Burn for Me

by Lea Coll

  “I wasn’t planning on telling you this, but I can see the situation makes you uncomfortable. I recently had a health scare. I went to the doctor for a check-up and it turns out I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a heart condition as a result.” Swirling the ice in his drink, he said, “It’s something I need to keep an eye on. I’m supposed to reduce my stress. If I hire someone I can trust at the office, I can take time off, retire, and the firm will continue. I’d prefer it to be a family member, but for now, that’s not a possibility. I have two sons who are attorneys. My oldest, Dominic, works in Baltimore. He said he doesn’t want to move back here, but you never know. This way, the firm is still open to them if they want to come back.”

  Coming here was a bad idea. Now I knew something huge about Logan’s dad that Logan didn’t even know. This was worse than merely taking a meeting with his dad about a job offer. “I’m sorry to hear about your health issues. Does Logan know?”

  “No, he doesn’t. I’d like to tell him myself in my own time. I don’t want to tell him and have him come work for me because he feels guilty. I’d like him to work for me because he wants to.”

  So now I’d have to keep another secret from Logan. I didn’t like it. And what if Logan or Dominic changed their minds and wanted the firm? Cal would always defer to his sons. “Would I be pushed out if Logan or Dominic came back?” I had a billion questions running through my mind and a voice in my head saying I shouldn’t be here.

  “No, if you came on, they’d need to work with you. You’d be equal owners. We’ll get it all in writing.”

  “Okay.” My mind was reeling with the possibilities. This was what I had always wanted, but at the same time, it was too good to be true. If I took his job offer, it could be amazing for my career, everything I’d ever wanted. I couldn’t stop the thrill that went through me at the thought, but at the same time, the situation filled me with dread. I didn’t like being in the middle of this family’s issues.

  What would he think about me working at his dad’s firm? Would he understand that it was a good opportunity for me or would it be a conflict for him? Would it ruin our relationship? “I heard what’s going on at Gunner. It doesn’t sound like you have a steady position there. I know the other attorney, Sadie Cole, is in talks with Taylor, Boone & Geist.”

  I knew they’d taken her to happy hour, but I didn’t realize they were seriously pursuing her. I felt the pressure building.

  “If Gunner isn’t careful, they will lose all of you. And there aren’t a ton of attorneys here. Most go to the city for more opportunities.”

  What he said was true, but I didn’t want to go to the city for a job, I wanted to stay here, and I needed more information to make a decision. “What are the billable hours?”

  “What are your requirements now?”

  “It’s one-hundred and eighty hours per month,” I said this to show him what I was capable of billing and I’d heard Richard brag about it to other attorneys. So it wasn’t a secret.

  “Seriously? I heard they were high, but that’s ridiculous. They’d have to resort to shady practices to bill that many hours.”

  It made me uncomfortable, which was one more reason to seriously consider Cal’s offer.

  “We keep track of our hours to bill the clients, but there are no official monthly requirements. You do what you need to get the job done.”

  Wow. That sounded amazing compared to my current job. Now was my chance to ask any question I had so I took it. I remembered what Emma said, that the firm needed to sell itself to me too. I didn’t want to be miserable in a new firm too. “How do you feel about outside activities, relationships?”

  “I’m not sure I understand.”

  I wouldn’t work at another firm with the same atmosphere as Gunner, so I had no qualms about being upfront with him. Especially since taking the job could ruin my chances with Logan. I needed to know what I was getting myself into. “I’ve been told that I can’t have a relationship and outside hobbies while working at Gunner. At least until I’m partner. Even the partner with children is required to bill the same hours as before she had children. I’m not saying I want to have a family now, but—”

  “You want to have work-life balance.”

  “Yes,” I said, happy he understood. This is what was missing in my last interview. The firm needed to sell the job to me as much as I needed to prove myself to them.

  “Look, as long as the work is getting done. I don’t have any issues with you leaving early on Fridays or having outside activities. It’s flexible. You don’t have to decide now. I understand it’s a big decision. Think about it and let me know. I’ll send over the benefits and salary package.”

