Queen Lucia

by E. F. Benson

  Chapter FIVE

  One of Lucia's greatnesses lay in the fact that when she found anybodyout in some act of atrocious meanness, she never indulged in any idlethreats of revenge: it was sufficient that she knew, and would takesuitable steps on the earliest occasion. Consequently when it appeared,from the artless conversation of the Guru at lunch that the perfidiousMrs Quantock had not even asked him whether he would like to go toLucia's garden party or not (pending her own decision as to what shewas meaning to do with him) Lucia received the information with theutmost good-humour, merely saying, "No doubt dear Mrs Quantock forgotto tell you," and did not announce acts of reprisal, such as strikingDaisy off the list of her habitual guests for a week or two, just togive her a lesson. She even, before they sat down to lunch, telephonedover to that thwarted woman to say that she had met the Guru in thestreet, and they had both felt that there was some wonderful bond ofsympathy between them, so he had come back with her, and they were justsitting down to tiffin. She was pleased with the word "tiffin," andalso liked explaining to Daisy what it meant.

  Tiffin was a great success, and there was no need for the Guru to visitthe kitchen in order to make something that could be eaten withoutstruggle. He talked quite freely about his mission here, and Lucia andGeorgie and Peppino who had come in rather late, for he had beenobliged to go back to the market-gardener's about the bulbs, listenedentranced.

  "Yes, it was when I went to my friend who keeps the book-shop," hesaid, "that I knew there was English lady who wanted Guru, and I knew Iwas called to her. No luggage, no anything at all: as I am. Such a kindlady, too, and she will get on well, but she will find some of thepostures difficult, for she is what you call globe, round."

  "Was that postures when I saw her standing on one leg in the garden?"asked Georgie, "and when she sat down and tried to hold her toes?"

  "Yes, indeed, quite so, and difficult for globe. But she has whitesoul."

  He looked round with a smile.

  "I see many white souls here," he said. "It is happy place, when thereare white souls, for to them I am sent."

  This was sufficient: in another minute Lucia, Georgie and Peppino wereall accepted as pupils, and presently they went out into the garden,where the Guru sat on the ground in a most complicated attitude whichwas obviously quite out of reach of Mrs Quantock.

  "One foot on one thigh, other foot on other thigh," he explained. "Andthe head and back straight: it is good to meditate so."

  Lucia tried to imagine meditating so, but felt that any meditation sowould certainly be on the subject of broken bones.

  "Shall I be able to do that?" she asked. "And what will be the effect?"

  "You will be light and active, dear lady, and ah--here is other dearlady come to join us."

  Mrs Quantock had certainly made one of her diplomatic errors on thisoccasion. She had acquiesced on the telephone in her Guru going totiffin with Lucia, but about the middle of her lunch, she had beenunable to resist the desire to know what was happening at The Hurst.She could not bear the thought that Lucia and her Guru were togethernow, and her own note, saying that it was uncertain whether the Guruwould come to the garden party or not filled her with the most uneasyapprehensions. She would sooner have acquiesced in her Guru going tofifty garden-parties, where all was public, and she could keep an eyeand a control on him, rather than that Lucia should have "enticed himin,"--that was her phrase--like this to tiffin. The only consolationwas that her own lunch had been practically inedible, and Robert hadlanguished lamentably for the Guru to return, and save his stomach. Shehad left him glowering over a little mud and water called coffee.Robert, at any rate, would welcome the return of the Guru.

  She waddled across the lawn to where this harmonious party was sitting,and at that moment Lucia began to feel vindictive. The calm of victorywhich had permeated her when she brought the Guru in to lunch, withoutany bother at all, was troubled and broken up, and darling Daisy'snote, containing the outrageous falsity that the Guru would notcertainly accept an invitation which had never been permitted to reachhim at all, assumed a more sinister aspect. Clearly now Daisy hadintended to keep him to herself, a fact that she already suspected andhad made a hostile invasion.

  "Guru, dear, you naughty thing," said Mrs Quantock playfully, after theusual salutations had passed, "why did you not tell your Chela youwould not be home for tiffin?"

  The Guru had unwound his legs, and stood up.

  "But see, beloved lady," he said, "how pleasant we all are! Take nottoo much thought, when it is only white souls who are together."

  Mrs Quantock patted his shoulder.

