Dropping Like Pies (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 11)

by Chelsea Thomas

“Of course,” said Miss May. “Up the stairs, around the corner, down the hall, third door on your left.”

  Miss May gave Wayne directions to the least convenient and hardest to find bathroom in the entire house. Immediately, I knew what she was up to. And I knew I was powerless to stop it.

  Wayne turned his head to the side. “Sorry. That was kind of a lot. Can you tell me those directions one more time?”

  “It’s confusing,” I said, silently complying with Miss May’s plan. “Let me show you.”

  26

  Interrogation Station

  As we climbed the steps to the second floor Wayne and I made small-talk. I was polite but also on the lookout for an opening so I could pivot the conversation to a discussion of Coach Thornton’s murder.

  First, we discussed the history of the farmhouse. Then we talked about how crazy it was that there was a blizzard in Pine Grove in October. At last, we found ourselves in a conversational lull. So I took my chance.

  “Anyway,” I began, “it’s fun chatting with you about all this history and the weather and stuff. But I was actually hoping—”

  “That we could talk about my beautiful blue-green eyes, instead?”

  Yes. Please. “No.”

  Wayne shrugged. “Your loss. Look, I can’t tell you anything about the case. We’ve done this dance a thousand times.”

  “Last time we danced was fun, I thought. You gave me information that helped me catch the bad guy with Teeny and Miss May.”

  “That investigation was the exception, not the rule.”

  Wayne and I had stopped walking in the middle of the upstairs hallway. He surveyed the doors. “So which one of these is the john? Door number one? Door number two? Door number three? I feel like I’m on Let’s Make a Deal and I don’t wanna get zonked.”

  “You can’t really think Brian is the killer,” I said. “You know him! The guy wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

  “That’s true,” said Wayne. “I once saw him rescue a fly from the Brown Cow and set it free outside.”

  “So you admit it. You’re skeptical of the arrest.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “Fine. You don’t have to give me any information. But if you’re still suspicious that the true killer is out there, like I am, let me share some information that might help you.”

  Wayne’s eyes focused on me intently. I saw him switch into detective mode and I knew I was on the right track. “Go on.”

  “If you’ve been investigating Thornton’s former basketball player, James, you can stop. He didn’t do it.”

  “How do you know?” said Wayne.

  “He’s got an alibi. It’s firm but…I can’t tell you any more than that. Too private.”

  Wayne laughed. “You’re feeding me bogus facts hoping I’ll open up to you. That’s not how this works. Let’s hear the alibi.”

  I shook my head. “Can’t. Sorry.”

  Wayne crossed his arms. “When were you talking to this James guy so much, anyway? I didn’t know you’d even met him.”

  “I’ve talked to him a few times. Ask the bartender at Murphy’s. He’ll corroborate that I was there, talking to James earlier today.”

  “Hold on a second. You were at a bar with James the Giant? Like…on a date?”

  “It wasn’t a date. It was a…rendez-vous. Did he have a crush on me for a minute? Maybe. I can neither confirm nor deny. But on my end, it was all for the case.” Was I trying to make Wayne jealous? Maybe. I can neither confirm nor deny.

  “You shouldn’t be investigating this case in the first place,” said Wayne. “Flanagan seriously hates you. She has it out for all three of you. And when you tamper with possible suspects like that, it can ruin the work we’re doing over at the department.”

  “What do you care? You got the bad guy anyway, right?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “So you admit it.”

  “Does Germany Turtle know that you’re out dating possible murderers?” said Wayne. “Poor guy. You reject his marriage proposal in front of the whole town on Sunday. A few days later you’re publicly dating.”

  “Like I said, it wasn’t a date. And Germany and I aren’t together anymore.” Woops. Did I say that out loud? Did I mean to?

  Wayne’s eyes nearly exploded out of his head. “Hold on. What? When did that happen?”

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s already on a plane back to Africa.”

  “Wow,” said Wayne. “I’m—I’m sorry about the breakup. Break ups are tough.”

  Yeah, right, I thought.

