Hi. Marry Me

by Kimberley Taylor

  “I’m using my chair as a chair.”

  “I’m using my chair as a bed. It’s fine,” said Diana. “Come on! We’re talking over one of the best parts. Harrison Ford’s wondering where his wife is again…”

  They decided to let their argument be while they finished the rest of the thrilling movie, but each privately bookmarked the argument to be returned to later. Each was certain that theirs was the best way to use a chair, and neither thought that this wasn't an argument worth having.

  “So,” Diana said, as the movie was ending, “Was that not the best two hours of your life?”

  “I could watch Tommy Lee Jones and Harrison Ford glare menacingly at each other every day for the rest of my life,” said Tony.

  “Iconic,” said Diana. “It gets better every time I watch it. I literally know everything that’s about to happen, but I hold my breath and feel the electricity every single time. I can see why you picked it.”

  “I’m glad it happened to also be a favorite of yours. If you hadn’t taken to it, I might have asked for a divorce.”

  Diana threw a piece of popcorn at him.

  “That would be awful for your company,” she said quietly. “We’re stuck in this marriage, for now,” she said.

  “Do you feel stuck?” asked Tony, looking at Diana with surprise.

  “Not at all,” said Diana, after a moment’s reflection. “It’s been an odd time, but I feel like we’re doing well, don’t you?”

  “I think so,” said Tony. “It’s a relief for many reasons that you won’t be asking for a divorce.”

  “I wasn’t the one joking about it, you were. And you’ll find that my open-mindedness when it comes to movies and how you think about them is far more open, if you will. I don’t particularly care if you like or hate Iron Man 3. I just want you to sit through the entire thing.”

  “All ninety minutes of it?”

  “The wonderfulness of the film does not necessarily depend upon its length.”

  “It might in this case.”

  Diana rolled her eyes at him. “Are you that sure that you’re going to hate this movie? Because I guarantee you that you’re going to laugh at some point. It’s hysterical. You basically don’t have a soul if you don’t at least smile or chuckle during it.”

  “So you’re setting up a situation in which I either enjoy this terrible movie or I am a soulless demon?”

  “I’m not saying you have to enjoy all of it. Just the parts that are genuinely adorable and funny. And not having a soul doesn’t make you a demon.”

  “Right,” said Tony. “We can debate the finer points of theology later. We should get this one started,” he said, with a yawn. “As comfortable as these chairs are, I’d really rather not sleep in mine tonight.”

  “Fine, fine,” said Diana. “Although you’ll find that if you actually recline the chair, it’s quite comfortable—”

  “I’m sitting in this chair the way I want to be sitting in this chair,” said Tony. “Come on, call it up on the app and press play.”

  Diana queued up the movie. The credits rolled and the film began to play. Diana began to watch the movie—but more so, she was watching Tony watch the movie. She stared at him, watching his muscles twitch.

  Halfway through the movie, Tony turned to Diana. “You’re going to have to stop doing that,” he said irritably. “I’m not able to enjoy this movie because you’re staring at me.”

  “But I have to be able to tell if you’re enjoying the movie or not.”

  “How about you stop staring at me and I’ll let you know at the end whether I enjoyed it?”

  “Will you lie?”

  Tony looked at her oddly. “Why would I?”

  Diana raised an eyebrow at him, but then was quiet for the rest of the movie. Once it ended, Tony turned to Diana. “Okay, that was cheesy and objectively bad, but I did enjoy it.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “What, you want details?”

  “Yes.” Diana looked up at him and waited.

  “I enjoyed it because I was watching it with the most beautiful woman in the room.”

  “Ha,” said Diana. “You’re hilarious.”

  “I’m telling the truth.”

  “Keep layering on the flattery and you might just get lucky one of these nights,” said Diana, half-joking.

  Tony looked right at her.

  Diana pretended not to see this. She yawned and looked at her watch. She didn’t have a watch. She rolled her eyes. “I think I’m tired,” she said. “Time for bed.”

