Plus One

by Sarah L. Young

  Although I had watched my favorite episodes several times through and could quote many lines from the show, I still watched it over and over. The clever humor made me think and laugh at the same time, while I was still able to enjoy the goofiness and simplicity of the characters' antics.

  As I scraped my eggs out of the heavy black frying pan and onto my plate, a new episode began playing. This episode, which I had only seen once before, took place at Christmas time and focused on the characters' reactions to finding out that their friends were going to have a baby. At first, I thought of changing the episode to something I was more familiar with and less topical, but I decided—albeit mostly out of laziness—that I was going to watch it. It began with the couple and all their friends growing excited over the news and went back and examined all of their real emotions, and how the news made them view their own lives.

  Seeing that their friends were moving on with their lives and taking such a huge step into the word of adulthood, they each vowed to make changes. When they found out it was a false positive, each of the characters back step to where they had grown comfortable. I wondered to myself if I was freaking out about this so much because of where my life was now. I mean, senior year wasn't the best of times for anyone I suppose, but I didn't feel like I had any major personal failings. Then again, I didn't have a person. Lexi had grown to be my best friend, and because I had never been what you would call "cool," or at least not in a traditional sense, she had been one of my only friends. Now I was alone.

  Maybe that was why I was so upset about all of this. To be fair, it all had very little to do with me. Maybe I was upset because I had so much to say, and no one to say it to. No one who really wanted to listen, that is. I wanted to be the superhero of it all. I wanted to walk back into Lexi's life and save the day. I guess that's not how things work out in the real world, though. Maybe I needed a little saving of my own.

  Maybe you don't have to be perfect to be someone's superhero. Maybe I needed Lexi exactly as much as she needed me. Maybe that was why she and I had stayed together for two years, not out of love, but out of a need for one another, a need so deep that neither one of us had recognized it until it was all over. But did it have to be over? Did it really? We balanced each other out so nicely, maybe we were exactly what one another needed. Maybe we needed to go back to being each other's person before we could figure out the rest of this whole damn thing.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Lexi

  I sat nervously on the couch in my guidance counselor's office while I waited for her to cancel some of her appointments for the day. I had suggested that I could come back at a different time, or maybe even a different day but she just laughed and shook her head saying, "You're all mine, toots."

  When she got off the phone with her secretary, there was a brief pause before I heard an announcement come onto the loud speakers. It said, "Attention Mrs. DeVito's students. She is no longer in the building and won't be for the remainder of the day. All those who had appointments with her, please come to the counseling center to reschedule your appointments. Sorry for the inconvenience."

  "Out of the office?" I asked her once the announcement had ended. She blushed and then laughed lightly.

  "You know," she said, wagging her finger ever so slightly in my direction. "It isn't easy to tell kids that you cancelled their appointment because some other kid is more important. Everyone thinks that they are the most important kid in the school, that their problem is bigger and more pressing than anyone else's. So instead of saying that I'm with one of you guys all day, I say that I've left, and I'll reschedule their appointments with them later." She shrugged, as if to say, what can you do about it?

  This thought made me slightly uncomfortable. "So, does this mean that I have the most pressing issue?" I asked her uneasily. She literally laughed when I had finished asking the question.

  "Of course not!" she told me, still laughing. "There are kids here with all sorts of problems, big and small. I wouldn't say that yours is the biggest or most pressing or scariest of all the problems, but today it's important that we really get a handle on this, before it sort of explodes and everyone is talking about it and there are a million rumors going on and you don't know what's happening. I'm here—and you're here—so that that doesn't happen. Okay? I won't let that happen, you're one of the good kids." I still felt extremely uneasy but I nodded and went along with it all.

  "So, first of all, I want you to know that you aren't the first teenager to get pregnant," she told me and I cracked up.

  "Yeah, I think I know that," I told her. She smiled widely.

  "Ok, well I wanted you to know that it isn't super uncommon to be in your situation. When I said that you aren't alone, I really meant it. Teen pregnancy in America is more common than in most other developed countries, for a number of reasons that I'd love to discuss with you at a later point, but right now I don't think is the best time. We've got some more pressing things to get to, wouldn't you say?" she asked me. I nodded.

  "And besides," she continued. "It doesn't really matter what's going on with all of the other kids. I'm talking to you. This is all about you. So, first things first: you told me earlier that you were dead set against getting an abortion. Would you mind talking about why? I'm not trying to pressure you, I'm trying to get the bottom of your hesitancy and see if I could dispel any rumors that might be preventing you from considering it. So, why did you immediately rule that out? Take me through your thought process."

  I nodded and took a moment to think. "I really think that it's already a baby. It's already alive. I know that they could be an amazing person if I let them live, and I want to bring them into the world. They could be a scientist who discovers the cure for cancer, or a politician who solves the conflict in the Middle East. Or maybe they'll be an average little kid who's happy and loves everyone and I can't take all that love out of the world, all of that potential that they could have.