  If he was sending me the benefits package, the job was mine if I wanted it, which was the last question I’d had. “Okay.”

  “Thanks for meeting with me.” He threw a few bills on the table and held his hand out to shake. “It was nice to meet you, Ms. Cook. Feel free to call me if you have any other questions.”

  Cal had just handed me everything I ever wanted, but could I seriously consider it? I was in the middle of Logan and Cal’s secrets. What if Gunner chose Logan and Sadie and I was let go? Cal’s job meant job security, fewer hours, flexibility. The job with Gunner was unstable at best. It was unhealthy, unsustainable, not to mention sexist. There were more partners at Gunner and I’d never be the managing partner. It was nothing like what Cal was offering me, the chance to have it all.

  Thinking about the tortured look on Logan’s face when he told me his father had cheated on his mother, I knew he’d never forgive me if I worked for his dad. He didn’t even know about his dad’s health problems. Would Logan change his mind if he knew? It was an impossible situation and I felt sick to my stomach. I was starting to regret meeting with Cal.

  I’D WOKEN UP FOR OUR run this morning filled with dread. I’d see Logan for the first time since I’d spoken to his dad. I’d be keeping this secret from him. At the same time, I couldn’t tell him. I wasn’t ready to ruin what we had. The run did little to relieve the tension in my body. Thankfully, Logan didn’t notice.

  “We’re going to do the mock interviews today and answer any questions the high school students in our mentor program have about college tours.”

  “Sounds good.” I held up my folder. “I did some research on common interview questions and printed them out.”

  “Don’t scare any of them, Cook,” he said as we got in his truck.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I’ve seen you cross-examine witnesses. You’re tough.”

  Pride surged through me that he was complimenting my trial skills.“I know when they’re lying and it drives me crazy. Not all of us can hold their hands like you.”

  “Maybe I should show you a few tricks.”

  “If you think that’s something you can teach. I’d love any pointers, but I think it comes naturally to you.” Logan had a way with witnesses. He came across as a friend having a conversation. He was rarely adversarial. “It’s what makes you a great trial attorney.”

  “A compliment? From Ashley Cook? Never thought I’d see the day.” Logan softened his words with a teasing smile.

  I grinned, enjoying this banter as much as our old back and forth. “Ugh. Your ego doesn’t need any encouragement.”

  He reached over and squeezed my hand. “Somehow, I think you’ll keep my ego from getting too big.” He parked at the school, which was only a few minutes from our office. “Let’s advise young minds.”

  I had just finished interviewing one girl who expressed interest in law school, when she said, “You know, I never even thought about being a lawyer before you guys started this program. I don’t know any lawyers, but the way you guys describe your jobs sounds so exciting.”

  I hesitated, unsure how truthful to be with her. I wanted to encourage her interest while at the same time, being realistic. And at the moment, I wasn’t feeling positive about my chosen profession. “Tri
al work, especially in criminal law, sounds interesting, right? And it is fast-paced and challenging to be in court. However, it’s stressful because my client’s freedom hangs in the balance. It’s the worst feeling when your client is led off in cuffs.” I didn’t do as many criminal cases at Gunner, but it was what I had done the majority of my career.

  Her eyes widened. “I didn’t think of it like that. That you’re keeping them out of jail.”

  “It’s a lot of responsibility and pressure. But there are so many other fields and things you can do like family law, education, and health.”

  “It’s great seeing a woman who’s so successful in her career. You’re so strong and driven. I admire you. My parents didn’t even go to college.”

  The idea of being this girl’s role model felt really good. Better than I’d ever felt working at Gunner. “I’m glad. If you have any questions about law school or what to do in college to prepare for law school, I’d love to help. Here’s my email.” I wrote my information on a Post-it and handed it to her.

  “Thank you,” she said, standing up. “My parents can’t help with college or financial aid applications. They’ve never been through it.”

