Tyger Pants - Cretin the Cruel
Page 9
Chapter Nine
What Goes Up, Must Come Down
Bunsen really does fly like the wind. At least he does now he’s stopped messing around and we’re flying nice and straight and level. We zip over woods, lakes and farmland, the people and horses working the fields looking like tiny plastic models. Far to my left I can see the purple-grey bulk of a range of mountains and before us, stretching across the horizon, is a thin blue line.
“What’s that?” I holler, the rush of air snatching my words away. I risk releasing one hand from Bunsen’s scales and point at the rapidly broadening blue line.
“That, dear Victor, is the sea. Here, would you like a cup of tea?” shouts Tim, tapping me on the shoulder and offering me, well, a cup of tea. I don’t know where he got that from! Must have magicked it up. I wonder if he’s going to offer me an in-flight meal?
“Er...thanks!” I mumble, taking the tea with my free hand. I’m not sure I want to try magic tea but it seems rude to refuse it. I cautiously raise the cup to my lips but the rushing air whips the surface of the tea, dashing it into my face. Luckily it’s not too hot.
“Why are we heading to the sea?” I splutter, lowering the cup and sneakily tipping the tea away.
“I believe it is where Cretin has stronghold.” bellows Tim. “And will you please stop pouring tea down my leg!”
“Er...sorry! I spilt it.”
“The wizard is correct,” booms Bunsen. “Cretin’s base is an old fort right on the coast. He’s always had a few of his werebeasts with him but most of his army has been stuck in Horrorville.”
“Where is this Horrorville place?” I yell. “It doesn’t sound very nice.”
“I don’t really know,” admits Bunsen. “It’s a bit beyond my understanding. But the Portal of Infinite Power can open a doorway to anywhere, whether we understand where it is or not.”
“It might be beyond his understanding,” says Tim smugly, dabbing at his leg with the corner of his robe, “but Horrorville is just another dimension.”
“What’s another dimension?” I shout.
“It’s another reality far, far away. Think of it as another world,” explains Tim.
“So it’s, like, another planet or something?” I ask, my mind instantly conjuring images of Star Wars, in a galaxy far, far away.
“Mmmm?” Tim muses. “Maybe more like stepping into a different story. Although Horrorville probably wouldn’t be the sort of story you would want to be a part of!”
Stepping into another story? Isn’t that what dad said I’ve done? That means I’m in another dimension doesn’t it? Another reality, Tim says? But if it is another ‘reality’ then it can’t just be a story, it must be real – that’s what the word means, surely. It’s certainly real to Bunsen and Tim. Feeling the sting of the shallow cuts on my hands caused by gripping Bunsen’s scales too tightly I look down at the dried blood on them: it feels pretty real to me too!
And what about all the people in the other dimensions, or stories? They must all think that they’re real too. What if my ‘real’ life back at home is all a story? Is there some intergalactic library somewhere with zillions of books each with their own story, their own reality? Am I just a character in a book? Is everyone?
It’s all just too ridiculous to think about - so I don’t.
I haven’t got time anyway! We’re already approaching the coast. I can see the fort that Bunsen said is Cretin’s stronghold. Except that the fort looks more like a massive, medieval style castle. It’s roughly square with a high round tower at each corner and a massive gatehouse. Even from a distance I can tell that the walls are enormous. It looks impenetrable.
At least, it would be to someone attacking from the ground. Hopefully it won’t be a problem for a vast, fire breathing, flying dragon. Maybe I should check.
Leaning forward against Bunsen’s neck I shout, “What’s the plan, Bunsen?”
“I will circle around and we’ll attack from the seaward side. They won’t be expecting that.”
We fly in a wide circle, out over the sea, and then turn to race towards the fort.
As we rush closer I realise I haven’t really thought this through. In my head it had been a sort of, sneak in and grab the Portal whilst no one was looking. Not a wild attack on a fortified castle!
“What are we going to do when we get there Bunsen?” I holler into the wind.
“Do, Victor? Why, now I’m my normal size again I will just fly over their puny walls, land in the courtyard and blast everyone into ashes!”
Tim and I are looking at the small hairy figures beginning to rush around from the landward walls to the wall facing the sea. It seems we have been spotted. The gathering figures seem to have a whole lot of pointy things with them. From this distance they look the size of pins but I’m pretty sure they aren’t a miniature sewing club. Bunsen may be huge but landing amongst a lot of pointy swords and spears is still going to be risky.
“Bunsen you may think there is little danger but I will cast a I’ll cast a spell to make you invincible,” yells Tim, obviously thinking the same as me.
“No need for that! I’ll just sit on them!” rumbles Bunsen with a chuckle.
But Tim is already lost in concentration, mumbling chants under his breath and fumbling spell ingredients from the pockets of his robes.
The figures on the walls are much larger now. The werewolves and werebears are easily recognisable and there are some smaller furry shapes that could be wererats and wererabbits. They’re waving spears and swords and pikes and all sorts of other dangerous looking things at us.
As we rush to meet them my legs are stretched painfully wide apart as Bunsen sucks in a deep breath. I’m just tensing, anticipating a blast of flame to clear the walls of pesky furry beasts, when Tim shouts the last words of his spell, “...make Bunsen totally miniscule!!”
There’s a tiny pause and then he shouts, panic in his voice, “No! No! I meant totally invincible!!”
With a loud sucking sort of a thud noise, like a pop in reverse (except that would still be pop) Tim and I suddenly find ourselves sat astride a ten inch long dragon spurting a white hot, but tiny, jet of flame.
With a mingled, “AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!” we plummet out of the sky.