  "It is all good and kind Om," she said. "I send out my message of love.There!"

  It was necessary to descend from these high altitudes, and Luciaproceeded to do so, as in a parachute that dropped swiftly at first,and then floated in still air.

  "And we're making such a lovely plan, dear Daisy," she said. "The Guruis going to teach us all. Classes! Aren't you?"

  He held his hands up to his head, palms outwards, and closed his eyes.

  "I seem to feel call," he said. "I am sent. Surely the Guides tell methere is a sending of me. What you call classes? Yes? I teach: youlearn. We all learn.... I leave all to you. I will walk a little wayoff to arbour, and meditate, and then when you have arranged, you willtell Guru, who is your servant. Salaam! Om!"

  With the Guru in her own house, and with every intention to annex him,it was no wonder that Lucia took the part of chairman in this meetingthat was to settle the details of the esoteric brotherhood that was tobe formed in Riseholme. Had not Mrs Quantock been actually present, Luciain revenge for her outrageous conduct about the garden-party invitationwould probably have left her out of the classes altogether, but with hersitting firm and square in a basket chair, that creaked querulously asshe moved, she could not be completely ignored. But Lucia took the leadthroughout, and suggested straightaway that the smoking-parlour would bethe most convenient place to hold the classes in.

  "I should not think of invading your house, dear Daisy," she said, "andhere is the smoking-parlour which no one ever sits in, so quiet andpeaceful. Yes. Shall we consider that settled, then?"

  She turned briskly to Mrs Quantock.

  "And now where shall the Guru stay?" she said. "It would be too bad,dear Daisy, if we are all to profit by his classes, that you shouldhave all the trouble and expense of entertaining him, for in your sweetlittle house he must be a great inconvenience, and I think you saidthat your husband had given up his dressing room to him."

  Mrs Quantock made a desperate effort to retain her property.

  "No inconvenience at all," she said, "quite the contrary in fact, dear.It is delightful having him, and Robert regards him as a most desirableinmate."

  Lucia pressed her hand feelingly.

  "You and your husband are too unselfish," she said. "Often have I said,'Daisy and Mr Robert are the most unselfish people I know.' Haven't I,Georgie? But we can't permit you to be so crowded. Your only spareroom, you know, _and_ your husband's dressing room! Georgie, Iknow you agree with me; we must not permit dear Daisy to be sounselfish."

  The bird-like eye produced its compelling effect on Georgie. So short atime ago he had indulged in revolutionary ideas, and had contemplatedhaving the Guru and Olga Bracely to dinner, without even asking Lucia:now the faint stirrings of revolt faded like snow in summer. He knewquite well what Lucia's next proposition would be: he knew, too, thathe would agree to it.

  "No, that would never do," he said. "It is simply trespassing on MrsQuantock's good-nature, if she is to board and lodge him, while heteaches all of us. I wish I could take him in, but with Hermy and Ursycoming tonight, I have as little room as Mrs Quantock."

  "He shall come here," said Lucia brightly, as if she had just thatmoment thought of it. "There are Hamlet and Othello vacant"--all herrooms were named after Shakespearian plays--"and it will not be theleast inconvenient. Will it, Peppino? I shall really like having himhere. Shall we consider that s
ettled, then?"

  Daisy made a perfectly futile effort to send forth a message of love toall quarters of the compass. Bitterly she repented of having evermentioned her Guru to Lucia: it had never occurred to her that shewould annex him like this. While she was cudgelling her brains as tohow she could arrest this powerful offensive, Lucia went sublimely on.

  "Then there's the question of what we shall pay him," she said. "DearDaisy tells us that he scarcely knows what money is, but I for onecould never dream of profiting by his wisdom, if I was to pay nothingfor it. The labourer is worthy of his hire, and so I suppose theteacher is. What if we pay him five shillings each a lesson: that willmake a pound a lesson. Dear me! I shall be busy this August. Now howmany classes shall we ask him to give us? I should say six to beginwith, if everybody agrees. One every day for the next week exceptSunday. That is what you all wish? Yes? Then shall we consider thatsettled?"

  Mrs Quantock, still impotently rebelling, resorted to the most direweapon in her armoury, namely, sarcasm.

  "Perhaps, darling Lucia," she said, "it would be well to ask my Guru ifhe has anything to say to your settlings. England is a free countrystill, even if you happen to have come from India."

