Critical Doubt

by Barbara Freethy

  "I can live with that. I'm not looking for praise or a promotion. I got into this because I wanted answers for Abby. Unfortunately, those answers are going to make her lose her husband for the second time."

  "Well, maybe she can take solace in the fact that he wanted to provide for her."

  "Maybe." She paused, wondering why Ryker was taking so long and hoping he hadn't pulled another vanishing act on her. "Ryker is still in the building, isn't he?"

  "I'm here," Ryker said, coming up behind her.

  Relief ran through her. "Oh, good. I was afraid you'd bailed again."

  "Nope. Not this time."

  "Do you guys want to stay at my place?" Parisa asked. "I have an extra room and a couch, if that was to be needed."

  "I don't want to put you out," she replied. "But thanks for the offer."

  "You wouldn't be putting me out. But if you want a little more privacy, I get it."

  Her cheeks warmed at the gleam in Parisa's eyes. "Thank you for everything," she said, getting to her feet.

  "Any time, Savannah. And remember what I said."

  "I will," she promised. Then she turned to Ryker. "Are you ready to go?"

  "More than ready."

  They took the elevator down to the garage and got into Ryker's truck. "Where do you want to go?" she asked, as she fastened her seat belt.

  "Let's find the nearest hotel and order room service."

  She liked the sound of that. She was not ready to say good-bye to him yet.

  Fifteen minutes later, they walked into a beautiful and luxurious suite at the Carmichael Hotel, a five-star property. Ryker had insisted on picking up this room, since there was no longer any need for them to be staying under an alias. She had to admit she was impressed with his choice, especially with the king-sized bed in the over-sized suite that included a love seat, a dining table, and an antique desk. There was also a large flat-screen television along one wall. But it was the bath that really took her breath away: white marble floors, and a deep Jacuzzi tub, big enough for two.

  "Good enough?" Ryker asked, as they returned to the room.

  "More than good. This is really expensive, Ryker."

  "Don't you think we deserve it?"

  "We do."

  He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. She happily went into the embrace, resting her head against his solid chest. It felt like it had been years since they'd made love, but it had only been twenty-four hours ago. So much had happened, and she was thrilled to have a moment to just hold on to Ryker and to have him hold on to her.

  "So," he began.

  She lifted her head. "You have something you want to say?"

  "I'm hoping you have something to say," he replied, with a gleam in his eyes.

  She knew exactly what he was talking about. "I love you, too, Ryker."

  "Well, it took you long enough."

  "You didn't give me a chance before. And there was a part of me that wasn't sure you didn't say it just to keep me from following you into the barn."

  "That wasn't the reason. I wanted to say it in case I didn't get a chance. I wanted you to know how I feel about you."

  "It's crazy fast."

  "It's been five years."

  She smiled. "I don't think all those years in between count since you didn't even know my name."

  "I still missed you. More than I ever would have expected. Probably more than you would ever believe. But you would pop into my mind at random moments, and I would often see you in my dreams."

  Her heart twisted with pleasure at his words. "I thought about you, too. But then I'd tell myself it couldn't possibly have been as good as I remembered. I had to convince myself of that so I wouldn't try to find you, so I'd be able to move on." She took a breath. "But what now? I know that's the question every man hates, but I have to ask it."

  "I don't hate the question; I'm just not sure of the answer."

  "You don't have to know the answer," she said quickly. "We don't have to decide anything tonight."

  "That's true." He drew in a breath, as his gaze darkened. "I need to apologize for what I did earlier, leaving you without a word, not answering your texts, not treating you with the respect you deserve."

  "Why did you do it?" she asked, genuinely curious to know the answer. "I thought we were on the same page."

  "It was a combination of things. I was angry after my talk with Todd. And then Agent Paxton got in my face, making it clear I was not part of whatever was going to happen next. It pissed me off, and I had to get out of there. I wasn't really intending to stay away, but one thing led to another. I figured I might as well get the truck, and then I wanted to check out Mason's house."

  "The truck could have been rigged with explosives. You took a big chance."

  "I checked it out before I got in. Anyway, you know the rest."

  "Well, I'm glad you finally called me."

  "I didn't leave you out because I don't respect you, Savannah. It wasn't really about you at all. I know that sounds selfish. I've been so focused on myself, on my issues with the bells, that I stopped seeing anyone else. I was completely self-absorbed. I put up huge walls to keep everyone out. Maybe that's the way things would have gone on if I hadn't met you again, if you hadn't broken down my walls, pushed past my defenses, forced me to let you see the pain I was in. I hated you seeing me so weak, half the man I used to be, the one you fell for that night in the bar."

  "Oh, Ryker, you are not weak. You are one of the strongest men I know. You not only had to face your demons to get to the truth, you had to deal with the betrayal of close friends. I know you must be in pain, even though you won't admit it."

  "You're starting to know me a little too well."

  "I don't think I'm even close to knowing you too well, but I'd like to get there."

  "I'd like to get to know you better, too. You're an amazing woman, Savannah—smart, brave, generous, and beautiful."

