Noble Farmer

by A W Sheffield

  “It's...almost like the real world.”

  “I know right? But there are a few things you should know. Things that I wish someone could have helped me out with from the start.” Great another sales pitch. “This world isn’t all rainbows and unicorns like ALOW wants you to think. Peeps will stab their own mothers for the coin to pay off their debts and I am no different. I did you a solid back there and I hope you can repay the favor.”

  “How so?”

  “Hire me as your mediator.”

  “Say what now?”

  Her smile was refreshing, but I was still having a hard time not staring at her chest. “You’re ignorantly adorable. Basically, in ALOW, a Mediator is your lawyer among a lot of other things. Realtor, matchmaker, accountant, and I deal with the guilds on your behalf. Whether from getting a shed built or hiring an army. I serve your best interest and enforce the direction you want to go. Someone doesn’t hold up their end of a contract, I take them down, or defend you if you can’t keep up your end. A Mediator is a Role-players best friend, so let's be besties. What do you think?”

  “Smooth, real smooth.” I answered her.

  “You like that huh?”

  “Not as much as your chest, but I fail to see why I can’t do any of these things myself.”

  Her smile widened when I mentioned her chest and she stated. “Just showing off what my virtual momma gave me. To answer your question, you don’t need me. You could go to the Guilds, get bent over their desks and get raped out of ever silver you own. If not just out right ignored. You could just say screw the guilds, build your own stuff. And when it falls down in a windstorm and kills your people, who are you going to blame? How are you going to put out quests? Pull tabs at the local market? Sorry, there's no craigslist for stuff, no angie's lists to go to. No how-to videos on how to make something like a DIY god.”

  “I see your point.”

  She pouted at me, “I had a whole lot more references to say.”

  “You must have a long clientele list.”

  Shrugging she answered in a matter of fact voice. “Players come and go. I am always looking to replace what I have lost. And you, I have to say, intrigue the hell out of me. What kind of person wants to build from scratch? You have nothing, not even a shed, you’re going to be building from the ground up and do you know what gets built from the ground up?” I shook my head no. “Empires. I want in, and I know the resources and the people it takes to get you there.”

  “What if I don’t want to build an Empire, what if I just want to do my time and roll?”

  She pushed herself back into the overstuffed seat before answering. “Then you do what you want. No one can force you to do anything here. Not outright anyway. Emperor or basket weaver, I get twenty percent over the price I negotiate down for you on everything. Yeah it sounds like a lot, but the truth is, I am that good and even with my fee, you will still be paying less. The discount I can get you alone, is worth hiring me.”

  I was still on the fence until she said. “This game, it's not who you are that gets you anywhere. It's who you know, and what they can do for you to get you ahead of the pack.” It was like I was transported back to when I was a teenager.

  My brother Jared was going over the finer points of Big Business with our younger genius sister. His words echoed, merging with this woman’s. Like a church bell, ringing in the truth of the matter. It was like a blast from the past that bitch slapped the hell out of me. She was right, it was only a game, but there were cases I had read about. Where the game was more, players who racked up debt carried it with them over to the real world. My little sister’s bank, Global Enterprise Bank, was not one to forgive or forget. Just like my little sister.

  “...so, like I said before, doesn’t matter what you do here. I can make sure your stay is more enjoyable, profitable and in the end, just better. I don’t make money unless you do, and with that being said, do you want to go into business together?”

  I agreed and touched my signet ring to the contract she already had waiting. More so because of what she did in the bank rather than any real need for a lawyer.

  As she closed the front of her gown and took a moment for herself, she said finally. “First thing, my official name is Hana Webberly, I am a Highlady of my lands and second daughter to Highlord Webberly. In public or official functions, please address me as Lady Webberly, but alone like this, just call me Hana.”