  Lucia had a deadlier weapon than sarcasm, which was the apparentunconsciousness of there having been any. For it is no use plunging adagger into your enemy's heart, if it produces no effect whatever onhim. She clapped her hands together, and gave her peal of silverylaughter.

  "What a good idea!" she said. "Then you would like me to go and tellhim what we propose? Just as you like. I will trot away, shall I, andsee if he agrees. Don't think of stirring, dear Daisy, I know how youfeel the heat. Sit quiet in the shade. As you know, I am a realsalamander, the sun is never _troppo caldo_ for me."

  She tripped off to where the Guru was sitting in that wonderfulposition. She had read the article in the encyclopaedia about Yogaright through again this morning, and had quite made up her mind, asindeed her proceedings had just shown, that Yoga was, to put itirreverently, to be her August stunt. He was still so deep inmeditation that he could only look dreamily in her direction as sheapproached, but then with a long sigh he got up.

  "This is beautiful place," he said. "It is full of sweet influences andI have had high talk with Guides."

  Lucia felt thrilled.

  "Ah, do tell me what they said to you," she exclaimed.

  "They told me to follow where I was led: they said they would settleeverything for me in wisdom and love."

  This was most encouraging, for decidedly Lucia had been settling forhim, and the opinion of the Guides was thus a direct personaltestimonial. Any faint twitchings of conscience (they were of the veryfaintest) that she had grabbed dear Daisy's property were once and forever quieted, and she proceeded confidently to unfold the settlementsof wisdom and love, which met with the Guru's entire approval. He shuthis eyes a moment and breathed deeply.

  "They give peace and blessing," he said. "It is they who ordered thatit should be so. Om!"

  He seemed to sink into profound depths of meditation, and Lucia hurriedback to the group she had left.

  "It is all too wonderful," she said. "The Guides have told him thatthey were settling everything for him in wisdom and love, so we may besure we were right in our plans. How lovely to think that we have beenguided by them! Dear Daisy, how wonderful he is! I will send across forhis things, shall I, and I will have Hamlet and Othello made ready forhim!"

  Bitter though it was to part with her Guru, it was impious to rebelagainst the ordinances of the Guides, but there was a trace of humanresentment in Daisy's answer.

  "Things!" she exclaimed. "He hasn't got a thing in the world. Everymaterial possession chains us down to earth. You will soon come tothat, darling Lucia."

  It occurred to Georgie that the Guru had certainly got a bottle ofbrandy, but there was no use in introducing a topic that might lead todiscord, and indeed, even as Lucia went indoors to see about Hamlet andOthello, the Guru himself having emerged from meditation, joined themand sat down by Mrs Quantock.

  "Beloved lady," he said, "all is peace and happiness. The Guides havespoken to me so lovingly of you, and they say it is best your Gurushould come here. Perhaps I shall return later to your kind house. Theysmiled when I asked that. But just now they send me here: there is moreneed of me here, for already you have so much light."

  Certainly the Guides were very tactful people, for nothing could havesoothed Mrs Quantock so effectually as a message of that kind, whichshe would certainly report to Lucia when she returned from seeing aboutHamlet and Othello.

  "Oh, do they say I have much light already, Guru, dear?" she asked."That is nice of them."

  "Surely they said it, and now I shall go back to your house, and leavesweet thoughts there for you. And shall I send sweet thoughts to thehome of the kind gentleman next door?"

  Georgie eagerly welcomed this proposition, for with Hermy and Ursycoming that evening, he felt that he would have plenty of use for sweetthoughts. He even forebore to complete in his own mind the conjecturethat was forming itself there, namely, that though the Guru would beleaving sweet thoughts for Mrs Quantock, he would probably be takingaway the brandy bottle for himself. But Georgie knew he was only tooapt to indulge in secret cynicisms and perhaps there was no brandy totake away by this time ... and lo and behold, he was being cynicalagain.

