IT’S TIME

by Rachael Dytor

  “Well, we’ve lived to tell the tale and I can see why you brought us here, it’s beautiful.” She calms down somewhat. With the lull in conversation, my mind drifts to the scene at the cliff face and I am angry with myself for conjuring this up. We were supposed to be enjoying time away from him! However, with his image now fixed in my mind, I check the time then spring into action. We only have half an hour to make it back to the bus stop.

  The mood on the way home is far less jovial. There is very little conversation as we wind our weary way back home. Everyone is frightened to say it, but it is clear we’re all thinking the same thing. Has he twigged we snuck out? There is no more light left as we make our way up the dirt track towards the croft and it only intensifies the feeling of foreboding. The gloom has spread out not only over the horizon but also gripped and blackened our hearts as we continue to plough on even though every bit of common sense is telling us to flee.

  Like the scene at Neist Point, it was eerily quiet when we entered the croft. Promising? Surely if he had been alerted to our disappearance there would’ve been a confrontation at the door? Tentatively, we make our way through the porch and towards the kitchen. The kitchen is quiet too and shrouded in darkness. I wanted to make my way quickly to my room, but James was having none of it. “Let’s just check he’s in there.” I was just about to protest but he dragged me over to the dining room door. It wasn’t fully shut so we were able to give it the gentlest tap and it gave way, allowing us to peek around it.

  It was dusky in there too but thanks to the candlelight I was able to make out his substantial frame; collapsed into the chair before the hearth. The slurred speech revealed he was very intoxicated, “Well, whaaat do we have heeere then?” What to say? We don’t know how much he knows! Has he left his perch today and realised we were missing? Or has he never ventured anywhere and just drunk himself into oblivion? I think positive and pray it’s the latter …

  “Nothing Sir; I just wondered if you needed anything. I was in the kitchen making some food and wondered if you wanted anything.” It is too gloomy in there; I can’t tell how he has taken my response.

  Eventually … “Just piss off would you! You’re trying to sober me up, so you are! Plying me with food to try to stem the effect of the booze. I didn’t sink all this just to waste it stuffing my face!” With that, he brandishes his bottle of Scotch up, tipping it over for effect so we can see he’s downed the entire bottle. There is no mention of us being away anywhere, so I murmur a “Sorry to have disturbed you, Sir,” and take off to my room. With no mother in sight either, no exuberant James is going to stop me this time.

  It feels like a small victory. We have escaped unnoticed for the day and we got away with it. This gets me thinking … Caroline has been pushing and prodding me to come up with a plan to get one over on him; to get back at him for some of his punishments. On two occasions I have managed to escape here unnoticed. What if there were a way for me to play him at his own game with me in the driving seat this time? He’s not as sharp these days with all the alcohol he’s consuming. In my room I begin to plot …

  Over the next few days, I came up with various different ideas then instantly lose my nerve when I convince myself that something will go wrong and the plan will fail. Caroline knows I am up to something. She is so intuitive, so it doesn’t take long before I confide in her. She has a cunning mind so this we could use to our advantage. It is a blessing she is helping me because it is distracting her from her latest hobby – manipulating Juliet. It is quite disturbing to watch and Juliet, being the trusting character she is, falls into Caroline’s trap each time like a moth to the flame. It is never anything too outlandish but just little things she makes Juliet do.

  For example, she tests mother’s memory lapses vicariously through Juliet and it is quite cruel. She will ask Juliet to switch things around in the kitchen under the guise that she’s helping mother out to get things in order. In reality, she’s making life difficult for mother who is blaming herself and her forgetfulness in putting things in the wrong place. Caroline simply sits back watching it unfold with a satisfied grin on her face. It’s hard to see mother suffer when she is going through a torturous enough time right now, but Caroline is losing her patience with mother; becoming increasingly resentful at her inability to stand up to father or stick up for us. So, when she plots and schemes at manipulating Juliet into tricking mother it’s a double whammy to her; she gets great satisfaction from it.

