by Ella Craig
‘Fancy the car, do you?’ Darren licked her neck.
‘I didn’t mean that.’ She couldn’t do this, besides cheering Darren up had left her exhausted. ‘I am tired, and I want to go home. Alone.’
‘Is that what you want?’ he whispered.
‘Yes.’
‘Then sod off back to your home. Alone.’ Darren shoved her away from him. His sudden violence shocked her. ‘I’m going home as well, but not alone.’ He grasped her shoulders and pulled her close until his face was inches from hers. ‘I want you, and you want me. Stop playing the virgin. Remember the night at the party, when we danced?’
Kath nodded, unable to say a word.
‘I had an interesting chat with some friends of yours afterwards. They couldn’t decide if you were queer or frigid. They are wrong because you are neither, what you are, is fucking stupid. Whoever this Miles is, he’s not here. I am, and I can give you what you want.’ He grabbed her and kissed her, thrusting his tongue down her throat.
‘Let go of me,’ she fought him off with a mixture of anger and lust. ‘Don’t you dare touch me like that again.’
‘Bye Kath. I am off to find myself a real woman, not a prick teaser.’ As he walked away, his leather trousers took on a greasy reptilian look under the lights.
words of love
Bells? Bloody telephone.
Time? Half past six on a Saturday morning.
Should’ve unplugged the phone, and this better be worth it. Kath shuffled downstairs and dug out the telephone from under a pile of coats.
‘Lo,’ she mumbled.
‘Kathy? This is Tony. I have been trying to get hold of you for weeks.’
‘Sorry, but you would not believe how busy my life is.’ Offhand, being cool but inside, bubbling over.
‘I worried about you. I thought something bad had happened. You were never there when I called round. I even went looking for you at college. Anyway, I can’t talk long, but can I see you this evening?’
‘Oh dear, not this evening, Tony, I am going out,’ she lied. ‘Can you do next Saturday?’
‘I need to see you. I will be free this afternoon. We could meet at the Old Mill House at three. Please?’
‘OK, but I’ll be in the pub at two. Bye.’
She slammed the phone down and ripped the plug from the wall. Oh joy, oh bliss, there is a God. Sex and power or the power of sex, and be still his cheating heart. A buoyant and jubilant Kath cut a caper on the landing. Four painful weeks of abstinence, using avoidance techniques the envy of any spy and living with the lights off had worked. The Grand Prize was up for grabs.
‘He missed me, he wants me... or does he?’
She stopped jigging. Old proverb say; man with itchy dick will do anything to get it scratched. New proverb say; is it worth the scratching?
It occurred to Kath rather than spending those weeks in anguished torment or wallowing in self-induced misery; she instead went out as often as possible. This could be good old Freudian psychobabble, hiding her miserable self behind a wall of fun and hijinks. That didn’t ring true, yes, she missed him, but she also enjoyed being re-acquainted with her friends. Whatever happened today, she would not drop people at the last minute for a better offer. She would never let her life revolve around one man ever again, no matter how many she had.
Not that she knew where she stood with Darren, she had not heard from him since the bonfire party four days ago. His misplaced jealousy was heartening, threatening and exciting. She should ring him and arrange an intimate dinner for two and let nature take its course. But her conscience butted in; keep them both on the go, will you? It spoke with Jenny’s voice. Kath would have to choose soon if there was still a choice to make.
‘Oh, balls.’ She went back upstairs; there were a few things to do before her date with destiny.
Kath caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror behind the bar and smiled at her reflection. Her new shaggy bob gave her an air of maturity her once waist length tresses never managed. Coupled with her glasses, vanity be damned, she felt confident and capable. Goodbye forever to the old Kath, with all her flouncy dresses, flowery skirts and high heels consigned to charity shops. No more Tony inspired pastels in her wardrobe.
They played no part in her newly discovered self. No longer would she be a wimpy and dependent, clingy thing, who changed her style to make her man happy. Kath took her pint of bitter and sat in a prominent window seat instead of one of the more usual secluded alcoves. Tony was in for a surprise. If the hair and glasses didn’t finish him off, her jeans and acid orange shirt would.