  “That’s exactly why we started this group.” Although, I was starting to wonder if I was getting something out of this group too—a sense of purpose I didn’t feel at my job.

  On the way back to the office, Logan said, “That went well. I think we’re on the right track. The kids really seem interested. Maybe at the next meeting, we could go over their school choices and help them narrow down some for tours and schedule interviews?”

  I smiled. “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” Maybe this was the true definition of success, not saying I was a partner someday. It was enough knowing I did my best and worked hard. I wanted to be a positive influence on these kids. Maybe someday, one of these kids would look back at the moment when I encouraged them to become a lawyer or whatever it is they want to do.

  As soon as I got back to the office, I pulled out the reunion paperwork and filled it out. Under job, I wrote attorney at Gunner, Thompson & Anderson. I’d graduated summa cum laude from American University School of Law and I was an editor on their Law Review. Reviewing the paperwork when it was completed, a feeling of pride came over me. What I’d accomplished the last ten years was enough. Before I could change my mind, I signed it, folded the paperwork, and sealed it in the envelope to mail.

  Then my intercom buzzed. “Our favorite client is on the phone, Ms. McClellan.”

  “Thanks, Kelli. I’ll take it.” I sighed, I wouldn’t be in a good mood when I was done speaking with her. Conversations with her were draining.

  “Ms. McClellan, how can I help you today?”

  “I’m wondering if the custody hearing has been moved up.”

  I sighed but tried to keep the frustration out of my voice. “The court scheduled the custody hearing for seven days in July. It’s not likely to be moved up since the trial is scheduled to last so long.”

  We’d had this same conversation so many times, with her grilling me on any way she might get an emergency hearing on custody. She didn’t have any reasons that would justify one. Not that she believed me, which was the most frustrating part. She paid for my legal advice but questioned it at every turn.

  “Should I file a domestic violence order against him? My friend knows someone who did that and the court awarded her immediate custody, alimony, and child support. She said the judge called it a ‘quicky divorce.’”

  I sighed. “There would have to be clear and convincing evidence that Mr. McClellan threatened or physically assaulted you or the children. Has he done that?”

  “He grabbed my arm the other day when we exchanged the kids.”

  I hated to be cynical but I didn’t believe her at this point. I didn’t want to file frivolous motions that would piss off the judge who could potentially be hearing her custody case. “Did he, Ms. McClellan? Did he leave bruises? Or did he just touch your arm to get your attention? I want you to be smart about this. If you’re exaggerating, your claim will fall apart on questioning and the judge will view it as a waste of his time. We want to look like the level-headed, reasonable ones here, okay?” Right now, she and her ex competed to see who could be the most ridiculous.

  “When you explain it like that, I guess it might have been to get my attention. But I don’t want him touching me at all!” She was quiet for a moment. “Have you consulted anyone else on this case?”

  “Ms. McClellan, family law is fairly straightforward. There aren’t a ton of gray areas. I clerked for a judge right out of law school and the majority of cases we worked on were family cases. If an emergency motion was filed, it went through me. I know what judges will grant and what they won’t. The best thing for you to do is reach a custody agreement with your ex-husband. You don’t want to leave it to a judge to decide when you get to see your kids. You might not like the outcome.

  “Fine.”

  “I can talk to his attorney and let him know what happened and that it can’t happen again. Does that sound agreeable?”

  “Yes, but if he touches me again, I’m going to the courthouse on my own.”

  “I’d prefer you to call me first, but I understand.” In the end, this was her case and if she wanted me to file crazy motions, I had to do it. Richard would love it because it meant more money for the firm. I didn’t want to look like a newbie attorney who couldn’t control her client in front of the judge.

  “Okay, the next step is a settlement conference where we can try to agree on custody, visitation, and the other pending issues. I’ll let you know as soon as it’s scheduled.”

  I finally got off the phone with her and leaned back in my chair. There was nothing more frustrating than a client not listening to my advice. After the high I’d had from talking to the kids at the high school, I now had a raging headache.

