by Ella Craig
‘Quite the opposite, she don’t put it anywhere!’ Alan cracked up again.
‘You’ll never get past first base with the Sunday Girl,’ said Ade.
‘Sunday girl?’
‘From the song but she is colder than ice cream,’ Al informed him, ‘and nowhere near as sweet.’
‘She certainly wasn’t sweet to me!’
‘You should’ve worn a dress.’ Guffaws this time.
‘Are you saying she’s queer or something?’ Darren’s voice was dangerously low.
(My hero!)
‘Either that or frigid,’ said Ade. ‘I thought she was a lesbo when she didn’t put out for me, but after watching you two earlier, phwoar.’
(Ade, you miserable little worm, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot barge pole.)
‘And you, my son, got the furthest than any of us. You have our congratulations.’
(Alan, may your undoubtedly tiny penis wither up and fall off.)
‘You were lucky she didn’t freeze your knob off.’
(Drop dead Ade, you scrofulous runt.)
‘She’s colder than ice, and your willy’s a sacrifice...’ Al paraphrased an old Foreigner song.
‘Go fuck yourselves,’ said Darren in a pleasant voice.
‘Hey, you can’t talk to us like that.’
‘Yeah, we were only being friendly.’
‘I don’t want to be friends with a pair of wankers like you.’
There was the sound of a scuffle, a fist made contact, and someone fell over.
‘Leave Kath and me alone.’ Darren’s voice moved away.
‘Twat!’ yelled Ade, no doubt waiting for Darren to be out of earshot.
‘Don’t just stand there, you tit, help me up.’ Alan’s voice came from ground level.
‘Tosser’s blacked my eye,’ Ade whined. Kath heard them as they limped off into the night, planning a revenge neither would try to wreak.
She sat back on the loo in confusion. How could she be frigid and a lesbian? It wouldn’t bother her if either were true, but where had this reputation come from? What did Ade call her? Sunday Girl? What was that supposed to mean? A memory surfaced of a school disco where only a sharp knee to Ade’s groin stopped his wandering hands. They split up straight after, and he never spoke to her again.
Ade labelled her frigid because she wouldn’t be bullied into sexual shenanigans. But if she slept with him, she would have been a slag or an easy lay, gagging for it. Well, none of them had violated her with their crude talk and clumsy fumbling. None of them touched her core as the dance with Darren did.
She always thought passion grew, which is why she never analysed sex with Tony. She felt desire for him, but not passion. Tony never lifted her out of herself and Kath had always been happy to let him come to her. Not anymore, now she knew what was inside her, she had more than her body to give to Tony.
Tony? Darren was the one who woke up her soul and rescued her from her attackers, albeit unknowingly. Tony and Darren, Kath didn’t know which one she wanted. Tony was a married man and her first lover. Darren was single, and he gave her her first orgasm before they even kissed. She loved Tony and lusted after Darren. This was too much to take in. She must be suffering from the effects of alcohol and cannabis. Time to find Darren but first, she had a little surprise to arrange for the Odious Alan.
The party ground on, chewing people up and spitting out their remains, leaving behind the diehards. Mellow, understated mood music replaced the thumping dance rhythms, and to Kath’s relief, a lull fell over the house. She loved this last lazy hour of a party; no need to hurry now, the frantic pace had become a pedestrian stroll.
She joined Darren in the kitchen.
‘Fancy a dance?’ he said.
Kath blushed.
‘Or we could go for a drink sometime?’
‘I’d like that.’ She smiled at him. ‘But maybe we could have another dance, one day.’
‘We don’t have to rush anything,’ he put his arm around her, ‘I’m not in any hurry.’
Kath did not believe him and clamped her arm against her side to stop his hand from wandering towards her chest. She was not ready for this besides he would need time to clean his trousers. She giggled at the thought.
‘What are you laughing at?’ asked Darren.
‘Oh, uh, Ade’s shiner, he should watch where he’s going.’
Ade’s eye had come up a treat. He claimed it resulted from walking into an open door.
‘Yeah, he wants to learn to be more careful in the future.’
