Needing to Love You (Houston's Finest #2)

by Erin Rylie

  The only thing that Carlos took from that conversation was that Sophie and Rafe had their baby. “Holy shit, they had their baby? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

  Kelsey, clearly not sharing his excitement, looked at him with confusion splashed across her features. “Carlos, we did tell you about the baby. You were on the way to the hospital when you got into the accident.”

  Carlos didn’t remember that at all. The entire day of his accident was a blur in his mind. He couldn’t remember what he’d spent the day doing, and he didn’t remember the accident itself at all. Given the extent of his injuries, that was probably a good thing. However, memory loss didn’t bode well for the state of his concussion.

  Not wanting Kelsey to see how bothered he was, he shrugged. “Guess my memory is a bit fuzzy. When do I get to see the baby?”

  Kelsey smiled. “She’s so perfect, Carlos. They took her home yesterday so I’m sure you’ll get to see her once your concussion has healed a bit. Being around a screaming baby is the last thing you need right now. Thank goodness James has always been a quiet child.”

  Carlos’s attention snagged on that last bit of information. “Ah so you’ve decided it then, huh? I’ll be staying with you?”

  Kelsey groaned, “Carlos, I don’t know why you’re fighting this so damn much. We’re friends. This makes the most sense.”

  “Are we though? Are we friends, Kelsey? Because you seem to run from me every fucking chance you get. Sure as hell doesn’t feel like friendship.”

  Kelsey looked down for a moment, refusing to meet his eyes. She reached for his hand, clasping it gently in hers, and met his gaze once more. “Of course we’re friends, Carlos. You’re just a bit much to handle sometimes, and my life is a shitshow.”

  Carlos squeezed her hand once before letting it go. “All right, I’ll think about it. I think I’d like to get some rest now.” He was suddenly exhausted, the conversation weighing on him heavily. It took all of his strength to resist asking Kelsey why she was so opposed to giving him a chance. If his accident had showed him anything it was that life was too short to give up on what really mattered to you. He’d let her win this time, but he was going to win her over. Hell, he had three to six months of recovery to reel her in.

  Chapter Two

  Kelsey left the hospital and got into her car, hating herself a little more with each step she took. She’d been trying to help Carlos, but it was clear all she’d done over the last nine months was hurt him. He was so boisterous and full of life that she hated to see him doing anything but smiling. Didn’t he understand that he could do a million times better than her? What did she have to offer a man like him?

  Carlos was everything that Kelsey was not. He had his life together; he knew what he wanted out of his career. She was a twenty-six-year-old divorcee with a young son and a remote customer support job that she hated. When she and Kyle had divorced, she’d taken a graphic design job to get by, but the hours had been too demanding for her to survive as a single parent. This job allowed her to work from home, and the hours were relatively flexible.

  The truth was, she was still devastated over her divorce. Not because she still loved Kyle, but because she didn’t. In her early twenties, they’d been so in love, so blissfully happy. What kind of disgusting monster could fall out of love with the former love of her life, the father of her child? Clearly something inside of her was broken, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Carlos.

  Though she knew it was probably a bad idea, she was determined to get Carlos to accept her help while he recovered. When she’d heard he was in an accident, the news had devastated her in ways she didn’t expect. Her first thought had been that if he’d died, he would’ve left this world not knowing how she felt. On the first day that he was in the hospital and unconscious, she had decided to tell him that she had feelings for him once he woke up. As the days passed and he remained asleep, her resolve had left her, her bravery faltering. His accident hadn’t changed anything—she was still the same shitshow, and he was still way out of her league.

  Coward. The word rolled around in her head and she hated to admit that it was fitting. She was a coward, and she didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

  Shaking herself from her dark thoughts, she pulled her car out of the parking lot and headed for Kyle’s house, her old home. Kyle had agreed to watch James for a few days, and she missed her little man. He was coming up on four years old and she couldn’t believe how quickly the time had flown. She could still remember holding him in her arms in the hospital’s birthing room. She may be incapable of loving the men in her life, but she knew that she would never in a million years stop loving her son. He was the only thing holding her together these days. Every single decision she made, she made for James.

  The moment she opened the front door to her old home, she heard the pitter-patter of little feet. James turned the corner into the entryway at full speed and barreled into her arms.

  “Mommy! I missed you.”

  Kelsey smiled and wrapped him up in a tight hug. “I missed you too, little man. Are you having fun with your dad?”

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Daddy and his new friend Marissa took me to the park today. I swinged all by myself. In the big boy swing too, not the one for babies.”

  Marissa? That was a new development. She guessed Kyle must be seeing someone new. The news should make her sad, but she was honestly happy for Kyle. Further proof that she was a monster. She was sure that most recently divorced women would be devastated by the news that their ex was in a new relationship. Though Kyle had been difficult immediately following the divorce, things between them had settled down after the first few months. She understood that he’d been hurt and surprised by the abrupt end of their relationship and couldn’t really fault him for that. Some of the more harsh words he’d screamed at her still popped into her head every now and then, but for the most part, the two of them got along.

  Kyle rounded the corner before she had a chance to respond. “Hey Kels, I wasn’t expecting to see you until later.”

