Needing to Love You (Houston's Finest #2)

by Erin Rylie

  “Are you trying to start a fight with me, little one?”

  In response, James head-butted Carlos again. Her boyfriend laughed and picked him up, bringing James into their little dancing bubble. He kept one hand wrapped around Kelsey’s waist and pushed his head gently against James’s. The giggle her son let out filled her with warmth—she was lucky to have such a sweet child.

  “How about instead of fighting again, we watch Madagascar?”

  James nodded enthusiastically and pushed against Carlos, indicating he wanted to be let down. The minute his feet hit the carpet, he grabbed Carlos’s hand and pulled him to the couch, grabbing the remote along the way. Once Carlos was seated comfortably on the couch, James grabbed Kelsey’s hand and had her sit about two feet away from where he’d placed her boyfriend. That settled, James got up on the couch, sat between the two of them, and handed Kelsey the remote.

  As the movie played, James curled up into Carlos’s side, falling asleep within the first thirty minutes of Madagascar. Carlos laid an arm against the back of the couch and gently played with strands of Kelsey’s hair while the movie continued to run, and Kelsey couldn’t help but think that this should be how she ended every night—curled up on the couch with her son and the man who was slowly taking her heart, piece by piece.

  After the movie, Kelsey picked James up off of the couch and tucked him into bed. When she was standing to leave the room, he opened his eyes, rubbing them with tiny fists. “Mommy, is Carlos going to be your boyfriend?”

  Well then, it appears as though we are having this conversation now.

  Everything she had read told her that she should allow him to give her feedback on the relationship. Most kids harbored hopes of their parents getting back together and were hesitant to accept new partners. If James wasn’t ready for her to date, she would have to keep her relationship with Carlos a secret from James until he was able to come to terms with it.

  “What would you think about Carlos being my boyfriend?”

  Her son shrugged and yawned, closing his eyes again. “I like Carlos, he plays giraffes with me and lets me watch The Discovery Channel.”

  “You don’t mind if I date Carlos?”

  “No, he’s nice. If he isn’t your boyfriend, will he have to go back to his house instead of staying at ours?”

  “Well, he’s only here because he got hurt, honey. He’ll have to go back to his house soon no matter what.”

  “I don’t want him to leave though.”

  “Well, if he’s my boyfriend he’ll come over to eat with us and watch movies with us. Maybe we can even go to the zoo with him.”

  “Will he feed the giraffes with me?”

  “Probably.”

  “Then I think he should be your boyfriend.”

  She kissed him on the forehead. “Okay, bud. Get some sleep now. You have school in the morning.”

  He rolled over, pulling his comforter up to his face, and promptly fell back asleep. When she left his room and cracked the door, she found Carlos leaning against the wall where he had obviously been listening to the entire exchange.

  “You don’t have to look so smug about it.”

  “I’ve never been this excited to have a toddler’s approval. I’ll buy that kid every giraffe toy in existence if it means I get to keep spending time with you.”

  “Please don’t—his entire room is starting to look like a damn giraffe shrine.”

  He kissed her in response and jerked his head in the direction of her room. “Come on. As cute as you look in your onesie, I’ve been dying to strip it off of you all night.”

  “Well, don’t get it dirty, I have to wear it every night this week apparently.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Carlos woke up Monday morning feeling refreshed, hopeful, and ready to return to work. His weekend with Kelsey had been incredible, and he just knew that they were starting something meaningful. He’d never really imagined himself settling down, but with Kelsey, everything seemed right, easy. After putting James to bed and stripping Kelsey out of her ridiculous giraffe onesie, Carlos had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep. He hadn’t realized until morning that he’d never taken his nightly pills, and had instead fallen asleep with a warm woman in his arms and positive thoughts filling his head for the first time in months.

  He got up at five and left Kelsey sleeping soundly in her bed. Before leaving the bedroom, he made sure to scrawl a World War II fact on a scrap piece of paper he found in her bedside table. Grabbing his cane, just in case, he made his way to the shower and got ready for physical therapy. He was expected at the precinct at nine and had a therapy appointment at six. After brewing a fresh pot of coffee, leaving another random fact on the kitchen counter, and packing a quick lunch for James to bring to school, he called an Uber to take him to his appointment.