  “Second, you are a nobleman, you need to conduct yourself as such while in the public eye. I don’t know or care who you are in the real world, but here you were born to privilege and you need to act like it. Even if you’re poor as hell. So, think of it like your game face, put it on when you need to. Take it off when you need a breather like I just did. On your lands you can act however you want, but just remember, your prestige is your experience points as a nobleman. The more people learn your name and your deeds, the more you stand to gain as a lord. Get high enough, and you might find a Royal Marriage Offer waiting for you. Then it’s smooth sailing from there.”

  “Third, we will get to after I announce you and you are given your noble quest. Once we get in there. Let me do all the talking and follow my lead. No one expects a lesser lord to know all the protocols, but try not to lose your temper or say anything stupid.” The carriage came to a stop and she took in a breath as deep as her gown would allow. I was rewarded with how her bosom squished up against her body. She really did have a nice rack. “Game face, let’s go.”

  I don’t know why I was nervous at first. Up close to the mansion I saw minor imperfections everywhere my eyes looked. From cracked or crumbling stones, to faded green paint. The lack of attention to detail was astounding and by the time we entered into the main hall, I was almost disgusted. Dirt was built up in corners of the rooms, the green and white carpets were stained. Black pitch marks were behind the torche braces. This wasn’t some Beverly Hill’s mansion, it was a wanna be. Even the servants looked bored and unsupervised, they stood around in clusters without direction.

  Highlord Weston Harwick was the biggest disappointment of all. The man had wine stains on his doublet that was two sizes too small for him. The brass buttons screamed in protest and appeared a deep breath away from becoming fatal projectiles. He had a large axe to his right and I doubted the man could pick it up even if he used both hands.

  The whole process was a waste of time. After Hana brought me in front of the Lord, she curtseyed and I bowed as she called out my name to the court. The fat man droned on about what he expected of me as one of his vassals. What he wanted from me could not even be called an expectation, but an assurance that I would pay my taxes. Then he gave me the quest and it prompted before my vision.

  ***You have been given a quest***

  MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF

  *Highlord Harwick wishes for you to make something of yourself. Do not squander your time in foolishness, become a leader of your people. *

  *TASKS; *

  Become a true Lord of Atheria. Raise your Prestige to 1000

  Adopt a worthy profession

  Raise your lands population to 10

  *Note - Failure to complete said tasks by the setting harvest moon of summer, will bring forfeiture to your noble life. Your land, title, populace and any buildings or equipment left on the land by the time limit, will be be confiscated by Lord Harwick.

  Do you Accept YES/NO?

  *Failure to accept the quest will result in your excommunication from the gentry world. *

  The choice was simple and after I accepted, he dismissed us like we were nothing. Not that I minded, the whole facade of the place was wearing on me. Once we were safely back in the carriage, Hana stated. “You did well. Now, where were we? Oh yes, number three. When your lands are up and running, then and only then do you get to go questing. Silver first, not last. Questing takes money, same with dungeons and campaigns. Players spend months getting ready for dungeons, campaigns can take a full year. Bu
t the payoffs are worth it.”

  “Ah, what if I am already set up to go on a campaign?”

  “As a Tier One, ha, what idiot promised to take you on that?”

  “As a camp aid actually.”

  “Now that makes sense and will benefit you in the long run. I am impressed, here I thought you were just some stupid newb who didn’t know shit.” I didn’t have the heart to correct her and tell her I actually was.

  Instead I just asked, “Why is that?”

  “Prestige, easiest way to earn it is showing the people you are one of them. Think of it like a business and the NPCs are you customers. Manners, manners, manners. Be nice, polite, and they will love you. Especially the women, just make sure if they ask you to impregnate them, the answer is always no. Unless married.”

  “Which brings me to the next point. Here in ALOW, you can have as many wives as you can afford, even more so. If you want to run the Hoo-ha Mile and get a wife of every race, just let me know. I can set that up for you but only after you get the silver machine spitting out coins. Coins before babies, that’s the easiest way to think about it.”

  “The Hoo-ha what?”