  “Are you OK?” Wayne asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  There was a moment of silence. Wayne broke it. “I really do have to go to the bathroom.”

  “And I’ll tell you which door. If you tell me why you arrested Brian. What evidence do you have? Why did you bring him in? I just need to know if we should keep investigating this case or if you’ve really got it solved.”

  “You’re smart,” said Wayne. “You’ll figure it out.” Wayne turned around and pointed at the third door in the line of three. “That’s the bathroom, right?”

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s next to the linen closet. So I took a guess.” Wayne smirked. “Maybe I’m not such a bad detective after all.”

  27

  Big Dan’s Dirty Laundry

  I found Miss May folding clothes in the laundry room. The smell of fresh detergent hung in the air like perfume. The small room was damp and fragrant but in the perfect way. The humid air felt like a nice hug.

  Miss May smiled as I entered. “Want a warm, clean blanket?”

  I smiled. Ever since I was a little girl, Miss May would offer me a warm blanket fresh from the laundry. I had accepted her offer every single time. But she still asked, as if one day I might say no.

  “Warm blanket sounds amazing,” I said.

  Miss May tossed a blanket over my head. For an instant I couldn’t see anything and my senses were overloaded by the warmth and the fresh scent of the detergent.

  Miss May laughed. “You look like a ghost.”

  I popped my head out from under the blanket and pulled it close around my shoulders. “I would be the worst ghost in the universe. Too klutzy, too loud, too sweaty.”

  “I don’t believe ghosts sweat.”

  “Well this ghost would, let me tell you that,” I said. “Where is everyone? Still by the fire?”

  “It’s adorable. Teeny is all curled up next to Big Dan. And I think she’s asleep. Like a little Chihuahua after a long desert hike.”

  “Teeny is kind of a Chihuahua,” I said. “I think I said that to the dog groomer, in fact. Did you know that girl asked me what kind of dogs I thought we all were? She is odd but I like her.”

  Miss May shook her head. “The dog groomer! She was sweet. I can’t believe we met her during our last investigation. Seems like so long ago. I barely remember her name. Although I do know she did a great job on Kitty and Steve.”

  “Her name was Amy, I think.”

  “Amy! That’s right. How cool is it that Pine Grove has a mobile dog groomer now? We’re getting trendy!”

  “The dog groomer doesn’t belong to Pine Grove,” I said. “I think that’s what ‘mobile’ means. She goes all over.”

  “Well all-over includes Pine Grove,” said Miss May. “And I think that’s cool.”

  I laughed but it faded quickly. I pulled the blanket even tighter around my body. “So… I talked to Wayne.”

  Miss May stopped folding. “And?”

  “It didn’t go well. Rarely does it go well between the two of us.”

  “But you’ve got that electric chemistry,” Miss May said. “Did you learn anything about Brian?”

  “Wayne implied that the cops don’t have strong evidence on Brian, but that’s it.”

  Miss May turned up her palm. “That’s ‘it’? That’s great! That’s all the information you needed.”

  “I guess,” I said. “But Wayne
helped me so much last time. I thought I might break through the thick layer of ice again tonight. I hoped he was going to tell me more but he was pretty closed off.”

  Miss May waved me away. “You should be proud of what you learned from Wayne. If he doesn’t think Brian is guilty, that means the killer is almost definitely still out there. And that’s all that matters.”

  “If Wayne is right, I suppose that’s true,” I said.

  “Do you think Brian is the killer?” asked Miss May.

  “I don’t.”

  “Exactly,” said Miss May, resuming her folding. “Did Germany happen to come up in your conversation with Wayne?”

  “If you must know, yes. But—”

  Suddenly, Big Dan barged into the laundry room with his cell phone to his ear, speaking in an urgent tone. “Yeah, I know. I know! But it’s not…” Big Dan stopped talking as soon as he saw us. “Oh. Hi. Sorry. I was just looking for a place where I could talk on the phone. Carry on.”

  Big Dan spun on his heels, exited the laundry room and pounded up the steps to the second floor. I turned to Miss May. “That was odd.”

