which, do you promise and engage to furnish me with their numbers,names, professions, ages, fortunes----"

  "And expectations! certainly! Also to disclose why they came here, andwhen they go away. Mrs. O'Donoghoe, I delight in difficulties, andglory in conquering them! I abhor everything easy! Even if you wereeasily pleased, I should have less pleasure in fascinating you."

  At this moment, a plain travelling carriage suddenly swept round theroad leading towards the Granby, while in the clear moonlight it couldonly be discerned that two footmen sat behind, and two lady's maidswere mounted on the dickey; but before the rush of gentlemen towardsthe lobby, which usually takes place on such occasions, could besuccessfully achieved, the chariot stopped at a garden-gate beyond theusual entrance, while in the dusky obscurity the most penetrating eyecould not discover who or what alighted. A torrent of waiters streamedalong the passages, a noisy outcry was heard summoning the landlady,every bell in the house seemed ringing simultaneously, and Captain DeCrespigny was surprised to observe the dark, stern-looking strangerstanding near the door, as if he belonged to the party, and yet did notwish to be seen.

  A procession of four wax candles, and a tea tray proceeding afterwardstowards the newly occupied sitting-room, was all that the mostenterprising observers could discover; and as there were but threecups, and Mr. Crawford was known to have joined the party, it becamevery plausibly conjectured by Sir Patrick that there were but two newarrivals.

  The supper-bell had been rung that evening about ten minutes, and anumerous bevy of gentlemen collected round it, varied by a scantysprinkling of ladies. The table was covered with wine glasses andcrystal decanters enough to fill a glass shop, with not a drop ofanything visible to drink, except cold spring water; each gentleman hadhalf a pigeon on his plate, and each lady a glass of jelly before her.The uproar of waiters, plates, and tongues, and glasses had subsided,and the conversation was at so low an ebb, that there seemed everyprobability of the whole party being found asleep in their chairs nextmorning, when suddenly their attention was roused by the door beinghurriedly opened by the _soi-disant_ gentleman entering, who hadalready excited the notice of Captain De Crespigny.

  Besides the eager curiosity felt in every small community, to see everyone recently added to their number, this was a gentleman whom few ofthe company had seen before, and such a gentleman as is seldom seenanywhere. His dark hair hung in wild profusion over his head. There wasan extraordinary wildness, almost amounting to ferocity, in his eyes,which had the restless glare of a wild beast's, as he quickly glancedround the table, while his pale haggard features, and the strongcompression of his upper lip, gave him an air of irritable melancholy,along with a look of flustered, anxious suspicion quite unaccountable.He seemed annoyed at having attracted any observation, while, ifBanquo's ghost had appeared, the apparition could scarcely haveawakened more attention, as the party had little to do, and not
hingelse to think of.

  "One would fancy a kangaroo had come in to supper!" muttered he,angrily, glancing round with a look of scorching hatred at Captain DeCrespigny, and drawing his chair near Mrs. O'Donoghoe, who was almostthe only lady still remaining. He then cut himself a supply of coldveal, that might have dined a couple of grouse-shooters, with ham inproportion, not at all carved on the Vauxhall pattern, and glancing atall the observant eyes around the table, he added, endeavoring to lookin a more amiable mood, while a most unpleasing attempt at a smile fora moment disturbed his features; "I see, gentlemen, you are somewhatamazed at my powers of mastication! I am not Dando; but let me tell youI could finish all we see, and pick the bones of that turkey besides.What man in his senses would profess to be hungry, and sit down to halfa pigeon! You seem to be quite a Temperance Society here! Fifteen jugsof water in regimental order round the table! The waiters must havebottled off the Thames!"

  A suppressed whisper ran round the table, circulating many wonderingconjectures who the stranger could possibly be, for there appeared avehemence in his tone, and an irritability in his eye most repulsiveand peculiar.

  "That man looks as if he had stepped forth ready made, from one of Mrs.Radcliffe's romances," exclaimed Mrs. O'Donoghoe, in an apprehensivetone, as she strolled away from the table. "Who can he be?"

  "One of the swell mob! I remember his picking my pocket in Bond Street,last spring," replied Captain De Crespigny, confidentially. "Did younot observe his bunch of skeleton keys."

  "You are quite mistaken," interposed Sir Patrick. "He is one of thegarden-room party. I saw him waiting for them in the passage; people ofprodigious fortune I assure you! Their names are--no matter what! butthey have estates in--I don't know how many counties!"

  "He has rather an aristocratic look!" added Mrs. O'Donoghoe. "The sortof arbitrary air, as if he were accustomed to command a regiment!"

  "More like an unengaged actor from one of the minor theatres, or atravelling dancing master. They are very well got up sometimes, and heis exactly according to the last 'gentleman's fashions for the month,'"said Captain De Crespigny. "But certainly in some shape or other, astrolling gentleman-beggar; probably, like the dustman's dog, heanswers to any name."

  "Perhaps," added Sir Patrick, laughing, "one of those innumerablelecturers on astronomy, who are constantly tormenting me withprospectuses. If any man whatever is in distress, he puts on a decentcoat, and announces a popular course of lectures, in which he makes thecomets ten times hotter than ever, and the stars as many millions ofmiles distant as he pleases, shows plenty of diagrams, talks big aboutSir Isaac Newton, gives a dissertation on the political economy of themoon; tells a few anecdotes, hazards a few conjectures, doubts whateverybody believes, or believes what everybody doubts, and his bread isbaked. I mean to try the plan myself some day!"

  "Depend upon it, he is a peer of the realm," added Mrs. O'Donoghoe,more imperatively than before. "I heard that Lord Wakefield wasexpected to-day. His sister, Lady Jane, whom I saw once at aSpitalfields ball, was thin, with dark hair, exactly in that style."

  "I have no doubt he is an Earl one day, and a Duke the next, as ithappens to suit his fancy; and if you look well at him, Mrs.O'Donoghoe, he has a coronet tattooed on his forehead," whisperedCaptain De Crespigny. "That is the very last new fashion for peers."

  "Coronets are falling into great disuse now; so I am glad they are tobe displayed any where," replied Agnes. "Lady Towercliffe's eldest son,Lord St. Abbe, used to have one embroidered on his pinafore; but thecoronet on Lord Doncaster's chariot now is almost invisible, and notlarger than you would use for the seal of a note."

  "I know whose taste ought to be paramount in ordering the next carriagebearing the Doncaster arms," whispered Captain De Crespigny, throwing aworld of arch expression into his countenance. "How exceedingly wellour shield would look quartered with the lion rampant, and the eightroses of the Dunbars!"

  Agnes did not, as she would have done formerly, on hearing so broad aninsinuation, look down and blush, or attempt to blush; but she fixed along and searching look on Captain De Crespigny, during which her largelustrous eyes betrayed an inward struggle between the interest withwhich she would once have gathered up every expression of her voice,and the lurking angry suspicion she now felt of his sincerity; but herconfidence was in some degree restored, when, keeping up a livelydialogue till the last moment, he assumed his most becoming looks, andescorted her to the door.

  "Pray, Miss Dunbar," said he gravely, "will you give me a very seriousanswer to a very serious question?"

  "Perhaps I may," replied Agnes, looking rather startled.

  "Then, whether do you think ladies or gentlemen are the greatesthumbugs?"

  "Gentlemen, certainly; for they often pretend to feel what they do not,but ladies conceal what they do."