  Physical therapy was grueling, exhausting, and mentally draining, but he left feeling hopeful. He couldn’t help but connect the lightness he felt today with his burgeoning relationship with Kelsey. She and James made him want to focus on the positive things he had going on in his life.

  Though he left his appointment leaning heavily on his cane, he felt that he’d made progress. For months now, he’d felt as though he would never regain full control of his muscles. It was hard to explain, but the muscles and bones in his leg had somehow felt out of sync, a sensation he’d found terrifying. Today, however, his body had finally felt like his own, his legs moving in sync as he walked on the treadmill, even managing to push himself into a light jog. He would be sore all day because of the extra exertion, but a little soreness was worth the progress he was finally starting to see.

  Rafe picked him up from his therapy session, and together they drove to the precinct. Walking into the locker room and putting on his uniform filled Carlos with a sense of calm he couldn’t describe. He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment longer than was apparently socially acceptable, taking in a sight he wasn’t sure he’d ever see again.

  “Dude, are you tearing up at your own reflection?” Rafe asked loudly enough for their coworkers to hear.

  Carlos faked a sniffle and wiped nonexistent tears from his face. “I’m just so handsome. It’s too much to handle sometimes.”

  Reese, who had been quietly changing a few lockers over, let out a loud snort. “Got something to say over there, man-bun?”

  “I was just thinking that standing next to your pretty-boy partner, you look plain as hell to me.”

  Beside him, Rafe let out a dramatic groan. “Shhhh, Reese. We’ve been successfully letting Carlos believe he was the most attractive officer on the force for years. Don’t ruin all of our hard work.”

  “Letting me—I’m sorry, LETTING ME? Fuck you all, I am glorious.”

  Closing his locker, Carlos stormed out of the locker room and into roll call, plopping into his chair with the most dramatic sigh he could muster. In all honesty, he was nervous as hell about his first day back in months, and a little levity would make the situation easier to bear. He slid into a roll he’d been playing since high school with ease—the class clown. Humor had always been and would always be his number one defense mechanism.

  Organizing the mess of paperwork on his desk into neat piles, he muttered under his breath, cursing his best friend for looking like some cross between a movie star and a professional surfer. When he heard Rafe approach his desk, he looked up at his smirking friend with a glare.

  “You know, my girlfriend says I look like Mario Lopez and Adam Rodriguez’s tall, muscular child. So take that—I’m definitely hotter than you.”

  “Girlfriend, huh? I didn’t know blow-up dolls could talk now.”

  “Ha-ha, very funny. That joke is overused in just about every cheesy movie or sitcom ever made. Do better, Rafe, do better.”

  Rafe held up his hands in a show of submission. “Okay, I’ll bite. Tell me about this girlfriend.”

  In that moment, Carlos realized that Rafe really didn’t know about him and Kelsey. Sho
uld he be worried that Kelsey hadn’t told her best friend Sophie about the new status of their relationship? Hell, he hadn’t texted Rafe about it, so could he really be upset? Truthfully, a full year of rejection from Kelsey combined with the fact that she hadn’t asked him to watch James tomorrow night was fucking with his head. She seemed to be okay with the way things were progressing, but he had a very real fear that she would give up on them at the first sign of trouble. Hell, she’d left her husband, what would stop her from leaving Carlos when he fucked up?

  Yes, he knew he would fuck up—it was inevitable. Years of being single didn’t really help a guy learn how to be a good boyfriend. He knew the basics—be honest, don’t cheat, buy her nice shit for no reason at all. But what would happen when he inevitably said something stupid? He said stupid things on a daily basis—everyone knew he lacked a filter. The question of the hour was this: if things got tough, would she give them a chance to work it out, or would she run for the hills? Not telling her best friends about them didn’t seem like a great sign.

