Wyrd Sisters

by Terry Pratchett

Page 2

 

  About what? Dying?

  NO, I SUPPOSE NOT. IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH TO EXPECT, said Death sourly. THEY LEAVE IT ALL TO ME.

  Who do? said Verence, mystified.

  FATE. DESTINY. ALL THE REST OF THEM. Death laid a hand on the kings shoulder. THE FACT IS, IM AFRAID, YOURE DUE TO BECOME A GHOST.

  Oh. He looked down at his . . . body, which seemed solid enough. Then someone walked through him.

  DONT LET IT UPSET YOU.

  Verence watched his own stiff corpse being carried reverentially from the hall.

  Ill try, he said.

  GOOD MAN.

  I dont think I will be up to all that business with the white sheets and the chains, though, he said. Do I have to walk around moaning and screaming?

  Death shrugged. DO YOU WANT TO? he said.

  No.

  THEN I SHOULDNT BOTHER, IF I WERE YOU. Death pulled an hour-glass from the recesses of his dark robe and inspected it closely.

  AND NOW I REALLY MUST BE GOING, he said. He turned on his heel, put his scythe over his shoulder and started to walk out of the hall through the wall.

  I say? Just hold on there! shouted Verence, running after him.

  Death didnt look back. Verence followed him through the wall; it was like walking through fog.

  Is that all? he demanded. I mean, how long will I be a ghost? Why am I a ghost? You cant just leave me like this. He halted and raised an imperious, slightly transparent finger. Stop! I command you!

  Death shook his head gloomily, and stepped through the next wall. The king hurried after him with as much dignity as he could still muster, and found Death fiddling with the girths of a large white horse standing on the battlements. It was wearing a nosebag.

  You cant leave me like this! he repeated, in the face of the evidence.

  Death turned to him.

  I CAN, he said. YOURE UNDEAD, YOU SEE. GHOSTS INHABIT A WORLD BETWEEN THE LIVING AND THE DEAD. ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. He patted the king on the shoulder. DONT WORRY, he said, IT WONT BE FOREVER.

  Good.

  IT MAY SEEM LIKE FOREVER.

  How long will it really be?

  UNTIL YOU HAVE FULFILLED YOUR DESTINY, I ASSUME.

  And how will I know what my destiny is? said the king, desperately.

  CANT HELP THERE. IM SORRY.

  Well, how can I find out?

  THESE THINGS GENERALLY BECOME APPARENT, I UNDERSTAND, said Death, and swung himself into the saddle.

  And until then I have to haunt this place. King Verence stared around at the draughty battlements. All alone, I suppose. Wont anyone be able to see me?

  OH, THE PSYCHICALLY INCLINED. CLOSE RELATIVES. AND CATS, OF COURSE.

  I hate cats.

  Deaths face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant.

  I SEE, he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat-haters. YOU LIKE GREAT BIG DOGS, I IMAGINE.

  As a matter of fact, I do. The king stared gloomily at the dawn. His dogs. Hed really miss his dogs. And it looked like such a good hunting day.

  He wondered if ghosts hunted. Almost certainly not, he imagined. Or ate, or drank either for that matter, and that was really depressing. He liked a big noisy banquet and had quaffed[1] many a pint of good ale. And bad ale, come to that. Hed never been able to tell the difference till the following morning, usually.

  He kicked despondently at a stone, and noted gloomily that his foot went right through it. No hunting, drinking, carousing, no wassailing, no hawking . . . It was dawning on him that the pleasures of the flesh were pretty sparse without the flesh. Suddenly life wasnt worth living. The fact that he wasnt living it didnt cheer him up at all.

  SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO BE GHOSTS, said Death.

  Hmm? said Verence, gloomily.

  ITS NOT SUCH A WRENCH, I ASSUME. THEY CAN SEE HOW THEIR DESCENDANTS GET ON. SORRY? IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?

  But Verence had vanished into the wall.

  DONT MIND ME, WILL YOU, said Death, peevishly. He looked around him with a gaze that could see through time and space and the souls of men, and noted a landslide in distant Klatch, a hurricane in Howandaland, a plague in Hergen.

  BUSY, BUSY, he muttered, and spurred his horse into the sky.

  Verence ran through the walls of his own castle. His feet barely touched the ground – in fact, the unevenness of the floor meant that at times they didnt touch the ground at all.

  As a king he was used to treating servants as if they were not there, and running through them as a ghost was almost the same. The only difference was that they didnt stand aside.

  Verence reached the nursery, saw the broken door, the trailed sheets . . .

  Heard the hoofbeats. He reached the window, saw his own horse go full tilt through the open gateway in the shafts of the coach. A few seconds later three horsemen followed it. The sound of hooves echoed for a moment on the cobbles and died away.

  The king thumped the sill, his fist going several inches into the stone.

  Then he pushed his way out into the air, disdaining to notice the drop, and half flew, half ran down across the courtyard and into the stables.

  It took him a mere twenty seconds to learn that, to the great many things a ghost cannot do, should be added the mounting of a horse. He did succeed in getting into the saddle, or at least in straddling the air just above it, but when the horse finally bolted, terrified beyond belief by the mysterious things happening behind its ears, Verence was left sitting astride five feet of fresh air.

  He tried to run, and got about as far as the gateway before the air around him thickened to the consistency of tar.