  “Sure was,” said Miss May. “Drop that blanket and follow me.”

  Miss May climbed the staircase one creaky step at a time. I followed close behind her. As we neared the second floor I craned my neck and listened. I detected the faint sounds of Big Dan’s voice coming from the bathroom at the end of the hall.

  Miss May looked back at me. She whispered. “I hear him.”

  I nodded. “Me too. Let’s get closer. But stay quiet.”

  Miss May reached the second floor landing and pressed her back flat against the wall. I did the same. Then we edged toward the bathroom, one centimeter at a time.

  As we made our way closer to the bathroom I noticed a big, black scuff on the wall near my bedroom door. Suddenly, a childhood memory flooded my mind. I saw myself as a little girl playing cops and robbers with my dad. It was years before he and my mom had died, and he was young and spry just as he was in all my memories.

  I remembered that my dad and I were both playing with toy guns that day. Mine was pearly white with a black handle. My dad’s was carved of old wood. In my memory, I saw my dad disappear into my bedroom. He was the robber. I was the cop. I remembered that I’d tried to fire my toy gun in his direction, but I had fallen and dragged the barrel of the gun directly across the wall. That black mark has stayed on the wall all these years, I thought. And, in many ways, I was still playing cops and robbers. Although this time the stakes were much higher.

  Big Dan’s voice, angry and raised, shook me from my memory.

  “What if they find out? It will look terrible for me. I can’t live with all this stress. I wasn’t built for it. I should be on a beach somewhere. No, I hate beaches. I should be in a recliner. Or strolling the aisles at Sam’s Club sampling cheeses.”

  Big Dan paused, presumably to listen to the person on the other end of the line. Miss May and I were right outside the bathroom door at that point. Neither of us moved. I barely breathed.

  I nudged Miss May and mouthed the words, “Oh my goodness.”

  Miss May held her finger to her lips to keep me quiet and then refocused her attention on the sound of Big Dan’s voice. I did the same.

  “No, I don’t regret it. I did what I had to do. But—”

  A floorboard creaked under my shifting weight.

  “Can you hold on one second?” said Big Dan.

  Miss May and I dipped into the master bedroom and hid behind the half open door. I looked through the crack in the door. Big Dan exited the bathroom. He looked left and then right. Fortunately, he couldn’t see me, even though I saw him plain as pajamas.

  After a few seconds, Big Dan brought his phone back to his ear. “Sorry. Thought I heard something. What was I saying? Oh yeah. Thornton was a bad guy. And I stand by what I did.”

  Big Dan listened for a few more seconds, then he spoke again. “OK. I’ll try to keep my cool. You do the same.”

  Big Dan hung up and then headed back down the stairs, shoving his phone in his back pocket.

  I looked over at Miss May. “Do you think…”

  “Don’t even say it. Teeny loves that man.”

  “So what do we do?” I asked.

  Miss May exhaled a long, thoughtful breath. “We need to find out more.”

  28

  Surprise, Surprise

  Miss May’s bedroom at the farmhouse was apple-themed. There was a bedspread covered with watercolor images of apples. The top of a nightstand was shaped like an apple. There was a cuckoo clock on the wall with waltzing apples instead of waltzing people. And, the wallpaper, of course, depicted hundreds of apple trees, lined up in perfect rows.

  I sat cross legged on the bed and pulled an apple-shaped pillow to my chest. Miss May paced at the foot of the bed.

  “That phone call was so incriminating,” said Miss May. “I hope Big Dan’s not the killer.”

  “Maybe he was talking about something else,” I said.

  “He mentioned Coach Thornton by name,” said Miss May.

  “So you think he definitely did it?” I asked.

  Miss May shook her head. “The phone call didn’t sound good. But he didn’t outright confess to the murder. We already knew Big Dan had disdain for Thornton. Now all we know is that he acted on that disdain. Maybe he feels guilty because he pulled a prank on Thornton the day before Thornton died. I don’t know.”

