Needing to Love You (Houston's Finest #2)

by Erin Rylie

  I got promoted at work today. I’ve always had this habit of focusing on the negative aspects about my job, but when they were offering me the promotion, they mentioned how great I am with customers and I realized that I needed to focus on the things I liked about my career instead. I’ll be a customer service manager now and I still get to work from home. It’s a pretty sweet deal, honestly. I’ll be working more often so I may have to hire a nanny a few days a week, but I’m excited about the new opportunity.

  You know what? Today’s email is going to be a two-for-one kind of deal. The minute I got off the phone with my boss I wanted to call you. I guess the whole thing didn’t feel real until I told you about it. That says something, doesn’t it? You’re the person I want to share all of my triumphs with. I don’t know if that’s something I would be able to admit to your face just yet, but it feels nice to type it out. You’re my person.

  Yours,

  Kelsey

  * * *

  From: carlosramirez1987@icloud.com

  To: kbyrne@aol.com

  Subject: 30 Days Sober

  Today at 8:13 p.m.

  Kelsey,

  Today I got a one-month-sober plastic red chip from NA. It probably costs pennies to manufacture, but I think it might be my most prized possession at this moment. I have a one-day-sober chip that I got after my first meeting, but that just felt like a starting place. This one means something, you know? It means that I’ve stuck it out for thirty whole days. They weren’t easy and I wanted to take a pill and feel my worries slip away on more than one occasion, but I did it. I can do this. Even better? I want to do this. It’s a pretty wonderful feeling.

  I miss you every single moment of every single day,

  Carlos

  * * *

  P.S. Seahorses are monogamous and even hold tails on occasion. This fact made me realize how much I want to hold your hand. Such a simple thing, but I want it more than I can say.

  * * *

  From: kbyrne@aol.com

  To: carlosramirez1987@icloud.com

  Subject: Short and Sweet

  Today at 7:42 p.m.

  Carlos,

  Today was pretty uneventful so this email will be short and to the point. I was eating dinner tonight with James and we were talking about his latest obsession (meerkats) when I realized that something was missing. YOU. I missed you today. I miss you every day.

  I know it might sound stupid to miss someone that you live twenty minutes away from, but I really think that this email thing is working, don’t you? That first email felt almost impossible to write, but they get easier each time. This feels like the start of something. I hope you agree.

  Yours,

  Kelsey

  * * *

  From: carlosramirez1987@icloud.com

  To: kbyrne@aol.com

  Subject: Re: Short and Sweet

  Today at 8:15 p.m.

  Kelsey,

  I couldn’t go to sleep without responding to your email. You know how much I miss you. I want to get in my car right now and drive to your house just so that I can hold you for five minutes. Two whole months without seeing you has been fucking brutal. But you’re right—this is working for us. I need to work on myself, and you need to do the same.

  This does feel like the start of something. It feels like the start of our life together. Maybe that’s presumptuous, but this honesty thing really is getting easier every day. And you’re it for me. You are my end goal.

  Love,

  Carlos

  * * *

  From: kbyrne@aol.com

  To: carlosramirez1987@icloud.com

  Subject: 3 Months

  Today at 7:58 a.m.

  Carlos,

  It’s been three months of emails. Three whole months of complete and open honesty. Last night at cult classic night with the girls, I opened up to them. It was a small step in the right direction, but I told them about our breakup. I told them what really happened, and even better, I told them how I felt about that. And about you.

  I realized something while I was talking to them though. I want to tell YOU how I’m feeling. And I want to do that in person. So what do you think?

  Kelsey

  * * *

  P.S. I know you’re trying not to hide behind your humor anymore, but I want my goofball back. Think you can bring him with you when we meet?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Carlos was nervous. Not regular, manageable nervous, but the sweat-inducing kind. He could just see it now: Kelsey would walk into the restaurant, see his sweat-covered face, and back out slowly. Nobody wanted to tell some sweat monster about their feelings.

  Get your shit together. You’re Carlos Fucking Ramirez.

  He wiped his hands on his dress pants and took a deep gulp of water. He’d gotten here early in anticipation of this freak-out. Being a more open person had perks—he felt lighter and genuinely happy. He’d always been great at faking happy. Actually feeling it was new to him, and he found that he liked it.

  Just as he was about to signal the waiter for more water, Kelsey walked into the restaurant and it felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room—hell, not just out of the room, out of the whole fucking world. He’d been flipping through pictures of their time together every night since they’d broken up, but none of them did her justice. Seeing her in person was like taking a deep breath after minutes underwater. It was overwhelming and life-giving all at once.

  He stood without thinking and walked across the restaurant to meet her, too impatient to wait for her to get to him. Without a single word spoken, he picked her up in his arms and breathed her in, her familiar scent soothing something ragged within him.

  She laughed when he started to spin her around, unable to contain his joy. “Carlos,” she chastised with no heat, “we’re in public. People are looking.”