  You cant, said a sad, old voice behind him. You have to stay where you were killed. Thats what haunting means. Take it from me. I know.

  Granny Weatherwax paused with a second scone halfway to her mouth.

  Something comes, she said.

  Can you tell by the pricking of your thumbs? said Magrat earnestly. Magrat had learned a lot about witchcraft from books.

  The pricking of my ears, said Granny. She raised her eyebrows at Nanny Ogg. Old Goodie Whemper had been an excellent witch in her way, but far too fanciful. Too many flowers and romantic notions and such.

  The occasional flash of lightning showed the moorland stretching down to the forest, but the rain on the warm summer earth had filled the air with mist wraiths.

  Hoofbeats? said Nanny Ogg. No-one would come up here this time of night.

  Magrat peered around timidly. Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own. She shivered.

  Whats to be afraid of? she managed.

  Us, said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.

  The hoofbeats neared, slowed. And then the coach rattled between the furze bushes, its horses hanging in their harnesses. The driver leapt down, ran around to the door, pulled a large bundle from inside and dashed towards the trio.

  He was halfway across the damp peat when he stopped and stared at Granny Weatherwax with a look of horror.

  Its all right, she whispered, and the whisper cut through the grumbling of the storm as clearly as a bell.

  She took a few steps forward and a convenient lightning flash allowed her to look directly into the mans eyes. They had the peculiarity of focus that told those who had the Know that he was no longer looking at anything in this world.

  With a final jerking movement he thrust the bundle into Grannys arms and toppled forward, the feathers of a crossbow bolt sticking out of his back.

  Three figures moved into the firelight. Granny looked up into another pair of eyes, which were as chilly as the slopes of Hell.

  Their owner threw his crossbow aside. There was a glimpse of chain mail under his sodden cloak as he drew his sword.

  He didnt flourish it. The eyes that didnt leave Grannys face wer
ent the eyes of one who bothers about flourishing things. They were the eyes of one who knows exactly what swords are for. He reached out his hand.

  You will give it to me, he said.

  Granny twitched aside the blanket in her arms and looked down at a small face, wrapped in sleep.

  She looked up.

  No, she said, on general principles.

  The soldier glanced from her to Magrat and Nanny Ogg, who were as still as the standing stones of the moor.

  You are witches? he said.

  Granny nodded. Lightning skewered down from the sky and a bush a hundred yards away blossomed into fire. The two soldiers behind the man muttered something, but he smiled and raised a mailed hand.

  Does the skin of witches turn aside steel? he said.

  Not that Im aware, said Granny, levelly. You could give it a try.

  One of the soldiers stepped forward and touched the mans arm gingerly.

  Sir, with respect, sir, its not a good idea—

  Be silent.

  But its terrible bad luck to—

  Must I ask you again?

  Sir, said the man. His eyes caught Grannys for a moment, and reflected hopeless terror.

  The leader grinned at Granny, who hadnt moved a muscle.

  Your peasant magic is for fools, mother of the night. I can strike you down where you stand.

  Then strike, man, said Granny, looking over his shoulder. If your heart tells you, strike as hard as you dare.

  The man raised his sword. Lightning speared down again and split a stone a few yards away, filling the air with smoke and the stink of burnt silicon.

  Missed, he said smugly, and Granny saw his muscles tense as he prepared to bring the sword down.

  A look of extreme puzzlement crossed his face. He tilted his head sideways and opened his mouth, as if trying to come to terms with a new idea. His sword dropped out of his hand and landed point downwards in the peat. Then he gave a sigh and folded up, very gently, collapsing in a heap at Grannys feet.

  She gave him a gentle prod with her toe. Perhaps you werent aware of what I was aiming at, she whispered. Mother of the night, indeed!

  The soldier who had tried to restrain the man stared in horror at the bloody dagger in his hand, and backed away.

  I-I-I couldnt let. He shouldnt of. Its – its not right to, he stuttered.

  Are you from around these parts, young man? said Granny.

  He dropped to his knees. Mad Wolf, maam, he said. He stared back at the fallen captain. Theyll kill me now! he wailed.

  But you did what you thought was right, said Granny.

  I didnt become a soldier for this. Not to go round killing people.

  Exactly right. If I was you, Id become a sailor, said Granny thoughtfully. Yes, a nautical career. I should start as soon as possible. Now, in fact. Run off, man. Run off to sea where there are no tracks. You will have a long and successful life, I promise. She looked thoughtful for a moment, and added, At least, longer than its likely to be if you hang around here.

  He pulled himself upward, gave her a look compounded of gratitude and awe, and ran off into the mist.

  And now perhaps someone will tell us what this is all about? said Granny, turning to the third man.

  To where the third man had been.

  There was the distant drumming of hooves on the turf, and then silence.

  Nanny Ogg hobbled forward.

  I could catch him, she said. What do you think?

  Granny shook her head. She sat down on a rock and looked at the child in her arms. It was a boy, no more than two years old, and quite naked under the blanket. She rocked him vaguely and stared at nothing.

  Nanny Ogg examined the two corpses with the air of one for whom laying-out holds no fears.

  Perhaps they were bandits, said Magrat tremulously.

  Nanny shook her head.

  A strange thing, she said. They both wear this same badge. Two bears on a black and gold shield. Anyone know what that means?