by Ella Craig
‘And?’
‘And nothing, we were as one, and now we are as two.’
‘I take it you and he are through with each other.’
Kath nodded. ‘Thing is, I handled it in such a stupid way. I feel such a cow.’
‘Is it definitely over between you two?’
‘Yes,’ Kath snapped. She wished Miles would stop harping on. ‘I should never have let it get this far. That will teach me to be greedy. I’ve gone from having two blokes to none.’
Her mouth fell open, and she shut her eyes at her stupidity. What would Miles say? A real friend would stand by her no matter what he thought. Kath peeked at him and saw a gleam in his eye at odds with the look of concern on his face.
‘Did you know I was seeing someone else besides Darren?’
‘Jenny mentioned something,’ Miles said. He seemed to choose his words with care.
‘Did she tell you he is a married man? Well, that hasn’t changed. I tried to pin him down the other day. Tony claimed he loved me. So, I said, if you loved me you would leave your wife for me. He couldn’t put the phone down fast enough, and I have heard nothing from him since.’
‘Do you love this man?’ Miles croaked as if he had something stuck in his throat.
‘I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure. Jenny did say he only wanted me for one thing. I wish he’d said so because I don’t want him to do to me what I did to Darren.’
‘You’ve had it a bit rough lately,’ said Miles.
‘So has poor old Darren, I hope he forgets me, and I never set eyes on him again.’
‘What about the other chap, the married one?’
‘As far as I’m concerned he can take a flying leap at himself. He isn’t prepared to make any sort of commitment to me, and I’m not prepared to waste my time in an empty relationship. Listen to me, I’m sorry, Miles, all I do is cry or whinge all over you.’
‘Doesn’t matter, you know I’ll always be here for you, Kath.’
‘You are a true friend, thank you.’ She touched his face and ran her hand over his cheek, baby smooth and hairless. Tony’s chin was like a cheese grater.
‘I want, that is, I hope,’ Miles spoke in a breathless rush before running out of oxygen. He grasped her hand and pressed it to his face. ‘Kath,’ he licked his lips and began again. ‘Kathy, I…’
She looked into his eyes, and their green lambent glow held her in thrall. The noise from the lounge faded until she could hear the blood rushing in her ears, and Miles’ heartbeat, slow and measured even though his breathing was erratic. The face beneath her hand trembled, and she felt his breath on the inside of her wrist. A tantalising vapour begging her to come closer. She moved towards him.
do you want to know a secret
Four more weeks of this would kill her. Jenny shoved a pile of books and journals to one side. She didn’t mind the indignities of the bedpan, the blanket bath, and the revolting food. She could cope with the pain, but the lack of cigarettes hurt the most. Jenny never considered herself a heavy smoker, fifteen a day did not seem excessive whereas none a day was absolute torture.
Thank God for Jim smuggling in nicotine gum along with all this reading matter for her to plough through. Cut off from the rest of the world, and with plenty of time to spare, she needed something to occupy her mind. But her need for a real cigarette had turned her brain into cotton wool. Before the accident, she found the subject of gender inequality in the prison system fascinating, but now she struggled to concentrate. And as for making sensible notes in the stifling confines of her hospital bed, forget it.
She shouldn’t complain, with everything healing, but there was no romance in having a leg in traction, merely immobile boredom. The one bright spot was her insurance firm who paid up with minimal fuss due to two independent witnesses corroborating the cat-in-the-road story. Strange what people will say in order to appear in the paper, but whatever made them lie had nothing to do with her, and saved some messy explaining. It also meant she could afford another car even if the accident had blown her no-claims bonus to buggery.
Now everything had calmed down, it was time to keep her promise to Miles and have a word with Kath. Who was heading towards her bearing the usual armful of flowers, fruit and chocolate. Shame Jim’s thesis wasn’t about gender inequality in modern relationships, Kath would make an excellent subject. Jenny smothered a grin.
‘Hi, Jen, how’s it hanging? Got yer leg over lately?’