  “I guess that’s possible,” I said. “And Big Dan did say something would ‘look bad’ for him. Which makes me think that Big Dan is worried about the appearance of guilt, not actual guilt. At least, I hope that’s what I think. I don’t know.”

  “I don’t know either.” Miss May sighed, then cast a forlorn look out the window. “I can’t believe there’s a blizzard now of all times. In October. Right in the middle of a murder investigation.”

  “I can’t believe one of our top suspects is getting snowed into the farmhouse with us,” I said. “Have you thought about that? We might be trapped with the killer.”

  Miss May shook her head. “I’m not worried about that. If Big Dan killed Coach Thornton, Coach Thornton must have provoked him beyond measure. I don’t think Big Dan would harm anyone else. Certainly not anyone in this house.”

  “The other people in this house are all hunting for the killer,” I said. “If Big Dan is guilty, our mere presence may be enough for him to act.”

  “If Big Dan were guilty, I don’t think he would have come back to the farmhouse in the first place,” said Miss May.

  “Unless he wanted to get close to us to find out what we know.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stepped into Miss May’s big, fuzzy slippers. “Should we warn the others?”

  “Like I said earlier, we need to find out more. You and I could talk in circles about this for hours. There’s no proof that Big Dan did anything. And we both like and trust the guy.”

  “I know,” I said. “Plus, Big Dan is the only mechanic I’ve ever found that I can trust. I really don’t want him to be a murderer, too. If he goes to prison, who will I go to when I need work done on my pickup?”

  “Right,” said Miss May. “And let’s not forget… he’s helped us solve a couple murders before. He has protected us in dangerous times.”

  “I know. So let’s proceed with innocent until proven guilty, like we always do. But I still think we should be cautious. If Big Dan killed Thornton, then something inside him has snapped. I mean, the body was chopped up and buried on the farm. That’s…psychotic.”

  Miss May groaned. “Why does everyone have to keep reminding me of that? This farm is my home. I don’t like to think about a killer sneaking in here under my watch and perpetrating such an atrocity.”

  “You don’t live here alone,” I said. “This crime happened with me, you, and KP on the premises. But we can’t blame ourselves. We didn’t hurt anyone and we’re going to find justice for Coach Thornton.”

  Mi
ss May crossed over to me and gave me a hug. “How did you get so wise?”

  “I have no idea,” I said. “The lady who raised me is obsessed with apples. You should see her bedroom. It’s insane.”

  Miss May gave me a playful shove. “You love my apple bedroom.”

  “You’re right, I do,” I said. “It’s not weird or strange at all.”

  Miss May laughed. The laugh quickly settled into a sigh. “OK. I have a plan.”

  I smiled. “You’re going to buy apple-covered curtains to match everything else in the bedroom.”

  “Will you stop? I’m trying to get serious over here.”

  I held up my hand as an apology. “Sorry. What’s your plan?”

  “We need to get a hold of Big Dan’s phone. The answer to all our questions lies in that device. If we can find out who he was talking to, we might be able to figure out exactly what the two of them were discussing. And that information will either incriminate or exonerate Big Dan, once and for all.”

  “If he’s guilty, he’s going to keep us away from that phone,” I said. “Maybe even if he’s innocent. He clearly has a secret.”

  “Then his attitude toward the phone will be a clue on its own,” said Miss May. “Either way…when we want something we don’t often fail, do we?”

  I shook my head. “No, we don’t. We’ll get the phone. One way or another.”

  There was a soft knock on the door and Teeny entered. “Hello? What are you two doing in here?”

  I swallowed. Miss May and I had not discussed Teeny. She was part of our investigative team. But I didn’t think she needed to know that we suspected Big Dan until it was absolutely necessary.

  “Teeny!” I mustered half a smile. “How did you find us up here? We’re… hiding. Because… we’ve been discussing a surprise for you.”

  Teeny lit up. “I’m getting a surprise? Oh, I love surprises. Is it shoes? Is it a crazy, turquoise wig? Is it a trip to the Virgin Islands?”

  “Quit guessing. You’re going to be right and that’s going to ruin the surprise,” I said.