Darren had not mentioned the incident by the outhouse and Kath had no desire to bring it up. She removed his arm from her shoulders. ‘I need another wee.’
On her way up the stairs, she spotted Alan in the hallway. He was drinking scrumpy. The remaining liquid in his glass looked like a urine sample, which is what most of it was.
ma, he’s making eyes at me
‘Hello, dear, remember me?’
Angela Beck stood on the doorstep holding a dripping umbrella and a bunch of carnations. Two pairs of dark eyes met through the foliage. One set surrounded by laughter lines and the other wide open in shock.
‘Mum!’ said Kath, ‘Uh, hi, how are you?’
‘Wet. Now take these flowers and let me in before George spots us.’ Kath’s mother squeezed past and bustled up the stairs. ‘I am not in the mood for any further discussion on your Aunty Linda and her wedding plans. By the way, you are invited to the church and the reception. I told Claire you will be going. You can bring a friend along.’
Angela gave Kath a hard stare and rattled on with no obvious need for breath. ‘Claire sends her apologies for not making you a bridesmaid, but Paul has twin sisters. Linda thinks this will look nicer in the wedding photos.’ Angela made a wry face. ‘I suspect Jeanette hasn’t the time to make any more than three dresses.’
Kath opened her mouth to speak but didn’t stand a chance. She put the kettle on instead.
‘Marry in haste, repent in leisure, is what I say. At least Claire won’t be too large in those photos if she is pregnant.’ Angela took a seat at the kitchen table. ‘But her not choosing a bridesmaid from our side is what really takes the biscuit.’
‘I bet Aunty Linda won’t let her.’ Kath laid out mugs and spoons and emptied a pile of change from her one vase.
‘True enough. At one point, she considered having Jeanette’s daughter, Claire not Linda. You know Linda’s views on Jeanette, and little Amy, come to think of it.’
‘Poor Jeanette,’ said Kath, ‘Linda never forgave her for marrying George.’
‘She’s forgiving enough to let her make Claire’s gown and the bridesmaids’ dresses.’
‘Is she’s letting George become involved with the wedding because he’s paying for it?’
Kath stoked the fires of her mother’s wrath, hoping she would forget why she had come calling unannounced. This was more than a social visit.
‘George has always been a soft touch around Linda. He feels guilty for leaving her, although why he stayed with her as long as he did, I couldn’t tell you. Impossible to please that woman, but she raised those children well.’
‘I wouldn’t say so, with Colin a psycho mummy’s boy and Claire stupid enough to fall pregnant by the first man to give her the eye.’
‘Don’t be too hard on your cousins; life hasn’t always been easy for them. They are both a credit to their parents.’ The tone of Angela’s voice indicated subject closed and time to move on. ‘You are coming to the wedding aren’t you?’
‘Must I?’ Kath hacked the ends off the flowers with a blunt knife.
‘Yes, and don’t take umbrage because they didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid.’
‘Mum, I never wanted to be a bridesmaid, and knowing Claire, the dress will be some hideous pink shiny thing, all bows and puffed sleeves. I don’t need to be there, and I don’t want to go, anyway.’ Mostly the truth, she had a long-standing date with Tony. His wife was out, and this wa
s too good an opportunity to miss; the chance to spend a Saturday evening together.
‘Why on earth not? This is the first family wedding for years.’
‘Jo and Billy aren’t going.’
‘Because Jo is taking her English class to the theatre and Billy is going to a football match in Exeter. It will be terrible if none of my children goes.’
‘What if I went to the Church?’ said Kath, hoping a compromise would placate her.
‘You have not seen most of your father’s side of the family, since his fiftieth birthday party in July.’
‘That was only four months ago; I’m sure people won’t miss me if I don’t go.’ Kath resistance began to crumble. She knew her mother would literally talk her into going.
‘Claire wants you there, and George is relying on you for support. This will be the first time he’s seen Linda in over a year, not since he and Jeanette got married. He needs us to help him.’
‘I’m sure George can look after himself, he’s a big boy now.’ Kath stuffed the flowers into the vase.