  “Yeah,” said Tony. “I think I’ll come up, too.” It was past midnight. Their double feature had taken several hours, not even counting the many times that they'd paused the movies to chat about what was happening on-screen—and off it.

  Diana began to head up the stairs, and then whirled around to look at Tony. “One thing you actually liked about Iron Man 3,” she said. “One concrete thing.”

  “Pepper Potts.”

  “Wow, wrong answer.”

  “The CGI work. State of the art.”

  “Zero for two.”

  “Tony Stark’s impeccable comedic dialogue and timing.”

  “Bingo,” she said, smiling. And then Diana leaned down and wrapped her arms around Tony’s neck and kissed him.

  After a minute, they pulled apart. Tony blinked several times. Diana took one of his hands and began to walk upstairs.

  Chapter 11

  The sun had already been shining through the diamond-paned windows for several hours before Diana rolled to one side, saw her husband still sleeping on next to her, and then rolled to the other side. Her first thought regarded the reason she'd been awakened. She wondered why she wasn't still asleep. She rather wished that she was.

  That was easily fixed. Diana looked out the window and smiled. She couldn't believe that this was the shape that her life was beginning to take. She smiled sleepily, and then she frowned. Her second thought had arrived. What had happened last night? She remembered watching the two movies and snarking at each other about that. She remembered popcorn and a dark room.

  After that…

  Diana gulped. She started counting the days in her head. A one-night stand—with her husband—well, whatever it was—that was one thing. And she wasn’t terribly worried about pregnancy. She knew that—scientifically speaking—there were only a few days a month during which it was possible to get pregnant.

  She was just worried that of all of the days for her and her husband to decide to fall into bed together—in a very unplanned way—was one of those few days.

  She forced herself to relax. There was no way. People struggled for years to get pregnant—including several of her friends. She wasn’t going to be that girl who got pregnant the first time. That was the stuff of legends, she thought queasily. No, she was just going to ignore that possibility and go back to sleep.

  And back to sleep she did go. On the whole, she thought as she drifted off, she thought that her very favorite thing in the entire world might be a good night’s sleep followed by a solid sun-dappled nap. She thought that there was a good chance that it might cure every ache or ill that the world offered. She smiled, snuggled into her cool pillow, dragged the blanket over her, and fell back to sleep.

  *****

  A FEW WEEKS LATER

  “Did we get her anything? I never saw a registry. When she thanks us for the present we got her, I’d like to know whether it was a toaster or a night in a hotel in Malibu.”

  “That was oddly specific,” Diana said as she tied the halter top of her bridesmaids’ dress behind her neck. She fumbled the knot and her dress slipped; she hastily pulled it back up and worked on the bow again. She turned. “Tony, can you come here and help me with my dress? I need there to be a knot back here where my fingers are.”

  “Of course, milady,” Tony said mildly. He walked over and tied the required bow. He dropped a quick kiss on his wife’s c
heek, and then said. “Hey, but—the gift?”

  “Oh, I don’t really know,” Diana said mildly. “I’m a bridesmaid, right? So I’ve gotten her a lot of different gifts over the past months—one of them was probably her wedding gift.” Diana racked her brain. “Oh, yeah, I got them a set of silk pillowcases, she really wanted them for her hair.”

  “And his?”

  “Sure, although I think that was likely lower on the priority list, honestly,” said Diana.

  “Why are silk pillowcases good for hair, anyway?”

  “Lower chance of breakages or something,” Diana said absently. “There,” she said, standing up, putting the last traces of blush on her cheeks. “How do I look?”

  “I am the wrong person to ask that question, Diana,” said Tony. “I always think you look ridiculously gorgeous.”

  “Okay, rephrasing,” said Diana. “Look at me. Is everything symmetrical? Does it seem like there are any bumps or creases in places where they look odd? Is my makeup too heavy or obvious?”