She checked her watch, ten minutes to two. If he wanted her, he would move Heaven and Earth to be here at two. By a quarter past would mean he meant it. Half past would indicate some burning passion and desire. Any time between then and three would tell her where she stood. With his waning ardour measured on a scale of earthly lusts versus wifely commitment. After three o’clock with no suitable excuse (or at least a believable one), then sayonara Tony, this is the end, over and out.
He arrived at six minutes and thirty-seven seconds past the hour and didn’t he look different. All his dark, boyish curls were gone, along with his horrendous white loafers and stonewashed jeans. Tony sauntered up to the bar, and Kath’s heart raced as the muscles in her groin relaxed. With shaking hands, she grabbed her pint and chugged down her drink with long and noisy gulps.
He walked straight past her and leaned against the bar. Kath admired the curve of his bum and grinned as he did a classic double take with goggling eyes and droopy jaws. He looked like a man who had just heard his dear sainted mother gave blowjobs to sailors. He staggered over.
‘Kathy, your hair, clothes... everything.’ He sat down with a thud.
‘I fancied a change; my hair has not been this short in over twelve years. Do you like it?’
‘I’m not sure yet.’ He squinted at her. ‘You remind me of the woman in that film from the other year, the one with the killer robot. Can’t remember the name.’ He shook his head. ‘But it suits you, makes you look sort of... older. Yeah, more mature. And the glasses, I didn’t realise you wore them.’
‘I’m short-sighted,’ she said. In many ways, she thought.
‘You should wear them more often; they are dead sexy, especially with your hair.’ He gave her one of his long and lazy smiles. ‘You wouldn’t believe how much I want you.’
Another pair of knickers ruined as her treacherous body responded to the promise in his eyes. Well, he got here on time, and he likes my hair, but let’s see how he copes with the next one.
‘Gonna buy a girl a drink?’ She slid her glass towards him.
‘Sure thing Kitten,’ he took it, ‘hey, you drinking pints again? You’ll end up with a beer belly if you don’t behave yourself.’ He poked her in the stomach and went whistling to the bar.
Kath gaped at him. Last time she ordered a pint in front of him, she got a lecture on feminine behaviour. Was the acquiescence a sign of accepting the new improved her, or was he merely in shock? Tony interrupted her musing with a kiss on the head. He put down the drinks and sat beside her.
‘I like you in jeans.’ He slid his hand up her thigh coming to a rest over her crotch. ‘You look fabulous. Much better than your overgrown schoolgirl thing, you always reminded me of a kid playing at dressing-up.’
‘Whaa...?’ Kath blushed and tried to hide her pink face in her glass, noisy slurping followed.
Tony continued. ‘You never seemed the real you; I always thought you were trying to be someone else.
‘I was not,’ she said in truculent tones.
‘Lying sod.’ Tony tweaked her nose. ‘You tried to act so sophisticated and grown up around me; it was like going out with a shop dummy sometimes.’
It was Kath’s turn to goggle at the news of blowjob dispensing mothers. God, he saw right through her, her face flamed, and she grabbed a beermat to use as a fan.
‘I lied to you the other Sunday.’ Tony wouldn’t meet
her eye.
‘The one where you stood me up?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m sorry Kathy, but I couldn’t face another day of lets-play-pretend.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘By the both of us.’
‘Both?’ She snapped the beer mat in half.
‘I tried to act differently as well. You were so young and fresh; you made me feel like a dirty old man sometimes.’
‘What’s this got to do with Sunday?’ Kath tore the mat into quarters.
‘Jackie was not ill, and I did go fishing. I needed to think about us and if we have a future together.’
‘You were having doubts?’ Her stomach dropped, and she clenched at another beer mat. ‘You want to end it?’
‘I thought about it but I couldn’t. I love you too much to let you go.’ He plucked the beer mat from Kath’s destructive fingers.
She smiled and burst into tears.
‘Hey-hey, there’s no need to cry now.’ Tony gathered her into his arms and hugged her. It was both comforting and painful. With her head twisted at an odd angle, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and the table leg digging into her thigh. She snuffled into Tony’s shoulder.
