Inertia: Impulse, Book One
Page 16
The following is an excerpt from
ACCELERATION
IMPULSE, BOOK TWO
GAINING MOMENTUM
GAVIN HAYES IS EVERYTHING DERRICK COULD ASK FOR IN A LOVER. Gorgeous. Passionate. Great in bed. Derrick finds it very easy to just let himself go, to let Gavin guide him and teach him all the things he missed during a decade of celibacy. In the course of a single weekend, Derrick’s routine is transformed, his mornings and evenings filled with sex. Sweet, seductive, wild or raunchy, Gavin offers to him all the pleasure he’s denied himself for so long.
But learning how to be a lover in bed is one thing. Learning to be one out of bed is another. For Derrick, being alone has become habit. Sharing his confidences doesn’t come nearly as readily as sharing his bed. And after so many losses, the last thing Derrick wants is to become dependent upon another person who might not always be there.
And Gavin always being there is far from certain. With an ex-lover lurking in the background, and the question of Gavin’s future health still outstanding, neither Gavin nor Derrick feel capable of asking for anything more than right now. But neither will Gavin be kept on the fringes of Derrick’s life. Can Derrick let someone in, before the opportunity passes him by?
AS HE SAT AT THE TABLE, Derrick could still feel the kiss Gavin had given him when he walked in the door. Nothing more than a simple peck of greeting. It had been easy. Effortless. Natural. He wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that, on their third night together, he and Gavin were developing the sort of comfortable and casual intimacies that came with deeper relationships than this undefined whatever they had.
Friday night had been an impulse. Derrick had been filled with wild need when he’d shown up on Gavin’s doorstep. Sunday had been more deliberate, planning to stay over at Gavin’s.
Now it was Monday.
Maybe we should make a habit of this, he’d suggested earlier, before they’d left for work. Gavin had taken him up on the offer.
Habit. Habit was a good word for it.
Could three nights be deemed a habit?
Gavin sniffed, closing his eyes as he seated himself. “Ah. Smells like Friday.”
“Huh?” Derrick gave him a quizzical look.
“Shabbat. The Sabbath. Mom used to always make roast beef for dinner before we went to services.”
Derrick laughed softly. “Oh, right. Sorry. You’d think I’d have put that together, the number of times my friends have had me over to dinner on Friday before Devon and I go to play pool while his wife goes to services.”
Gavin shrugged, taking a drink of his beer. “I was a little vague.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for Fridays from here on out, though.” Derrick bit his tongue as he realized what he’d said.
Habit. Right.
Derrick ducked his head and cut his roast to keep his hands busy. Luckily Gavin let the remark slide.
Or maybe not.
“I hope so. You know it’s a good deed, practically a commandment, to have sex on Shabbat?”
Derrick felt his face flush. Was Gavin trying to fluster him? “Does that, um… apply to gay guys, too?”
“It should.” Gavin gave him a smug smile, which made Derrick fumble his knife. He tilted his head, regarding Derrick with a slight wrinkle forming between his brows. “Are you nervous about something?”
Derrick frowned, puzzled at his own raw-edged nerves. He’d been feeling short of breath and antsy since before Gavin arrived, and he couldn’t explain it any more than he could explain why the kiss hello had surprised him.
“I guess I am.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea,” he said, glancing across the table at Gavin. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”
Gavin smiled. “Good. So have I.”
“I-I mean, I guess it’s different, somehow. Here. This house.”
“Oh? How so?”
Derrick shook his head, shrugging helplessly. “I’m not sure. Maybe because I’ve never done it before? Had anyone over here, I mean. Well, I-I’ve had company, of course, people have come to visit. Guests. Friends. That sort of thing.” He begun babbling, which was a minor miracle in itself, but he didn’t seem to be capable of shutting up and, dear God, why couldn’t he shut up? “But not like this.”
“You mean you’ve never slept with someone here.”
And now he was blushing again. Great. Just great.
Gavin grinned, delighted by the blush. Of course.