  The sun was still hot when, half an hour afterwards, he got into theopen cab which he had ordered to take him to the station to meet Hermyand Ursy, and he put up his umbrella with its white linen cover, toshield him from it. He did not take the motor, because either Hermy orUrsy would have insisted on driving it, and he did not choose to puthimself in their charge. In all the years that he had lived atRiseholme, he never remembered a time when social events--"work," hecalled it--had been so exciting and varied. There were Hermy and Ursycoming this evening, and Olga Bracely and her husband (Olga Bracely andMr Shuttleworth sounded vaguely improper: Georgie rather liked that)were coming tomorrow, and there was Lucia's garden-party the day after,and every day there was to be a lesson from the Guru, so that God aloneknew when Georgie would have a moment to himself for his embroidery orto practise the Mozart trio. But with his hair chestnut-coloured to thevery roots, and his shining nails, and his comfortable boots, he feltextremely young and fit for anything. Soon, under the influence of thenew creed with its postures and breathings, he would feel younger andmore vigorous yet.

  But he wished that it had been he who had found this pamphlet onEastern philosophies, which had led Mrs Quantock to make the inquiriesthat had resulted in the epiphany of the Guru. Of course when onceLucia had heard about it, she was certain to constitute herself headand leader of the movement, and it was really remarkable how completelyshe had done that. In that meeting in the garden just now she had justsailed through Mrs Quantock as calmly as a steamer cuts through thewaters of the sea, throwing her off from her penetrating bows like aspent wave. But baffled though she was for the moment, Georgie had beenaware that Mrs Quantock seethed with revolutionary ideas: she deeplyresented this confiscation of what was certainly her property, thoughshe was impotent to stop it, and Georgie knew just what she felt. Itwas all very well to say that Lucia's schemes were entirely in accordwith the purposes of the Guides. That might be so, but Mrs Quantockwould not cease to think that she had been robbed....

  Yet nothing mattered if all the class found themselves getting youngand active and loving and excellent under this tuition. It was thatnotion which had taken such entire command of them all, and for hispart Georgie did not really care who owned the Guru, so to speak, ifonly he got the benefit of his teachings. For social purposes Lucia hadannexed him, and doubtless with him in the house she could get littleinstructions and hints that would not count as a lesson, but after all,Georgie had still got Olga Bracely to himself, for he had not breatheda word of her advent to Lucia. He felt rather like one who, whenrevolutionary ideas are in the air, had concealed a revolver in hispocket. He did not formulate to
himself precisely what he was going todo with it, but it gave him a sense of power to know it was there.

  The train came in, but he looked in vain for his sisters. They haddistinctly said they were arriving by it, but in a couple of minutes itwas perfectly clear that they had done nothing of the kind, for theonly person who got out was Mrs Weston's cook, who as all the worldknew went into Brinton every Wednesday to buy fish. At the rear of thetrain, however, was an immense quantity of luggage being taken out,which could not all be Mrs Weston's fish, and indeed, even at thatdistance there was something familiar to Georgie about a very largegreen hold-all which was dumped there. Perhaps Hermy and Ursy hadtravelled in the van, because "it was such a lark," or for some othertomboy reason, and he went down the platform to investigate. There werebags of golf clubs, and a dog, and portmanteaux, and even as theconviction dawned on him that he had seen some of these objects before,the guard, to whom Georgie always gave half-a-crown when he travelledby this train, presented him with a note scrawled in pencil. It ran--

  "Dearest Georgie,

  "It was such a lovely day that when we got to Paddington Ursy and I decided to bicycle down instead, so for a lark we sent our things on, and we may arrive tonight, but probably tomorrow. Take care of Tiptree: and give him plenty of jam. He loves it.

  "Yours, "HERMY.

  "P.S.--Tipsipoozie doesn't really bite: it's only his fun."

  Georgie crumpled up this odious epistle, and became aware thatTipsipoozie, a lean Irish terrier, was regarding him with peculiardisfavour, and shewing all his teeth, probably in fun. In pursuance ofthis humorous idea, he then darted towards Georgie, and would have beenextremely funny, if he had not been handicapped by the bag of golf-clubsto which he was tethered. As it was, he pursued him down the platform,towing the clubs after him, till he got entangled in them and fell down.

