Suffocating Secrets

by E A Owen

  Mary looked so vibrant the last few years. Instead of aging, I swear she looked younger—must be all that sleep she gets. It does wonders. “Drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep” was what she told people who wanted to know her secret. She was in her sixties, but looked like she was in her forties. She must have found the fountain of youth. I would never say this to my mom, but they looked like they could be sisters. No joke.

  “Good morning, Grandma,” I said as I opened the door.

  “Good morning, Trevor. By chance, can I steal a cup of coffee? My coffeemaker crapped out on me,” Mary mumbled, sounding a little under the weather, as she pushed through the door like a zombie.

  “I’ll make a fresh pot for us, nice and strong,” I replied as Mary followed me into the kitchen.

  “Oh, Trevor. You are a lifesaver. By the way, how was your date with Amber? Did you finally meet her?”

  “She cancelled on me again, but, at least this time, she came clean.”

  “Came clean about what?”

  “The lies and why she was always so busy and why we couldn’t meet. Come to find out, she was too nervous to show her face, since she pretended to be someone else.”

  “Why would someone do that? Eventually you would find out.”

  “Exactly. The worst part is she called me ignorant and superficial!”

  “Seriously? She’s the one pretending to be someone else for six months and wasting your time.”

  “I know. She’s just insecure and upset that I didn’t want to meet her anymore and ended the nonsense. She seemed nice and all, but it’s kind of hard to start off a relationship with lies—hard to trust someone after that.”

  “I agree. You’ll find someone, Trevor. Don’t give up just because of one woman’s ignorance.”

  “But what scares me the most, Grandma, is when do I divulge who Julia really is? Reality is that it could be a deal breaker,” I said as I lowered my head in shame.

  “That’s really none of their business. You didn’t know. No one knew. You have to let that go and forgive yourself, Trevor.”

  “Grandma, I can’t hide from it like it never happened. Maybe facing my demons and truly forgiving myself is when I’ll trust the person I decide to share my life with—a deep dark secret that could destroy me. Maybe that’s the liberation I truly need to move on from this. That’s why I’ve waited so long to date anyone. Fear of rejection and ridicule.” I approached the cabinet and grabbed two coffee cups and poured the dark roast and handed one to Mary.

  “Thank you, Trevor. Not to change the subject but I just wanted to bring something to your attention. When I went out to weed the garden yesterday, I noticed a dead bunny laying a few feet away. I dug a hole to bury it and thought maybe an animal had attacked it or it had gotten into a fight, but, when I picked it up, its neck had been broken.”

  “That’s really strange. I wonder how that could’ve happened?”

  Mary shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly, but maybe it climbed a tree, fell and broke its neck.”

  “But there are no trees near the garden. Can bunnies even climb trees?”

  “They can climb a few feet when they feel they are in danger. Do you suppose an animal could’ve dragged it to the garden and left it there?”

  “No clue. I guess it’s possible. Anyway, I’ve been meaning to ask you, Grandma, if you’ve noticed anything different in Bella’s behavior lately? Has she acted any differently around you?”

  “The only thing I’ve noticed is she doesn’t come by and visit as much as she used to, and, when she does, she seems much more quiet than normal. Is everything okay?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ve tried talking to her, but she completely ignores me. She won’t even acknowledge that I’m talking to her. When I took her to my parents’ the night Amber and I were supposed to meet for our first date, she ran to her room, locked the door and refused to come out. I’ve also noticed she’s been spending a lot more time in her treehouse lately. I think she’s upset with me for dating—or at least trying to, since I never even got a chance to meet Amber in person after six months.”

  “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She’ll grow out of it eventually. Probably just doesn’t want another woman to take all your attention. Isabella adores you, Trevor. You know, that right?”

  “I thought so, but now I’m starting to second guess myself. She has been so cold and distant the past few months. I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like I should just give up on the dating scene for a while and try to spend more time with Bella. I can feel her slipping away, and that’s the last thing in this world I want to happen. I love her to pieces. She is my everything.” I choked back tears as a hard lump formed in my throat.

  “Trevor, you’re an amazing father. You’ve devoted all your time and attention to Bella, and maybe that’s why she’s acting like a spoiled little brat right now. Sorry. Excuse my harsh words, but that’s all I think it is. Isabella wants you all to herself. It’s obvious she’s a daddy’s girl, and she’s got you wrapped right around her little fingers. You can’t let her control who you allow in your life, especially another female. I’m sure it’ll hurt her feelings for a while, but she’ll forgive you. I think having another woman in her life might be good, especially when she starts going through puberty. She might have a hard time talking to you about personal stuff like that. I’d hope she’d come to me or your mom, but she might think we’re too old and don’t understand what she’s going through.” Mary chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

  “You’re right, Grandma. I shouldn’t let Bella’s behavior discourage me from dating. It’s been a very lonely ten years. I desperately need another woman’s touch. It’s driving me crazy.”

  “I can only imagine, but please don’t settle for the first woman you date because you’re desperate. You have your whole life to find the right woman for you and Isabella.”

