Only Ashes Remain

by Rebecca Schaeffer

  Kovit raised an eyebrow. “Mouthwash?”

  Nita scowled. “My mouth tastes disgusting.”

  “Water?”

  “Hasn’t helped.” Nita rolled her spit around in her mouth.

  Kovit’s eyebrows were still raised, waiting.

  Nita sighed. “Gold caught me earlier and bound my hands. I spat stomach acid on her so she’d release me.”

  “You barfed on her?” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.

  “No. Concentrated stomach acid isn’t the same—”

  Kovit’s smile broadened into a full out grin. “You barfed on her.”

  Nita rolled her eyes. “Sure. Yes. Whatever.”

  Kovit laughed, hands over his stomach.

  “I don’t see why it’s so funny,” she said, but even as the words left her mouth, she couldn’t help the smile curling her lips.

  He just shook his head, still grinning.

  His hair tumbled across his face and he brushed it out of his eyes with long fingers. They looked like they belonged on an artist.

  She supposed he did play an instrument, though only he’d consider screams music.

  She swallowed, wishing she could use mouthwash on her brain.

  Her father had always told her that if she had bad thoughts and regretted them, they weren’t really bad thoughts, they were just imagination getting away from her. She’d watched Jurassic Park at age eight, and told him the best part was when the lawyer got eaten and then felt bad. Which, in hindsight, was ridiculous, because it wasn’t even real.

  But even then, she’d been bloodthirsty.

  Her father had said that everyone had bad thoughts and liked bad things, they just didn’t like to admit it. It wasn’t what you thought but what you did that mattered.

  Nita’s chest tightened at the thought of him, and her hands trembled.

  A wave of grief crashed through her. She’d been so busy, so focused, she hadn’t thought about her father since yesterday. It felt like a complete betrayal. Like by forgetting her grief she was forgetting him.

  Fractured images of her father flitted through her mind before she seized on one. It was a summer day, and Nita couldn’t have been more than six. He held her up and twirled her around and around until the world spun and his smile was the only constant. It looked slightly crooked because his left eyetooth was slanted, but it was big and warm and genuine. Her giggles clung to the air like bubbles.

  “Nita, are you okay?” Kovit asked, leaning close.

  Nita blinked, and wiped away the tears she hadn’t noticed. She swallowed. There were no great heaving sobs this time, no seizure-like shaking. Her grief came quiet and small, tiptoeing in and gently trailing its fingers along her memories.

  “It’s nothing,” she whispered.

  “It’s clearly not.” Kovit’s voice was gentle.

  A small sound broke from her and she crawled over and curled up against him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as the swell of grief washed over her like a tidal wave. He didn’t know why she was crying, but he held her anyway, and Nita loved him for that.

  Eventually, it passed, her sobs stilling into silence, until the only motion was her slow breathing, and her fingers clinging to the fabric of Kovit’s shirt, pressing his body close to hers. The warmth of him helped a little. She didn’t know why warmth helped, but it did.

  Kovit touched her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

  Nita swallowed, forcing back the snot collecting in her nose and the back of her throat, just waiting for her to start crying again.

  “I’m fine.” Her voice was hoarse.

  “Really, Nita?” Kovit gestured to her tear-streaked face. “That’s the line you’re going with?”

  She snorted.

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  “My father.” She swallowed, the words catching in her throat. “I found out when I was in INHUP. He was murdered.”

  A hand, warm and gentle, linked through her own, and she looked up at Kovit. She was pressed against him, and looking up made their faces inches from each other. She could see the way his lashes curled softly, and that his eyes weren’t black, just a very dark brown.

  “I’m so sorry, Nita.” His voice was soft, and she could feel the tickle of air against her skin. “Do they know who murdered him?”

  She nodded. “You remember the vampire that came to see me in the market? The one with the zebra-striped hair?”

  “Him?” Kovit frowned. “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” Nita sighed. “I thought maybe he was working for Fabricio’s dad? Getting vengeance for his son?”

  Kovit shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. If he were working with Fabricio’s dad, why would Reyes have refused to let him talk to you? I know Reyes worked with Tácunan, and you said Fabricio sold you to her. It doesn’t make sense.”

  Nita opened her mouth, then closed it. He was right.

  She frowned. “So, you think Zebra-stripes isn’t connected to Tácunan? But the timing—”

  “The timing is weird,” Kovit agreed. “Why did your mother kidnap Fabricio?”

  Nita shook her head. “I still don’t know.”

  “Maybe they’re connected. The same thing that made your mother lash out at Tácunan made Zebra-stripes go after your father.”

  “Those seem like very different consequences.”

  He shrugged. “We’re missing information. We need to know how it started. It’s like walking in on the middle of a movie—you’re seeing Katniss bury a girl in flowers, and you’re seeing an old man rubbing his beard gleefully, but without knowing what The Hunger Games is, or the premise of the movie, just seeing those two scenes side by side makes it seem like total nonsense.”

  Nita nodded slowly, eyes drying as her mind seized on something to think about, a problem to solve, a focus for her grief. “You’re right. We need to figure out the rest of the story.”

  She let out a shaky breath.

