Just Me

by Lexy Timms

  Now, it was up to her to remind herself just how powerful and special she was. Working out was one of the best ways to do that, because the results were tangible—she could feel her strength grow and see the changes in her body.

  “Right hook!” Katie yelled, holding her hand up as the target. Katherine did as instructed, using great form and she was rewarded with praise.

  Circling around the ring, the two women exchanged punches as they worked through the routine. Soon, all of Katherine’s jitters were gone and she was completely focused on the workout, keeping perfect form and hitting each target Katie threw her way.

  It was fun and exhilarating, and although she knew she wasn’t ready to fight Tim, Katherine felt more prepared with each blow. She was becoming the woman she wanted to be, but her old baggage seemed to constantly weigh her down.

  Talia had tried talking to her about separating her abusive relationship from everyone else in her life. In a way, Tim had darkened the world to Katherine, making everyone appear to be out to get her. Katherine knew Talia was right, she was definitely too paranoid and closed off, but she wasn’t sure how to change.

  Obviously, she didn’t want to give Tim continued opportunity to control of her life by allowing him to affect her current relationships, but what choice did she have? Someone was out to get her, so she had to be careful.

  From the outside looking in, it could seem like Katherine was overly cautious, but she was the only one who had seen what Tim was capable of. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she always knew that one day she would finally have to face the monster who had ruined her life.

  “Good job!” Katie yelled, when Katherine successfully completed a new combination of punches.

  She hadn’t considered how calming boxing would be. Up there in the ring, she felt above all of the drama of her life, thinking clear for once. Whenever Katherine was going about her normal routine, her mind was a wreck with worry and possibilities for danger, but when she exercised, she felt nothing but the strain of her muscles. She was free, and it felt incredible.

  Things were really shaping up in her life, and she wanted to embrace it rather than fear the inevitable destruction. Running for all this time had made Katherine afraid of close bonds, because she knew how hard it was to walk away from a place or person that she had developed a connection with.

  To avoid that heartbreak, she had learned to not to let anyone too close, or let herself get too involved with a community. San Francisco had blown that plan up without a second thought, it seemed. Not only did she have a job, but she had made a great friend in Talia.

  Working was her way of getting out, but she didn’t expect to find someone so kind and caring to introduce her to her new home. Talia made it difficult to remain closed off, because every day she had new recommendations for fun things to try, and Katherine found that she had a ball every single time.

  Just yesterday, they had gone to an ice cream parlor serving the last batch of what Talia claimed was the best peach ice cream in the world. Preparing for the fall weather, they had to say goodbye to the sweet tastes of summer, and the girls had made a day of sitting in the park and enjoying the last days of warm weather.

  “Two more!” Katie yelled, and Katherine threw two jabs with her right hand.

  “Whoo!” Katherine exhaled loudly as her arms fell to her side like heavy logs.

  During the workout, everything felt amazing, but as soon as it was over, fatigue hit her and she knew it had been a great session. It was after the most painful work that she saw the most results, so she instantly wanted more.

  “Let’s do another round,” she suggested, but Katie had to run to a private session with a client.

  Katherine was leaning against the ropes, catching her breath, when she saw Benjamin walk into the gym. He was as handsome as the last time she saw him, but now she felt awful for how she had treated him.

  The previous day he sent a beautiful bouquet of roses to the bakery, with a note apologizing for making her uncomfortable. She knew it was her fault for the way things had gone between them, and she wanted to let him know he had nothing to be sorry about.

  Talia had talked to her about giving people a fresh start, as opposed to assuming the worst, as she automatically did. It was true, and she knew if she was ever going to break free of the hold put on her by Tim, she would have to meet new people and learn to trust again.

  She had done that with Talia, and it was proving to be a great idea. So, with that optimism on her mind, she climbed out of the ring and made her way across the room to where Ben stood, searching through a gym bag resting on a wooden bench.

  Walking over, she reminded herself to stay calm and be open. It was against all of her safety precautions to open her life up to anyone else, but at the least she had to apologize for making him feel so bad.

  “Hi,” Katherine said nervously.

  “Hi—oh, hi!” Ben smiled, his green eyes gleaming. “You’re not here to beat me up, are you?” he asked, looking down at her hands, still wrapped in the boxing gloves.

  “Oh, no! I’m sorry. I came to apologize.” She shook her head, realizing how aggressive she must have looked coming over to him in boxing gear.

  “You don’t need to apologize, Katherine. It was my fault,” Ben stopped her, remorse evident on his face.

  “Well, I got your flowers, they were very nice. Seriously, you didn’t have to do that,” she smiled. Katherine couldn’t believe the trouble he had gone through to apologize for making her uncomfortable.

  After years in an abusive marriage, she didn’t think guys like that existed, but here he was. Talia was even impressed by his grand apology, and Katherine knew her friend would be proud of her for approaching him. In the back of her mind, she was already looking forward to sharing the details.

  There were butterflies beginning to flutter in her belly the longer Katherine was around him, and what shocked her the most was the fact that she enjoyed them. It had been a while since she felt any type of positive nerves or excitement when it came to a man. The past two years had been lonely, but busy, so she rarely had time to even look at men.