‘Kathryn.’ Angela spread the word over three long syllables. That did it, no way of getting out of this now, the use of her full name tapped the last nail of resistance into the coffin of stubbornness.
‘For the last time,’ said Angela in a stern voice. ‘What reason is there for not wanting to go to your own cousin’s wedding?’
‘Claire is five years younger than me—’
‘So?’
‘It will be a pain in the arse. People will come up to me and say crap like ooh your turn next. Or you’ll be left on the shelf if you don’t watch out, my girl.’ Kath switched off the kettle and rinsed the teapot in boiling water. ‘It happens at every family party.’
‘Is that why you’re worried? I am sure whoever you take won’t mind; he must have insensitive relatives as well. He’ll understand.’ Angela gave her a pleasant smile. ‘You are taking someone, aren’t you?’
‘I can’t if I’m not going.’ Kath slammed down the teapot and threw in a handful of tea leaves and then picked up the kettle. Pity, she couldn’t drown her problems along with the tea. ‘In any case, there isn’t anyone to take.’ She could imagine the reaction if she turned up with Tony on her arm.
‘Your father and I don’t want you married off before your time, but I don’t like to think of you being alone. You rarely brought boyfriends home, and now, you don’t go out on dates and suchlike. I never had these worries about Jo.’
‘Because she had her life mapped out from the moment she could walk.’
‘Yes, Jo never gave us many concerns.’
‘Are you saying she can take care of herself, and I can’t?’
‘No, child, that’s not it... it’s just you’re dizzy. You and Jo are both so different. I never thought of you leaving home. I remember when some of your friends went away to college; you cried your eyes out.’ Kath cringed at the memory. ‘I’m so glad Jenny stayed here to do her degree otherwise, I don’t think you would have kept in touch with your other friends. This is where you and Jo differ, she goes out to meet a problem head-on, and you wait for it to come right up to you.’
‘What are you trying to say?’ Kath confused thoughts ran riot. Was her mother attacking or defending her?
‘I’m not making myself clear, am I?’ Angela stood up. ‘Take these flowers; the idea is to arrange them not shove them in a vase any old how.’
‘I suppose Jo would do it beautifully.’
‘No,’ said Angela, rearranging the flowers. ‘Jo would sit down, make a list and draw up plans, after consulting the necessary books of course.’
Kath laughed. ‘She has always been uptight and anal.’
‘Because Jo is a planner, whereas you, you’re more spontaneous, dizzy.’
‘What’s this got to do with Claire’s wedding?’ said Kath. This business with boyfriends was only the starter. The main course was about to custard pie her right between the eyes.
‘Not much, but I needed an excuse to see you.’
‘Mum, you never need an excuse to come round.’
‘We have only seen you on four occasions since you left home.’
‘I left home six weeks ago.’
‘Exactly!’
‘I’ve been sorting out the flat and things.’ Best leave the things unspecified for a while.
‘We don’t expect you to live in our pockets. We are happy you want to be independent, but you are pushing us away. Heavens above, you didn’t even come over to see us on your birthday.’
The ultimate sin, birthdays were sacrosanct in the Beck clan. Kath tried appeasement. ‘I saw you the day before.’
‘That was not the same, we expected you to be there, and your father baked you a cake!’
‘I am sorry, but I went out.’
‘With whom?’
‘Jenny.’
‘Kathryn, that is a lie, and we both know it.’
‘How did you know?’ Kath cheeks flooded with colour. Her mother’s eyes bored into hers. The ghosts of childhood misdemeanours came back to haunt her.
‘Jenny rang to wish you a happy birthday. She thought you would be with us. Your father, brother and I waited for you to turn up.’ Angela’s attitude demanded an explanation and a good one.
She had hurt her mother and been caught out in a pathetic lie, and all because of Tony. Kath decided to admit to having a man, assuming Tony was still her man, she hadn’t seen him for two weeks. This exile was agony, and she hoped he was suffering the same anguish. Otherwise, all this would be for nothing, and the pain of rejection would supersede the pain of separation.