  Moisture blurred her eyes.

  "Hey," he said gently. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

  "It's what you said. You put beautiful at the end. It's always been the first and often the only thing anyone saw in me."

  "You are so much more than a pretty face. Although, you still take my breath away every time I look at you."

  "You're not so bad yourself."

  He grinned. "I'm glad you think so."

  "And I'm happy you see me—the real me. To be honest, Ryker, I don't think I've ever shown my true self to anyone else. I was brave about a lot of other things, but not that, not the personal stuff. My father's desertion did a real number on my head."

  "Hey, you never told me what happened with your dad."

  "We can hash that out later. But I can tell you this; we spoke our truths, and for the first time I think we actually heard each other. And then we bonded over taking out the two gunmen who had come to kill my dad."

  He frowned. "Wait a second. I think you glossed over that before."

  "The important thing is we survived the hit, my dad trusted me enough to tell me what Vance was up to, and we put our past behind us. He's even willing to talk more often in the future."

  "Do you want that?"

  "I think so. We'll see how it goes. I know it won't be easy or perfect, but I understand him better, and I think he understands me. Only time will tell." She paused. "Getting back to us, I just want you to know that you broke down my walls, too—walls I didn't even know I had up. So, we're even."

  "Then let's see where this thing goes."

  "Well, I have to go back to LA," she said, bringing some reality back into the conversation. "I really like my job, Ryker. And after having a glimpse into Parisa's work life, I appreciate mine even more."

  "I get it. And I have no problem with California. They have fishing boats there."

  "Really? You wouldn't mind moving?" She had to admit even after everything they'd just said to each other, she was surprised.

  "I'm done hiding on the Chesapeake Bay. Not that I don't li
ke it there. But I need more. And I need you. I don't want to say good-bye to you, Savannah. And I don’t want you to say good-bye to me. If you're in LA, I'm there, too."

  Her heart swelled with love. "I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

  "I'm the lucky one." His arms tightened around her as he gazed into her eyes. "I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy."

  "If I have you, I'll be happy." She pressed her mouth against his, savoring his taste, his heat, and relishing the fact that there was no longer a ticking clock on their relationship. This kiss was just the beginning of a lifetime of kisses, a lifetime of loving each other.

  "Now how about that bath?"

  Epilogue

  Three months later…

  Savannah couldn't believe her father was walking barefoot on Santa Monica Beach with Ryker, that Abby was playing in the surf with Tyler, or that Parisa was sitting next to her on a blanket, sharing an afternoon picnic. So much had changed and all for the better.

  "I can't believe how warm it is," Parisa said. "I'm not going to miss the DC winters."

  "I'm so glad you're joining our task force. You're going to be a tremendous asset."

  "I hope so. I'm looking forward to working together, Savannah. Actually, I'm looking forward to being back with everyone. I think when you came to DC, I realized how much I had missed everybody."

  "Now, you'll just get sick of us."

  "I doubt that. And I have to thank you for the opportunity. The only reason I can make the move is because of what Ryker is doing. I never thought Jared would leave the CIA, but Ryker's new company got him excited for the first time in a long time. He's doing a good thing, Savannah."

  She nodded. She was more than a little proud of Ryker. "He couldn’t get past the idea that the families weren't going to be taken care of after the weapons deal went bust. And he blamed himself for not having considered the toll his teammates were suffering. He decided to do something about it. When he first told me he wanted to take care of everyone, I had no idea how he could actually do it. I had no clue that he was wealthy."

  "Well, at least he knows you didn't fall for him because he was rich."

  "I definitely did not. I knew very little about his family, least of all the fact that his grandfather had left him a huge trust fund. I guess the guys in his unit knew and that was partly why they didn't involve him and maybe why they resented him a little because they were struggling. He was struggling, too, just not with money."

  "Well, he's using the money for a great cause."

  She nodded. Ryker had decided to create a foundation that would help support the families of fallen soldiers. In addition to his trust, he was going to fund it by running his own private security company. He'd be hiring soldiers who needed to move on to the next chapter in their lives. Jared was going to come on board as Ryker's second-in-command. They'd become good friends in the past three months, and Jared was ready to use his agency and international experience in a different way, one that would give him more autonomy.

  "Is your father also joining the company?" Parisa asked.

  "I think so. He has really warmed up to Ryker and vice versa. How they're going to work together is still be determined, but my dad will be making more trips to Southern California."

  "I'm sure you're part of the draw."

  "Maybe. It's still baby steps with us. We can really annoy the hell out of each other, but there's something building." She paused as Abby came running back to the blanket and sat down, her cheeks red from exertion.

  "Tyler is having so much fun," Abby said. "He adores Ryker, by the way."

  She smiled, seeing Ryker and her dad throwing a football around with Tyler. "I'm glad he's having a good time, and that you are, too."

  "I really am."

  "I just got a text from Jared and Jax," Parisa interrupted. "They need a hand bringing food down from the parking lot. I'll be right back."

  "Do they need our help, too?" she asked.

  "I think we can handle it," Parisa answered, as she got up. "If not, I'll text you."