‘You are not funny, and you can take those lilies somewhere else. I feel like a freshly laid out corpse with this greenery around me, and it’s bringing on my hay fever.’ Jenny gave a wet sniff to prove her point. ‘Where were you last week? You didn’t come and visit me, you selfish cow.’
‘Sorry, I was doing overtime.’ Kath threw her goodies into a chair and perched on the end of the bed. ‘Anyway, you grumpy git, what’s happened to the happy little invalid we cherish and love? Come on Pollyanna, time to spread a little gladness in a cruel world.’
‘I’ll spread your face if you don’t watch your lip, my girl,’ snarled Jenny. ‘Yeah, I know, I’ll have to catch you first. Believe me, I have heard every joke about broken legs going, and it is getting on my tits. As for Pollyanna; the little horror should have been drowned at birth that would have spread plenty of happiness. Life will be a whole lot more enjoyable when this sodding scaffolding comes down, and I get out of bed and out of here.’
‘Is that better, now?’ Kath had a bemused look on her face. ‘I mean your little outburst.’
‘Sorry, but I need to let rip every now and then.’
‘I wish I could help, but what can I do or say?’ Kath flashed her a cheerful grin. ‘Apart from bringing you the same old crap and tell you amusing stories of everything you’re missing. You should go into seclusion until you’re more mobile.’
‘No, that would finish me off.’ Jenny winced as she tried to pull herself into more of a sitting position. Kath obligingly plumped up her pillows then sat in the spare chair.
‘Thanks. I do appreciate visitors and their bloody presents. They worship me on the children’s ward because I send them the sweeties people keep sending me. I managed to offload one of my Granny’s fruitcakes. They love it up in the geriatric ward.’
‘Here is something which will not make its way any further.’ Kath waved a large bar of Belgian chocolate at her. ‘The two of us can spend the whole afternoon making ourselves as sick as pigs on this little beauty.’
‘Is anyone else coming in today?’ Jenny hoped for a negative answer.
‘No, the novelty of visiting you has worn off.’ Kath handed her the chocolate with the air of one dispensing alms. ‘I am the only one left to bring you succour and sweets.’
‘Your generosity is overwhelming. Any more good deeds to tell me about, Lady Bountiful?’
‘You’ll be proud of me when I tell you this. Tony called me this morning, for the first time in over a week. He was full of apologies and desperate to meet me this afternoon, but I said no because I was coming in to see you. I meant it as well, but I hope you appreciate the sacrifice I made to be here. I don’t mean to upset you, but hospitals are bloody depressing places to be.’
Jenny shot her a withering glance. ‘You think I don’t know that? And I am so sorry if I dragged you away from someone else’s husband.’
‘Don’t be nasty because you’re laid up in bed. Face it, Jen; you are yesterday’s news, besides there’s no room left on your cast to write obscene messages.’
‘Callous bitch; kick a girl when she’s down why don’t you? But why are you on your own? I thought Smiley-Miley would be here. You usually come in together.’
‘Poor old Miles, I think he feels in some way to blame for this. He is on an amazing guilt trip because you ended up in hospital with a write-off for a car, and he got away with bruises.’
‘Luck of the Irish,’ Jenny told her.
‘But you are Irish, well half Irish.’
‘Which is w
hy I broke the one leg, otherwise, it would be both legs dangling from the ceiling. So, where is the old soak? I want my supply of crosswords for the week.’
‘I am not sure,’ said Kath. ‘I haven’t seen Miles for a while. Something strange happened last time I saw him. I thought we might need some space.’
Jenny sat quietly, not wanting to interrupt. She knew Kath well enough to back off and let the story come in its own sweet time. After a minute, Kath began to talk.
‘I went to see Miles last Friday, the night when I told you I split up with Darren.’
Jenny nodded and wished Kath would hurry up; the suspense was making her leg ache.
‘I am not sure what happened because one minute we were getting stoned and discussing the meaning of life. The usual sort of rubbish.’ She lapsed into silence, and Jenny bit her lip while she waited for Kath to continue.
‘We were in the kitchen talking about my love life, or rather lack of it when Miles took my hand and kind of pulled me towards him. I swear he was about to kiss me, but Mickey came in, and we both jumped apart. Boy, did we blush.’