  "I keep imagining them. The first time I'll hear their heartbeat. Or the first time that I'll get to meet them. I mean, my parents always tell me about how they fell in love with me the first time they ever held me for their very own. I know that I'll love this child, and they'll love me."

  "Well, that's a beautiful sentiment," she told me. "Unfortunately, I'm not sure how wholly realistic that is." The blood drained from my face and I felt myself begin to tear up. I'd thought she would agree with me. "Children born to teen mothers, especially those that don't have full parental support, are at higher risk for a whole host of problems. I don't doubt for a single second that you would love your baby more than anything in the world or that your baby would love you back the same. The problem is, love isn't all it takes.

  "You can't feed a child love," she said. "You can't pay for their shoes and clothes with love. Love won't put a roof over their heads. It's wonderful that you want for your baby to be born to add all that love to the world but love by itself isn't enough. You need to have a real plan for how you're going to take care of this child; how you're going to take care of yourself, which is just as important if not more. I'm not telling you that you can't keep your baby—absolutely no one can tell you that—but I want you to think this whole thing out so you can walk away from this better informed about what you should do."

  Again, I nodded, but I didn't think I could take much more of this style of counseling. It seemed like she was shoving my hopes and dreams through a sausage grinder and setting it to "high." I thought for a moment before I began speaking again. "You've obviously had some other pregnant students before, right?" I paused for a moment when she didn't answer. "Or at least one, right?" She took a moment and then nodded her head yes. "Have any of them ever kept their children?" I asked her.

  After a moment of thought she nodded her head yes again. "There have been some. Do you mean kids who have carried their babies to term and then had them adopted, or are you asking only about kids who kept their children and raised them? Either way, yes. I've had several
kids who have gotten pregnant. A handful have chosen to have an abortion, but there were also some who have opted to carry the baby to term, and a few have kept their children and raised them."

  "Could you tell me about some of those girls?" I asked her quietly, hopefully.

  "This is about you, but sure I can, if you think that hearing other kids' stories will help you figure out what to do, then sure. We had one a few years back who was from a middle-class family, got pregnant, and her parents wanted her to keep it for religious reasons. That is, they wouldn't let her have an abortion for religious reasons. It wasn't legally their call, because our state doesn't need parental consent to perform an abortion, but she didn't feel that it was the right choice for her because of how it would affect her family dynamics.

  "She thought about giving her baby up for adoption once he was born, but then she realized that she wanted to keep her baby. She was done with senior year by the time she delivered, so it didn't interfere much with her studies. Her parents were more than willing to help to raise the kid. They already had children of their own who were pretty young, so they decided it wouldn't change much to raise their grandson. Their daughter, my student, went to work after she had her baby. I've seen her a few times since then, and she's very happy. She gets to spend time with her baby, she gets to have her own life, the only problem is that she's twenty-two now and still lives at home. She said she wishes that she could have some more independence, but she doesn't have the financial means. She can't get a very high-paying job because she doesn't have a college degree, and she can't take on too many hours or she runs the risk of not having enough time to take care of her son. The father isn't in the picture anymore, so that causes some stress. I forgot to ask about that. Is your baby's father going to be in the picture?"

  I started sweating and took a deep breath before explaining my situation. "I don't think so," I told her. "Well, it's not that I don't think so, but I don't really know him. I met him at a party." I was careful not to mention that it was a college party, I didn't want to get into all of that. "Anyway, we hooked up, and I never got his contact information. I don't even know his name." I hung my head down in shame, waiting for her to chastise me like Emily had the night before.

  But she didn't. "Okay, well that's the situation sometimes. Are you interested in trying to figure out who he is? Maybe trying to ask around and find him, or performing a DNA test when the baby is born? Get him involved?" I shook my head wordlessly. It wasn't worth it. I only knew one person at the party that night. She was a friend from back when I was on the volleyball team, but I didn't know her well enough to ask her to try to help me figure out the identity of my baby daddy. I couldn't even remember what he looked like, truth be told. Everything from that night was fuzzy.

  And besides, even if I could find him, no college kid in his right mind would ever admit to sleeping with a drunk sixteen-year-old high school chick. Especially if he knew I was looking for him to help me out with the baby. Then again, I didn't even know if he was in college. I was at the party, and I was only in high school. It was entirely possible that he was, too. I didn't know, and I didn't want to waste my time and energy tracking down some kid who probably didn't want anything to do with me or our baby. He probably wouldn't ever have spoken to me if he hadn't thought that I was some drunk easy chick. Then again, I suppose that that was exactly what I was that night.

  "Anyway," she said, jolting me out of my thoughts. "That's one case. Let me think if I've ever had any kids junior year who kept the baby." She stayed silent for a moment, trying to imagine someone in my exact situation. "Yes, I think there was one when I first started teaching. She didn't have her parents' support, but she convinced them to let her stay there while she got on her feet. She had her baby, enrolled him in a free daycare through the college where her mom worked, and kept coming to school. I think she had to do some night classes to finish up with her degree in time, but I know she got to walk across the stage at graduation with the rest of her class.