  Ben was a sight for sore eyes. He was so tall, standing at least a foot taller than her small five-foot three frame, and even through his workout gear, Katherine could see the outline of his muscles. His biceps were on full display in his sleeveless tank, and she made a note to stop staring at them, which was harder than it should have been.

  “I never should have pushed you. I just wanted to get to know you, but I understand and respect your decision. I should have taken the hint,” Ben explained, pleading with his eyes as he looked to Katherine.

  “No, it was my fault. I didn’t have to be so weird. I’m new here, so everything can be a bit intimidating, but I didn’t mean to creep you out,” Katherine said.

  “Oh, I think I win the creep award for how I behaved, but I promise I’m not a stalker or anything crazy. I was just trying to ask a pretty woman out and screwed it up royally,” Ben shook his head, remembering their awkward interaction.

  “Let’s just put it behind us,” Katherine suggested.

  “I just hope you can forgive me, and I promise to leave you alone,” he said, holding his hands in the air like he was surrendering. It was obvious he regretted how he behaved, and Katherine was satisfied with all he had done to make it up to her.

  “All is forgiven,” Katherine said with a nod. Ben smiled back at her and they stayed frozen in that gaze for a few seconds that felt much longer.

  Katherine was taking in every detail about him, memorizing the curve of his jaw and the shape of his eyebrows as he fought to hide the smile creeping across his handsome face. There was something about him that intrigued her and made her feel safe, but she wasn’t sure what it was.

  Ben had what she liked to call kind eyes, and whenever he looked at her she felt stripped of the baggage she was so used to carrying. It was like Ben could see her, the real Katherine, buried beneath all the insecuritie
s and fear. He saw something in her she was struggling to see herself.

  “So, you box, huh?” Ben asked, continuing the conversation. Katherine was happy to be talking about anything other than their weird encounter at the market.

  “I started today!” Katherine announced proudly, holding her boxing gloves up. “I actually wanted to do more, I liked it a lot! But the instructor had another appointment.”

  “Well, I know a few things, I could help out if you want,” Ben offered.

  “Really?” she asked excitedly. Her muscles were relaxed now, ready for more, but she thought she would have to lift weights instead, since Katie had to leave.

  “Yeah! It’s the least I can do,” he zipped his bag and began walking towards the boxing ring.

  “Wait,” Katherine stopped him with seriousness in her tone. “Is this another one of your moves?” she asked, a flirtatious smile playing on her lips.

  Caught by surprise, Ben chuckled. “I guarantee you, this is not one of my moves. You should know by now, I’m a smooth operator,” he joked, and they both laughed as they climbed into the boxing ring.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ben

  CIRCLING AROUND THE ring, Benjamin kept creating combinations for Katherine to follow. She was a quick learner, and she had great form. Careful not to be obvious, he caught a few glimpses of her amazing body as they continued their workout.

  “Good job,” he commended her after she landed a left hook.

  She had a bit of fire behind her punches, and he was impressed. Most women liked less aggressive workouts, so the fact that Katherine enjoyed boxing was intriguing. It was one of his favorite pastimes, and knowing they could have that in common felt like a good sign.

  It didn’t matter though, because Ben had promised he would not ask Katherine out again. They had made things right after his failed attempt at hitting on her, and now he just wanted to let things go, confident in the knowledge there wasn’t a woman in the city who could say she had been harassed or bothered by Ben O’Leary. He had really been sick about pushing her.

  Now he just wanted to focus on helping her with her exercise, but from the way she was hitting, he doubted she needed any help at all. Katherine moved like she had something to prove. Most people train with boxing in a routine choreographed dance, but the way Katherine moved was different. It was like she was actually in a fight, or at least preparing for one. It was intense, and Ben liked it.

  “Two here!” he barked, holding up his left hand. Instantly, Katherine threw two fast jabs. “Good job!”

  “Have you done this before?” she asked, between strained breaths.

  “Oh yeah, but I’m usually on your side of the training,” he admitted with a smile. Ben was recalling all the things his personal trainer did with him in the ring, trying to replicate them for Katherine.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever lift a weight or run on a treadmill again. This is my favorite workout by far,” she smiled, her face red from the adrenaline rushing through her small body.

  It was remarkable to Ben how gorgeous Katherine was, even covered in sweat at the gym. She had the kind of effortless beauty that needed no dressing up. Even her determination was attractive, the way she continued to follow him, throwing each punch harder than the last.

  “Man, you’re stronger than I expected,” Ben remarked after Katherine threw a hard right hook.

  The compliment seemed to give her more energy, her face brightening with pride. Ben liked being able to make her feel good about herself, and secretly wished he could do it more often.

  “So, what do you do?” she asked.

  “I sell pet accessories,” Ben answered, half honestly.

  It was true, his company did sell pet accessories, and so he indirectly did as well. While success had never gone to his head in a negative way, he often tried to hide or downplay his wealth when it came to women. There was a misconception that all women loved wealthy men and threw themselves at them, but his experience had been much different.