  She smirked at me, “That’s what the players call it. Those who can afford to have a wife of every race. It’s like a badge of honor among the Tier Fives. I think it’s stupid, because there is no way a woman would totally be willing to share a husband with another woman, let alone seven of different races.”

  “There are seven races?”

  “Of light, yes. There are also eight known dark races and countless Fae races. Don’t get mixed up in the light or dark hubbub. Neither is good or evil, they are all different. But needless to say, you trying to marry a Centaur isn’t going to go over too well. The poor girl would be killed on sight if you ever brought her here. But if a miracle should happen, and you do marry one, just keep her in a neutral land. No one has ever married one of every race, so don’t ask me to try and set that up for you. Not going to happen.”

  “Where was I? Oh yeah, Marriage. We need a plan for your future. If you want to make a go a becoming a Royal, the easiest way is to marry into a Royal family. That being said, no Royal woman will ever be anything other than your number one. So, if you are already married, you can kiss that route goodbye.” The information just kept coming and coming. From marriage to how to set up a keep. Truth be told, I didn’t hear half of what she was saying. I know she was trying to get me up to speed with the game as quick as possible. But I was a mediocre World of Warcraft player at best. My brother was the gamer god, yeah, I was good enough to raid but never topped the Damage Per Second meter.

  The carriage came to a stop and the driver opened the door. “Your Inn, Milord.”

  Before I could question how they knew what Inn I was staying at, Hana admitted. “I’ve had my eye on you ever since you walked into the city.” She gave me a wink and continued. “I am not the only Mediator after you, I just got to you first.”

  “What am I, a buffet?”

  “In a sense. You’re money. Any Mediator worth a lick is going to be head hunting and keeping their eyes out for new prospects.” Before she let me go, she added, “Now, for me to make money off of you, I need you to not make stupid, costly mistakes. How about we meet for lunch tomorrow and we can continue your player education? The more you know about this world and its workings, the more you will make. You can trust that I have your best interest at heart, Jaeger. Because if I didn’t, then I would not be a Mediator. You get rich, then so do I.” With a motion to the door she dismissed me.

  As I was about to walk away, she called out, “try to think of another venture besides farming. Yes, it can have big payoffs during harvests, but you need to keep the coins coming in. Think of your plan and when we meet tomorrow, we’ll get your balling rolling.” With the sweetest smile she said, “Good evening, Lord Persik.”

  “You as well, Lady Webberly.” She practically glowed with my use of the proper protocol.

  Chapter Four

  Like clockwork, we met every midday to go over my plan. Not that I really had a plan on the first working lunch. But by the week’s end we had a strong foundation and I was touching my ring to various contracts. After business, came my education. Hana drilled in the proper protocols and etiquettes of court. Even a few people of note to stay the hell away from unless I wanted to be in a war. She explained the difference between a guild and a faction, a guild being a group of people no more than two hundred. A faction was far more than that, more like an army than any real grouping of friends and like-minded people.

  Then the interesting topics came out, like classes. There were no set classes like hunter, warrior, or mage. How she explained it was more like a personal choice of a base class of weapon, like Of the Sword, and their skill trees were designed by the AI to make the best use of each player’s abilities. No two players were completely alike, though there were similarities. Armor also didn’t seem to matter in the game. If you were a spell caster and had the strength and endurance, you had the option to wear full plate. “It really boils down to what you’re comfortable with and your style of play. I always wore a mix of plate and heavy leather armor. Even with the pain tolerance ratings lowered, pain is pain, it still hurts.”

  It wasn’t until the fourth day that I shared a concern with her, “I have been spending my evenings helping out with the Inn when it’s busy. Waiting tables and talking to people, but my prestige, has only jumped about twenty points. At this rate I am not going to finish my quest.”