  “No, no, and no,” said Tony. “You look beautiful, and you’re going to do just fine.”

  “Of course I’m going to do fine,” said Diana. “I’m a bridesmaid. All I really have to do is walk up and down in a straight line.”

  “Joy’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be a fantastic day. You’ve worked really hard and been there two hundred percent for your friend, and I can’t wait to see you up there and then dance at the reception with you. It’ll be fantastic.”

  “Sounds good, sounds good.” Diana grinned at Tony, and then gave him a kiss. “Thanks for being so supportive through all of this.”

  “I wouldn’t have been anywhere else, by anyone else’s side. Now, go! You’ve got to be there early, and you’ve got to pick everyone else up on the way.”

  “True. Thanks for lending the car service, by the way.”

  “Seemed appropriate,” said Tony, grinning. “I’ll be along in about an hour or so. I’ll see you when I see you.”

  “Thanks so much, Tony,” said Diana. She went to the door, and then turned to look at Tony in his jacket and tie. “You look fantastic as well.”

  Tony smiled. “I do, don’t I?”

  Diana smacked him and then went down the stairs. She picked up her tiny bridesmaid purse, which had just her phone and some chapstick in it, and then stepped out the front door, wearing flip-flops and carrying her stilettos by their heels. The limo was idling out front. The driver walked back to open the door for her. She smiled at him and thanked him, then ducked into the car.

  She had the limo swing by the homes of the other bridesmaids before looping up to pick up the bride herself, who had gotten ready in the comfort of her home. They then all toasted to her health and happiness with copious amounts of champagne and prepared to jet to the venue, which was a gorgeous little park in the middle of downtown. The bride wore a swooping white dress and the bridesmaids were clad in little black dresses, ones that the bride had generously let them pick out, so that they all looked good in styles they knew worked for them and could be worn again.

  The ceremony was well attended and simple. The bride and groom said their vows under a white trellis with roses woven all around it. Their vows were classic and said like they meant it, and the mothers both cried. At the end, Diana flung her arms around Joy’s neck. “That was the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever seen,” she said. Then she turned to Simon, Joy’s new husband. “Welcome to the family, Simon,” she said. “You’re an honorary brother of mine, now.”

  “Nice to meet you sister,” he said, smiling. Diana grinned, and then looked at her watch. She still didn’t have one. Then she wove through the crowd to find her husband. She found him standing near the back with his hands in his pockets leaning against a tree.

  “Have you said hello to anyone?”

  “Yes, of course I have,” Tony said. “I spoke to the gardener of the park and a lovely old couple from Boston—”

  “Have you introduced yourself to anyone? Do any of my friends know who you are as of yet?”

  “I don’t think so,” said Tony. “Is that a bad thing?”

  “No,” said Diana. “Because now I get to introduce you to my friends. Come on!”

  “Whoa,” said Tony, pulling her back. “Wait. I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of commitment as of yet.”

  “What, meeting my friends?”

  “Yeah, that’s a huge step, isn’t it?”

  Diana stopped to look at him. “Are you serious? We’re married.”

  Tony laughed. “No. I’m the least serious I’ve ever been, probably. I’d love to meet them, where are they at?”

  Diana shook her head. “They’re all at the front taking pictures, come on.”

  Tony followed obligingly.

  Diana went back to her group of friends and took pictures with the bride and the groom and everyone. Joy pulled her in for a hug and whispered in her ear. “The tall one—standing in the back, there, in the really good suit. That’s your husband?”

  Diana nodded.

  “You did well,” said Joy.

  “I rather think we both did,” said Diana.

  “Oh, yeah,” said Joy. “He’s a ridiculously lucky man.”

  The two women smiled at each other and went arm in arm to meet Diana’s husband.

  “Hello,” said Joy.

  “Hi,” said Tony. “You look gorgeous today; this is one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve ever been to, in fact.”