  "She's nice," Abby said. "It's fun to see you here in your world with your friends and coworkers."

  "I'm so happy you came."

  "The trip was a great idea. Tyler has been doing better, but I think we both needed a break from home."

  "Has he seen Paul?" She knew that Abby had been hesitant to take Tyler to the jail where Paul was being held. Out of all the guys, he was facing the least amount of charges, but he would serve time for what he'd done.

  "No, but Tyler has written to him, and Paul has written back. Tyler doesn't understand what happened. How could he? It's difficult for me to understand. But I told him that even though his father has done some things that were wrong, he still loves him very much. That seems to work for now."

  "How are you feeling about Paul?"

  "Like I need to let him go."

  "Really?" she asked, a little surprised.

  "It's not that I can't understand or even that I can't forgive him. I just don't think I love him the way I used to, the way I should if I'm going to stay married to him. To be honest, I think our love ended a long time ago. Paul realized it before I did. That's why he was drinking so much, why he was floundering. I'm always going to have feelings for him. He's the father of my son. But I don't want to be his wife anymore. Is it horrible that I don't want to support him through this? That I don’t want to wait for him?"

  "No, it's not horrible; it's how you feel. And you're entitled to feel any way you want. Paul hurt you in a terrible way. Frankly, I don't know if I can forgive him for what he did to you and Tyler. But, on the other hand, I am grateful to him for saving Ryker's life and mine as well."

  "He realized that he'd made a horrible mistake. When he found out Leo was alive, he knew there was a hidden agenda."

  "Well, Leo will be going to jail for a very long time."

  "I hope so. He's the reason we all ended up where we are. Although, I still don't know how the guys drifted so far from their moral compasses. They say war changes people. It must have changed them."

  "I think it did."

  "But Ryker would have never fallen for that scheme. And not because he has money, but because he has such a strong sense of right and wrong. I admire that about him."

  "So do I. But he did feel bad for abandoning his guys for so long. He wants to make it right."

  "I already got a check from the foundation he started. It was very generous. I hope one day when Paul gets out, maybe he can also give back. I think it would be good for him. Not that Ryker would probably want his help."

  "He's open to it."

  "Well, it's a long way off." Abby paused. "It looks like our party is getting bigger."

  Savannah jumped to her feet as Jared, Jax, and Parisa came back, joined by Flynn and his now fiancée Callie. They'd gotten engaged a month ago and were planning a summer wedding. They'd also brought two large coolers with them as well as bags of food.

  "This is amazing," she said.

  "We were hungry," Jax told her with a laugh.

  "You're always hungry," she reminded him.

  "I work hard."

  "And he plays hard," Flynn put in.

  "You're just jealous cuz you can't play anymore," Jax retorted.

  "That's right, he can't," Callie said.

  "Hey, Stone, you want a beer?" Jax asked, as Ryker joined them, while her dad continued to entertain Tyler.

  "Definitely," Ryker said. He took the beer out of Jax's hand and then put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a loving look. "How are you doing?"

  "Great," she said, smiling back at him. "I like having everyone together. I spent so much of my life thinking I didn't really fit in anywhere, but this is where I fit."

  "Your team loves you. I love you. Hell, even your dad loves you."

  She laughed. "We're still a work in progress."

  "I love you, too," Abby put in, as she got to her feet. "And you better be good to her, Ryker, because s
he is my oldest and best friend, and I will hunt you down if you don't treat her right."

  "I will definitely treat her right," he promised.

  "I'm going to rescue your dad," Abby said to Savannah.

  As Abby left, she turned back to Ryker. "You fit in well, too. I'm so glad that this move worked out for you. As grateful as I was that you were willing to come here, I didn't want you to be unhappy."

  "Are you kidding? I couldn't be happier. I have you and a new purpose in life, and I can finally put some of my family money to good use. I talked to Carlos's wife earlier today. She's doing well. They're going to move into a bigger apartment now. She'll only have two kids in a room, instead of three."

  "You are going to do a lot of good with your foundation, and I think the work side of it, the security firm, will give you that excitement and adrenaline rush you might be missing."

  He laughed. "Are you kidding? Living with you, loving you, is more than a little exciting." He gave her a hot kiss. "Later tonight I'll show you."

  Her heart filled with love. "I can't wait."

  # # #

  What to Read Next

  Want more thrilling romantic suspense?

  Off the Grid: FBI Series

  PERILOUS TRUST

  RECKLESS WHISPER

  DESPERATE PLAY

  ELUSIVE PROMISE

  DANGEROUS CHOICE

  RUTHLESS CROSS

  CRITICAL DOUBT

  Lightning Strikes Trilogy

  BEAUTIFUL STORM

  LIGHTNING LINGERS

  SUMMER RAIN

  * * *

  Sanders Brothers Duo

  SILENT RUN

  SILENT FALL

  * * *

  Deception Duo

  TAKEN

  PLAYED

  Access MEMBERS ONLY Page!

  Would you like to have access to special deals, giveaways and sneak peeks at upcoming books?