  “If it was easy, then everyone could do it.” She smirked at me. “Don’t worry so much, once you get back from your little camping party, you will notice a significant rise. When the farm is up and running, that is when you will see the biggest jumps. Help out the farmhands, bring them water, make sure they are warm, fed and happy. Trust me, no worries.”

  “About that, the camping party.” She gave me her full attention. “So, Cletus’s friend got here last night, and...ah.” It was hard trying to find the right way to put this. “She only has room for one camp aid. I’m out, it seems.”

  “No biggy.” Hana exclaimed with a shrug. “Go south, get to work on making me money.”

  “Well. She is taking Cletus with her.”

  “Can’t figure it out for yourself?” She shook her head at me and with an afterthought, she added. “Huh, I see your point. You are rather dense and a failed crop would only hinder my account as much as it would yours. A dilemma I am more than sure we can overcome.”

  “Yeah, about that too...”

  “Are you fucking kidding me, tell me everything, so I can stop sounding like an idiot.”

  I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, but before I could begin, I heard her thunderous steps. “Jae, where are you my sweet?” Hana cocked an eyebrow at me, and I groaned as the massive woman descended the stairs.

  “Large” was an understatement of epic portions when referring to Bretta. Had this been earth, American Gladiators would have shit themselves to get a piece of her. Muscle on top of muscle and then some. She was not what I would call attractive, with her round face and sunken eyes. But I liked her for a far different reason, she reminded me of a friend I had back in the Army. A no bullshit, this is how I am, like it or fuck off personality. And we were fast friends after the first round of drinks.

  She had arrived with Reesie, Cletus’s adventuring friend. I found out more information about my buddy in an hour from Bretta than I had in the almost two weeks I had known Cletus. It would seem they were old acquaintances of the divorced kind, much to Cletus’s agony. Come to find out my friend was a jack of all trades, but a master of none.

  Descending the stairs from their room, Bretta still wore her mangled mace on her left hip. The damn thing must have weighed as much as I did, and seemed to have had better days. The morning stars had more than a few spikes bent at impossible angles, some completely broken off. She called out when she saw me, “Darling!” and
I groaned for a second time.

  “A friend of yours?” Hana asked with a stupid smile on her angelic face.

  “Yeah, Bretta, a new friend and one that is going to help me.”

  “Does she know she's just a friend?”

  “Shut up.” As the massive woman took a seat next to me, we paused long enough for her to order enough lunch to feed seven people. I made the introductions and ended by saying, “we were just going over the final needs of the farm.”

  “Oh, and how do you know what a farm needs?” She had a point, I didn’t know crap about farming. “Might I take a look?” Bretta had an abrasive manner, one that I was very much used to with all my years in the military, but I could tell Hana did not care for it. She handed the woman our list and I could see her brown eyes read it over. “Who came up with this?”

  “It is a standard beginner’s list for farming. Provided by the Labor Guild.” Hana answered.

  “Standard, sure, if you like being robbed.” Without asking, she took Hana’s quill. “I will circle what it is we need, and cross out what we don’t.” As she went through the list, she started to laugh and I could see she was making more lines than anything. Once she was finished, she scribbled something down on the bottom of the parchment and handed it back. “With just two of us, there is no way we need all that crap. A trencher, really, it's called a plough, and we only need a single blade and a harrow, seed and manure. All that other junk is just there to make you pay for things you don’t need.”

  Hana was not happy, not in the least and I could see her face turning beat red. “Don’t need two horses either, just one to pull the wagon and implements. Two horses mean twice the feed, twice the cost, and twice the headache. What else are you two blundering up?”

  Bretta quickly asserted herself into our plans, and before I knew it, over half of what we had spent hours going over. Almost all of it was cast aside like yesterday’s dinner. She wrote down a list of tools and supplies we would need that were not on the original listing. All basic stuff, axe, hatches, sharpening stones, etc. Not to mention seed and food. “With a reputation as good as yours, I am sure you can have all that packed and ready for us to leave on the morrow.” Bretta flashed Hana a missing tooth smile.