  “Fuck them.”

  “That sounds like a lot of legwork for me.”

  He let out a full laugh that only she was able to pull from him and tightened his grip on her. His arms were wrapped around her waist and he left them there, unable to stop touching her.

  “Are you going to let me go so we can sit down?”

  “Nope,” he replied, popping the “p.”

  “Well, we can’t just stand in the middle of the restaurant. I’m hungry, and I’m wearing a dress. Unless you want me to flash a bunch of strangers you need to put me down.”

  Was she wearing a dress? He honestly hadn’t noticed, too intent on studying every inch of her gorgeous face. In reply, he scooped her into a fireman’s carry and walked to their table, setting her down into her seat and grabbing her hand so that he didn’t have to let go of her completely.

  “You are the most ridiculous man I’ve ever met.”

  “Ummm, you asked for your goofball back. Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

  The waiter chose that moment to return to the table, taking Kelsey’s drink order. Carlos didn’t take his eyes off of her for even one moment.

  Fuck, it’s good to see her again.

  “No drink for you, Carlos?”

  “Nah, I’m not really a big drinker anymore. I’ll stick to water.”

  When their server left to fill Kelsey’s drink order, she looked down at her menu. “Wow, everything looks great. What are you going to order?”

  His heart sunk irrationally. Was she shutting him out already? He felt that familiar shield taking him over, his fake persona sliding into place.

  “What I want isn’t on the menu, sweetheart,” he replied, throwing in a wink for good measure.

  Kelsey sighed. “We didn’t even make it five minutes before sliding into old habits.”

  “This is infinitely harder without a computer in front of me.”

  She pulled out her phone, thumbs moving quickly over the screen as a slow smile slipped onto her face. When she set her phone back on the table, he felt his own vibrate in his pocket. Immediately, he pulled it out and checked the screen, laughing when h
e read her message.

  Kelsey: Today’s truth is that I’m nervous as hell right now.

  Carlos: Thank goodness. I’m really testing my deodorant’s strength right now.

  Kelsey snorted out a laugh, and it broke the tension. He sighed in relief; she wasn’t intentionally shutting him out, she was nervous. She couldn’t possibly be as damn nervous as he was, but it calmed him to know that she wasn’t as composed as she seemed.

  “Let’s start small. Tell me a small truth about your day.”

  Kelsey pondered for a moment, toying with the stem of the wine glass their server had dropped off without him noticing. “I spent almost three hours getting ready today. James actually helped me pick my outfit.”

  “Ahhh recruiting a four-year-old for his fashion sense? How many times did he make you try on the giraffe onesie?”

  “Only about five times. Not bad over the span of three hours, honestly. Your turn. Give it to me, buddy.”

  “That’s what she said? Nope, too obvious, I can do better. Let’s come back to that one.”

  The laugh that escaped her soothed him. Shit, it was amazing to hear her laughter again. Was there any better feeling in the world than the rush he felt when he made the woman he loved laugh? He thought not.

  “I have a stupidly embarrassing collection of toy and stuffed giraffes in my apartment. Every time I see something James would like, I buy it. Unfortunately for me, Facebook’s creepy data-mining shit means that I get adds for giraffe stuff all the damn time.”

  “You should keep them at your place, it’ll give James something to play with when we visit.”

  “When? You plan to visit?”

  “Well, yeah, you dumbass. I think he might miss you more than I do.”

  “Ouch, a four-year-old loves me more than you do.” The minute the word love left his mouth he had to fight a cringe. The last time he’d said that word to her in person, she’d shut him out. Instead of reacting the way he expected, she shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips.

  “Not possible,” she said, so quietly he almost missed it.

  Carlos swore his heart stopped beating in his chest at the implication of what she was saying. Did Kelsey love him? He hoped she did. He’d fallen more in love with her with every single email exchanged between them.

  Kelsey didn’t get the chance to elaborate, however, because their waiter returned to take their order. Poor kid was probably starting to get impatient—they’d been sitting at the table in the middle of the dinner rush talking for at least thirty minutes. Carlos still hadn’t read over the menu, so he ordered the first thing he laid eyes on, eager to return to their conversation.

  The rest of their meal passed in a rush. They spent their time together catching up on things that they hadn’t discussed in their emails, and Carlos felt lighter with every word spoken between them. After he’d paid the bill, he walked her to her car, dreading the end of their time together.

  She stopped in front of her vehicle, playing with her keys in her hands. She toyed with them for what felt like forever before looking up and meeting his gaze.

  “Want to go back to your place? I have some things I want to tell you in private.”

  “Ohhh, trying to get me naked, Byrne? On the first date?”

  She scoffed, “This is hardly our first date.”

  He shrugged. “That’s how I see it. This is the first date in our new and improved relationship.”