“Yeah. Exactly.” He and LeeAnn had made out up in his room all the time in high school, naturally, but by the time they’d begun having sex during her vacations from college, he’d been too immersed in taking care of his grandparents to ever consider having her over to the house for any length of time. Sex had been something they’d managed in the short, hurried interludes when Miss Ingrid had shooed him out the door and taken over for a couple hours here and there.
“And why does it feel different than over at my place?”
“I don’t know.” Derrick shook his head again. He suspected he did know, but it wasn’t something he could say. Having Gavin overnight here in his home made everything more real. This thing with Gavin wasn’t something which happened elsewhere, outside and apart from his normal existence. He wasn’t just bringing Gavin into his bed. He was bringing Gavin into his life.
And over-thinking in the process.
“Are you still okay with this?”
Derrick nodded, meeting Gavin’s gaze as he reached for his beer. “Yeah. I am. It’s just all new. But I meant what I said. I’ve looked forward to this all day. Just… now I feel like I can’t catch my breath, and all I can think about is last night and this morning.”
“In a good way?” Gavin asked, an edge of caution in his tone as he took a drink of his own beer.
Derrick nodded, cutting into his roast. “It was incredible.”
“What part?” Gavin gave him an assessing look. He ate calmly, as though whatever had such a profound effect on Derrick barely registered with him.
“I don’t know. They way you… the way you talked to me, maybe?”
Gavin, kneeling over him on the kitchen floor. Gavin’s hand jerking him off. Gavin’s cock rocking against the cleft of his ass.
Gavin’s voice, commanding him.
Look at me! No. Don’t hide your face. Let me hear that voice of yours. You sound so sexy when you beg.
“You liked that?”
Derrick nodded, trying to eat slowly, to downplay just how horny the memory made him.
“Good.” Gavin said, satisfied. He leaned back in his chair once he finished interrogating Derrick. “I won’t lie; I do enjoy doing that.”
Enjoy doing what, exactly? Derrick wondered. What had Gavin done to make the last twenty-four hours so amazing? He hadn’t said much, or even talked all that dirty. But what he had said, those simple commands, had driven Derrick wild.
“I, um, don’t think I’ll have a problem with that.” He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d agreed to, but whatever it was, he wanted more of it.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” They fell silent as they continued eating. When Chelsea finished her own food, she approached the archway from the kitchen to the dining room. The overhead light from the kitchen shone on her bristly fawn-sable coat. Gavin shook his head with an amused smile.
“I can’t get over it. She has enough loose skin to make another dog.”
“She’s a shar pei. Comes with the breed,” Derrick chuckled, glad for a distraction from the pounding of his blood in his ears and the struggle not to squirm against the tightness of his jeans. He gave Chelsea a look as she stepped over the line where the linoleum met the carpet.
“Uh-uh,” he said firmly, pointing the the kitchen floor. “You know better.”
Chelsea hung her wrinkled head repentantly and lay down on her belly with her paws just touching the threshold.
Gavin glanced over at her and smiled. “You’ve got her well-trained.”
They continued eating in silence. After a moment, Chelsea inched forward, creeping on her belly, just over the line. She did it again when no one reprimanded her. Soon her paws had crossed the threshold up to the joints, while her muzzle still rested on them, trying to appear as inoffensive as when she’d been laying where she was supposed to be.
Derrick snapped his fingers and her head came up with a start. “Back to your spot.”
Obediently, she slid back, her brown eyes woeful, and Gavin chuckled. “She does this every time?”
Derrick shrugged with an affectionate smile. “Not all the time, but usually, especially when I’m cooking something that smells good to her. Or when I’m distracted by company. She likes to test who’s top dog, see if she can get away with giving herself a promotion in the pack.”
Gavin grinned, and dropped his voice to a lower register. “So, you like being top dog?”
Derrick’s mouth went dry and he took a long drink of his beer. Damn. He’d walked into that one. Gavin still managed to catch him out with unexpected bits of innuendo.
“Do you?” It wasn’t an answer, but it was better than How the hell am I supposed to know?