  “I won’t, Grandma. I promise. Dating isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. Hope I can find an honest one this time. I don’t like being lied to or being played or any of the games. And I’ll be damned if I find a money-hungry one.”

  “They call them gold diggers, Trevor. Get with the times. You’re starting to sound like an old-timer.” Mary chuckled. “You mean you don’t want to be someone’s sugar daddy?” Mary laughed.

  “No way!”

  “You have to be careful. The second they see your house, they’ll drool. It’ll be difficult to find someone who isn’t after your money, ’cause all they’ll see are dollar signs unless you can keep it at bay as long as you can. Make sure she’s truly interested in you and not your money.”

  “I’ll try, but it’ll definitely be hard. They’ll be curious why they can’t come to my house and see how I live—probably think I’m hiding something, like I still live at home with Mommy and Daddy or embarrassed with how dirty my house is because I’m a bachelor and don’t know how to clean.”

  “Let them think that. At least you know they like you and not your money.”

  “True.”

  “Oh, look at the time. I better get moving. I still have to jump in the shower and get ready. Going out for lunch with my friend, Annette. Thanks for the coffee, Trevor. I’ll have to buy a new pot when I’m out.”

  “Thanks for stopping by, Grandma. It was nice talking with you. Don’t be a stranger. You’re welcome any time. I miss seeing you every day.”

  “Just trying to give you space.”

  “I don’t need space, Grandma. I enjoy your company. You should come by later and have dinner with Bella and me. I’m making creamy Cajun chicken pasta.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Mary said with a wide grin as she closed the door behind her as she walked out.

  Two Years Later

  Twilight had fallen. I stepped onto our back patio to enjoy the remarkable display of intense colors that painted the horizon with hues of magenta, tangerine, and lemon. A sliver of moon hovered alongside the few stars that now sprink
led the darkening sky. I loved nature and all the beauty beheld. I inhaled the scent of freshly cut grass and lilac trees, exhaled and melted into the chair as thoughts invaded my peaceful mind.

  Two years had flown by so fast. I’d been on several dates with different women, but I finally met someone I really liked. Her name was Rachel. She was thirty-two and an investigative journalist for the Redwood Times, a local newspaper. She had long silky, strawberry-blond hair. She was tall and slender but boasted just enough curves in all the right places. And her emerald green eyes were mesmerizing. When Rachel looked at me, it was like I entered a hypnotic trance. But her looks were not what attracted me to her the most. It was her personality; she always seemed happy and tried to find the best in every situation, even the bad ones.

  During our first lunch date, I had to skip out early. I had received a call from Bella’s teacher, wanting to meet with me and saying it was urgent. Rachel had just smiled and said this gave us an excuse to meet up again soon, instead of getting upset with me.

  A couple hours after I had to cut out early on our date, she texted and asked if everything was okay and was worried since the teacher had said it was urgent. She wasn’t trying to pry to find out the details or anything, she just wanted to check on me. Having another woman care about me gave me butterflies.

  We’d been exclusively dating for five months and four days—but who’s counting? Best of all, she had no idea I have money and hadn’t seen my house yet. She was understanding and liked how we took things slow and got to know each other. I can’t wait for Bella to meet her. I think she’ll really like Rachel; she’s very sweet and kind.

  I gazed in fascination at the brilliant starry night illuminating the heavens with thousands of stars, like diamond dust. The cool breeze rustled the leaves as the rhythmic percussion of endless waves disturbed the shimmering reflections in the lake. The crickets sang, and bats soared above, gliding in the most majestic way. Darkness cast a blanket of long shadows dancing through the endless night. The evening chill left behind a trail of goosebumps.

  I grabbed some firewood from the stack in the corner, laid them in the firepit, drizzled lighter fluid over them, struck a match and threw it in. The flames leapt high and crackled as sparks flew toward the moon. The blanket of radiating warmth felt intoxicating. I could sit and stare in amazement for hours; fire had always been so mesmerizing to watch, twisting and curling in obscure shapes. This was the perfect night to relax under the radiant glow of the moon and twinkling stars while thinking of nothing but happy thoughts.

  Life is good.

  ***

  Rachel hated talking about the horrible events that surrounded her almost every day, plastering the papers and news channels. Even these terrible things would have some weight on even the happiest people. Learning to vent to those closest to her was something she needed some real work on. Rachel seemed happy on the outside, but I think she tried to hide a deep sadness, which inhibited her soul. A trait I could completely understand in her line of work. Rachel always said, for every negative, there is a positive, if you look deep enough and want to see the bright side of everything. She was an avid believer that everything happened for a reason. Her walls were camouflaged with wooden signs of quotes. Eventually all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason. And, Trust that everything happens for a reason, even when you’re not wise enough to see it. Last but not least, Don’t lose hope. Everything happens for a reason. You never know what tomorrow may bring. They made me believe that they were a daily reminder to keep her positive and thinking happy thoughts.

  Tonight was the first time I sensed something really bothered Rachel. “Honey, is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, of course,” Rachel said softly as she pushed around her peas on her plate.