‘I realised I didn’t want to lose you, but I can’t leave Jackie on the off chance it might work out,’ he said. ‘Do you understand what I’m trying to say?’
Kath twitched her head. Anything else might break her neck or her glasses, which now rested on her top lip.
‘These past few weeks helped me put things into perspective. I know what I want, and that is to start again? If you want to.’
Kath freed herself and wiped her eyes. She stuffed her specs into her shirt pocket.
‘Yes, I do want to. I love you, but I admit I acted like a silly little kid when I was with you.’ She took a deep breath. ‘It was easier not to be myself but become what I thought you wanted me to be.’
‘I already have one wife, I don’t need another. I want you as you are and I want to be myself. Not some sad old git trying to hide his bald spot.’ He ran his hands over his head. ‘Hey, how do you like my new haircut?’
‘Definitely an improvement. And I’m glad you lost those shoes and the naff jeans that were too tight.’ Kath grinned.
‘Okay, if this is the way it is to be I promise never to wear my naff jeans again if you’ll stop being gushy and yes dear.’
‘Deal! I don’t suppose you fancy coming back to my place for a coffee or something?’
‘I thought you would never ask.’
Afterwards, they showered and sat wrapped in towels in front of the gas fire. Tony was combing out her hair when Kath spoke.
‘Do we have a future together? A long-term one, I mean, this isn’t just a fling. Would you ever leave Jackie for me?’
Tony did not reply immediately. His words eventually came out as if the effort to speak were too much for him.
‘I want you, Kathy. More than I ever wanted any other woman in my life. I love Jackie...’
Hot and sharp pointy things pierced holes in Kath’s heart.
‘... and if I hadn’t met you, I would have spent the rest of my life with her. I guess only the kids keep us together. It’s hard to leave a wife, but I need to be sure this is right before I leave my children. You understand, don’t you?’
Kath nodded and found herself crushed in another bear hug. This time she didn’t notice the pain, she was so full of joy simply because he loved her, and he wanted her. She couldn’t blame him for not being hasty and rushing into things. She too was unsure about their future, but now they could take it bit-by-bit, day by day with no pressure, hassle or pretence. Kath relaxed into his arms, and there they stayed not talking much but enjoying the nearness of each other.
After Tony left, Kath sat in front of the television. She didn’t have a clue what was on; she was watching her own in-flight entertainment: The Kathy and Tony Show. He could leave his wife after Christmas; she didn’t want to ruin that for his kids. Crikey, she would be a stepmother, and someday a mother. Although they couldn’t wait too long, otherwise Tony would end up with grandchildren the same age as their children.
Suppose he didn’t want any more kids. This was something they needed to discuss. Along with where they would live and how they would live. His wife would probably get custody leaving Tony paying out most of his wages in maintenance. They wouldn’t have much, but it wouldn’t matter because they would have each other. Kath let out a contented sigh.
The future looked bright, red-hot in fact; they had the best sex ever that afternoon. Abstinence played a part, but so did Kath’s newfound understanding of her body, which promised more fun to come. She smiled at the innuendo until the worry of what to tell her parents hit her.
What if she told them Tony was separated? It was nearly the truth, and it would be hard enough for Tony to win acceptance. If a little white lie helped matters, what harm was there in telling it. Kath grabbed a cushion and hugged it to her chest. She snuggled down further into the settee and her dreams.
The doorbell came as a complete surprise, she wasn’t expecting anyone and decided not to bother going down to answer it. The bell rang again and did not stop.
‘If this is someone trying to sell me stuff, I will break your ringing finger.’ She kicked the cushions on the floor and went to the door.
‘Darren!’
‘Kathy, I...’ He stopped and stared at her. ‘Your hair! You look amazing, like the woman from Terminator. It’s so different. I can’t take it in.’ He reached out a hand to touch her. She flinched.
‘I scared you bonfire night, didn’t I? I’m sorry. Here, I got this for you.’ He waved a single red rose at her.