  “New and improved, huh? Does that mean the sex will be better this time around?”

  “You and I both know that sex with me can’t get any better. It’s as near perfection as sexual activity can get.”

  “Ahhh, there’s the Carlos I know and love.”

  “I—wait. You know and what?”

  Kelsey made a big show of heaving a sigh. “I wanted to say it for the first time in private, but I suppose the parking lot of a restaurant is equally romantic.”

  She reached up and took his face in her hands, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “I love you, Carlos.”

  When she opened her mouth to say more, he slammed his lips down on hers, kissing her the way he’d wanted to for months. He got so hard so quickly that he felt a little lightheaded. He could never imagine not wanting this woman with an unrivaled passion. Kelsey broke their kiss abruptly, gasping for breath.

  “Your place, now.”

  With a Herculean effort, he took a step back and saluted. “Yes ma’am. Should I strip in my car or wait until we get there.”

  “Are you honestly considering driving home naked?”

  He shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

  “I don’t want to know. Just get your ass to your apartment so I can ravish you.”

  He planted a quick kiss on her lips and ran for his car, her laughter following him as he went.

  Chapter 23

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  “James, Carlos, time for dinner!”

  “But Moooooom, Carlos and I are being meerkats!”

  “Meerkats need to eat too, little one.”

  She heard two groans, one childlike and one from a grown ass man, and stifled a smirk. The two of them were so ridiculous it was endearing. In the three months since she and Carlos had officially gotten back together, James and Carlos had been inseparable. Next week, she and Carlos were surprising James with a trip to the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Murchison—a wildlife sanctuary with a thousand different animals. She couldn’t wait to see her son’s face light up when he realized where they were headed. The entire trip had been Carlos’s idea.

  Things were incredible—near perfect, really. She and Carlos had kept up the one-truth-per-day tradition. It wasn’t always easy, and they both still struggled with the more emotional aspects of things, but they were getting better every day of being open with one another. Carlos still lived in his own apartment, but Kelsey could absolutely imagine him sharing a home with her and James. Not anytime soon, but it was definitely something she wanted for them in the future.

  “—and meerkats eat beetles and bugs and sometimes birds. I don’t think I could eat like a meerkat for a week. It sounds yucky.”

  She heard her son screaming and giggling and looked behind her. Carlos had picked him up and was tickling him relentlessly. “You don’t like eating beetles? We could season them, maybe put some salt on them?”

  “Nooooooooo,” James howled, still laughing.

  “What about snails? They look nice and gooey.”

  “Gross! I’ll never eat a snail.”

  “Well, then I guess you aren’t a meerkat.”

  Trying to catch his breath after laughing so hard, James wore a considering look. “Maybe we can go back to being giraffes. Then we can eat Jolly Ranchers every day!”

  Kelsey set a plate on the table and pointed at Carlos and then his chair. “Well, tonight you two are eating like humans. I made chicken Alfredo, and giraffes don’t eat that.”

  “Come on, bud, let’s eat like people tonight. Maybe we can eat like giraffes tomorrow?”

  James heaved a heavy sigh, like eating meat was the greatest travesty in his little life. “Okaaaaay.”

  A few hours later after Carlos had given James a bath and put him to bed, he walked into Kelsey’s room and flopped down face first on her bed.

  “I love that little guy, but having kids is exhausting.”

  “He’s already four, you missed the hectic years. Just wait until we have more kids; they really give you a run for their money when they’re two.”

  “Oh, are we having kids now?”

  She shrugged, her cheeks heating. “I mean, yeah, I assumed we would at some point.”

  He crawled up the bed, a predatory gleam in his eyes. “I think we should start practicing now. That way when we’re ready to try, we know what we’re doing.”

  “Are you so inexperienced that you need practice?”

  “I’m terrible in bed. I need to practice at least twice a day until I improve.”

 
; “Well, then, we better get started.”

  They stripped off each other’s clothes slowly, tenderly. She took her time lifting his shirt over his head, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Carlos’s chest as she did. When his shirt and pants were on the floor, he kissed her lovingly, teasing her tongue with his. By the time he slid into her, she was aching for him.

  Carlos pumped into her languidly, taking his time as he loved her. She lifted her hips in time to his thrusts, wrapping her legs around his waist in an effort to urge him to move faster. He maintained his slow pace and moved his hand down to rub her clit in slow circles, building her climax with excruciating slowness.

  He pulled his head back and locked their gazes. “I love you, Kelsey. I love you more every single day.”

  “Carlos,” she gasped, holding back a moan when he started to quicken his pace. “I love you, too. I love our lives together.”

  They came together in one of the most explosive orgasms she’d ever had. Later, as they lay in bed, still damp with sweat from round two, Kelsey rested her head on Carlos’s chest over his heart, sighing in contentment.

  “You know, I’m going to marry you someday,” Carlos said, kissing her tenderly on the forehead.