  “You know, Rachel, you don’t have to act like everything is fine and dandy all the time. You need to vent sometimes, and I’m the perfect person to take the beating. I can tell something is on your mind, and maybe you just need to get it off your chest.”

  “It’s just this case. It’s stumping everyone involved. Someone’s vandalizing random places around town, and they have no leads. It’s costing the business owners hundreds to thousands of dollars to repair. Windows smashed, the places trashed, lights broken, but they never take any money or steal any items. Usually someone breaks into a house because they’re burglarizing it, but not a penny is taken nor is anything removed from the property, just vandalized. Why would someone do that?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe someone with some major anger issues? Maybe they pissed off a customer, and it’s their way of getting back at them?”

  “It’s very random, and sweet, old people own most of the businesses, people who used their retirement money to invest into something they have a passion for, like books, artwork, travel agencies, fishing, and gift shops.”

  “Maybe they feel like the owners aren’t a threat to them and won’t press charges if they get caught? Who knows what goes on in the heads of some of these lunatics?”

  Rachel forced a half smile. “I’m not going to dwell on it or let it ruin our night.”

  “Don’t feel guilty for venting, Rachel. It’s perfectly normal. I’m surprised you don’t do it more often in your line of work. The news always seems to dwell on the negative. It’s what hooks viewers into watching. No one cares about the good things. It’s the drama that draws the most attention. It’s so sad what society has become—depressed, stressed and anxiety-induced. I truly believe media has a lot to blame for this as well as the state of our culture. So sad to see everyone so addicted to social media, texting instead of talking or hanging out and spending time face to face. Society has become lazy and addicted to electronics instead of human interaction. It’s quite depressing and only getting worse. Statistics show that three hundred and fifty million people worldwide suffer from depression.” I sighed, hanging my head. “Do you know what I think?”

  Rachel shook her head, leaning in closer.

  “The internet needs to crash. We’re so dependent on it. What did we do before computers?”

  “We were much happier and more social,” Rachel replied.

  “Exactly. Don’t get me wrong. The internet and computers are beneficial, but, since we’re so reliant on them, our society would go into hysteria and panic and not know what to do with themselves.”

  “I totally agree with you, Trevor.”

  “Computers, videogames, and the internet have done extensive, irreputable harm to our society and culture. If we could only go back and fix the damage that has been done, this world would be a much happier place.”

  Rachel nodded. “It’s just so sad, but true. I hate seeing everyone’s faces stuck in their phones all the time. It’s depressing. But enough of this depressive talk. Let’s discuss something more enlightening and uplifting. Happy thoughts.” Rachel forced a smile.

  “You’re right. Let’s talk about you finally coming over to see my place. I think it’s time, don’t you?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Absolutely!” I replied with an ear-to-ear grin.

  Isabella

  Almost a year had transpired. After several school meetings with teachers, the principle, and the superintendent, my father decided the best option for me was to skip my seventh-grade year since it was quite apparent that I struggled in school due to boredom and needed to be challenged more. They all believed I was intellectually beyond kids my age. Teachers would call me gifted. I don’t know if I generally liked that term to describe me.

  I had to undergo a comprehensive psychological evaluation that measured intellectual functioning, academic skill levels, and social adjustment.

  At first, I felt awkward being twelve years old in eighth grade. Everyone looked at me like I was some nerd. The friends I left a grade behind me stopped talking to me, saying I thought I was better than everyone else and that they were dumb. But skipping
a grade had not been my decision; the decision had been made for me.

  Yes, I felt bored in school, everything seemed too easy for me. It felt like what a third-grader would experience if they took kindergarten classes over again; it was that bad. My eighth-grade peers showed me a complete opposite attitude. They looked down on me, like I was some young kid who couldn’t compete at their intellectual level. But boy, did I prove them wrong. Any friends I did have, which wasn’t many, wanted nothing to do with me anymore. They all thought I was a snob, which wasn’t the case at all. I’m quiet and antisocial. I feel awkward in any social interactions. I just don’t know what to say sometimes and can stand there speechless, like a complete idiot. Some would call me dumb, others called me a nerd, and even a troublemaker. They said teachers hadn’t wanted to deal with me, so they made me skip a grade to get rid of me.

  To be honest, skipping a grade did more harm than good. The once-quiet little girl had become more withdrawn and avoided conversations with even family members. School remained entirely too easy for me. I never had to study and always aced my tests and exams with no effort. I overheard kids saying they would spend hours after school completing their homework and studying, but it took me five minutes—no thought process involved, my hand would move faster than my mind. I found it quite strange that kids struggled so much in school when I found it entirely too easy.

  I probably should have skipped more than just one grade, because even eighth grade proved too easy. Part of the extensive testing used to evaluate if skipping a grade was necessary defaulted to a schoolboard-approved IQ test. I received a score of 150, which was considered highly gifted.

  ***

  I graduated high school at sixteen years old with an SAT score of 1600—the highest score possible. Too smart for my own good was what my family would say, especially Dad. But boy was he proud of me. Which made me feel all warm and tingly inside.