  His fingers, still linked through her own, squeezed her hand softly. “And someday we’ll find Zebra-stripes and we’ll slaughter him.”

  Nita’s voice was hard. “Yes. We will.”

  “It won’t make the pain go away. Not all of it. I know.” He swallowed heavily, and Nita was sharply reminded that he’d lost his parents too. “But I promise you, it’ll be all right.” His thumb stroked her hand, and her skin tingled beneath his touch. “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But it will be all right eventually.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder, and didn’t deny his lie. Because it was a lie. They both knew that. But she wanted to believe him, just for a little.

  Kovit’s fingers gently squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.

  Beneath them, the door to the pawnshop opened and slammed shut. Nita reached for a weapon, any weapon, out of sheer instinct before stopping herself.

  A slamming pawnshop door did not a threat make.

  Kovit flicked his switchblade out, and Nita felt a bit of relief. She wasn’t the only one who went for a weapon at every loud noise.

  Diana’s voice rose for a moment, but her words were indistinct. Another door slammed and the heavy sound of boots marching up the stairs echoed through the room.

  The door to the apartment slammed open, and Adair stood there, different features on his face flickering in and out, like his illusions had glitches and he hadn’t bothered to reset them. His nose became a literal bird beak before shifting back into something human, then flattening into two holes, like a snake. His skin rippled from white to black, smooth to scaled, ridges and spines appearing and disappearing like sheathed weapons.

  He glared at them, and his shape stilled all at once, settling into the young man with black hair and swampy eyes Nita was familiar with.

  “What the hell have you done?” he hissed.

  Twenty-Two

  NITA SWALLOWED and stared at Adair. His jaw was clenched, and even though his appearance had settled, Nita was far too aware
that it was all an illusion of humanity, that there was something truly monstrous and very dangerous underneath.

  “What did you do?” he repeated, words slow and quiet and far too calm.

  Nita hesitated, eyes flicking to Kovit, but he just shrugged softly, knife still out. Finally, Nita said carefully, “What are you referring to?”

  Diana rushed into the room behind Adair but stopped a step in, taking in the situation and quietly shifting just to the side of Adair. She cast worried looks at him, glanced at Nita and Kovit, and bit her lip.

  Adair’s eyes narrowed, and the floorboards creaked ominously as he took a step forward. “You told me you were only going to be here a few days. Lie low, get some cash, and get the hell out of here. That’s what you said to me.”

  Nita hesitated, then said slowly, “Yes.”

  “You fucking liars,” he hissed. “You just murdered four people in an apartment building on Eglinton. How the fuck is that lying low?”

  Ah. That.

  “Look, just because four people died, doesn’t mean we did it.” Nita shrugged. “It’s not like there’s any way to tie it to me, or to you.”

  He must have seen the online message boards where she’d posted as Scalpel. But that was all anonymous online, and while it might be clear in the industry what she’d done, there was nothing to tie any of that to Nita directly, and certainly not to Adair.

  Adair took a step forward, and Kovit was beside Nita in a second, his switchblade low.

  Adair ignored him. “There wouldn’t be, if you hadn’t been fucking filmed doing it.”

  Nita froze, her eyes widening. “What?”

  She played over her memories of luring in the black market traders. There’d been no security cameras in the building, and she’d cut power before she’d entered, so the outside ones were off, if they’d ever been working in the first place. There were no traffic cameras on the street, no other security cameras pointing at the building entrance. Nothing like that. What could possibly have been filmed?

  Adair glared. “Have you seen the news?”

  Nita shook her head.

  “Well, look at it.” He crossed his arms. “I’ll wait.”

  She hesitated a moment, not sure if he was serious or if it was some sort of sarcasm she didn’t understand, then pulled out her phone and went to the news. The first thing she saw was a WANTED FOR QUESTIONING bulletin with Gold’s face on it.

  Below it was another WANTED poster with Nita’s face.

  Her fingers tightened on her phone, and her mind lurched forward, first sluggishly, then faster, trying to pick apart what this meant.

  There was a police bulletin out on her. People would be looking for her. Not black market people, regular people. Normal people.

  All the people in Toronto.

  Six and a half million people.

  Nita had millions of new enemies. She had no idea who would recognize her. No idea who would see her and think, I should tweet about that girl or Aren’t the police looking for her?

  Her fingers dug into the phone case, knuckles whitening from strain, and her throat was tight. She shouldn’t feel this betrayed. She didn’t know any of these people. They didn’t know her. But perhaps it was because they didn’t know her that they could so casually and ignorantly ruin her life.

  She clenched her jaw. “Fuck.”

  Kovit leaned over her shoulder and looked at the bulletin and the wanted notice. His voice echoed Nita’s. “Fuck.”

  “Fuck,” mimicked Adair. “You got filmed running away from the scene chased by two armed people.”

  Nita breathed in and let it out. Slowly. She was wanted for questioning. That was all. “They have no evidence on me. I could have been an innocent bystander. Running away from people with guns is normal.”

  “Feel free to tell the police that after they question you.” Adair’s voice was frigid. “Tell me, did you lead them right here? Should I expect officers to come barging in to arrest you at any moment?”