  “Sorry to just barge in. I should’ve knocked instead of using my key.”

  Kyle laughed, “Yeah that’s actually something I want to talk to you about. Do you have time for dinner sometime this week?”

  She found herself nodding and was distracted from her answer by James wiggling out of her grip and grabbing her hand. “Mommy, come see my new toys.”

  “New toys!” she exclaimed. “I can’t wait to see them, let’s go.”

  She spent the next hour playing with James as he showed her each of his new toys, one by one. His current obsession was dinosaurs and lizards, and by the end of the hour, she’d promised that if he was good for his dad this week, she would take him to the pet store to look at lizards. She didn’t know the first damn thing about them, but her son definitely had her wrapped around his tiny finger.

  Before she left, she tucked James into bed, kissing him on the forehead and assuring him he could come back home with her soon. As she approached the front door, Kyle stopped her to confirm their plans.

  “Dinner tomorrow at Taste of Texas? I assume that’s still your favorite.”

  Kelsey’s stomach dropped at the kind gesture. She’d thought he might be seeing someone new, but she didn’t want to lead him on by going on a date with him. On the other hand, she could really go for a good cut of prime rib right about now. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten today.

  “Sure, text me the time and I’ll meet you—” She yawned, breaking off her sentence.

  “You seem tired. Are you doing okay?”

  Kelsey shrugged. “Between work and arguing with Carlos’s mom about his living arrangements while he recovers, I guess I haven’t gotten much sleep.”

  Too late, she realized her mistake and Kyle’s features closed off in front of her. “You know, you keep telling me you didn’t fucking cheat on me with that douchebag—that you left because you just weren’t happy—but I’m still not b
uying it. Nobody puts in this much effort for someone who is just a friend.”

  Kelsey was too tired and hungry to filter her response. “You know what, Kyle? We’ve been having this same damn argument for almost a year now. I didn’t cheat on you, ever. Maybe you just need to evaluate your friendships, because helping a friend while they’re in the hospital is pretty damn standard. If your dickhole frat buddies wouldn’t do the same for you, it sounds like a personal problem.”

  With that, she walked out the front door, closing it quietly, though she wanted to slam it in his stupid face. Interacting with Kyle was exhausting. Sure, she felt like shit about ending their marriage, and she was convinced she was incapable of love, but that didn’t make her a damn cheater. Still, it hurt her more than she’d like to admit that Kyle thought her capable of cheating. Kyle’s most recent blow up was going to make dinner tomorrow awkward as all hell, but she needed to tell him about Carlos moving in for a few months. As James’s father, he had the right to know who his son would be in contact with. She just hoped he didn’t lose his shit in the middle of her favorite restaurant.

  Her house was eerily quiet when she walked in the front door. She still wasn’t used to Sophie not being there, and with James gone, she had never felt more alone. In an effort to distract herself, she went to her laptop and answered a few emails. She worked for a chain hotel company offering customer support to its elite members. Though she hated the work, and was yelled at more often than she’d like to admit, the hours were flexible, the benefits were decent, and the pay was enough to cover any expenses Kyle’s child support didn’t cover.

  She technically had the next two days off after having worked the last seven straight, but she hated for her email to pile up. The little notifications on her computer drove her insane, and she knew she’d think about them if she didn’t clear them now.

  She followed up with a few elite members, again apologizing for whatever mistreatment they’d experienced during their stay, and forwarded relevant emails to their respective hotel properties. When her inbox was clear of emails, she looked at the clock and realized she’d only wasted thirty minutes. Feeling her stomach rumble again, Kelsey walked into the kitchen to scrounge up some dinner. Her phone rang in her back pocket, and she smiled when she saw the name on the screen.

  “Hey, Becky. What’s shakin’ bacon?”

  Becky scoffed, “Please tell me you don’t actually say that to people? Remove that phrase from your vocabulary.”

  “Yeah, things are going well, thanks for asking. I miss you too.”

  Kelsey swore she could hear her friend’s eyes rolling through the line. “You know what I want an update on,” Becky said chirpily.

  “You did not call me to discuss my sex life, Becky.”

  “You’re right, I didn’t. That would imply that you have a sex life to begin with. I suppose I’ll just have to keep having enough sex for the both of us. It’s a dirty job, but someone needs to do it.”

  Kelsey laughed despite herself. “I have a good vibrator, it’s all I need.”

  “Even the best vibrator is a poor substitution for a good, hard dicking, Kels.”

  Kelsey opened the door to her refrigerator and sighed when she found it mostly empty. Sophie was the one who did most of the grocery shopping. She really needed to go to the store before James came back. However, instead of heading to the twenty-four-hour Kroger just down the street, Kelsey pulled a box of Thin Mints out of the freezer, poured herself a nice big glass of red, and walked to the living room to eat her dinner of champions.

  “Can we talk about something else? Anything else, really.”

  Becky hummed through the line, clearly thinking. “I think I might sleep with my gynecologist.”

  “Becky, how is that changing the subject? Wait, your gynecologist? That is a terrible idea! Can you imagine how much snatch that man must see every day? He probably gets tired of it.”