  The types of women who were interested in men because of their net worth weren’t typically the type of women Ben wanted to spend time with. And the women Ben did find interesting usually couldn’t care less how much money he made. In fact, they would often decline taking things further with him, doubting his ability to take the relationship seriously with so many options available to him.

  “Pet accessories? That sounds fun. Do you get to work with animals?” As she spoke, she was still following his lead around the boxing ring.

  “Not as often as I’d like. I’ve been thinking about getting a dog,” Ben said, sharing a desire he’d had for the past few months.

  Knowing how much he neglected his home, he thought he would bring the dog to work and let him hang around, much like Hendrick did at the market. It would be a fantastic way for the employees to get to know him a little better and he could have someone at home with him whenever he was there.

  What Ben didn't admit to Rachel (and never would) was that he preferred staying at work late because going home to an empty house was never an appealing option. The truth was, he neglected his personal life because there was nothing there.

  Sure, he had friends, but they had families and careers of their own. What Rachel was talking about was intimacy, and he knew his life lacked that in the moment. However, as he followed Katherine around the boxing ring, he realized the unconventional way they were getting to know each other was strangely intimate.

  “What kind?! I’ve always wanted to get a dog, but I move around so much, I think it would be hard,” she explained, twisting her lips as she thought of the possibility.

  “I was thinking of a golden retriever or a laTimor,” Ben shrugged. It was the most thought he had given to the idea that had been floating in his mind, but as he talked about it with Katherine he thought it could really be a good idea.

  “I love laTimors!” Katherine yelped between punches. “Do you think you’d feel guilty about leaving him at home while you went to work?”

  “I think I could work something out so that I could bring him with me to the office,” Ben nodded confidently, thinking to himself how being the boss came with a few perks.

  “That would be awesome!” Katherine seemed genuinely excited for him and it made Ben loosen up even more.

  “So, tell me about this moving around a lot. Is it for work?” he asked, and instantly Ben knew it was a bad question. There was something troubling Katherine, and he recognized the emotion as the same from their last interaction at the market. “You don’t have to tell me,” he quickly added, hoping not to ruin the mood.

  “No, it’s fine,” she smiled, with one side of her mouth. “I’ve just been trying to find a city that can be mine, you know? I’ve gone from one place to the next, but none of them felt like home. I guess when I find where I fit, I’ll start to seriously think about adding a dog in the mix,” she explained, her shoulders relaxed again.

  Ben took a deep breath, grateful he had avoided another catastrophe, but also curious about what Katherine was hiding. There was something she wasn’t willing to open up about, and while he thought it was perfectly reasonable, he hoped she could trust him enough one day to open up.

  “Alright, I think you’re done,” Ben announced.

  They were both drenched, covered in sweat. He was having so much fun working out with her that he’d lost track of time. Katherine was panting, leaning on the ropes as she caught her breath, and Ben took the opportunity to stare at her without fear of being caught.

  Her body was tight and sculpted to perfection. Wearing only a pink sports bra and pink tights, he watched her abdomen flex and contract with each breath, jealous of the beads of moisture coating her skin.

  “That was a good workout! Thanks so much,” Katherine said, after catching her breath.

  “No problem. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do this morning, but I was hoping for a little cardio, so it worked out perfectly.”

  They stood in the silence
, again lost in a gaze. Ben didn’t want to ruin the moment, but it was killing him to refrain from asking her out again. He had to remind himself of his earlier promise several times as she smiled at him like she didn’t want their time together to end any more than he did.

  “Mind if we get the ring?” A booming voice called, breaking their gaze.

  “Oh, no problem,” Ben called out, lifting the ropes at the edge of the ring so that Katherine could easily climb out.

  “Are you heading to the locker rooms?” Katherine asked, when Ben landed on the ground.

  “Yeah, you burned me out,” he teased, grabbing his gym bag from the bench.

  “Come on, I’ll walk with you,” Katherine offered, and he accepted.

  The tunnel to the locker rooms always seemed long, but walking with Katherine made the time pass too quickly. Ben didn’t want to reach the end, knowing it meant they would have to part ways.

  “Well, it was nice to see you again and clear the air. I guess I’ll see you around at the gym though, huh?” he said, instead of asking her out like he wanted to. They had just reached the end of the tunnel, with the women’s and men’s locker room doors on opposite sides of the hall.

  “Why do you come to the gym so early?” Katherine asked after a short pause.

  “Oh, I love the mornings,” Ben answered quickly.

  He had always been a morning person, even when he was younger. Something about getting up early and seizing the day was appealing to him. Searching Katherine’s eyes, he tried to understand the motive for her question without overthinking it. Was she trying to extend their time together, he wondered.

  “Me too! I’ve always been a morning person. Have you ever been to the coffee shop at the end of the block? Talia says they have great breakfast,” Katherine asked, catching Ben by surprise.

  The entire morning, he had been stopping himself from asking her out, afraid of further offending her, and now she was the one asking him to breakfast. The irony brought a smile to his face, but Katherine wasn’t sure how to read his delay in responding.