Gavin’s grin spread, became a bit predatory. “I would’ve thought it was obvious. Though I can be versatile.”
Derrick cleared his throat, pushing aside his empty plate. “Good to know.”
Gavin’s grin persisted, his gaze keen. Did he mean to make Derrick squirm? And if so, why?
As he wrapped up the leftovers and washed the dishes, Derrick wondered how long it would take before he stopped reacting this way. When would every moment he spent in Gavin’s company stop being filled with unnerving expectation, every action just passing time until the next touch? When would every word no longer be an opportunity for verbal foreplay?
It felt good. Fun. Wild. Delirious. But terrifying and out of control, also. When would he regain his footing so he could feel like he stood on stable ground once more?
Gavin brought in the last of the dishes from the table, bowls with sponge cake crumbs and remnants of blueberry juice and whipped cream clinging to the sides.
“And what did you plan for us to do after dinner?” he asked with a smile.
Derrick swallowed. Was he the only one who had expected they’d go straight to bed? Had Gavin planned to be entertained? Would Derrick be demanding, or worse, pathetic, to want to jump right to sex?
Was that all he was after, here? Or had the years of abstinence just made him want to glut himself on pleasure all at once?
“I hadn’t thought very far ahead. I got to dessert, then my brain just sort of shut down.” It was about as close he could come to admitting the only thing he could think of was sex.
Gavin chuckled. “Well, what do you usually do in the evenings?”
“Nothing exciting, I promise,” Derrick murmured, his tone touched with self-deprecation. “Hang out with Chelsea. Watch some TV. Play a game, if I’m not working on making something for a client.”
“Well, we could start there,” Gavin offered. “I don’t do much different in the evenings myself, so I don’t mind.”
He stacked the last of the dishes on the drying rack and drained the sink, wiping it down. Then, with his head bowed over the sink, Derrick closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He gripped the edge of the counter, his knuckles whitening.
How could Gavin not feel this same insatiable need? How was it only him? Was he more into it than Gavin was?
“I don’t wanna watch TV with you, Gav.” His murmur was calm and low, but honest.
Gavin stepped close, the fabric of his dress shirt and suit pants brushing against Derrick’s simple t-shirt and jeans. Slowly, Derrick turned to face him.
“I don’t want to watch TV with you, either.”
He thrust his hands roughly into Derrick’s hair and kissed him, hard.
Yes. This. Derrick groaned, all the eager expectation that had been thrumming inside him since they’d parted that morning finally breaking into action. His arms slid around Gavin’s chest, caressing the fine cotton of his shirt. His body relaxed against Gavin’s with a low, grateful moan.
Each detail became it’s own knee-weakening point of focus. Gavin’s tongue in his mouth, Gavin’s hands clenching in his hair, then moving down to grip his shirt. Derrick’s fingers dug into Gavin’s back as Gavin reached his waist and tugged his shirt up out of his jeans. Then those long, lean fingers were on his skin, stroking across his stomach.
“God, your hands….” Derrick moaned between kisses.
He let his head fall back, offering Gavin more liberty to move down to his neck, nipping and sucking. Gavin’s teeth closed gently over the junction of his shoulder and neck, gradually increasing the pressure. Derrick sagged against the counter as Gavin’s thumbs rubbed circles around his nipples.
He panted as the bite on his neck edged closer to pain, drooping with relief and disappointment when Gavin eased off.
“We really… ought to get… to the bedroom,” he murmured as Gavin dragged his tongue along the impressions left by his teeth. “Before I can’t walk.”
Gavin laughed softly and stepped back, looking satisfied with himself. “Go, then. I’ll be right behind you.”
Derrick nodded once, a brief, jerky movement, before bending to unlace his work boots and kick them off. He jerked his shirt over his head as he went, trying to walk at a normal pace down the hall. He wanted to give himself time, to draw back from the frenetic need welling up inside him, pushing him toward desperation.
Without warning, Gavin’s hands closed over Derrick’s upper arms. He propelled Derrick chest-first against the wall, pressing along Derrick’s back. His voice rasped behind Derrick’s ear, “I’ve been wanting to do this all day.”