  “Did you and Diana rehearse your lines? You both said the same thing,” said Joy, laughing.

  “No, it was just an honestly beautiful wedding,” Tony said. “I’m so happy for you. Congratulations. Diana told me that you mean the world to her, and I’m glad you two have each other.”

  “Diana means the world to me as well, and I'm so happy we’ve gotten married at right around the same time—we can be each other’s married friends, now,” said Joy. “Now, are you coming to the reception?”

  “If you’ll have me,” said Tony.

  “I’ll see you on the dance floor, then,” said Joy. “I look forward to getting to know you better, Tony!”

  “Well, she’s a delight,” said Tony to Diana after Joy walked away.

  “She truly is,” said Diana honestly. “I can’t imagine my life without her.”

  “I don’t think you’ll have to,” said Tony reasonably.

  “And a good thing, too,” said Diana fervently. “Well—I suppose I’ll see you at the wedding?”

  “You riding over with the bridesmaids?”

  “Yeah, we have an entrance planned. You’ll be sitting with us up at the head table, though.”

  “Oh, fantastic. All eyes on us, eh?”

  “Not so much, everyone will be looking at Joy and Simon, and then getting brilliantly drunk before the first course is served.”

  “It’s what weddings are for, really,” said Tony. “I’ll see you over there.”

  “See you.” Diana kissed Tony on the cheek and then ran over to the other bevy of ladies in little black dresses.

  They both found themselves at the reception, which was taking place in an old movie theater. The bridal party and significant others sat at a high table on what had been the old stage. There were delicious dishes of roast beef and chicken and mashed potatoes and green beans, followed by the apple pie; which both the bride and groom had insisted substitute any sort of cake for their wedding. The dancing started early and lasted for a very long time. At one point they began to play a dance sort of game wherein all of the married couples were called to the floor, and the married couples were dismissed in order of how long they'd been married. Joy and Simon were the very first to leave, only dancing for a few seconds; but when the DJ called for all couples to leave the dance floor who had only been married for less than one year, Diana and Tony left very quickly.

  “Are you not a dancer?” asked Diana when she noticed To
ny looked relieved.

  “It’s not my favorite thing in the entire world,” Tony admitted.

  “Well, you’re good at it,” said Diana.

  “Thanks, I suppose,” Tony said. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Gin and tonic, please,” said Diana.

  “I’ll make that two, and be back in just a minute,” said Tony.

  “Thanks,” she said, and watched him walk off.

  The rest of the wedding was as fun and beautiful as the first half had been, and at the end the entire party saw the happy and tired bride and groom off with a roomful of sparklers. Diana hugged her friends goodbye, and she and Tony poured themselves back into their limo.

  “Are they going on a honeymoon?” asked Tony.

  “Yes,” said Diana. “They’re going to Italy. I hear Simon’s really into pasta and wine.”

  “I mean, who isn’t,” said Tony.

  “True, true,” said Diana. “They are two of life’s finest and simplest pleasures.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” said Tony.

  Diana was silent for a moment.

  “We should go on a honeymoon,” she said, after a minute of thinking.

  Tony looked over at her. “Okay, then,” he said.

  She smiled. “It’s that simple?”

  “Perhaps. Depends. If you just want to go on a honeymoon at that restaurant—” Tony pointed at a place they were passing— “then it’s the simplest thing in the world.”

  Diana thought about it. “Italy seems nice.”

  “Then we’ll go to Italy.”

  “But I think where I’d really like to go is somewhere with—I don’t know—less that I know about it? So it seems more adventuresome?”

  “Italy wouldn’t be adventuresome for you?”

  “No, it totally would be. But wouldn’t it be fantastic to go to Morocco and explore the cobblestone back alleys and try all of the different spices they have over there?”

  “It would be,” Tony allowed. “Or we could hop on down to Disney World and run through the World Showcase and find all of the countries at once, hey?”