  There is no question in both of our eyes; neither of us wants to involve Juliet. I am quite sure Caroline would jump at the chance to use her as a scapegoat, but I’ve made it quite clear to her that this is not going to happen. Caroline’s reluctance is borne not out of concern for Juliet’s welfare, more out of her uncertainty in Juliet’s ability to execute the plan with precision and we couldn’t slip up; we were both in full agreement on that. However, we both decide it makes sense to bring James in on it. The only thing we have to watch with James is that his ideas are not too gung-ho, he can get easily carried away!

  As we plot and scheme our way through the next few days, Caroline can’t help herself. She is itching to put the wheels in motion and get one over on him, so she’s been playing tricks on him to pacify herself. Earlier this afternoon we got our kill. Father had been drinking from late morning so, by mid-afternoon, he was none too clever on his feet. She could see he was relying on the chairs of the kitchen table to stay upright and steady himself as he negotiated his way around the table. Right at the very moment he was about to grasp for the chair adjacent to her, she kicked it away from him. Not enough to arouse suspicion, just enough for him to miss the very edge of it. He grasped nothing but fresh air and it was a sight to behold. The realisation only dawned on his face in the instant before he hit the floor and it was a sweet moment! He fell like a mighty oak and I refrained from yelling ‘timber!’ (only just!). At first there was nothing; then as his brain began to assimilate, a sequence of obscenities were yelled at no one in particular. It was oddly fascinating watching him trying to heave his useless carcass upright. Much like when a beetle lands on its hard shell and is temporarily incapacitated, he floundered helplessly until he eventually rolled onto his side and pushed himself upwards from there. I whipped my head around to see mother’s reaction and there it was – a huge smile spread across her face. However, the minute he regained some form of composure and was back on his feet, the smile had disappeared, and that timid helpless lost look formed in its place. Way to go, Caroline! Another little victory: he is licking his wounds and it gave mother a little boost, albeit short lived.

  With spirits high in the aftermath of this, we take to my room and have an animated discussion about our next move. I come up with a few ideas, but they are immediately quashed by James and Caroline. “We can come up with something far better than that,” James politely informs me. They’re both keen for him to get hurt and I have mixed emotions on this. What he’s put us through these past few years is beyond redemption, but he’s never been physically violent towards us. I don’t know how I feel about initiating violence. It’s one thing to push a chair out from under him but to put him seriously in harm’s way, that’s another matter entirely. I wrestle with my emotions. I know how good it would feel to give him a taste of his own medicine, but I need to pause and seriously think about how far I’m prepared to go with this.

  Meanwhile, Caroline fantasises about what life would be like with him out of the picture. “Imagine, just imagine how peaceful it’d be here if he had an unfortunate accident and had to convalesce in hospital for a week or two. We’d have the run of this place here too; mother wouldn’t bat an eye.”

  “What exactly do you have in mind, Caroline?” I interject, curious and anxious at the same time to hear what she has to say. “I have a few ideas, Thomas … patience. I’m just trying to figure out what would work.”

  I try James. “Any ideas, James?”

  James has been pretty quiet up until this point. “Wel
l I do have something which might work.” There’s a brief interlude then he ploughs on. “What if the girth on Sadie’s saddle wasn’t tightened properly?”

  Sadie is our nine-year-old Cob. Father rides out on her at the same time every week, checking the boundary of the croft perimeter to ensure there are no repairs needing done on the fencing or any of the dykes. It’s my job to tack her up ready for him. Why didn’t I think of that? If the girth is too loose and he picks up speed on Sadie, then the saddle will slip, making it very difficult for him to hold on. Inevitably he will blame me for not tightening the girth enough but it’s not something which is easily proven.

  “Yes, let’s go with that! Caroline, are you on board?”

  “I guess so but if this doesn’t work, we go with one of my ideas – OK?”

  “OK yes, no problem.”