‘Thanks.’ Kath didn’t know what to say or do. Here was a reminder of the real world she could well do without at the moment. She took the flower from him.
‘It was wrong of me to storm off. Please forgive me. Can we start again?’
His dark eyes begged her to, and the usual vibrating hum of his body was a tense and worried throb. Kath felt like Benjamin Franklin flying kites in thunderstorms. Who knew when the lightning would strike next? Darren was a dose of ECT, driving rational thought from her mind and inducing temporary amnesia. Tony may be the future, but Darren was the insistent present.
‘I’m not sure,’ she frowned. ‘I suppose we need to talk, but not tonight, my head is pounding. We could go for a drink later in the week if you like?’
‘Would Monday be all right?’
‘Let’s leave it a little longer. We can meet on Friday,’ she suggested before a sudden thought came to her. ‘We can’t. Miles will be back on Friday.’
Darren didn’t quite hide the brief flash of anger in his eyes before he said, ‘I’ll pick you up Wednesday at seven.’
He kissed her, a slow and enticing kiss that made her forget Tony was coming over for her Wednesday at seven.
road to nowhere
Miles Deforest stood in the checkout queue at Sainsbury’s and counted to ten. He had a trolley full of beer, peanuts, crisps and frozen pizzas. Though how long they would stay frozen was anyone’s guess. He turned his gaze to the woman in front of him. She still scrabbled in her bag trying to find her chequebook and card, all for three pounds and seventy-two pence worth of groceries. He reached ten again and gave up. Everything about her annoyed him. From her neat twinset to her extraordinary hair: big, bouffant and blue.
‘Oy, stop frightening people,’ came a voice from somewhere near his elbow. He looked down into Jenny’s laughing face. ‘You look like the wrath of God up there.’
‘More like the devil. A pox on old crones who make me wait in queues whilst they fumble for plastic inside dead crocodiles.’
‘Don’t be so dramatic, you miserable bugger. Here, I got us some whisky to go with this lot.’ Jenny put two bottles into the trolley.
‘Do you think I’m made of money?’ thundered Miles. ‘I don’t work to keep you in the blowzy state to which you are ac
customed; you painted Jezebel.’
The woman at the checkout glared at him.
‘I’ll bring the car around the front,’ Jenny said with an unsuccessful attempt to control her giggles.
‘Try your best to turn a few tricks to pay for the shopping, and don’t forget to use a condom.’
He smiled his most charming smile and farted. ‘Better out than in, eh? By the way, I love your hair!’
‘Miles, you are such a shit,’ said Jenny, as they loaded up her elderly mini.
‘True, but I have to get some fun out of life.’ He grabbed a packet of crisps and folded himself into the passenger seat. ‘Besides, I really hate shopping.’
‘I noticed.’ Jenny drove towards the queue of traffic waiting at the exit. ‘You can go in again if you want. We may be here a while.’
‘Now what’s the holdup? Mickey will be wondering where we are.’ Miles ripped the crisp packet open.
‘Especially as we’ve got to pick Kath up from work next, she’s doing overtime.’
‘Oh.’ Miles shovelled a handful of crisps in his mouth. ‘How many men is she seeing?’
‘No need to ask who she is?’ Jenny steered her car on to the main road glad to drive away from the crowded car park. ‘The three of them are an item, or should that be items?’
‘Is she...? With two men?’
‘Don’t panic, she’s not shagging Darren, only Tony. Kath will not sleep with more than one lover at a time; she considers it immoral.’
‘Huh!’
‘Give the girl some credit; she thinks she’s in love or something.’
‘With the wrong person.’
‘Don’t worry, Miles, one day your ship will come in. Is that why you came back?’
‘I decided to try again when you wrote and told me she had a married lover.’ The last two words came out in a spray of crisps.
‘Don’t tell Kath I told you, she thinks no one else knows.’
‘I’ll take your secret to the grave with me.’ He scraped the crisps from the dashboard, inspecting each chewed morsel before dropping them into the packet. ‘I was hoping this time she might notice me and I might stand a chance, but what with that slimy git she’s seeing. I want to kill him, and her.’