  "I can't remember if she went on to college after that. I haven't heard from her in a while. So, I guess what I'd say is that it isn't impossible. It will be very hard if you're committed to keeping the baby, and there will be plenty of times when you feel like giving up, and there will also be times when you'll feel like you made the wrong call in keeping your child and raising them, but if you know in your heart it's what you want to do, then you need to make that call. You need to look at where you want to be ten years down the road from here. Does a fourth grader fit into that plan? Did you get to a spot in your career where you want to, or did taking care of your child prevent you from continuing your education or pursuing your passions? In short, I think that you need to see how much you want to keep this baby versus what it will cost you in the long run. And I don't just mean financially. What will you have to give up in order to care for your baby, and are you willing to do it? That's what you need to consider. Of course, you don't have to decide today. You have some time to think this all through."

  I nodded my head, already thinking. I was trying to figure out some way I could make this all work out. There had to be a way, somehow. I just needed to keep looking for it. I needed to keep my baby.

  After I left the guidance counselor's office I went back to the nurse where I took another pregnancy test. She held my hand as I waited anxiously. Again, a cross appeared on the stick. Ironic.

  "Are you okay?" she asked after I had seen the results. I shrugged.

  "I mean, I already knew," I said. She nodded and rubbed my back slowly before I shied away from her touch.

  After a moment of silence, I asked her if we could discuss the medical side of my options as well as what I should be doing to help care for the baby in the next few months until she was born. It felt weird being in school, knowing that I was pregnant. It felt slightly like I shouldn't have to be there because now there were more important than school, things like my baby.

  She answered my questions but told me I should get checked out by a doctor as soon as possible. She and the guidance counselor had certainly helped and were both very sweet and understanding. My biggest fear had been that they would tell me that it wasn't up to me, because I was still a kid. They ended up telling me the exact opposite, though. They both told me that it was one hundred percent my choice what I wanted to do with my body and with my baby.

  The nurse gave me information about a local Planned Parenthood clinic where I could go either to get an abortion or to get examinations and medications and other sorts of things that I would need if I chose to keep the baby. She discussed with me what the actual process of an abortion is, what it would feel like, how big the baby was, things like that. I told her time and time again that it wasn't even an option, not even a blip on my radar, but she still insisted on telling me about it so that I'd have the option. She kept telling me that: "just so you have the option." I got the sense that she wanted me to really think things through and not take anything out of the running for any reason.

  I spent most of that day floating between the nurse's office, the guidance counselor's office, and my classes. I had spent less than half of the day in actual classes by the time the day had ended. I went to the nurse before first period had started and spent the remainder of my morning switching between the two offices. Every time I thought that I could go back to class one of them would think of something else to tell me, or some reason or another that I had to go back to the other's office. I felt very uncomfortable being at school but not attending any of my classes. At the beginning of each period, the occupant of whoever's office I was in would ask me which class I was missing, call down to the teacher, and then tell the teacher that I probably wouldn't be in class for the day because I was with them. It felt surreal as the bells rang, students shuffled out in the halls, and I stayed where I had been all morning.

  Then, once neither the nurse nor my guidance counselor had anything else to say, they finally dismissed me.

  "I think that that's a
ll I have for you," said the guidance counselor once she handed me what must have been my thirtieth pamphlet of the day. "Are there any other questions that you have for me? Anything else that you want me to go over for you? Or any questions that you still need to ask the nurse?" she looked at me with care, but I had long since passed the time where this attention felt good. At this point it felt awkward. I practically jumped out of my chair when she told me that I could leave.

  "Nope, I'm all good," I told her, heading out the door and on my way to class. "Actually, can you write me a pass to my current class?" I asked her, turning back around to face her once more. "I'm late for pre-calc. Like, twenty minutes late," I told her, chuckling as I checked my watch.

  "Sure, no problem," she told me, reaching for her book of passes and her pen. "Wait, did you miss lunch? It's almost one." I groaned internally. Of course, I had missed lunch, she and the nurse had been practically keeping me as their own little hostage all morning long. Not to sound unappreciative. I was so appreciative for all that the two of them were doing for me and all that they had taught me. I just wish that it hadn't been all at once, especially because we had started so early in the morning. It was a little overwhelming, and I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before to begin with. I nodded to the guidance counselor that I had in fact missed my lunch period.

  "I think that there's still one lunch period left," she told me. "It's going on right now if you want to go. It's so important for you to eat while you're pregnant. If you don't eat enough healthy food, then your baby could end up being born with all sorts of problems."

  "I know," I told her. "The nurse told me all about that. If the baby doesn't get enough of certain things, then serious stuff will happen and if it doesn't get enough food in general then that's also really bad." I was anxious to get back to class, but now I was also anxious about accidentally hurting my baby. If anything happened to them I would never be able to forgive myself.