  We had to wait a couple of days to put our plan into action. He always rode out on a Wednesday morning so before heading to school as is always the case, I made my way to the stable block to brush Sadie down and tack her up. She is a beautiful mare with black and white markings and a great temperament. Because she is only nine years old, she is still high spirited and can take off at great speed with only a little coaxing required. You wouldn’t think it as I approach her. She is so placid and snorts in acknowledgement when she sees me. “Hey girl, how are you this morning?” I say whilst stroking her muzzle. She responds by nuzzling her head into me, rubbing it up and down. “Let’s get you ready.”

  This has always been one of my favourite jobs to do around the croft. There is something really calming and nurturing about spending one on one time with her. This morning this is an extra special relief because she’s helped massively in quelling any anxious feelings I have about the task ahead.

  Brushing over, I reach for her tack which is currently balancing on her stall door. As always, she willingly lets me insert the bit into her mouth and fix her bridle in place. Next, I reach over for her saddle and heave it up and over onto her back. The girth is in my grasp and I feed it through to the other side where it will be secured (well, loosely secured!). A sly grin appears on my face, I can’t help it. It does feel good thinking we are finally doing something which is going to hurt him. It’s certainly not life threatening but, if he comes off at speed, he could have a nasty fall.

  I fasten the girth at the other side a good three notches looser than normal and have a look and a feel of it underneath. Perfect, nothing out of the ordinary visible to the naked eye but it is certainly loose enough to slip when Sadie breaks into a canter. Finally, I pull the stirrups down and as I do so, I can hear his footsteps approaching.

  He is walking with purpose and strides into the stable, opening her stall door with a flourish. He doesn’t even acknowledge my presence; he simply pulls Sadie around by the reins and marches her into the yard where he will mount her. He is not a great horseman and has never mastered the ability to mount her from ground level, so he uses a mounting block to get to the right height to heave himself up onto her back. This also works to our advantage – far less chance of being found out. Had he been able to mount her from ground level when he put all of his weight on the left-hand stirrup to pull his body upwards, there’s a good chance the saddle would’ve slipped then and game over. But, because he’s using the mounting block, there’s far less pressure going into that left stirrup.

  It still doesn’t stop me from feeling anxious. I hold my breath and time stands still as I watch him get into place. So far, so good! He is sitting abreast Sadie and I can relax somewhat. Then I dutifully make my way around to the front of them to fulfil my final task, checking his stirrups are even. Again, there is no communication between us and I’m OK with that. I give him the thumbs up to indicate all looks good and he’s off.

  With a good hour or so left before the school bus arrives, I will forget about showering and get a ring-side seat watching this unfold! There are quite a few chunks of his ride I am going to miss because the boundary is fairly vast, but I know a good vantage point on the edge of the field where the Highland cows graze. I should be able to see quite a lot from there, so I head over. Being the highest point in our grounds, it has the best uninterrupted views.

  I waste no time in making my way there and select just the right spot. At this point, he isn’t too far away, and Sadie is just getting warmed up. He has coaxed her on from a solid walk into a fairly brisk trot and she is looking frisky so there’ll be no problem in her picking up speed. All it will take will be a little nudge into her belly and she will respond. I wait with bated breath and my co-conspirators have joined me. There was no way these pair were going to miss out on the action!

  “Ooh, this is exciting!” Caroline can’t contain her emotions. “Come on, give her a kick on, get her moving; what are you waiting for?”

  “Damn it!” James chirps in and I see the reason for his frustration. Rider and horse have disappeared out of sight over the brow of a small hill. We have an excruciatingly painful wait to catch sight of them again. It felt like ten minutes but, in reality, it was probably only a couple of minutes. Then, we were lavishly rewarded. They burst into sight, Sadie now in a rapid canter, covering ground easily and looking quite at ease with it all.

  Then, disappointingly he reins her in. Something has caught his eye. He guides her over to a section of the fence and takes a closer look. We are all impatient and James speaks for us all when he says, “What are you doing? Get on with it man! Get her moving, you daft bugger; it’s no use stopping still. Aaahhh!” But stopping still is exactly what he did and undoubtedly the break in flow will have calmed the feisty Sadie down.