  Instead of letting his doubts consume him, Carlos decided to focus on work and talk to Kelsey later. After all, he’d asked for honesty and transparency from her, he could offer the same.

  “Helllooooo, McFly?” Rafe said, knocking on Carlos’s head in a perfect imitation of Biff from Back to the Future. When Carlos responded by swatting his friend’s hand away, Rafe laughed. “Welcome back, man. Geez, I wasn’t aware you could think that hard.”

  “Sophie didn’t tell you anything about my relationship status? No updates?”

  “Um, why would my wife know anything about your relationships? Unless…wait. You and Kelsey? FINALLY!”

  Despite the growing worry he felt, Carlos smiled. “Yeah, me and Kelsey. Fucking finally.”

  “How did you manage that? Last I heard, she was avoiding you like the plague. While living under the same roof as you. I remember being pretty impressed actually. I’ve been trying to avoid you for years. Do you think she has any tips for me?”

  “Joke all you want, but you’d miss me. You couldn’t last one week without me, just admit it.”

  “Maybe I’ve replaced you. Reese has been pretty fun to partner with over the last few months.”

  From the desk in front of Carlos, Reese piped up without turning around. “Don’t worry, Carlos. Your bromance is definitely intact. Rafe talks about you multiple times a day. He’s usually telling stories about the dumb shit you’ve done though.”

  “Dumb shit like what?”

  “Getting lost at the rodeo, trying to pull your gun out of its holster without unclipping it, getting kicked out of Walmart for trying to race kids’ bikes around the store.”

  “Trying? I didn’t try to race a kid’s bike. I successfully kicked Rafe’s ass.”

  “I wasn’t racing you, Carlos! I was trying to catch you so we could pay for our shit and fucking leave!”

  Carlos shrugged. “You still lost.”

  A booming voice echoed through roll call, breaking up their discussion. “I wasn’t aware I was paying you two to gab like schoolgirls. Get your asses to work, Ramirez and Pierce.”

  Saluting his boss and turning back to his desk, Carlos smiled. It was good to be back, even if he was stuck doing paperwork for the next few weeks.

  Monday and Tuesday passed without much fanfare, the hours blurring as he completed and filed case after case. Since Carlos wasn’t making any arrests, he spent his days reading over case files, making sure everything was in order, and then filing them. He could’ve passed the filing on to a clerk, but the best way to get through the monotonous day was to keep busy. As boring as it was, filing kept him busy. It also kept him off of his ass and on his feet. Despite the fact that his hip and leg hurt, working the muscles felt good. He needed the exercise to keep him sane.

  By the end of the day Tuesday, Carlos needed a drink. With Kelsey out of the house and Becky watching James, he decided a night with Rafe was in order. They hadn’t had a guy’s night since the baby was born. Unfortunately for him, he wouldn’t be getting a real guy’s night tonight. After clocking out and grabbing a case of beer from a gas station near the precinct, he hopped into Rafe’s minivan.

  His friend glanced down at the case of beer and winced. “I may have misled you about this ‘guy’s night.’ When I said a chill night in, what I really meant was a chill night in with Ella. Surprise!”

  Carlos groaned. “So I just bought a case of beer that you won’t be drinking with me?”

  “More beer for you!”

  “I’m sure you’d love to get me drunk and take advantage of me, but I’m not that kind of gal, Rafey-poo. Just because you’re one half of Houston’s Finest doesn’t mean you’re getting into my panties after a couple of drinks.”

  “I’m not just one half of Houston’s Finest, I’m the better-looking half, remember?”

  “Yeah, okay. I’ll let you think that. You’re already starting to slip into the dad bod.” Carlos reached across the center console of the van and pinched Rafe’s stomach. His friend smirked and removed one hand from the steering wheel to lift his shirt, revealing a toned six-pack.

  “I think I’m good, bud. So tell me more about you and Kelsey. Are you fuck buddies?”

  “Nope. It’s the real deal—I’ve got that shit locked down.”