  Sadie stopped in my doorway. “Hey, the partners are going to make a decision soon. I overheard Jillian talking to Richard. He said a few more weeks.”

  “Okay, thanks for telling me.” This was almost over. Unless I took Cal’s offer now and took myself out of the running.

  “Can you tell Logan? He’s not in the office.”

  I was so lost in my thoughts I’d forgotten she was still standing there. “Sure.”

  “Back to work.”

  My phone buzzed and I laughed seeing my contact name for Logan pop up on my phone. I couldn’t change it because it was so funny, although I wasn’t sure Logan would agree.

  Cocky AF: I’m taking you out tonight.

  Ashley: Where are you?

  Cocky AF: I had to file motions at the courthouse. Pick you up at 6 at your house.

  Cocky AF: I’ll stop by your house now and take Bailey out. Dress casual.

  Ashley: Thx ☺

  Guilt settled over me. This thing with Logan kept getting deeper, with Cal’s offer still there. I needed to make a decision soon.

  AS I WAS GETTING READY later that night, I tried to push all of the stress about my current job and get Cal Gray’s job offer out of my mind. Tonight I wanted to pretend that Logan was my boyfriend. That we were a normal couple. That we weren’t competing for the same position; that his dad didn’t offer me a job and tell me personal health information I was supposed to keep from his son, the man I’m dating. The position he’d put me in weighed heavily on me, but I could do this.

  When my doorbell buzzed, Bailey ran in circles, barking for me to hurry up. “Settle down, buddy.” I petted his head as I tried to walk past him without tripping.

  I pulled open the door, surprised to see Logan in casual attire. If I thought he was hot in a tux, it was nothing compared to Logan’s casual look. He smelled delicious, like he’d just taken a shower, wearing jeans, a long-sleeved shirt that clung to every muscle. He tugged me closer for a hug and I wrapped my arms around his back, breathing in his scent, leather and soap. I tipped my head back to see him. “Hey.” I wished Cal hadn’
t called me at all. It was hard to ignore the pit that developed in my stomach from the decision I had to make.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” His mouth ticked up into a smile. “I thought we’d go fishing.”

  That was not what I was expecting. I shook my head and took a step back. “Um, what?”

  “Fishing?” He raised a brow at me.

  I was casual in jeans and a sweater like he’d asked, but wasn’t expecting a camping kind of date. “Do I look like a fishing kind of girl?”

  He ruffled my hair. “Don’t worry; you’re great at everything you try.”

  I laughed. “So true.”

  “Your ego certainly doesn’t need stroking.”

  I licked my suddenly very dry lips at his use of the word stroking. “We do make a good pair.”

  “I like where your mind is, but I want to take you fishing.” He winked.

  “That’s awfully cocky of you to think you’ll get some tonight after this super romantic fishing date.”

  His voice lowered. “Oh, it will be romantic.”

  “You’re on. If you can make fishing romantic, then—”

  “Then what?” he asked, pulling me closer.

  “You’re in for a treat later,” I said my voice low and husky, remembering our last night against the wall.

  “I like the sound of that.” Then his lips were on mine, light and teasing before he pulled back. “Are you ready to go?”

  “That depends. Am I dressed right for fishing?”

  “Definitely. Grab a jacket in case it gets cold. I have a blanket in my truck. I’ll drive, since I have all of my fishing gear in the back.”

  I was excited to go fishing with Logan even though I’d never been.

  When we arrived at the marina, he grabbed the cooler from the bed of the truck. “I thought we’d fish off the fisherman’s pier; it extends out to deeper waters. It’s too late in the day to rent a boat.”

  I wanted to say I’d like to go boating with him sometime, but I held back. It was premature to make plans with him for the future.

  Logan set his gear on the dock and prepped the fishing rods with bait. The air was cool, so I put my jacket on and sat on the dock next to him. “I have a fishing license if you’re worried.”