  Nita stiffened, but kept her voice calm. “If anyone saw me, the police would already be here.”

  “Excellent, then I imagine you want to stay here and never leave the room?” His voice had taken on a syrupy sweet tone. “Because this is all over the internet, and the minute someone sees you, they’ll call the police. And I don’t want police here.”

  “Why?” she mocked, trying to hide her own fear. “Have something to hide?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do.” He glared at them. “You. I don’t want to be associated with your murder spree.”

  “It’s hardly a spree.”

  “Four people are dead, Nita. We’re in Canada. It’s going to make the top ten list of most deadly attacks in Toronto’s history!”

  “I only did it to scare the black market dealers away from hunting me.”

  Adair’s voice dropped. “You think you scared them? You think killing those people made you powerful? Made you a force to reckon with?”

  “Of course it did.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  Nita blanched, then snapped, “Oh? Am I? Because I have dozens of people in the city trying to chop me up and now there’s three less of them, so I did something right.”

  He snorted. “You think three people makes a difference? The kind of people who are sending hunters after you, the kind of people who are so rich they can afford to murder teenagers and eat them on the off chance they gain some piece of your power—you really think those people care if you kill a few men?”

  Nita blinked. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

  “They don’t care.” Adair hissed. “Those lives mean nothing to them. They’ll just hire more people. And if you kill those ones, they’ll hire more. They have an infinite supply of disposable soldiers.”

  “No.” Nita shook her head, even as his words crept into her soul. She grasped for the confidence she’d had before. “Eventually, if people keep dying, the soldiers will refuse. No one will be willing to try.”

  He rolled his eyes. “There will always be someone willing to try. Always someone desperate or dumb or determined enough.”

  Nita’s lips thinned. “So you’re saying I’ll never not be in danger from them, no matter what I do.”

  “No.” Dark hair fell in front of his eyes. “I’m saying your current course of action is stupid and pointless.”

  Nita clenched her jaw, telling herself she’d made the right choice. She’d made an impression. She’d shown she was powerful.

  But a not-so-small part of her was terrified that Adair might be right. That this might all have been for nothing. That building her reputation this way was pointless.

  That she’d murdered those men for nothing.

  That the innocent woman Gold had shot had died for nothing.

  “You’re wrong,” she scraped out, but she only said it because she didn’t want him to be right.

  He sneered and waved his hand at her phone. “I’m not. The police and the whole city are hunting you too. Tell me, was that part of your magnificent plan?”

  She gritted her teeth. “You know it wasn’t.”

  “And yet.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment, both breathing harshly. Beside her, Kovit flicked his switchblade open and closed, and on the other side of the room, Diana watched Adair with large, worried eyes.

  Finally, Adair broke the silence. “Get out.”

  Nita swallowed. “What?”

  “I want you out. I don’t want police here, I don’t want to deal with your newfound notoriety. Your list isn’t worth it. Get out.”

  If Adair made them leave, there was nowhere to go. With Nita’s face plastered all over Toronto, there was nowhere she could possibly go without being recognized.

  She couldn’t check in to a hotel, she couldn’t sleep in a park. Nothing short of a bag over her head was going to hide enough of her face to allow her to walk around freely.

  “You can’t force us to leave.” Nita tried to make h
er voice firm and hard, but it sounded small and weak, because this was his shop, and if he decided to kick them out, there wasn’t much she could do to stop him. “We had a deal.”

  “And part of that deal was you not bringing your shit to this place.” Adair’s voice was icy.

  “Adair, calm down.” Diana stepped forward, her palms up. “They haven’t brought anyone here yet. And you and I both know there’s nothing in this shop that could incriminate you, despite all your stupid jokes about the basement.”

  His gaze turned to Diana. “Why the hell do you care if they stay?”

  Diana sighed. “Because they need help, and if we turn them away, where will they go? If the police catch them, there’s no telling what will happen.”

  “Diana, I know you don’t trust the police.” Adair’s voice was calm. “And I know you like to help, but these are not good people, and you don’t need to defend them.”

  Nita took a slow step forward, seizing her opportunity. She didn’t know much about Diana, but she was smart enough to see that the hacker had some influence over Adair, and Nita planned to use as much of it as possible. “In my defense, I wasn’t the one starting the gunfight. I was the one running.”

  “See?” Diana turned to Adair, eyes pleading. “Please, calm down. Let them stay. At least a day so they can get some cash and maybe a car to get out.”

  Adair locked eyes with Diana, and something Nita didn’t quite understand passed between them. Finally, Adair clenched his jaw and said, “Fine. One day.”

  Then his gaze swung to Nita and Kovit. His eyes were intense and angry, the yellow in them beginning to swallow the green and the whites, making them seem alien even though his face looked perfectly human. “One more day, and I want you out. Steal a car and drive somewhere. I don’t care. Just get the hell out.”

  He took one step away and then turned back, his eyes having lost all resemblance to humanity, slitted pupils and all yellow, no whites. “And if I so much as smell police or black market body hunters around my shop, I will hunt you down wherever you are, drown you, and eat you.”

  And he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.