  Obviously, there is a section of the fence needing repaired so he’s now being more methodical in his approach; frightened to miss anything which of course unfortunately means the pace has slowed right down. We sit and wait, there’s nothing else for it! We keep expecting him to kick her on and get going again but it doesn’t happen. In fact, it looks as though he is heading back this way.

  He is heading back this way! “You have to be kidding me! What a waste of time and effort!” He is clearly heading back to get materials to repair the fence. We can wait no longer, otherwise we’ll miss the bus. Cautiously, we make our way back to the croft via the stable block. I misjudged how far away he was (thinking there was plenty distance between us) but I hear it as clear as a bell; “Stop right there! Do not move a muscle.” I tell Caroline and James to head back, it’s me he wants to speak to.

  Oh God, this plan has seriously backfired. As requested, I stand still, and he approaches. Sadie once again gives me an affectionate nuzzle. It is temporary relief. “Explain yourself, boy!” That is all he says and I’m not sure how to respond. “Cat got your tongue? Well, let me enlighten you then! You have proven yourself once more to be a useless waste of space. Even after all these years you still manage to mess up when it comes to tacking Sadie up. The girth was way too loose, I could feel it the minute we picked up the pace going over the brow of the hill! I had to slow up and tighten it before we set off again. If I hadn’t done that and she’d taken off, I’d have had a nasty accident!”

  “Sorry Sir. Caroline was helping me this morning. Perhaps I was distracted with her being there. Sorry, it won’t happen again.”

  “Don’t be stupid, boy! Don’t go blaming Caroline for YOUR actions! Use your God-damn brain next time you imbecile!” With that he dismounts and leads her back to her stall.

  I take stock. Not the desired result; our plan had backfired. However, at least he didn’t suspect foul play. Why did I bring Caroline into the picture though? Trying to deflect all the blame away from myself? I immediately feel ashamed. And it was back to the drawing board. This time we needed something fool proof. Then I remember my promise to Caroline – we would use her plan if this one failed. What did she have up her sleeve? I felt trepidation and excitement in equal measure.

  CHAPTER 14

  I

  am curious to find out what George has in store for me
today. He has said very little about what he has planned, and I am left guessing. Reluctant to let my mind run away with itself, I resolve to letting it play out and to try to go with the flow.

  Juliet is by my side and has been very supportive. We sit at the breakfast table waiting on both George and Janey appearing. I asked Janey to come and join us for breakfast last night. How could I not? Whether or not I’m doing the right thing remains to be seen. She is in Skye and I see no other way around it other than to involve her. I just have to hope for the best. I have to pray that our marriage can survive this, and she stands by me no matter what ugliness is uncovered from my past.

  “Juliet, this is all a bit of a mess. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with all of this.”

  “Listen, Thomas, you listen to me. You are strong enough; you always have been. You were always there for me when I needed to lean on you and now, I am there for you.” She always knows just what to say and her kind words reassure me somewhat. “What is it that worries you the most?”

  “That I won’t be able to deal with re-visiting my past and that Janey is going to look at me differently and maybe decide she doesn’t like what she sees and take off.”

  “OK, I think you are jumping the gun, Thomas. I haven’t known Janey long but you two have been together a long time and she’s here too as I am at your side so trust in that.” Of course she’s right but it doesn’t stop me feeling anxious none the less. Physically I am feeling much better, now able to walk about with very little pain so that’s something. I really didn’t want to distress Janey any more with a tale about me being involved in a car accident.

  My host makes his appearance. He appears to be in a jovial mood. “And how are we on this fine morning?” There was no denying it was a fine morning. The mist and freezing fog had just cleared up over the bay to reveal one of those beautiful cool crisp winter mornings. However, I could not share his enthusiasm for the day ahead. “Let’s get ourselves a hearty breakfast to set us up. Have you eaten, Thomas?”