  Becky scoffed, “I’m sorry, are you dissuading me from sleeping with someone who knows vaginas so well that he made it his job?”

  “I just think it’s a bad idea. How hot could the guy be, really? You’ll have to find a new gyno, and you and I both know how much of a pain in the ass that is.”

  “Oh, I already found his replacement. Went and got my first exam from her last week and she’s fantastic. All that’s left to do now is find a way to seduce a man intent on giving me a pap.”

  Their conversation continued in much the same vein until Kelsey’s box of cookies was as empty as her wine glass. She was about to let Becky know she needed to go to bed, wanting to read about her favorite Bishop brothers before falling asleep, when her friend asked a question she didn’t really want to answer.

  “So, how’s Carlos?”

  Kelsey sighed, a knot forming in her throat as she thought about how weak he’d looked in that hospital bed. Though he’d been cracking jokes, he’d seemed so exhausted and worn down. He was one of the most vivacious and energetic people she knew, and it hurt her heart to see him in such a state.

  “He’s all right. They were able to do the surgery on his leg, and the concussion should resolve itself over the next couple of weeks. He won’t be able to walk on his own for a while though, and he’s going to need some pretty extensive physical therapy.”

  “Wait, he can’t walk? Does that mean he needs a live-in nurse? Please, oh please, tell me you volunteered for the position.”

  Kelsey winced. “Yeah, about that...”

  Becky laughed, “You little hussy! You let me ramble on about my escapades and you’re over there planning your own. We all know you’ll be riding him like a bucking bronco by the time his leg is healed.”

  “I will not!” Kelsey protested, a bit more vehemently than she meant to.

  “Mmhmm, keep telling yourself that. Oh, while he’s there, ask him to let you make a mold of his perfect cock. You can have the molds turned into dildos.”

  “I do not want a dildo of Carlos’s cock!”

  “Ohh so you do plan to sleep with him? Good for you, girl. Get on it.”

  Kelsey sighed, “You are so exasperating.”

  “I think you mean charming. Gotta go, I have some vajayjay bedazzling to do before my gyno appointment tomorrow. Toodles!”

  Kelsey found herself laughing as she hung up the phone. She and Becky had been friends since college. She’d like to say Becky hadn’t always been so crass, but honestly she had. When Kelsey had met her, she’d been a mess actually. Becky’s parents had fought constantly and thrown money at her instead of actually parenting. As a result, her friend had cut them out of her life completely, something that Kelsey knew had been hard for her. It was never easy to come to the realization that your parents didn’t love you like they should. She knew there was more to the story, but it had never felt right to pry further.

  Sighing, Kelsey pulled herself up off of the couch and made her way to her bedroom. As always, the quiet was unsettling. She’d been married so young that she’d never really lived alone and was used to the sounds of someone else moving around in the house. The utter stillness in the house was only broken by her light footsteps on the hardwood. Without Becky on the other line of the phone, loneliness hit Kelsey hard. Nobody told you that divorce was this hard even if it was your choice.

  No, she didn’t want to be with Kyle, but she missed coming home to someone, having a constant companion and someone to curl up with on cold nights. She wondered if she would ever find that for herself again. She was loath to even consider relationships anymore. If she could fall out of love with Kyle—someone she had been so passionate about when she was younger—then she could fall out of love with anyone.

  After brushing her teeth and washing her face, Kelsey crawled into bed. The sheets felt cool against the bare skin of her legs and she shivered, pulling the covers tighter around herself. As she drifted off to sleep she thought about how much louder the house would be with Carlos staying here for a few months. The thought brought a smile to her lips.


  Chapter Three

  The next morning, Kelsey got up early and headed straight to the hospital after a quick shower. Her stomach was a riot of butterflies as she approached Carlos’s hospital room. Though she would never admit it out loud, her body always reacted to the man. If they were in a room together—even a crowded one—her eyes tracked him, constantly aware of his movements. As she approached his room, however, she heard a raised female voice. She was even more surprised to realize that the voice wasn’t that of his awful mother.

  “What the fuck do you mean you don’t remember my name? You were naked in my bed a week ago, and now you can’t remember my goddamn name?”

  She heard the deep rumble of Carlos’s voice as he responded but was unable to make out his reply. Whatever he said caused the girl to make a shrieking sound that was somewhat reminiscent of an enraged harpy.

  “You are a pig, Carlos Ramirez. A disgusting fucking pig. Lose my number.”

  With that, she stormed out of the room, giving Kelsey her first look at Carlos’s latest conquest. The woman was Kelsey’s complete opposite with creamy brown skin, black curly hair, and luscious curves. She felt her stomach clench as an all too familiar wave of jealousy washed over her. She really should be used to his promiscuity by now, but every time she heard about Carlos sleeping around, her stomach dropped.

  The gorgeous woman stormed past Kelsey toward the elevator, mumbling under her breath. Doing her best to mask the hurt she was sure was showing on her face, Kelsey threw her shoulders back and walked into Carlos’s hospital room. He was lying in the small bed, his large frame making it look like it was made for a toddler; his face was tilted toward the ceiling, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose, his expression clearly frustrated.