  Georgie hated dogs at any time, though he had never hated one so muchas Tipsipoozie, and the problems of life became more complicated thanever. Certainly he was not going to drive back with Tipsipoozie in hiscab, and it became necessary to hire another for that abominable houndand the rest of the luggage. And what on earth was to happen when hearrived home, if Tipsipoozie did not drop his fun and become serious?Foljambe, it is true, liked dogs, so perhaps dogs liked her ... "But itis most tarsome of Hermy!" thought Georgie bitterly. "I wonder what theGuru would do." There ensued a very trying ten minutes, in which thestation-master, the porters, Georgie and Mrs Weston's maid all calledTipsipoozie a good dog as he lay on the ground snapping promiscuouslyat those who praised him. Eventually a valiant porter picked up the bagof clubs, and by holding them out in front of him at the extreme lengthof his arms, in the manner of a fishing rod, with Tipsipoozie on ashort chain at the other end of the bag, like a savage fish, cursingand swearing, managed to propel him into the cab, and there was anotherhalf-crown gone. Georgie thereupon got into his cab and sped homewardsin order to arrive there first, and consult with Foljambe. Foljambeusually thought of something.

  Foljambe came out at the noise of the arriving wheels and Georgieexplained the absence of his sisters and the advent of an atrociousdog.

  "He's very fierce," he said, "but he likes jam."

  Foljambe gave that supreme smile which sometimes Georgie resented. Nowhe hailed it, as if it was "an angel-face's smile."

  "I'll see to him, sir," she said. "I've brought up your tea."

  "But you'll take care, Foljambe won't you?" he asked.

  "I expect he'd better take care," returned the intrepid woman.

  Georgie, as he often said, trusted Foljambe completely, which mustexplain why he went into his drawing-room, shut the door, and lookedout of the window when the second cab arrived. She opened the door, puther arms inside, and next moment emerged again with Tipsipoozie on theend of the chain, making extravagant exhibitions of delight. Then toGeorgie's horror, the drawing-room door opened, and in came Tipsipooziewithout any chain at all. Rapidly sending a message of love in alldirections like a S. O. S. call, Georgie put a small chair in front ofhim, to shield his legs. Tipsipoozie evidently thought it was a game,and hid behind the sofa to rush out again from ambush.

  "Just got snappy being tied to those golf-clubs," remarked Foljambe.

  But Georgie, as he put some jam into his saucer, could not helpwondering whether the message of love had not done it.

  He dined alone, for Hermy and Ursy did not appear, and had a greatpolishing of his knick-knacks afterwards, while waiting for them. Noone ever felt anxious at the non-arrival of those sisters, for theyalways turned up from their otter-hunting or their golf sooner orlater, chiefly later, in the highest spirits at the larks they had had,with amazingly dirty hands and prodigious appetite. But when twelveo'clock struck, he decided to give up all idea of their appearance thatnight, and having given Tipsipoozie some more jam and a comfortable bedin the woodshed, he went upstairs to his room. Though he knew it wasstill possible that he might be roused by wild "Cooees!" and showers ofgravel at his window, and have to come down and minister to their grossappetites, the prospect seemed improbable and he soon went to sleep.

  Georgie awoke with a start some hours later, wondering what haddisturbed him. There was no gravel rattling on his window, no violentringing of bicycle bells, nor loud genial shouts outraging the decorouscalm of Riseholme, but certainly he had heard something. Next moment,the repeated noise sent his heart leaping into his throat, for quitedistinctly he heard a muffled sound in the room below, which heinstantly diagnosed with fatal certainty as burglars. The first emotionthat mingled itself with the sheer terror, was a passionate regret thatHermy and Ursy had not come. They would have thought it tremendouslarks, and would have invented some wonderful offensive with fire-ironsand golf-clubs and dumb-bells. Even Tipsipoozie, the lately-abhorred,would have been a succour in this crisis, and why, oh why, had notGeorgie had him to sleep in his bedroom instead of making him cosy inthe woodshed? He would have let Tipsipoozie sleep on his lovely bluequilt for the remainder of his days, if only Tipsipoozie could havebeen with him now, ready to have fun with the burglar below. As it was,the servants were in the attics at the top of the house, Dicky sleptout, and Georgie was all alone, with the prospect of having to defendhis property at risk of his life. Even at this moment, as he sat up inbed, blanched with terror, these miscreants might be putting histreasure into their pockets. The thought of the Faberge cigarette case,and the Louis XVI snuff box, and the Queen Anne toy-porringer which hehad inherited all these years, made even life seem cheap, for lifewould be intolerable without them, and he sprang out of bed, groped forhis slippers, since until he had made a plan it was wiser not to shew alight, and shuffled noiselessly towards the door.