A nudge of his hips against Derrick’s ass clarified just what he meant.
“God, yes,” Derrick whispered, his eyes closing as he rested his heated cheek against the cool, painted drywall.
Gavin ground against him harder. “Have you been thinking about this, too?” he murmured. “Thinking about what I did this morning when I came against your back? Were you distracted while you were working?”
Hard. Everything was hard, physically and mentally. He was caught between the wall and the pressure of Gavin’s erection. His own dick, trapped inside his jeans, found nothing yielding to ease the ache.
His thoughts came only with monumental effort. His pride, his need to control this headlong plummet into… whatever this was… struggled between giving Gavin the admission he sought and trying to retain his dignity.
Truth and need won over reserve. He pushed his ass back against Gavin, seeking more.
“Yes. God. All damn day… couldn’t stop thinking about you….”
Gavin’s fingers slid down his ribs, ghosting along the sensitive line of skin above the waistband of his jeans. “Tell me, what did you think about? Did you imagine more? Build upon what I did, make it into a fantasy? When you got home after your morning job, did you jerk off after you had lunch?” Gavin’s voice dropped lower, barely a whisper as his lips brushed the shell of Derrick’s ear. His hot breath blowing strands of Derrick’s hair against his cheek. “Did you call my name when you came?”
The sound Derrick made was humiliatingly close to a whimper as he moved, restless, urgent need driving him.
“I did.” The admission came in a thoughtless torrent, spilling from his mouth without any deliberation. “All day, it was all I could see. Couldn’t wait to get home. Every delay just drove me a little more crazy….”
Gavin rocked against Derrick’s ass again. His fingers quickly unbuckled Derrick’s belt and slipped into the snug gap between his jeans and his waist.
“What else did you think about, then?” he asked, nipping at Derrick’s earlobe. One hand drew out of Derrick’s
waistband to cup over the bulge under his fly; the other slid up to pinch his nipple. “Tell me. I want to know just what dirty fantasies you spin up in that gorgeous head of yours.”
“Oh, God, please….” Derrick moaned, feeling mindless, delirious with wanting.
“Tell me.”
His throat locked against the words he wanted to say. He fought against the verbal paralysis and tried to find a way to admit that he’d stopped by the adult bookstore where he bought his porn today to make a different sort of purchase. Not just condoms, but a better brand of lube than the stuff he grabbed at the pharmacy for jerking off. He’d done it knowing this moment, this decision, might come, possibly tonight.
Trapped between Gavin and the wall, his clothes hanging half-off and Gavin grinding against his ass, why was it the prospect of words that made him feel exposed and vulnerable?
What if Gavin didn’t want it, or was too afraid? What if the pantomimes of fucking they’d done were as far as Gavin was willing—or comfortable enough—to go? He didn’t think Gavin would be repulsed, not after the way he’d rimmed Derrick to within an inch of his sanity the other morning. But was it even a good idea? Was it just too damned soon?
How could he be willing to trust Gavin with the act, without being willing to trust Gavin with the confession that he wanted it in the first place?
“I… oh, God….” Gavin’s hands tightened, both on his nipple and around the ridge of his cock beneath his fly. The words, when Derrick forced them from his throat, came out much more coy than he would have liked. “I wondered what it’d be like… if you’d… gone further….”
“Further? You’re wondering what it would’ve been like if I’d fucked you this morning?” Gavin’s voice was smooth, steady, controlled. And yet it seemed to growl.
Derrick nodded, his cheek sliding against the wall.
“I admit, I’ve thought about it. Imagined the noises you’d make. How you’d move.”
Derrick moaned as Gavin’s had slid up and down his bulge with deliberate intent. “Yeah… Oh, God, yeah….”
Gavin dropped his hand from Derrick’s chest down to his fly and opened it quickly, pushing his jeans down his hips before pressing him to the cool wall again. The pressure of Gavin’s erection against his ass was all the more keen without the extra layer of denim between them.