However, she would save that worry for later because now she had to tell her mum Tony was a married man. A middle-aged lover would be hard for any mother to accept, but one with a wife! Kath hoped an edited version would be enough of an explanation.
‘I was out with a boyfriend.’
Angela relaxed, her face softened, and a knowing gleam appeared in her eyes. ‘A boyfriend, he must be quite special to make you miss your birthday.’
Not thinking before speaking Kath blundered on. ‘He is; I didn’t want anyone else to know, I wanted it to be him and me. I forget everything when we’re together.’ At least she could tell her mother part of the truth.
‘Kathy! Why didn’t you say so? This is such lovely news. I’m so glad you’ve found someone. We missed Joey’s courting days because she was away at university. It makes me feel like a young girl again.’ Angela was back to her prattling self. ‘What is he like? Where does he work? When do we meet him?’
When do you meet him? Never! Why did she always make such a hash of things? She should have kept her mouth shut. An impossible task her father would say, adding, like mother like daughter. Kath wondered if she would ever learn discretion.
‘I hope you are being careful.’
‘What?’ Kath blushed crimson. She knew. Her mum guessed he was married, a mother’s intuition and all that.
‘Contraception, you are using something, aren’t you?’
‘Of course, I am. How did you know I... uh... we...’ How embarrassing, she was not up to such a candid talk with her mother, at least not face to face.
‘Your Uncle told me.’ Her mother actually winked. ‘You can’t keep secrets in this family. George said the other day he heard two sets of footsteps moving around up here, early in the morning.’
The one time Tony stayed the night. Kath could kick herself. She should have booted him out before George opened the shop. ‘Does Uncle George know I’m not a... um... that I have a man?’
‘Bless him, no! George is as innocent as the day is long. He thought it was one of your girlfriends.’
‘But you knew different?’ Kath grinned at her mother and her love of intrigue.
‘It made me wonder, and worry. This is your first real boyfriend, isn’t it?’ Kath nodded. ‘Well, I don’t want you to make the same mistake as Claire. There’s plenty of time for you to have babies.’
&nbs
p; ‘Don’t you worry mum, we’re taking precautions. Neither of us wants to get pregnant.’
‘I hope you’re using condoms.’
‘I’m on the pill.’
‘You silly girl! What about AIDS? You shouldn’t take the risk. Do you know where he’s been?’ Mother bear was in full flow protecting her cub.
‘Mum, he’s not a drug addict or anything.’ Besides, he’s been married for the last twelve years.
‘As long as you are sure, Jo always insisted her boyfriend’s use condoms. She and Simon both had STD tests before they got married.’
‘Jo never tells me this sort of thing.’
‘Maybe, she thinks you’re not interested.’
‘Of course, I’m interested. We’re sisters.’
‘Write to her more often. She says she never hears from you these days and you’re never in when she rings. Out with your new boyfriend, I suppose. What is his name?’
Holy crap! If she brought up Tony, her mother would drag the whole truth out of her.
‘He does have a name I take it?’
Kath fumbled for inspiration, and it came in the form of a pair of black leather trousers. She was not sure about Darren yet. They had gone out for a drink with Jenny and Jim and spoken on the phone a few times. He was funny and fun to be with, and he didn’t mess her around. Neither, did he make her heart race or her breathing quicken, as did the thought of Tony. But, these thoughts were not helping matters. Kath crossed her fingers and prepared to tell her mother a few more half-truths.
‘He doesn’t like his name much: Darren.’
‘Umm,’ was her mother’s comment. ‘Why haven’t we met him yet?’
‘He’s shy.’
‘Nonsense, stop hiding him away and invite him over for lunch next Sunday. Your father will be so pleased. I’ll ring Linda and tell her to send Darren an invitation to Claire’s wedding.’
Fine, when the time came, Darren would have to do overtime or visit his ailing granny. Leaving Kath with the problem of her mother insisting on meeting him. Kath was sure she could invent any number of excuses, but the thought depressed her. A twisted future of lies and manic ducking and diving lay ahead. If her parents realised how happy Tony made her, maybe they would forgive his being married. Doubtful, but if he were to leave his wife.