  “Tread lightly there, Carlos. From everything Sophie has told me, her divorce messed her up pretty badly. She’s somehow managed to convince herself that she can’t stay in love. She blames herself for her marriage falling apart.”

  “I do wish she’d open up to me more. I know that things with Kyle were rough those first few months, but she doesn’t ever talk about it. I made her promise to give us a real shot, but I can tell she isn’t giving this her all. I mean, we’ve only been dating for like four days, but isn’t this the part of the relationship where you learn everything you can about each other? Anytime I try to push for a deeper conversation, she shies away or changes the subject. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the way she distracts me, but I also want to hear more about her divorce. It’s crazy—she was more candid with me the first night we met than she’s been since we’ve lived together.”

  “From what Sophie’s told me, that’s how Kelsey has always been. Soph was telling me that they actually had a pretty big fight a few years ago because Kelsey just bottles everything up until she can’t hold it in anymore.”

  Carlos scrubbed a hand down his face and let loose a heavy sigh, slouching into the car seat. “Of course I had to pick the world’s most complicated woman to fall for.”

  “Have you? Fallen for her I mean?”

  “I mean, I’m not sure I can really be in love with someone who can’t open up to me. When I look at her though, I can see a future with her. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. I may not know every detail of her past, but I know her quirks; I know that she’s an incredible mother and a hard worker. I know that it’s hard for her to let someone take care of her, that she always feels like she needs to do everything for herself.”

  I know what she sounds like when she comes, and I’ve mapped out every square inch of her beautiful body. I know that when she’s around I’m truly happy and don’t focus on my injury and the stress and pain that comes with it. Yes, I’ve fallen, but I think I did it alone.

  Not really wanting to talk about it anymore, he deflected using humor. “Wow, what’s happened to us? Next you’re going to tell me you have face masks and nail polish for us to use.”

  “Don’t knock face masks until you try them, dude. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any wrinkles.”

  “Married life has changed you.” Despite his big talk, he pulled down the visor, taking in his appearance in the small mirror. He smoothed his hand over his forehead, unable to get rid of the wrinkles he saw there.

  Shit, are those crow’s feet?

  “So, uh, face masks, huh? Got any of those at your place?”

  Rafe pulled his van to a stop, maneuvering the unne
cessarily large vehicle into a small parking space in the garage of his building. “Worried about those wrinkles, are ya?”

  “Fuck off, nobody wants to age like Brendan Frasier.”

  Rafe laughed, “Yeah, I think we can find something in the apartment.”

  “Is Ella sleeping through movies these days? Maybe movies with some music in them?”

  His best friend narrowed his eyes. “Movies like The Greatest Showman?”

  Carlos shrugged. “If it happened to be on TV, I wouldn’t look away, I guess.”

  Rafe heaved a heavy sigh. “Let’s just call this what it is. We are about to hang out with a baby, use face products, and watch a fucking musical. We’re having a girl’s night.”

  “We have beer, not wine. That definitely makes this a bro night.”

  “If you start singing along to the movie though, I’m taking your man card.”

  “That’s not fair—those songs are catchy.”

  In lieu of a response, Rafe got out of the van and closed the door on Carlos who then proceeded to belt out the lyrics to “The Other Side” as they walked to Rafe’s apartment.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kelsey learned very quickly that she liked Marissa. Her ex-husband’s new girlfriend was funny, with a hilarious self-deprecating sense of humor, and just generally a kind and interesting person. They both shared a love of Jay Kristoff and Hugh Jackman, those sexy Australian bastards, and she found that it was easy to feel comfortable around Marissa. In fact, Kelsey hadn’t randomly blurted out a single fact all night. Kelsey’s favorite thing about Marissa, though? The obvious way she made Kyle happy.

  Over the last few days, Kelsey had been thinking back on her relationship with Kyle, trying again to figure out where things went wrong. She’d spent so much time placing the blame on herself that she hadn’t really looked at their relationship clearly. Sure, she and her ex-husband had been friends—best friends even. However, they’d never shared the ease that Kyle now had with Marissa.