‘Did Mickey say anything?’ asked Jenny. Trust Mickey to blunder in and kill the moment. If she’d been there, she would have stood guard outside the door, and refused entry on pain of death.
‘No, he accused us of hogging the beer, and I stood all of a dither wondering at what might have happened.’
Jenny almost missed the faint hint of regret in Kath’s voice. ‘What did happen next?’
‘Nothing, Miles stared at me for the rest of the night with an expression of, I can’t describe it, soulful lust perhaps? That sounds big-headed, but I swear sparks flew between us, and I didn’t know what to do. We’d been drinking and smoking, but...’ Kath trailed off.
‘But what?’ Jenny was close to bursting with impatience, hope and a terrible need for a cigarette. ‘Did anything else happen?’
‘I tried to get him on his own again,’ (atta girl, thought Jenny), ‘but we never got the chance; they stuck to us like glue. I swear he got more desperate as the evening passed.’
‘So nothing happened,’ said Jenny.
‘No, just Miles acting weird as usual, or more weird than usual. I felt quite disappointed, although, in a way, I’m relieved nothing did happen. I couldn’t cope with both Miles and Tony, but Miles is more stable than Darren. It would be safer to string him along until I find out what Tony’s up to.’
‘Don’t you dare do that to Miles.’ Jenny let her voice ring out with a sharp edge. ‘If you do, I will never speak to you again.’
‘Steady on, I was joking.’
‘You’d better be because this isn’t a joke for Miles so don’t play any games with him. You must realise he’s fancied you for years?’
‘Sort of, but I always assumed it was platonic, we are best friends, nothing more.’
‘Miles is crazy about you, you blind old bat, which is why he left Plymouth and went to Aberdeen. He thought the further he got away the sooner he would forget you, but he couldn’t so he came back. He told me how much he wants you the day I crashed my car.’
‘Odd time for him to tell you. What else did he say?’
‘Do you remember when we first met Miles?’
‘Four years ago in the Cooperage.’ Kath smiled at the memory. ‘They were skint students, and we bought drinks for them.’
‘They wanted more than our money. When Miles spotted you, he thought you were with Dan, until Dan started snogging Sue. So Miles sent Mickey over to chat up Allie,’ explained Jenny. ‘Not that Mickey needed any convincing.’
‘And you made a play for the barman.’
‘Leaving you with Miles and Barry, whom you took quite a shine too if memory serves me well.’
‘Barry is so gorgeous, such a shame he left early.’
‘He left because Miles asked him too.’
‘The interfering little sod, I fancied my chances that night. How dare he?’ Kath exploded.
‘Because, you stupid girl, Miles had a crush, no a passion, for you right from the start. Apparently, you do things for him no woman ever did before.’
‘You’re not pulling my plonk, are you? This is not one of his nasty little jokes. You mean...?’ Kath sat in slack-mouthed silence.
‘Yes, I do mean. He wants you, and he wants you bad. This business of you and Tony is crucifying him,’ said Jenny.
‘How much did you tell Miles about Tony?’
‘Everything. Miles doesn’t want you to be hurt but thinks you are an idiot for seeing a married man. Actually, most of us think you lost the plot somewhere.’
‘Who else knows?’ Fear and anger made Kath’s voice erupt in a high-pitched squeal.
‘No one, but people guessed you were up to something you didn’t ought to be because you changed and became all secretive and sly.’
‘Tony again, I ignored everyone and let him take over my life, which ruined any chance with Darren. And now this thing with Miles.’
‘It is a lot to think about.’ Jenny tried to relax. This matchmaking wore her out, but would it work? She shut her eyes in silent prayer.
‘Jenny...?’ Kath began then whispered, ‘Are you asleep?’
‘No,’ Jenny whispered back. ‘I’m letting my startling news sink in and awaiting your response.’ She continued in her normal voice. ‘Assuming you are over the shock now.’
‘This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me every day,’ said Kath. ‘What do I say or do?
‘Nothing now, we can talk more about this later,’ Jenny said through gritted teeth.
‘Why?’
‘Take a peek behind you.’
Kath turned and saw a group of people coming towards them. ‘Lucky you, more flowers, chocolates and fruit for your collection.’
‘Wonderful, but no sign of Miles, though,’
‘Oh, balls,’ said Kath.
Jenny gave her a searching look. She resolved to introduce the topic of Miles at every possible opportunity. In the meantime, she slid the bar of chocolate under her pillow.
tears on my pillow
This was so typical of life; you wait years for a decent man, and what happens? Like the bloody buses, three turn up at once, but now with Darren out of the equation that made one down with two to go. And with no contact from Tony in five days, she might be left with the sole problem of how to handle Miles without hurting him. He was a friend, not a boyfriend, and Kath struggled to imagine the pair of them in a passionate clinch.
She wished she could pretend her conversation with Jenny never happened, but that would mean spending the rest of her life avoiding Miles. On the other hand, she could go out with him, give him some of the same treatment she gave Darren, and cure Miles of any untoward feeling for her. The major flaw in her plan would be the destruction of their friendship. Kath howled in anguish.
‘Do you realise other people are waiting to use this cash machine?’ A tetchy female voice cut through her wailing.
‘Sorry, wool-gathering again.’
It didn’t cut any ice. Kath gave her a feeble grin and scuttled off, only to come back red-faced. The woman at the cashpoint held a card aloft pinched between her index finger and thumb. Kath took it with a mumbled apology.
The last time she lapsed into a philosophical coma she nearly blew up the laboratories at work. Deep in thought, she let the temperature of a pressure oven reach its critical point, which earned her a bollocking from Maggie and a load of stick from Neville. Kath wondered if she should become a recluse and live on top of a pole or something where she would be less of a danger to the world around her. The one source of comfort was her college work. Her grades had gone from Cs to Bs with the occasional A, highly gratifying, but you can’t cuddle essays and exams don’t take you out to dinner.
The squeal of brakes and a car horn told her she had lost it again. She stepped back on to the pavement and muttered an apology. The white-faced driver shook his fist at her and drove off. Kath forced herself to pay attention and ma
de it home in one piece.
Where she found the shop fully lit which struck her as odd because George closed early on Wednesdays. Being of a nosey disposition, Kath marched up to the entrance to find out what was going on. She might scupper the plans of an international smuggling ring, hell-bent on stealing tat and hideous Victorian knick-knacks. Instead, she found George arguing with his ex-wife with Kath’s mother trying to prevent too much bloodshed.
‘Hello, everyone,’ Kath called out gaily. They stopped bickering long enough to make polite greetings then Aunty Linda launched herself back into the argument.
‘There are not enough places so Janet...’
‘Jeanette,’ interrupted George.
‘... cannot come to the wedding.’ Linda had a smile of malevolent satisfaction on her face.
‘Claire wants her there,’ said George.
‘Brides often have some strange notions.’
‘For goodness’ sake Linda,’ Angela snapped. ‘Jeanette is making the bridesmaid’s dresses; surely you can squeeze her in.’
‘No, and as for those gowns, we wanted pink trimmings on them. That woman has put cream ones on.’
‘Yellow dresses with pink frills?’ Angela’s face screwed up in horror. ‘The poor girls would look like slices of Battenberg cake.’
Linda stood in a rigid and righteous fury while George flapped around like a fart in a colander. There was one way of salvaging this. Kath looked at her mum and mouthed a word to her.
Never slow on the uptake, Angela smiled with a dawning triumph. ‘Linda, Kathy needs to tell you something.’
‘Darren and I split up last week, so Jeanette can go in his place.’ Get out of this one, Aunty Linda.
Outnumbered and outwitted, Linda gave in. ‘I suppose Jeanette can come, but she can’t sit on the top table.’
‘She can if you want to borrow my champagne glasses for the toast.’ George grinned in victory.
‘Very well, but she sits at the end, and I want the Art Deco ones if you don’t mind.’
‘No problem, Linda, I’ll pack them up and drop them off tomorrow evening.’ George radiated delight and satisfaction.